So my mom still thinks I'm gay... (A Follow-Up)

[Valksy]

Yeah, I posted another thread a while back when my mom first tried to get me to come out of the closet, but there's been some 'developments.'

One of her friends came up to me and made me "promise to never marry a girl."

Has my mom been telling her friends I'm a lesbian? Seriously, how am I supposed to react to this?

EDIT: For the record, I am in fact straight. I see nothing wrong with being gay, but some one spreading lies about their own child is, well, sketchy...


Discussion: What's the most horrifying thing your parents ever told people about you, true or not? This could be a situation like mine, an embarrassing story about your childhood, anything.

It almost sounds as if your Mum is trying to show you that it is OK to be gay and you can come out if you want/need to. Honestly, it is a bloody hard thing to do and causes a great many GLBTQ people a great deal of discomfort. I don't recall the last thread but have you told her you are straight? She might genuinely be trying to help you, which is very PFLAG mum. She might be confused even more if you don't answer one way or the other.

As for her friend, I would have told her to go and fuck herself. Maybe your Mum is talking to her friends (I know that mine talked to her mates about me and I am a lesbian). But to approach you and make you promise to give up happiness in your future? Fuck off. Fuck off twice. Fuck off with a fucking cherry on the top.

To an observer you might be giving off a lesbian "vibe" thanks to stereotypes. I know your interest in masonry and carpentry and you sound as if you dress on the butcher end of the spectrum. That the stereotypes exist is just one of those things, sorry. Now I could spend 2 minutes with you in person, pick up a gaydar ping and know one way or the other without any trouble (yep, gaydar is real). Your Mum can't. She has to listen to what you say. So say it and move on.

You just need to get the whole issue out in the open once and for all.

 

[LadySeptima]

When I was 14 I would have sleepovers with my best friend. We were very close, and my Dad wouldn't let us sleep in my room, instead delegating our sleepovers to the living room. I was ashamed that he would assume I was trying to fornicate with everyone I brought home. It's been like that since I was prepubescent, but with this particular friend I was really upset about his perverted view of our friendship.
I ended up not being friends with her anymore for an entire year just because he didn't like her. Fortunately we're back in touch now, but I'm still mad at him because I missed her for an entire year and now she's overseas in the army.

 

[Souplex]

For the record, I am in fact straight. I see nothing wrong with being gay, but some one spreading lies about their own child is, well, sketchy...


Discussion: What's the most horrifying thing your parents ever told people about you, true or not? This could be a situation like mine, an embarrassing story about your childhood, anything.

Marry a tranny? Technically, neither male or female...

Depends what definition you're using. Genetically they're still whatever they were.

 

[MARKMCMARCUS]

My brother and mother thought the same about me for awhile. It's not my fault I couldn't tolerate girls my age! :C

 

[PaintDrinker]

Leave your computer on with straight porn, and have her walk in?

 

[zelda2fanboy]

I get what your trying to say, but that's not what you're saying. Saying: "men don't have any standards and just tag along with any random girl that offers herself." sound pretty offending to me. Sure most guys will be flattered when a girl ask them out, and this makes it more likely to say yes. So we're easier that is true. But saying having no standards at all is offending. If you don't see that I'm done talking to you.

Seriously!?
What the fuck!?

"Men have no standards when it comes to[...]"????
????????????????

You better believe that men are just as selective as women. If you don't have any standards, that is your own personal thing, but you should realise that the rest of us do have very specific standards.

Also, no standards on CLEANLINESS?
Now you're just moving to a point of absolute absurdity.

I do not know anyone who isn't turned off immensely by a lack of personal hygiene.

I'm not saying she's right, but can you really blame her?

I don't know where you guys are living that you can be super-selective when it comes to women, but I'd like to move there. Of course I was stretching to the point of absurdity. I was joking... sort of. Anyways, I'm in a very similar situation as the OP in that I've never dated or had a girlfriend. I'm also getting up there in age for that sort of thing (24). I'm of a slight build and have been confused for the opposite gender from time to time. There have been many moments I've been desperate for ANYONE to enter into my life, but she/he/they never did. I'm beyond that now in that I really am too lazy/bitter/poor/self conscious/weird to really care about it anymore or make an effort. I'm over it and I think I'm happier by myself.

However, your volatile reactions to the thought that women hold more power in a relationship than men is surprising. I hold no assumptions that my opinions apply to EVERYONE or even anyone for that matter, but jeez. You won't deny there are some guys who'll do anybody, right? Even animals and inanimate objects. I'm not one of those guys and neither are you apparently, but they do exist. And they exist in greater concentrations than women with the same characteristic. Women who are like that can actually turn it into a business and make money off that, which is something VERY few men can do - because women can be more selective and almost never have to pay for sex. I don't know how old you fellas are, but a few years of awful, not fun, forced celibacy will give you some perspective, but I sure hope not. It sucks.

