So why is it offensive to consider homosexuality as a choice?

[MrMixelPixel]

Huh, I didn't realize the community felt so strongly about this. Interesting...

In the end, I don't think it matters. There's nothing wrong with it if it is a choice. There's nothing wrong with it if it isn't.

Edit: Like really strongly. Garsh. These feels.

 

[Buffoon1980]

I've actually been somewhat baffled by this too. Choice or not, does it matter? Surely it would only matter if there was something wrong with homosexuality, which there clearly isn't. Anyway, it's a complex issue, more complex than I think most people acknowledge.

Sexual identity is important to the majority of people. Identity in general is important, it's something most of us feel we need, and sexuality is an important part of human psychology, so it makes sense that sexual identity would be correspondingly important. If we accept sexuality as a spectrum (and I think it's a model that works), then it's perfectly understandable that someone who sits around the middle of the spectrum might spend the early part of their life identifying as straight, then later choose to identify as gay. It might be that neither identity feels more 'right' or natural to that person, and on the other hand another person in the middle of the spectrum might be perfectly happy identifying as bisexual.

And, of course, there are countless individuals who are perfectly happy at either end of the spectrum.

Long story short: different people are different (natch), and it would only matter if it was a choice if there was some moral component related to sexuality.

EDIT: Just want to add that the amount of 'Well *I'm* [insert adjective here] so that must be the way it is for everyone else' in this thread is surprising.

 

[Jun_Jun]

People find the idea that Homosexuality is a choice offensive because they think that it demeans Homosexuality, but it really doesn't. Homosexuality is a preference, and like all preferences is the result of upbringing, both by their parents and the community at large, that eventually develops from these things into a subconscious drive. Homosexuality is no more a choice than a preference for say, Diet Coke over regular Coke, but neither is it something genetic. Why? It's because as anyone who knows anything about genetics and evolution will tell you, if Homosexuality was a result of a gene then Homosexuality wouldn't exist, since it's a self culling gene. If a gene for Homosexuality was mutated into a person at some point, it couldn't be passed on to subsequent generations and thus become widespread because by the very nature of the sexual orientation Homosexuals are much less likely to have children. It's like someone mutating a gene for a inherent tendency to kill their own children, that gene would die out with the person that first had it.

I've actually seen some interesting research that links it to mothers having boys consecutively, eg the more boys the woman has the more chances they are gay (unfortunately the study hasn't been carried out for female foetus or infants, that kinda leaves me out of this court), I don't know the exact science behind but I recall it having to do with the Woman's antibodies growing more resistant to the male foetus and adjusting it's hormone levels in the womb. (don't quote my exact words on this). I dunno if you'll 'wtf' at this reply but I just thought this was strangely interesting :3


OT: as someone who is bisexual I get this spiel from both the straights and the gays because if you're bisexual you're just confused and just can't choose if you're gay or straight? right? I find this insulting because it's hinting that 'straight' is the default for humans, while hetero activity is necessary for the species survival and all it's not necessarily the only one possible up until this point in time. Most people use this 'choice' argument to back up their assumptions that homosexuality and other sexuality/orientations are unnatural, it implies that this is 'nasty' deviant behaviour or we're doing it just to be difficult and rebellious during puberty/early adulthood. It honestly just irritates me because it just implies ignorance more than anything, it dashes my hope for the human race, sounds ridiculous, I mean what if someone came up to you and asked you what the turning point in your childhood was when you decided to be straight? Sure there was a age when you started liking the opposite sex but honestly this is something you know about yourself from a young age and when the people around you do not approve of it, it is terrifying enough without people being brought up ignorant to how insulting simple assumptions like that can be.

(rant over bed time for ol' Jun)

 

[Doclector]

I guess it isn't that offensive to think of it as a choice. Probably wrong, but not offensive.

Fact is, the choice argument is usually used by ignorant anti-gay groups such as the WBC. It's so heavily used by such people, it's impossible for the point to be bought up without the connection instantly being thought of.

