So, My Friend is Engaged... To a Psycho..

[RMcD94]

Good for her, nice to see she isn't folding under peer pressure.

 

[CultistRat]

Although I have in no way, shape, or form any experience in this field, I do have one idea. Try a hidden camera when you're around them, seeing the things she's being put through (and putting up with) from a different view might just help her come to her senses.

 

[Betancore]

Seems as if she has some self-esteem problems if she thinks she can't do any better than someone who abuses her like that.

And I know a lot of girls who let themselves be hurt again and again by guys who are pricks. Have some standards, don't settle for someone who's just going to screw you over.

 

[AngloDoom]

a REAL MAN does NOT hit a woman!!!!

Unless she charges at him first. What can I say, I'm just a natural feminist.

Equal rights mean equal fights; just as how I wouldn't put all my 'umph' into punching a significantly smaller and weaker man than me, I wouldn't do the same if the woman was significantly smaller or weaker. If she looks like she can take me, I'll bop her in the nose the same way I would a man.

OT: Yeah, I've known a few women like this. There's not really anything you can do for her. Trying to discourage her from her fiancée will only draw the two together more; even if just through stubbornness.

Just support her, let her know you're there, and if you're going to complain about his actions try not to get riled and speak in a more calm and unbiased way if you can manage. If/when she comes to her senses, she'll at least know people have her back, and it'll make it easier to take action.

That's just my advice.

 

[The Warden]

From the description, it sounds like we're dealing with a less heroic Incredible Hulk here, be careful.

 

[V TheSystem V]

My friend's dad is staying with his mother because getting a divorce is too expensive.

My then-best friend started dating this girl who is now like a sister to me. Me, him and her were walking to his house, and we were playing the Yellow Car game, where you punch someone when you see a yellow coloured car. If I hit her when I saw a yellow car, I would just tap her on the shoulder. He wouldn't hold back even on his own girlfriend, and would punch as hard as she could. She ended up standing behind me so he wouldn't hit her. Don't know if he hit her again during that brief relationship, but seeing him do that was just wrong.

My sister's ex boyfriend was really critical of every decision she made and was pretty pessimistic about everything she did or tried to do. It didn't seem like he had much faith in her.

One of my ex girlfriends went out with the same guy mentioned in the second example. He didn't hit her, but he called her a dyke and every time he saw her he would have alcohol in him. She slagged him off A LOT after they stopped dating, but that is natural with couples who didn't end the relationship well. He believed she was messing him around, called her over to dump her (she knew what was going to happen, and was crying on the walk to his house), and only when she got there, knowing what would come next did he say that they could try again if she wanted to. Luckily, she said no.

There are lots of scum in this world unfortunately =/

 

[manythings]

Isn't this the "Abuser-Abused" dicotomy? I'm pretty sure this doesn't break until she is convinced that she has to break it. If your practical see if you can get her some therapy, very quietly. If you're hopeful get him a motorcycle and encourage him to drive really fast in stormy weather. Otherwise... there's always poison?

 

[Akalistos]

No Joke.
(Note: This isn't a relationship thread it's a story, so for all of those about to go "oh not again", bite your tongue.)

So one of my friends of 10 years has decided to get engaged to her boyfriend. Normally friends and family would be cheering and joy for the next step to tying the knot... except us.

Most of us, her friends, know he's a psychopath. He's hit her numerous times, has a very short anger fuse and we all know he's only holding onto her because she would be the only girl he could find. But the problem is she originally kept dating him out of fear and because she thought she wouldn't find anyone else.

Unfortunately, it's too late to do anything because we know she wont listen to us and all we can do is sit back until she actually realizes what she's getting herself into.

So, Escapists: Have you ever had a friend or family member do something as stupid as this?

First

Spoiler

psycho take a H. You can edit the title too.

Also, it's inter-dependency. She "love" being hit and it's her job comforting him after the deed. Somehow, they need each other... and that's the crazy part. So, give them my regard.

 

[Lucifron]

a REAL MAN does NOT hit a woman!!!!

A REAL man doesn't hit anyone or anything.A REAL MAN can talk things over,be diplomatic,and generally stay calm when things around him start yelling.

And when a situation has progressed beyond talking or diplomacy? What then?