 

[s0denone]

I don't know where you guys are living that you can be super-selective when it comes to women, but I'd like to move there. Of course I was stretching to the point of absurdity. I was joking... sort of. Anyways, I'm in a very similar situation as the OP in that I've never dated or had a girlfriend. I'm also getting up there in age for that sort of thing (24). I'm of a slight build and have been confused for the opposite gender from time to time. There have been many moments I've been desperate for ANYONE to enter into my life, but she/he/they never did. I'm beyond that now in that I really am too lazy/bitter/poor/self conscious/weird to really care about it anymore or make an effort. I'm over it and I think I'm happier by myself.

Have you tried leaving your house?
I'm sorry to ask such a presumptous question, but it really just seems like you should get out more.
You shouldn't wait for anyone to "enter into your life", instead you should go looking for women, if you want them.

Contrary to fairytale logic, love does not fall into your lap.

However, your volatile reactions to the thought that women hold more power in a relationship than men is surprising. I hold no assumptions that my opinions apply to EVERYONE or even anyone for that matter, but jeez. You won't deny there are some guys who'll do anybody, right? Even animals and inanimate objects. I'm not one of those guys and neither are you apparently, but they do exist. And they exist in greater concentrations than women with the same characteristic. Women who are like that can actually turn it into a business and make money off that, which is something VERY few men can do - because women can be more selective and almost never have to pay for sex. I don't know how old you fellas are, but a few years of awful, not fun, forced celibacy will give you some perspective, but I sure hope not. It sucks.

"Women almost never have to pay for sex"
Men never have to pay for sex either.
Men just place more significance in sex, generally, than women. So sometimes certain men visit prostitutes.

Does that mean no men have standards? No.
Does that mean the majority of men have no standards? No.

Does it appear as if your entire argument is based around your own bitterness and loneliness, and the fact that at one point in your life, you felt as if you would sleep with a woman regardless of how she looked and how she behaved? Yes.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Yes, I am one, but I do not molest children or engage in predatory behavior(most don't).

Can you even legally be a pedophile at your age?

 

[CakeDragon]

My parents used to try and make me break up with my boyfriend. 3 years later and many failed attempts it seems as though they've stopped doing it. It's not very nice to say the least.

 

[OldAccount]

One of her friends came up to me and made me "promise to never marry a girl."

Ignoring your mother for a moment, but... Wow. If her friend asked you to never marry a girl, regardless of sexuality, that's just absolutely disgusting and intolerant. She has no right to say anything like that.

Exactly what I was thinking. Reminds me of the time a friend of mine was at a school trip and some parent supervisor assumed she was gay because she was hugging a female friend (Cause, you know, girls NEVER do that platonically) and proceeded to harass them the entire trip. Coming into their room at all hours of the night to make sure they weren't lesing out and even going so far as sitting them down and explaining to them that what they were (supposedly) doing was "wrong" and that "girls shouldn't touch other girls like that" =/

 

[rutger5000]

You know I wanted to rant at you for a rather long time, because you're acting rather pathetic and you're dragging the male sex down. But s0denone did such a good job, I'm just keeping it simple. Men can have just as much power in any relationship as women, in fact if the partners aren't equals then both are at fault. And the reason you're 24 and never been on a date is because of your mindset nothing else, and if you don't change it you'll be 34 and never had a date.
How do you change your mindset? Just chance it. After you read this comment go take a shower, a shave a clean set of clothes and go to a bar, any bar. Start talking to a group of people, make some friends.
Done? If you did it right you just changed your life, if not then repeat.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Does it appear as if your entire argument is based around your own bitterness and loneliness, and the fact that at one point in your life, you felt as if you would sleep with a woman regardless of how she looked and how she behaved? Yes.

Fair enough. I won't deny being incredibly warped in that department. As I said, for a variety of reasons, I truly do not care anymore and that's part of why I don't leave the house. I'm not using fairytale logic, but wouldn't you think that throughout school, college, work, and the few social circles I've been included in, I would have eventually/inadvertently have bumped into somebody? One date? Discussion of evening plans? One mild flirtation? One creepy stare? Some girls get annoyed and have to fend off these types of advances. Men don't. Anyways, we're getting WAAHAAYYYY off topic.

How do explain Charlie Sheen? He's not completely unique and "shouldn't have to pay for sex." A lot of times when seemingly normal guys come into a lot of success and don't have any other responsibilities they end up being a version of Charlie Sheen. Ever see that old-ish movie Auto Focus about Bob Crane? It was horrifying stuff and it really happens. What's the closest female equivalent of Charlie Sheen in the modern day? Lindsay Lohan? I'd like to think that if she really were as much a sex-crazed dope fiend as that man, somebody would have the decency to film it. And Sheen's been at it for years. Come to think of it, has there been any female Charlie Sheen at any point in history? I'm drawing a blank.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

You know I wanted to rant at you for a rather long time, because you're acting rather pathetic and you're dragging the male sex down. But s0denone did such a good job, I'm just keeping it simple. Men can have just as much power in any relationship as women, in fact if the partners aren't equals then both are at fault. And the reason you're 24 and never been on a date is because of your mindset nothing else, and if you don't change it you'll be 34 and never had a date.
How do you change your mindset? Just chance it. After you read this comment go take a shower, a shave a clean set of clothes and go to a bar, any bar. Start talking to a group of people, make some friends.
Done? If you did it right you just changed your life, if not then repeat.