If, by slim chance, it was a choice, the WBC would still be wrong. If someone chose to be gay, then why should we stop them?

I guess that's another reason. Aside from giving the people like the WBC a good reason to shut up, which they probably just wouldn't listen to, hell, haven't been listening to, it shouldn't really matter that much. Choice or non-choice, people should be free to be gay anyway. It's like bringing up whether it's a choice or a human compulsion to speak freely in a debate about restricting freedom of speech. The argument is irrelevant, because it being a choice would be no good reason to restrict people from making that choice.

 

[FiresideBoomer]

Its really both a choice and something you're born like.
Some people choose to and some people are born like it.
Sexuality isn't black and white its all just shades of gray

 

[K12]

The reason that claiming that "it is a choice" is offensive is because it is usually a stepping stone towards "well then you can do something about it then" or an assumption that everyone could be heterosexual if only they made some effort.

It isn't offensive in itself but generally the only reason people go on about it being a choice is to condemn it as people being weak willed or just trying to be different. They treat it like a kid who doesn't want to eat his vegetables.

There are definitely choices involved, you can of course choose to lie and pretend that you aren't sexually attracted to members of your own gender or train yourself to ignore and repress your feelings but the choice to be attracted in the first place obviously isn't. I definitely never made a choice to be heterosexual.

 

[CountryMike]

My housemate genuinely thinks homosexuality is a choice. He's an idiot.

Having sex is a choice. Wanting to have sex is not... sometimes.

Wanting to have gay sex doesn't make you gay. Actually having gay sex makes you gay. People are defined by their actions.
And having gay feelings or homosexuals urges might not be a choice. Acting on them is a choice.

Nothing wrong with that but having gay sex is a choice. Can't argue that.

 

[Avalanche91]

Because it's usually paired with offensive statements and factually untrue; sexuality is determined before birth trough hormonal magic/shenanigans in the womb.

 

[dementis]

I prefer to think of sexuality in much more grey terms, I don't think people are either gay, straight or bi. I think everyone is a varying scale of bisexual.

For most of my youth I considered myself straight but my first and longest sexual relationship was with another man, yet I've never really considered any other male sexually attractive and all further relationships have been with women. My first partner is engaged to a woman now and he seems to share my views.

 

[Caffiene]

So if you purely regard homosexuality as being dominantly sexually attracted to the same sex. Then yes it isn't really a choice, more something that just happens to you.
[...]
But still acting upon your homosexuality is surely a choice right? So why is it considered offensive to regard it as such?

I mostly see where the OP is coming from, and I agree that a lot of what you've said is technically correct - homosexuality is not a choice; acting on your urges is a choice (whether homosexual or heterosexual or bisexual), but (as you say in later posts) for most people it is the healthy and reasonable choice.

With that in mind, I think the question "so why is it considered offensive to call it a choice" is misrepresenting the statement that people are offended by.

People get offended either by:
a) the statement that "homosexuality is a choice" (not the acting on it) - you agree that this statement is not true.
or
b) the statement that "acting on homosexual urges is a choice", in a context that strongly implies that long term denial of sexual urges is a healthy, easy, and/or desirable choice. ie: People say "acting on your urges is a choice" as a way to tell people that they shouldnt act on their urges. The first part (its a choice) is true; the second part is attempting to convince someone to pursue a generally unhealthy and emotionally harmful behaviour and therefore can be quite offensive, particularly if the person being addressed has not asked for advice on the subject. Consider an analogy to, for example, telling somebody without provocation that they should go and self-harm.

edit:
Caveat - "Reasonable people are offended by..." There will always be some idiot who will get offended by anything somebody could possibly say, but I suggest that reasonable people, and the majority of people who speak up about being offended, are talking about one of the two categories above.

