The last guy I tried having a relationship with is 26 and claims he's giving up on relationships completely. Then again, you guys might not get along so great... One never knowscreager91 said:
So relationships...Why?
- Thread starter creager91
- Start date
Recommended Videos
Touche, but seeing as how thats where I'm at and my knowledge comes from my friends and my own experiences this is where it comes from, funny thing is only about 4 of my friends are single and they usually act as my wingmen, just about everyone else I know is in a relationship. And trust me, to those of you in relationships I don;t know if your aware or not but when you get lovey dovey and shit infront of single people...its quite awkwardNimcha said:Some people don't even get into the party and dating scene you know.creager91 said:
I have heard being in a romantic relationship is quite nice. Never been one myself, but I could imagine that it would be nice to have someone who cares about you. While part of what we see as a romantic relationship is just ideas created by popular culture, relationships are good things. Humans are social creatures and long periods without social interaction can have serious effects on their mental state.
OP, it sounds like your in the wrong kind of relationship. If it feels like a hassle it seems like you're trying to have a relationship that you just can't have. That's not to say that it's all your fault, maybe the people you have been with we're really up for a relationship either.
OP, it sounds like your in the wrong kind of relationship. If it feels like a hassle it seems like you're trying to have a relationship that you just can't have. That's not to say that it's all your fault, maybe the people you have been with we're really up for a relationship either.
I've been in a relationship with one dude for nearly three years now, and I think it's pretty great. I have a constant source of sex and gaming company, and someone who I can talk to. I'm extremely introverted, meaning I really do not enjoy being in the company of others because I find it uninteresting, stressful and exhausting - therefore a long term monogamous relationship works for me, because I can get all my social needs out of one person.
However, OP, if you find that you enjoy being a "playa" and not getting tied down, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. As long as the women you hook up with know that it's sex with no strings attached (and if you're not some skeevy/manipulative/borderline-rapey "pick up artist"), then all power to you, keep banging those broads and screw anyone who tells you you need to settle down.
Also - if relationships are a waste of money, you're definitely dating the wrong kind of people. In other words, shallow money-grubbers.
However, OP, if you find that you enjoy being a "playa" and not getting tied down, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. As long as the women you hook up with know that it's sex with no strings attached (and if you're not some skeevy/manipulative/borderline-rapey "pick up artist"), then all power to you, keep banging those broads and screw anyone who tells you you need to settle down.
Also - if relationships are a waste of money, you're definitely dating the wrong kind of people. In other words, shallow money-grubbers.
A good relationship will introduce you to new things, help you discover new things, give you new sources of strength, and help you become the kind of person you hope to become. Unfortunately, many people seem to fall for people that do just the opposite--people who pull you away from things you like, make it harder for you to experience new things, sap your strength, and turn you into a cynical and jaded wretch. I'm not sure why this is, but it is undeniable that IT IS!
A good rule of thumb when examining a relationship is whether it has added things to your life or taken them away. If you feel like you are losing things that are important to you, then that relationship is probably not good for you, and should probably end. But you have to be very honest with yourself, because any relationship requires a certain amount of sacrifice--for example, there aren't too many people who will be in a relationship with you while allowing you to continue to have sex with random strangers! If stranger sex is important to you, then you will either have to find a partner who is okay with that, or stay single. There's nothing wrong with being single--it's a perfectly fine lifestyle, and plenty of people would be better off if they didn't succumb to the pressure to settle down. But if stranger sex isn't as important to you as other things, then perhaps it is a reasonable sacrifice to make for stability and deep companionship?
Ultimately, nobody can tell you what is best for you. You have to figure it out for yourself!
A good rule of thumb when examining a relationship is whether it has added things to your life or taken them away. If you feel like you are losing things that are important to you, then that relationship is probably not good for you, and should probably end. But you have to be very honest with yourself, because any relationship requires a certain amount of sacrifice--for example, there aren't too many people who will be in a relationship with you while allowing you to continue to have sex with random strangers! If stranger sex is important to you, then you will either have to find a partner who is okay with that, or stay single. There's nothing wrong with being single--it's a perfectly fine lifestyle, and plenty of people would be better off if they didn't succumb to the pressure to settle down. But if stranger sex isn't as important to you as other things, then perhaps it is a reasonable sacrifice to make for stability and deep companionship?