As I said, I don't care and have no qualms about being a 34 year old virgin. It was just painful at times getting to this point. Call me sexist, but I still don't think I'm wrong. Men and women are different, biologically, intellectually, and socially. This is a personal opinion, commonly held belief, and occasional punchline. If you were offended, it was because you let yourself get offended. I'm a strange person on the internet. It's what we do.

 

[rutger5000]

Eh, maybe they see something you don't. Why not try it? If you ever need a kind, gentle woman to help guide you along the path of alternative living, look me up.

I mean, it won't kill you. For the record, God only turns gay men into pillars of salt. He's totally ok with lesbians. It's in the Bible.

Of course God is ok with lesbians. God is a guy right? What guy wouldn't be okay with lesbianism? It's freaking hot. I mean he's God he can spy on all the hot action, dirty old man.

 

[RA92]

One of her friends came up to me and made me "promise to never marry a girl."

If I had a daughter, I would be glad if she was a lesbian. Let's face it - guys are assholes and she would be better off with the fairer sex.

... Right?

 

[rutger5000]

You know I wanted to rant at you for a rather long time, because you're acting rather pathetic and you're dragging the male sex down. But s0denone did such a good job, I'm just keeping it simple. Men can have just as much power in any relationship as women, in fact if the partners aren't equals then both are at fault. And the reason you're 24 and never been on a date is because of your mindset nothing else, and if you don't change it you'll be 34 and never had a date.
How do you change your mindset? Just chance it. After you read this comment go take a shower, a shave a clean set of clothes and go to a bar, any bar. Start talking to a group of people, make some friends.
Done? If you did it right you just changed your life, if not then repeat.

As I said, I don't care and have no qualms about being a 34 year old virgin. It was just painful at times getting to this point. Call me sexist, but I still don't think I'm wrong. Men and women are different, biologically, intellectually, and socially. This is a personal opinion, commonly held belief, and occasional punchline. If you were offended, it was because you let yourself get offended. I'm a strange person on the internet. It's what we do.

Men and women are different, biologically, intellectually, and socially. That's not an opinion it's a scientific fact. Nobody is that stupid to deny that. That doesn't mean that they can't or shouldn't be equals in a relationship though. We are all still humans, we all have feelings and thoughts.
And you're not happy you've just given up, so it wouldn't hurt anymore. The game was too hard for you to play so you chickened out. You don't want to face this, and therefor you talk down pretty much everybody else.
You stopped offending me after you're second comment, after I just pity you.
Just do yourself, the world and everybody that loves you a favor, and get back in the game again. Like I said After you read this comment go take a shower, have a shave, put on a clean set of clothes and go to a bar, any bar. Start talking to a group of people, make some friends.
Because lets face it you're not doing anything better with your time right now.
And yeah life hurts some time, so what? That's all part of it, we all experience sadness and pain in our life. We just have to deal with it.
P.S. If you reply to this comment that means you are not following my advice, and therefor I'll give up on you.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

I'd have been tempted to tell her I was having so much fun with so much different pussy that I wasn't gonna settle down any time soon.

Or a simple smile and a 'Oh no, I'm not into girls...' then a glance up at her and a 'I'm much more into ... older women.' and a wider smile.

Fuck em if they're talking about you, give em something to flap their gums about

I know my mother asked me if I was gay many many times...despite her seemingly discovering the latest hiding place for my (straight, nudey women) porn mags on an almost weekly basis.

Honestly, she never so much as saw a picture of a dick under my bed, what was making her think I was gay?

 

[zelda2fanboy]

If I had a daughter, I would be glad if she was a lesbian. Let's face it - guys are assholes and she would be better off with the fairer sex.

... Right?

Really, this is all I was trying to say in my above discussions. I didn't want to get into my personal life. Really, I didn't. Men are self righteous assholes who let their egos get bruised and throw little hissyfits. I've seen it with my dad, my sister's two exhusbands, jerks I work with, and occasionally on the internet.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

go to a bar, any bar

That's the proposed solution to what you think is my problem? I'm the crazy one here? You either haven't been to the wellsprings of human misery that is a local tavern, or you manage to get drunk enough to convince yourself it's not a dead end. No wonder everybody got so sensitive when I suggested men have low standards. Thanks, but I'd rather stay home and play video games than go down to the pub and compete with drunks over the right to talk to the 60 year old chain smoker in the corner. Why do you think they keep the lights so dim?

I'm a musician. I know about bars.