So people think I'm gay...

[reblock13]

Don't worry about it OP, I have the same issue, whenever i get to know someone, about 50% of the time they ask if i'm gay. truth be told i'm the only one in my friend group I believe that isn't at least bi-curious. Admittedly, I may come across as a flamboyant priss at times but that has only started recently. Although recently took a liking to someone and they got the message a bit early and only asked if i'm bi, so small successes i guess.

 

[Signa]

Okay, i'm going to try and be series. Try mind you. Part of me is saying just walk away, but there is an off chance you really need help and I don't think the people on this forum can help you.

change your look. change your hobbies. Clearly there's something your going that's making you identify as gay. And yes there is something wrong with it. The statement is in correct. You need to stop handling it so damn passively.

You could take up a religion.
Get a girl., so forth and so on. you know what won't get the problem to stop? Doing NOTHING! I think the problem is the over all acceptance and polite ness that alot of you are having with
"Oh no sir, I'm not gay."
You need to be more blunt. Assertive.
Crass if you will.

You can stop the pussification of the American male sir. It's neat and cute to be open minded, it really is.

but if you don't wanna be thought of as gay sir your gonna have to go to the dark side of the force so to speak, and use what some of these "metre sexual types." might consider unsavory. Are you a little to polite? a Little to well kept? Just tossing out some thoughts.

Do you use net speak like saying LOL in actaul conversation or TL DR and think it's hip and funny? you might wanna stop. be a little less sassy.

Uh yeah OP, DON'T do this. Acting agro towards false accusations just makes people think you ARE hiding something.

I can relate a bit too OP. I consider myself somewhere between asexual and a Vulcan (Logic overrides all biological urges), so I've got a few gay accusations a few times. Mostly from my family who can't understand that I don't need a relationship to be happy.

 

[synobal]

Well, it could be worse. My dad recently has become far more liberal than he use to be and he's now all for gay rights. So when he told me that it was okay that I was gay I was gob smacked. I tried to tell him No I'm not gay but he seems to think I'm just afraid to come out of the closet or something.

He seems to think that since I'm not constantly chasing after "tang" his word not mine I must be gay. He doesn't seem to get that I don't go hunting around for one night stands and consider an serious relationship to not be something to enter into lightly. I want to meet the right girl ya know.

But no since I'm not constantly being a horn dog I must be gay.

The truth of the matter is though I grew up in a nuclear family, no divorces no step anything and then seeing all my friends get married right out of a high school or during college only to get divorced a year or two later made a huge impact on me. I know I don't want to go through that. Plus girlfriends are expensive and I'm not in a good place financially right now.

But no since I'm not constantly wolf whistling at women, making crude remarks about women when in the company of other men and generally not being a horn dog I must be gay. It likely doesn't help that growing up I had a couple gay friends and still keep in touch with them but that by no way makes me gay at all.

So yes I feel for you OP there is nothing worse than people just assuming something about you that just isn't true.

 

[Tragedy's Rebellion]

snip

You can just, you know, ask the preferred person out. If they refuse simply because they *thought* you were gay I don't think you would even want to go out with a person like that.

 

[Fox12]

Jeez, that's rough. I did have someone ask me if I was gay once, in high school, but that was an isolated incident. I did hang out with a pretty blatantly bisexual friend though, and we always hung out in school, so I guess I could see where they could make that mistake. He was a pretty funny dude, he'd go over and start hitting on all the football players just so he could embarrass them in public. The looks on their faces was hilarious.

Anyway, the only advice I can give is to not care what other people think. Your obviously heterosexual, and there's no reason for you to apologize for your interests. If you like art and music then own it. Maybe try joining an online dating site or something, throw yourself out there. Not to prove anything, of course, but because you want to.

Out of curiosity, what is your profession exactly? I could probably give better advice if I knew, since you mentioned it.

 

[Vhite]

Spoiler: Maybe it's a curse

But seriously, it's rather strange. Aren't you maybe somewhat feminine looking? Since that tends to make people think so.

 

[SwiftRyde]

When you meet someone the first thing you should tell them is that you're heterosexual

Example:

Random Person: Hello

You: Hello, I'm heterosexual.