Ultimately, nobody can tell you what is best for you. You have to figure it out for yourself!
I read a psychological study a while ago that theorized that people who seek relationships are people that seek to mutually counterbalance weaknesses. For example, you're worried you don't have enough of an income, so you seek out a relationship for financial security. Same for emotional issues or insecurities. Makes sense to me. Pretty much 'love' is just a synergy of two people sating their psychological needs through each other.
Just some food for thought.
I'm in favour of relationships myself. I'm not actively searching for one, but I do desire one, given the right person shows up. I'm an insecure person; I feel I need someone I can confide in on an emotional level.
Just some food for thought.
I'm in favour of relationships myself. I'm not actively searching for one, but I do desire one, given the right person shows up. I'm an insecure person; I feel I need someone I can confide in on an emotional level.
Just to clarify i have only ever heard the term pick up artist twice haha once was by a dude who asked me for girl advice and after which he asked me if I was a PUA to which I was like what the hell is a PUA then he said it and the other time was by a dude who i guessed watched me get a girls number in 2 min on my way to classMasochisticMuse said:
So pretty sure I'm not one of those since I always stay honest if they ask because why would I dole out personal info otherwise and they all know that Im not likely to commit but its not necessarily 100% out of the question
Well I have zero interest in pursuing a relationship right now. My brain chemistry is far too screwy to even consider one. My view is basically this: Go with the flow. If you are not happy with the idea wait it out, if you want to be a player get to the table, if you want to have a serious relationship do it, but remember the currents will change and you current situation will be undesirable at points. Go with the flow, ride it out, and remember how inconsequential your relationship is to the state of the world.
I'm not sure how to say what I think of relationships. Until my partner told me her affections i'd thought I was content to go through life alone. Something's changed in me since we decided to be together though.
I can't explain it, but when i'm with my love I feel like i'm complete. We're seperate people, and yet we're one. It's a really weird feeling. We're both happier than we've ever been in our lives, and really that's all that matters. We each have someone we know we can depend on, we can trust each other with anything, we'd move heaven and hell for each other.
I'm rambling, and incoherently at that, so i'll quit while i'm still somewhat understandable. Suffice to say, I have someone I see myself spending the rest of my life with.
I can't explain it, but when i'm with my love I feel like i'm complete. We're seperate people, and yet we're one. It's a really weird feeling. We're both happier than we've ever been in our lives, and really that's all that matters. We each have someone we know we can depend on, we can trust each other with anything, we'd move heaven and hell for each other.
I'm rambling, and incoherently at that, so i'll quit while i'm still somewhat understandable. Suffice to say, I have someone I see myself spending the rest of my life with.
Most relationships fail horribly, half of them are just for sex, the idea of a "soulmate" (one person and only one person being for you) is a lie, if you get married then you're settling (why do you think there's so many hometown sweethearts?), it's all bred out of a social policy to try to keep you from abandoning your kids, it's all hormones.
All that being said, why the hell not? I very much doubt that you're on par with the celibate heroes like Tesla and the like, so I'm betting you have some free time to throw into the ring. Why not give it a shot, then? Do you have something better to be doing?
All that being said, why the hell not? I very much doubt that you're on par with the celibate heroes like Tesla and the like, so I'm betting you have some free time to throw into the ring. Why not give it a shot, then? Do you have something better to be doing?
I believe this as well. Some people prefer to be alone because they have a more complex purpose in life (academic, humanitarian, even life-saving or life-threatening, or any other "career" that can become difficult for the spouse to cope). Do you think it's good for, say, a CIA agent who have to work abroad 9/10 of his life in life-threatening situations to find a wife and have kids? He's not going to be a good husband/father at any rate.Aylaine said:
And some people just want to do whatever they want without someone saying "it's dumb" or "why are you wasting time/money doing it". I know I have that bias when thinking about relationships, mainly due to many of my friends' relationships where the girls are sooooo controlling.
