So Let's Talk About Sex....

[Julianking93]

I hate to point out something that someone probably already said in these ten pages of thread, but it would take a lot of evidence for me to believe that anyone aside from George Clooney has reached triple digits as far as different lovers goes.

No, no. I agree, she probably is lying as is everyone at that age when it comes to sex. But the problem is that even if she is lying, she still has that mentality and that persona. It's rather sad really that people try to become something they're not in order to fit into peer pressure.

Frankly, there is a lot of lying about sex in modern Western culture. Very few people have as much as they say they do, I would wager, and how much they say it is probably drastically exaggerated. The more insecure the person, the more likely they are to use sex as a justification for what they're like and as an "achievement" to hang in front of other people who fall for the lies, or feel like they're failing to conform.

Males in particular are pressured to get as much sex as they can by a certain age (females are as well, but not "too much" or they're unfairly labelled). It leaves nerds in a ghetto of depression because they don't live up to jock or cool standards. It's little wonder that in a society obsessed with sex, where everyone has to have a certain amount or feel inferior to what is supposedly average (especially when we personally want it anyway), we have things like emo music that continue to express how disappointed young people are with life. Romance literature doesn't help either - everyone's ideals of love are so high that not even the most balanced and interesting partners can live up to them. We've sold love. Literally and metaphorically, from top to bottom. It's a serious problem.

Indeed there is. Like I said before, people feel more obligated to do so in the western societies for....hell I don't honestly know why, it's just seen that way. Perhaps it's the media that is to blame. Making out only those who fuck constantly to be successful.

I will agree with you on the inferior feeling. Even as someone who sticks to his own morals, I get that feeling. It's only natural. I can't imagine how bad it is for some people. While I may weep from time to time that I feel unloved or whatever, there are those who feel even worse off than I do and the only thing to blame is the image that this society shows as being "the best." If you're not like this, you can't be socially accepted, so anyone with any actual morals or decency is seen as an outcast.

I think that those who say they are going to wait until someone who loves them comes along - especially if they say it without religious influence on their decision - are brave and resisting a lot of social pressure. I'm the same, so I really respect that, Julian.

Mmmm yes, stroke my ego Huh? Oh yes, well I wouldn't say that necessarily but yes, in order to not really give a fuck about what others thing and to not give into pressure like others is a great feat in any situation. Sex, drugs, or even your own personal style. Those who stick to their own ways that they truly believe to be good without outside pressure or pressure brought on by the society should be commended.

Casual sex and open relationships are fine if you have the chemical balances to enjoy them. I myself find the whole thing an incredibly painful and excruciating concept, which will in my view only lead to a lack of real fulfilment, jealousy and eventually a lot of social trauma. But it depends on whether we live in our hearts or in our heads. If it's the latter, I'm sure the casual side of things is more appealing. And if those who seek the casual only find people who fit our own category, then good luck to them. It's if they link up with the others that it does damage, because expectation does not meet expectation, and disappointment ensues.

The heart people, to use a mildly pretentious phrase as a summary, meanwhile, seem quite disenfranchised by modern culture. Our style of life is not good enough for the magazines or the social world. No wonder so many of us spend our lives on computers - the physical world (as in, the feelings of the body, our reactions to those around us on that level) can be a very painful thing to be exposed to. But we're not helping ourselves out of it either. Then again, it would require academic-level ideas to really figure out how to bring this type of person back up in happiness, statistically. Certainly, a sensible degree of media regulation might help, but that's only possible if you're not in the US - the Constitution is a double-edged sword.

Pretty much the whole point of the thread right there. You hit it perfectly, good sir. Well played!

This is probably the most reasonable and logical post in the entire thread and for that, I thank ya! ^-^

 

[Snork Maiden]

A little context for me - I've been with my current girlfriend for the past 4 and a half years. She's my first real relationship, but we're currently closer than ever, and are living together in our own little place. I love her to absolute pieces, and would be totally lost without her - I see no need to "play the field" and am happy to spend the rest of my life with her. On top of that, sex is brillo tops - we're just as adventurous as each other and (almost) as horny as each other. I can only assume that the sex is so good because we're so close.