Random person: Good to know!

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

This is a brilliant opportunity to catch people off guard with hilariously lecherous comments towards women.

 

[DANEgerous]

That is just weird, I mean your Boss? I mean yeah so I was called gay until I got out of high school but I think that was more just oh look how else can we insult the nerd rather than an actual inference, I never cared and just defaulter to "what if I am/Perhaps" but I am Bi so it is not like that got in the way of my mentality. I mean... I do not think I have ever outright thought anyone that did not ask like Perez Hilton was gay and I wonder why anyone wold.

I am at a loss as to why this would happen on this scale and the only thing I can think of is that you got outed or pseudo outed rather and now people believe that. As for how to fix it... I have no idea.

 

[Signa]

Uh yeah OP, DON'T do this. Acting agro towards false accusations just makes people think you ARE hiding something.

I can relate a bit too OP. I consider myself somewhere between asexual and a Vulcan (Logic overrides all biological urges), so I've got a few gay accusations a few times. Mostly from my family who can't understand that I don't need a relationship to be happy.

I think with all due respect, treckie wisdom might not be what the OP wants.
And no you don't need a relationship to be happy.

but when they work their f'n amazing. OP if you keep acting like it's a silly misunderstanding vs "Hay don't call him gay, you didn't hear what happened to the last guy that did that."

Supposedly john lenin beat the crap out of Paul McCartney for asking if he was gay. I'll bet you Paul never asked again. Now I'm not saying you neat to beat anyone's ass,

but this might be the time you decide to get a little further with a little less sugar or honey or how ever that saying goes.

I'm not saying that he shouldn't get agro ever (trekie wisdom? WTF dude, it's funny avatar, not a dogma), I'm saying this isn't one of those times. Pussified males are becoming a problem[footnote]Having just heard about estrogenics, the conspiracy theorist in me is making me think plastics may be our undoing.[/footnote], agreed, but that doesn't mean every chance to wuss out should be replaced with chest-beating. I'm assuming the OP is a nerd, like myself, and acting "manly" isn't in our nature. I can totally relate to the OP getting to the point of questioning their own sexuality because of those accusations. It IS frustrating. You can get mad if the same person keeps harping on about it, but it sounds like random one-shots that are getting too numerous to ignore, and my point is to not blow up at the next random person. I for one question all the biggest homophobes because there's no reason to be upset over homosexuals who shouldn't have interest in them.

 

[Something Amyss]

snip

You can just, you know, ask the preferred person out. If they refuse simply because they *thought* you were gay I don't think you would even want to go out with a person like that.

Because attraction is generally so logical and rational, I know.

 

[Noetherian]

A good friend of mine has had this problem more or less his whole life. At one point, while he was working at a middle school, some of his students had jumped on the bandwagon, even after seeing a photo of his then girlfriend. My friend decided he couldn't take it anymore and asked them what it would take for him to prove he wasn't gay.
My friend: What do I have to do, have sex with a woman in front of you?
Student: No, you'd have to enjoy it.
...
Sometimes you just can't win. I think it helps to turn such incidents into funny stories, but do whatever works for you. Just don't take them seriously. I've wasted a good chunk of my life trying to figure out how to label my sexuality instead of enjoying it, and it's just not worth worrying about.


As an aside:

Pussified males are becoming a problem

...sorry, but... what? What does this even mean? (This has something to do with plastic and estrogen?) I'm confused. And entirely in favor of the speedy death of macho BS culture, just for context.

 

[sweetylnumb]

Hey everyone. How are you tonight? I'm pretty ok, except for one thing...

For the fifth time in my life, someone has told me that I'm gay. Not implied. Not asked. Told me that I'm gay.

And I'm officially tired of it.

For context, I have always considered myself a heterosexual male. I'm a little bit awkward and don't find myself in the arms of a lot of lovers. Part of it is because I put a lot of stock on romance while another part is that I've gotten so jaded about relationships and people in the last few years that I don't particularly care to put myself out there anymore.

So I don't approach a lot of women in bars or around town. This in combination with my style of dress (geeky but semi-fashionable) has led most of my acquaintances to just assume that I swing for the same gender.