On the other hand, some are more guided by the social or biological encouragement to produce offsprings and get married and have kids. I know a friend who after a relationship ends, tries to find one immediately, in his words, "ASAP". When asked why, he just said "I dunno. I just have to." It doesn't help that I know he's a needy bastard, but I guess he finds purpose in his life that way.
And people need to stop saying "BECAUSE SEX IS TEH AWESUM!!" and "being alone sucks", you have to realize not every human being thinks the same. A human who likes being alone is not a freak (in fact introverts make up less than 30% of the population). Introverts, in general, put less importance on sex in relationships and more on trust. Those who have been betrayed in the past are going to have a real problem getting into a new relationship again.
Well, I guess it's nice knowing that you have someone who cares about you as much as you care about them. But, I wouldn't know that. I don't know if anyone has had those kind of feelings for me.
When you're in one, you know why.
It's not the most helpful advice, but really there is absolutely no way to adequately explain it to someone who is incredibly cynical because it defies logic and reason. When you really love someone, even if it isn't a sexual relationship, you know absolutely, no questions asked.
Of course, some people get so cynical that they completely cut themselves off from the possibility of ever feeling the emotion. Think about it like in The Magician's Nephew (sorry, just finished reading it so this is the best I've got). Uncle Andrew convinces himself so much that the animals aren't talking and that Aslan isn't effectively Jesus that he is completely unable to see past himself to witness the wonders etc of the new Narnia. That's someone who gets so bogged down in cynicism that they can't see past it, they miss out on some of the best things about life.
Of course, to temper this gushing a little, there's also the Equilibrium problem 'at the cost of the dizzying highs we suppress the abysmal lows.' If you accept that much opennes, you will get hurt, a lot. But it's up to you to decide if it's worth it.
It's not the most helpful advice, but really there is absolutely no way to adequately explain it to someone who is incredibly cynical because it defies logic and reason. When you really love someone, even if it isn't a sexual relationship, you know absolutely, no questions asked.
Of course, some people get so cynical that they completely cut themselves off from the possibility of ever feeling the emotion. Think about it like in The Magician's Nephew (sorry, just finished reading it so this is the best I've got). Uncle Andrew convinces himself so much that the animals aren't talking and that Aslan isn't effectively Jesus that he is completely unable to see past himself to witness the wonders etc of the new Narnia. That's someone who gets so bogged down in cynicism that they can't see past it, they miss out on some of the best things about life.
Of course, to temper this gushing a little, there's also the Equilibrium problem 'at the cost of the dizzying highs we suppress the abysmal lows.' If you accept that much opennes, you will get hurt, a lot. But it's up to you to decide if it's worth it.
it totally is
Fair enough. I totally 'get' that position.creager91 said:
But let me put this situation to you:
Say I invite you over to play video games.
"Sure!" you say! You come over, and I'm playing video games.
"So" you query "What are we going to play?"
"What?!" I gasp "Why didn't you bring your own video games?"
"But...you invited me."
"Man, I hate it when friends assume I'm bringing all the games when I invite them to my house for video games."
END SCENE!
So, do you think you could see the parallel to that situation, and you inviting a girl out for, say dinner? Or a movie? You invited them. They were otherwise not going to go to dinner at that time and place, or go see that movie at that time. You asked them to come out. Not as a friend in the sense of "Hey, I'm grabbing a burger. Wanna tag along?" But as in "I want to spend time with you specifically. Please come with me to eat."
With that in mind, I don't see why it's so unreasonable for a girl to expect the guy to pay.
If she were to invite you, well then go ahead and complain.
Or if you meet while you're at the restaurant or bar or theater already. Then fine.
But if you ask her out, then it's pretty reasonable for her to assume you're taking care of things.
All right, here's my take:
I think the "need" for a relationship varies from person to person. For me, i'm one of those persons whom desires companionship, but i'm envious of those whom can live and be single without being bothered about it, or even those whom claim to be asexual. They're missing out on a lot of emotional baggage, anxiety and, when in a relationship, jealously and paranoia. I know there's plus-sides to a relationship of course- but if your not bothered about that then what are you missing? Nothing- and that's why i'm jealous of those whom don't seem bothered with seeking relationships- it's like they're living life in the easy lane.