That said, we're in a kind of semi-open relationship. I'm more than happy for her to sleep with other guys, with the stipulation that she's honest about it to me and I'm not being ignored in favour of him (in which case bringing him back for a threesome is totally cool). If she's ever with someone else I actually find it totally hot, and it normally leads to totally hot sex between us. The situation doesn't happen often at all, but I'm happy for it whenever it does.

I know some people think sex is special, and so can't get their head round an open relationship. I don't think this is the case at all - sex isn't special. What me and my girlfriend have (sex included) is special, but that doesn't automatically mean sex elsewhere isn't fun. Bottom line is, I think casual sex is great, whatever the situation, as long as everyone involved knows what it is. Me and my girlfriend trust each other implicitly, and we know any sex outside our relationship would be just that. It wouldn't work at all if we weren't totally dedicated to each other. Likewise if you're single, I think casual sex is just fine, as long as the other person knows it's just casual sex. Having sex with someone who might have feelings for you is a total no no. By the same token, if you're actively looking for a relationship, then sleeping around to try and obtain that probably isn't going to make you happy.

 

[Lynx]

Other people's sex life is their business. Sleeping around doesn't make you a slut/manwhore, and saving yourself doesn't make you a prude. It's your own goddamn business. Personally, I like casual sex.
I'm not much for open relationships though. It just ain't my thing, I guess.

 

[yoyo13rom]

I think that those who say they are going to wait until someone who loves them comes along - especially if they say it without religious influence on their decision - are brave and resisting a lot of social pressure. I'm the same, so I really respect that, Julian.

Hey! I find that offending!
I'm religious but I don't have anything against premarital sex. Although I think that if you want to wait for the right person to come by and love in the whole meaning(not just sex, but love as in really love, as in want to be with her love, as in you want to be with her forever love; I doubt there is a more passionate love than one that requires eternal commitment), then why shouldn't you marry her first?
Anyway that's just an opinion and unfortunately as many opinions it doesn't matter to much to the world outside the individual's head...

 

[Julianking93]

I think that those who say they are going to wait until someone who loves them comes along - especially if they say it without religious influence on their decision - are brave and resisting a lot of social pressure. I'm the same, so I really respect that, Julian.

Hey! I find that offending!
I'm religious but I don't have anything against premarital sex. Although I think that if you want to wait for the right person to come by and love in the whole meaning(not just sex, but love as in really love, as in want to be with her love, as in you want to be with her forever love; I doubt there is a more passionate love than one that requires eternal commitment), then why shouldn't you marry her first?
Anyway that's just an opinion and unfortunately as many opinions it doesn't matter to much to the world outside the individual's head...

What if you're someone like me who doesn't believe in marriage?

By the way, I'm not attacking you here, but this is an actual point I'm making.

 

[Johnny Reb]

i have no real problem with sex between couples. Like if your seeing someone and you really care about them, why not? but its sleazy tramps (both men and women) who go around just sleeping with random people just for their own personal enjoyment. that's not cool and can be very dangerous. like if i were to have unprotected sex right now with some random hot girl, and later find out i now have HIV. i would be screwed. sure the act of having sex would have felt good. but the aftermath of unplanned, unprotected sex isn't pretty at all.

 

[crudus]

I was talking with a certain user here who shall not be named, who is in full support for casual sex and open relationships.

Was it me? It was me wasn't it? I really hope it was me

Now, I think I've made my stance on the subject clear by now, but for those of you who don't know, I am the type of person who wants to wait for someone I love until I have sex so needless to say, I don't agree in the least with those types of people who go round having sex with as many people as possible.

Note that I'm in no way saying my way of thinking is better, it just works best for me. I personally don't see the point in going around fucking everyone you possibly can when you have your hands to give you the same satisfaction. For example, I know a girl who is 19 and has had sex with 29 men. And she lost her virginity at 17.