People have always accused me of being gay. Always. In high school, I did a lot of arts/music related activities and was very driven to succeed in these areas. This came with a certain degree of criticism (mostly homophobic language and accusations) that I simply dealt with. I became jaded and cynical but I survived.

But things have changed. I'm a different person than I was back then. My hobbies no longer include the more "effeminate" activities that I used to enjoy. I just live my life the way that I wish to.

Last year, I had an acquaintance ask me in a bar if I was gay. He looked me in the eyes and swore that he wouldn't judge me if I told him the truth. I stared at him, partially confused by the liquor in my system and partially stunned by the question. I told him I was straight and wrote it off as an isolated incident.

Less than a month later, I was enjoying a drink with my boss at the time when he mentioned how much effort he put into keeping a diverse work environment. When pressed, he pointed at me and told everyone in the room how ok he was with gay people.

But...but I'm not gay...

After this very public reveal of how people viewed me, I had to seriously think about a lot of things. Was the way I presented myself too effeminate for the industry I work? Has my lack of involvement in women the last couple of years been so wrong?

Am I actually gay?

I wrested questions like these for months until I finally spoke with a good friend about these new-found insecurities. The first question that she asked me was if I had ever been attracted to another man. I told her I hadn't. The second question was if the thoughts rolling in my head had originated from myself or if it had been because everyone just made assumptions.

I told her the latter. I had never even considered a same-gendered attraction before people had started telling me that was what I should prefer. I moved on from there, just taking the good intentioned attempts to "get me out of the closet" in stride.

Things quieted down for almost a year. Tonight, it started again when a new friend told me how awesome it was to have my gay perspective on the situations in her life.

I'm tired of it. I don't identify as gay but everyone else seems to think that I am. I just wish that I knew how to definitively tell everyone that I don't roll that way.

So Escapist, help me out here. Have you guys ever had someone question your sexuality? Or perhaps insist you come out of the closet when you never hid there in the first place? How did you or would you deal with it? I really want to see all perspectives of this. I'm tired of feeling like I have no one to talk to about this unfortunate chronic case of misplaced assumptions.

Who cares? IF hypothetically you did like the D, who gives? No'one with half a brain. Just go with it, maybe you'll find out later you are gay, maybe not, it really makes no difference. At least you can rest easy knowing people wont hate you if it turns out you are gay.

So wait political correct is sooooooooo bad we now have to be gay not to offend "those people."
Really?


Op, could you give us an example of your sarcasm? I don't mean to be invasive, but lets try and seriously find out what the problem is.

Way to miss the point, genius. How about you try and read it again, slowly this time. Try and think it through.

 

[Arkhangelsk]

I'm a bisexual, and people think I'm gay often, but it could be because I love being a jackass to overtly heterosexual male friends by grabbing their asses just to see their reaction. I'm unsure if it makes me a bad person. Normally, "seeming gay" isn't something I consider a thing. Sure, if you flirt with someone of the same gender openly, you can seem gay. But people have really daft pre-conceptions of how gay people act. "Oh, you speak with a lisp, clearly you want cock in your mouth" is really the jest of it directly translated.

If somebody asked me if I was gay, I would turn on my falsetto and shout "GUILTYYYYYY!" to show what a silly ninny they're being.

 

[Link_to_Future]

When you meet someone the first thing you should tell them is that you're heterosexual

Example:

Random Person: Hello

You: Hello, I'm heterosexual.

Random person: Good to know!

Alright, I've got one chance to make a good first impression. Time to nip this in the bud once and for all.

"Hello fellow heterosexual male! Isn't vagina great?!"

Nailed it.

Out of curiosity, what is your profession exactly? I could probably give better advice if I knew, since you mentioned it.

Right now I'm a planning engineer at a mediums sized underground gold mine. Long story short, I tell people where they need to dig next.

By the nature of my work, I live in a small town hundreds of miles from actual civilization and contend with some of the most macho men on earth on a daily basis. That I'm steeled against. It's when my friends take me aside and ask if I finally want to stop lying to myself and reveal my true identity to them...that's the part that gets to me.

Op, could you give us an example of your sarcasm? I don't mean to be invasive, but lets try and seriously find out what the problem is.