 

[Phrozenflame500]

It's "offensive" so to speak because it implies that homosexuals are just renegade heterosexuals when in reality thats not actually true. It also has connotations to the anti-gay scene ("These people aren't different why should we let them be?").

You're absolutely right that acting upon sexual urges is a choice, but when people talk about homosexuality as a choice they are generally referring to the idea of preferring one group of people over another which you admit is not a choice.

I suppose choosing to be *openly* homosexual is technically a choice, but it's no greater a choice then choosing to be openly heterosexual.

Edit: Also I would note that most people tend just to read the thread title, fly into a rage and then post stupidity that's covered in the OP. I recommend a more specific thread title coupled with a bold "This is not what I'm talking about" disclaimer in the OP.

 

[Alandoril]

Well, to be completely honest it kind of is a choice. At least it was for me. Women don't give me the time of day so I decided to change tactics and try men, since it was the only option open to me for intimate contact with another human being.

Although having said that I have always had bisexual tendencies, so I suppose the choice was more to actively pursue my interests in that arena.

But heterosexuality is also a choice, you can choose not to engage in relationships with women. Some of the straight blokes I see on dating sites, would have no need to be on such sites if they chose to set aside their rigid concepts of sexuality and decided to enjoy the company of men. I did it, despite my misgivings, and to be honest I don't regret it. In fact, it has made life a lot easier than being forever alone.

 

[Boris Goodenough]

Although having said that I have always had bisexual tendencies, so I suppose the choice was more to actively pursue my interests in that arena.

But heterosexuality is also a choice, you can choose not to engage in relationships with women. Some of the straight blokes I see on dating sites, would have no need to be on such sites if they chose to set aside their rigid concepts of sexuality and decided to enjoy the company of men. I did it, despite my misgivings, and to be honest I don't regret it. In fact, it has made life a lot easier than being forever alone.

But if you aren't attracted to men(or , wouldn't hat be weird sex? Having sex with someone you are not attracted to surely won't be too pleasent?

 

[Angie7F]

I kinda think that it is wrong for people to deny that to some people it is in fact a choice.
I understand that to many people it is not a choice.
But because sexuality is not a clean cut gay/ straight issue, many people fall in between and because fo that some people do feel that it is a choice.

I guess since all people have a right to feel however they want to feel about this matter, you just cant force people to think in just one way

 

[M0tty]

Whether we want to admit it or not, heterosexuality is the "natural" default-- without it life does not exist in sexually reproductive beings. It HAS to exist.

The world's hermaphroditic species called.
They disagree.

 

[Madgamer13]

'Nonsensical' is being used a lot in this thread, which is rather sad. How about we come from this alternate angle?

The problem is not to do with Homosexuality, it's existence as a sexual preference and predisposition or whether such preferences can be considered a choice. The real problem is the illusion of choice with discrimination, as those who would discriminate against anything most definitely have the choice to discriminate, but the victim of discrimination has absolutely no choice whatsoever in more than just the context of the discrimination.

Focusing too much on the hows, whys and ways of the concept of sexuality just gives more time for those who like to discriminate against others to ply their enjoyment. In the worst case scenario, conceptual wrangling of sexuality is likely to give them something to discriminate with.

Also, why is there such a focus on male homosexuality when there is a female equivalent in the form of lesbianism? Surely such a focus is discriminatory in itself.

 

[Phrozenflame500]

That's not exactly true, as he points out it's not a choice, but then brings up people doing homesexual things.

The implication is that doing anything gay is bad, or deviant, and people are actively choosing to do that. He's not making an observation, he's implying that it's wrong. There's a motive behind his observation, hence the title.

Except..

Again I want to stress that I think it's the right choice. Sexuality is a good thing, so I'd encourage people to do whatever they want on that area as long as all involved parties are consentfull.

No he doesn't. He specifically says that there is no implication behind. He's arguing that it's a "choice" to act upon any sexual urges whatsoever. It's a argument prone to misunderstanding, but there is absolutely no malice behind it.