Even if i had the choice though, would i change lanes? After some thought, probably not, you can't deny there are good things about relationships, and if you have no compulsion to seek one out you may well never get into one. At the end of the day, i have some base, innate desire to find someone and i can't honestly deny that. Fortunately, most of the human population does so i'm not alone at least.
I've been in a relationship before, about 3 years ago now, and i suppose i've learned a lot about what's good and bad about relationships. I've felt that "love" about which they sing cheesy pop-songs about and know it's a great feeling. And of course i know all the bad things which come with relationships. Love brings out the best and worst in people. I like to think i'm under no illusions about love, and i am only seeking it by necessity.
It annoys me when people trot out the usual tripe about "finding that special someone" or "if it's meant to be" and other cliches which are full of magical and mystical connotations which seem to imply that there is one special person in the world and fate/destiny will inevitably lead us towards it. Bollocks. There are thousands of potential partners for anyone, and hundreds of good partners which if your lucky enough will meet in your walk through life, and enjoy a life-long, happy and relatively stress-free relationship. There's nothing magical about it- a lot of it's down to pure luck and the consequences of your own actions.
At the end of the day, we just want to fuck the opposite sex and make babies. Romance is what we have socially constructed around this biological need to add some dignity to it. Like most other humans, i am wired this way, and seeking relationships is what my genes are making me do because they want to replicate themselves. It would be a rhetorical question to ask if i should oblige or not. And so, i'm forced to ride the highs and lows of seeking and experiencing romance, but at least i'm not under any illusions whilst doing it.
I think the "need" for a relationship varies from person to person. For me, i'm one of those persons whom desires companionship, but i'm envious of those whom can live and be single without being bothered about it, or even those whom claim to be asexual. They're missing out on a lot of emotional baggage, anxiety and, when in a relationship, jealously and paranoia. I know there's plus-sides to a relationship of course- but if your not bothered about that then what are you missing? Nothing- and that's why i'm jealous of those whom don't seem bothered with seeking relationships- it's like they're living life in the easy lane.
Even if i had the choice though, would i change lanes? After some thought, probably not, you can't deny there are good things about relationships, and if you have no compulsion to seek one out you may well never get into one. At the end of the day, i have some base, innate desire to find someone and i can't honestly deny that. Fortunately, most of the human population does so i'm not alone at least.
I've been in a relationship before, about 3 years ago now, and i suppose i've learned a lot about what's good and bad about relationships. I've felt that "love" about which they sing cheesy pop-songs about and know it's a great feeling. And of course i know all the bad things which come with relationships. Love brings out the best and worst in people. I like to think i'm under no illusions about love, and i am only seeking it by necessity.
It annoys me when people trot out the usual tripe about "finding that special someone" or "if it's meant to be" and other cliches which are full of magical and mystical connotations which seem to imply that there is one special person in the world and fate/destiny will inevitably lead us towards it. Bollocks. There are thousands of potential partners for anyone, and hundreds of good partners which if your lucky enough will meet in your walk through life, and enjoy a life-long, happy and relatively stress-free relationship. There's nothing magical about it- a lot of it's down to pure luck and the consequences of your own actions.
At the end of the day, we just want to fuck the opposite sex and make babies. Romance is what we have socially constructed around this biological need to add some dignity to it. Like most other humans, i am wired this way, and seeking relationships is what my genes are making me do because they want to replicate themselves. It would be a rhetorical question to ask if i should oblige or not. And so, i'm forced to ride the highs and lows of seeking and experiencing romance, but at least i'm not under any illusions whilst doing it.
Relationships are a cost-efficient method to deploy sex.
I will pause here to dodge some flames.
Here is the reason: Pretty much any other aspect of social life can be had with friends. The advantage of the close-friend relationship over the couple-relationship is the smaller amount of dedication that is requirred.
Of course there is this pesty little thing called love. Get rid of it. Just costs you money and time.
I will pause here to dodge some flames.
Here is the reason: Pretty much any other aspect of social life can be had with friends. The advantage of the close-friend relationship over the couple-relationship is the smaller amount of dedication that is requirred.
Of course there is this pesty little thing called love. Get rid of it. Just costs you money and time.