"Sarcasm? On the internet? Oh sure, that will work just fine. I mean, it's not like sarcasm depends on tone and mannerism for it to be properly conveyed."

Something like that. Usually I try to overstate or understate the severity of a situation to comedic proportions or I playfully run a sarcastic snark for about three sentences past the point it became obvious that I was being sarcastic. We usually have our respective chuckles and then go back to our days.

Ok OP, just one thing I can throw out there, look out for this mannerism. When you are speaking to other guys, do you get physically closer to them than you do to women when you are speaking to them? Some guys do this to avoid being intimidating to the women, but many people get the wrong impression from it.

That...is something I've never even thought about. To be honest, most of my focus on the physical side of conversation is just maintaining eye contact and not just staring into a nearby wall. I don't think that I stand closer to guys than I do the ladies but I'll have to pay attention to this sort of thing going forward.

I don't think that I'm in much danger of intimidating anyone though. I'm slightly shorter than average and my build could be described as slight if you were feeling generous.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

I always found these kinds of scenarios a bit silly. Aren't *you* supposed to be the one that figures what you like and what you don't?

 

[Fox12]

Ok OP, just one thing I can throw out there, look out for this mannerism. When you are speaking to other guys, do you get physically closer to them than you do to women when you are speaking to them? Some guys do this to avoid being intimidating to the women, but many people get the wrong impression from it.

That...is something I've never even thought about. To be honest, most of my focus on the physical side of conversation is just maintaining eye contact and not just staring into a nearby wall. I don't think that I stand closer to guys than I do the ladies but I'll have to pay attention to this sort of thing going forward.

I don't think that I'm in much danger of intimidating anyone though. I'm slightly shorter than average and my build could be described as slight if you were feeling generous.

Hmm, well there was one guy I always thought was secretly gay, but I was never sure. He was in a very religious family, so he may have been scared to come out, or he may have been unsure of his own sexuality. Or he may have been straight, I have no idea. I never asked him, because I'm not an ass hat, and that information is his business to talk about, or not talk about.

I remember his mannerisms though. He was painfully quiet around other guys, very shy. I tried to be nice to him a few times because he was always alone, but he just smiled and acted nervous. However, when he was around women he was loud, excited, and laughed a lot. He seemed a lot more comfortable, and that's what made me suspicious. Some guys are just more comfortable around women, and he always seemed less intimidated when he was around women then when he was around men. Despite this I don't remember him ever having a girlfriend. This doesn't necessarily mean anything, of course. He may have been completely straight, and just got along better with women than men. I've had female friends that got along better with guys than they did other women, and no one batted an eye, so I guess he could have been a sort of reverse tomboy. There's nothing wrong with this, but if you happen to have a lot of female friends, or if your shy, that could possibly be sending out mixed signals.

Regardless of the reason I stand by what I said before, don't let it affect you too much. If somebody tries to bring it up again than politely, but firmly, correct them. Don't act perplexed, don't even act offended. It'll make you look like your in denial. If you act like it's not a big deal than so will everyone else. Truth is, most awkward situations can be easily dealt with if you take it in stride and act like it doesn't matter.

 

[Snotnarok]

Yes they questioned my sexuality but they were right, girls and guys walk by and I don't look at either, porn absent on my PC, asexual. I think the more annoying thing was when someone was getting very in my face telling me that it's bullshit and it's impossible because nature wires your brain to want to be with someone, female or male. Uhhh....nope, can easily tell anyone that's not the case because I look at any relationship and I've no interest, I've drawn plenty of nude people and I've not gone "holy crap!" to either.
In middle school I asked my friend in total ignorance if there was a thing as "No-sexual" and got a very annoyed look followed by "no, that's stupid".

If anything I figure people think I'm straight vs asexual by default, fine by me I guess.

 

[michael87cn]

I find myself disgusted when people ask me if I am gay. It's none of their business, but I am straight.

OP, stop caring what people think. And speak up when people assume this of you. That will simply embarass them for what was -rightfully so- a foolish assumption to make out loud.

It's like seeing a woman with a bit of a belly and saying "how far along are you?". Same stupidity deserves the same contempt.

Oh, and there's nothing wrong with you, so get some self confidence.