OT: A previously best friend of mine has been together with a fat, ugly, stupid and abrasive **** for about three years now. He possesses neither of said qualities, but here's the really stupid part: they had a breakup at one point during which he screwed around with a really kind, sociable and attractive chick, after which the fat **** completely shames him on her blog. Shortly thereafter, he stops seeing the nice chick and gets back together with the complete asshole because he "feels sorry for her". So yeah...

 

[Vrex360]

Wow, now that is nasty.
Seriously it's always so tragic when someone is stuck in an abusive relationship just because they are afraid it might be their only one. Like that they are sticking with the abuse just because they feel that they have an obligation to be in some form of relationship even if it is so poisonous and horrific.

However, fortunately, I do not have any friends or immediate family who are in a situation like that and if there were any I would take action to prevent it from continuing. If my sister was marrying a man who was cruel and psychotic then I, as a man of principle, would beat him up. But still luckily my sister ended up marrying a good man who was kind and caring.

But still I have to say that is nasty and it does make me very upset but on a personal level, I cannot relate.

The closest I have is a friend who had a very nasty bratty girlfriend who was unreasonably demanding of him and nasty to all his friends but recently he completely broke it off with her so he learned from his mistake.

 

[UnmotivatedSlacker]

My then-best friend started dating this girl who is now like a sister to me. Me, him and her were walking to his house, and we were playing the Yellow Car game, where you punch someone when you see a yellow coloured car. If I hit her when I saw a yellow car, I would just tap her on the shoulder. He wouldn't hold back even on his own girlfriend, and would punch as hard as she could. She ended up standing behind me so he wouldn't hit her. Don't know if he hit her again during that brief relationship, but seeing him do that was just wrong.

Sounds like she shouldn't have been playing if she didn't want to get hit.

 

[Buizel91]

Sounds like 2 of my mates who are going out as well =\

She will one day see she made a mistake, and when that day comes, she will need you and her other family friends, Just be ready for when that day comes so she can live her life happily =)

 

[Tharwen]

Harassment is illegal where you live right? so this should be Police business since he's been hitting her? And besides, I'd like to throw a few punches at this guy, a REAL MAN does NOT hit a woman!!!!

No! They punch bears! IN THE FACE!

[HEADING=2]WHILE EATING STEAK[/HEADING]

[sub]Am I doing it right?[/sub]

 

[Gudrests]

a REAL MAN does NOT hit a woman!!!!

A REAL man doesn't hit anyone or anything.A REAL MAN can talk things over,be diplomatic,and generally stay calm when things around him start yelling.

OT:I have no real advice to give here.But an Intervention might help?
I know that you said that she doesn't listen to you,her friends.But an intervention could maybe,JUST maybe,make her see the light.
Although this is just a shot in the wind.

You kind of just described James Bond....then again a real man knows if he needs to to kick the day lights out of someone. Preferable not a woman tho..

 

[Phenakist]

Yeah... some people need to learn exactly what they mean when they say "can't live without them" most of the times I see that it's just some unhealthy attachment, because that other person has simply become a part of their life, and they stay with the person not because they love them, just because they would find it hard to make changes.

As an example, I know someone who has been out with the same guy 9 times, they constantly make up and break up and she goes from 'loving him' and then to 'hating him' and subsequently having virtually no social life turns into a miserable troll, then she makes up with him, they go out AGAIN, and she's life of the town.

 

[V TheSystem V]

My then-best friend started dating this girl who is now like a sister to me. Me, him and her were walking to his house, and we were playing the Yellow Car game, where you punch someone when you see a yellow coloured car. If I hit her when I saw a yellow car, I would just tap her on the shoulder. He wouldn't hold back even on his own girlfriend, and would punch as hard as she could. She ended up standing behind me so he wouldn't hit her. Don't know if he hit her again during that brief relationship, but seeing him do that was just wrong.

Sounds like she shouldn't have been playing if she didn't want to get hit.

After he hit her the first time she said that she wanted to stop playing, then he still kept on hitting her. He gets overexcited easily and will show it

 

[_Cake_]

She cries to you, you tell her what to do, she just ignores you and wants to cry some more I'm guessing. If that's the case tell her how you feel and what you think she should do.

Tell her that you will always be there for her if she needs your help but from now on you don't want to hear about him being mean to her. From then on try to just be happy with them or if it's too much drama don't be around her for your own sake.

 

[child of lileth]

Yep. Pretty much the same abuse story as in the OP. There really isn't much you can do.

"He treats me like shit, but he cooks for me, so he must love me."

No, he cooks because he has to to live, and you just happen to take his food too. =___=;