Now I may be a prude or I may be close minded with an old fashioned way of thinking but am I the only one who is bothered when you hear about people like this?

And she's not the worst I know. Some are in the triple digits and they're not even 30. Some friends I know have friends at that age (19) who are in the hundreds. Personally, I don't see the point of that. Thinking about things like that makes me very uncomfortable and I know that's just me but I can't be the only one.

I'm all for sexual freedom, but when it gets to that point, it becomes a little much.

So, Escapist, what do you think about all this?

For those of you wondering, I am 16, a virgin and an atheist, so my opinions on sex are not affected by religious influence.

Moving on. I totally believe in casual sex and open relationships but I use more discretion than your friends. My current list is 2 people over 5 years. Most of that is because I am extremely lazy. I will say that sex is no where near the same satisfaction as masturbation. There is typically more to sex than just going at it. I really can't describe it. You just have to experience it yourself.

 

[yoyo13rom]

What if you're someone like me who doesn't believe in marriage?

By the way, I'm not attacking you here, but this is an actual point I'm making.

I'm a bit confused here. You don't believe in marriage as in the religious one or the institutional/social one; or is it both?
And don't worry I didn't think you were attacking anyone, Julian, you little girl-faced rascal, you!

 

[DrScoobs]

as someone who has a casual sex buddy at the moment, it would be hypocritical of me to say that i believe in romantic attitudes but i can understand why people wont have sex until they are in love. to be honest i dont see sex as that much of a big deal :/. never have, probably never will.

 

[TyrantGanado]

I'm not going to speak out against people having multiple sexual partners (I'd be a hypocrite if I did) but I think as long as you're responsible then there's no problem with it. It's people who sleep around with no care leaving behind a trail of illegitimate children and STDs that piss me off. They're also the ones that seem to be the most prevalent these days, at least around here.

 

[Julianking93]

What if you're someone like me who doesn't believe in marriage?

By the way, I'm not attacking you here, but this is an actual point I'm making.

I'm a bit confused here. You don't believe in marriage as in the religious one or the institutional/social one; or is it both?
And don't worry I didn't think you were attacking anyone, Julian, you little girl-faced rascal, you!

Dawww. I am a little feminine featured rascal ^-^

And yes to both. I don't believe in any form of marriage as I don't really understand what a piece of paper changes. People say "Well, it's because they're making a commitment to one another" but how is that commitment any different than saying "I love you and want to be with you for the rest of my life"

You can still love someone unconditionally and not be married.

 

[yoyo13rom]

What if you're someone like me who doesn't believe in marriage?

By the way, I'm not attacking you here, but this is an actual point I'm making.

I'm a bit confused here. You don't believe in marriage as in the religious one or the institutional/social one; or is it both?
And don't worry I didn't think you were attacking anyone, Julian, you little girl-faced rascal, you!

Dawww. I am a little feminine featured rascal ^-^

And yes to both. I don't believe in any form of marriage as I don't really understand what a piece of paper changes. People say "Well, it's because they're making a commitment to one another" but how is that commitment any different than saying "I love you and want to be with you for the rest of my life"

You can still love someone unconditionally and not be married.

Some people always go "I love you and want to be with you for the rest of my life" without meaning it. Financial risk(you lose half of everything if you divorce), the obligation to socially share your life with an other(for better or for worse), and ritualistic/religious marriage are meant to show/reinforce to the significant other your true feelings.
It's like a leap of faith, imo.
"I love you!" "Prove it!"
"I'm binding my soul to yours." "Not good enough."
"I'm going to share all my wealth with you" "Still not good enough"
"I'm going to have a baby with you"(you need a family name, otherwise the poor kid will just be confused) "Still not good enough"
"I'm going to legally let you take everything(or half of it) from me if I ever do you wrong" "Hm... we're getting somewhere!"
And so on.

 

[Julianking93]

What if you're someone like me who doesn't believe in marriage?

By the way, I'm not attacking you here, but this is an actual point I'm making.

I'm a bit confused here. You don't believe in marriage as in the religious one or the institutional/social one; or is it both?
And don't worry I didn't think you were attacking anyone, Julian, you little girl-faced rascal, you!

Dawww. I am a little feminine featured rascal ^-^

And yes to both. I don't believe in any form of marriage as I don't really understand what a piece of paper changes. People say "Well, it's because they're making a commitment to one another" but how is that commitment any different than saying "I love you and want to be with you for the rest of my life"

You can still love someone unconditionally and not be married.

Some people always go "I love you and want to be with you for the rest of my life" without meaning it. Financial risk(you lose half of everything if you divorce), the obligation to socially share your life with an other(for better or for worse), and ritualistic/religious marriage are meant to show/reinforce to the significant other your true feelings.
It's like a leap of faith, imo.
"I love you!" "Prove it!"
"I'm binding my soul to yours." "Not good enough."
"I'm going to share all my wealth with you" "Still not good enough"
"I'm going to have a baby with you"(you need a family name, otherwise the poor kid will just be confused) "Still not good enough"
"I'm going to legally let you take everything(or half of it) from me if I ever do you wrong" "Hm... we're getting somewhere!"
And so on.

That doesn't sound like love. Rather it sounds like some greedy **** wanting to divorce you for all your shit.

That's why I don't believe in marriage. True love doesn't need all that bullshit. When you're really in love with someone, you know it and you believe them when they say it. When you need so much reassurance that they really love you, perhaps that love isn't all that after all.-

 

[JUMBO PALACE]

Sex is fun.
More sex is more fun.
Condoms work very well.
Like anything, sex is more fun when you're doing it with someone you like, but it's still fun with people you don't know so well unless they start with weird stuff you're not comfy with.

Yep that's pretty much my opinion. Hey I'm a man, I can't help it. I think a lot of people (including myself) are all "oh man, sex with the one you love only, yeah that's how it's done man" until they actually have sex. Then it's "shit, why the FUCK don't I do this more often?"

Edit: I read some more of the posts. I'm a little surprised how many people on this site think of sex as such a magical and precious thing. It's putting a penis in a vagina (or other place) and moving back and forth. It's humans' natural urge to reproduce and it feels good. That's it.

 

[DeathWyrmNexus]

Married and we have a girlfriend we haven't had sex with. We are for commitment and love but we also want to have a bit of extra fun. That is my viewpoint, "whatever works for you" and make sure it actually is working.

 

[Pingieking]

*snip*

It doesn't sound like love because it isn't. Marriage has almost nothing to do with love. It may arise from love, but it's merely correlated and not related. It's a social construct that was adopted to signify possession (whether it be a person or object).

OT: To steal a line from the great Lewis Black: "Everything is better in anticipation... but the moment is reality, and reality always kind of sucks."

That kind of sums up my first experience. It was still awesome, just not nearly as awesome as imagination makes it out to be.

 

[Death_Korps_Kommissar]

I'm all for casual sex/relationships. But being the grotesque that i am I don't have that option.
But if your gonna be safe, and there is consent, then by all means, fuck anyone ya want. I think calling someone a whore because she likes sex and has had quite a few partners is unfair. If she can't remember a quarter of them because she was so wasted/high and didn't use any protection and did in just a dirty,dirty way (the bad dirty), then I guess that's a reasonable response.

 

[Metzeten]

I find that people can have a very black and white view of "Casual sex partners" and "Relationships"

In my experience, its very easy to live in the grey area. Yes, I've had lasting relationships that meant alot to me, Just as I've had a couple of people with whom we've been using each other as sex toys that lasted upwards of three months.

I don't think of the latter as a romantic relationship, despite the fact that those girls did mean alot to me. An agreement to meet up and screw one anothers brains out could be called casual sex (we certainly called it that) but it sounds like a lot of people only think of casual as one night stands.