Spanking your kids and parenting

[Helmet]

I got my ass handed to me multiple times in my childhood. Each time was because I did something wrong, and discipline was the way that I was taught to never do it again.

When I was 6 I was in a wrestling tournament, and I lost a match. As I was walking off the mat, I said "Fuck." I had learned this word from my older brother, and thought it meant that something had gone wrong. Dad heard me.

I got my ass whooped in front of several thousand people.

I didn't cuss again for almost ten years.

I'm all for spanking. Worked for me.

It's stories like this and the totally illogical justifications for them like this one that only make me even more confident I'm right.

Illogical? Okay, let me try to explain here for you:

I did something bad. I did something that just grounding me or something like that would not fix. If dad had just taken away TV privileges or something like that, I doubt I'd understand why, much less stop cussing.

So, I got spanked. Physical pain plus the humiliation of it put a bad connotation of that word in my mind, and I didn't use it again for ten years.

Not a perfect system, but it worked. I can see the logic in it. Am I the only one?

 

[Evilbunny]

Here is one example that sticks out in my mind. A mother and her son are unpacking the car on the first day, and this is what happened.

Mother: charles, will you help me carry your clothes inside?
Kid: Shut up mom, you do it yourself.
Mother: (looks at me) What am I going to do with him?

I'll tell you what to do with him, kick his ass!!

Exactly--you go right from 'do nothing and let him get away with it' to 'kick his ass'.

There's no DEFCON 2 and 3 and 4 in between?

Were you not listening before? We tried punishing this kid all summer to make him behave, but since his mother was so lenient at home he was a disrespectful little **** and nothing got through to him. If your kid listens to you when you tell him to not do something then yay good for you, but sometimes that's not enough. Sometimes physical pain is the only thing he responds to.

I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about how you think the parent should have been. You make it sound like the only two ways to parent are "lenient" and "ass kicking."

I never once said that. The point I was trying to make was obviously nonviolence didn't get through to this kid, otherwise he would've behaved after we docked him (forced him to stay in at night instead of going out and buying candy and stuff at the canteen). I swear to god, we would tell him to not do something, he'd say ok, then go out and do it again! Then we would dock him and he would just do it again the next day. Nonviolence didn't work, and when a child doesn't respond to nonviolent punishment you need a plan B.

 

[Evilbunny]

Please don't tell me you dealt with bullies by talking to them in an authoritative voice.

Nope. Just saying--don't tell people without kids they have no experience of how kids behave.

That's not the same thing. All you were doing when you were a kid was keeping kids from kicking your ass. You did not have to get them to eat their vegetables, go to bed at a reasonable hour, brush their teeth, respect their elders, or the thousands of other things you have to do as a parent. You have no idea how to do these things if you have not dealt with children as an adult. Don't even try to make the argument that since you learned to be friends with other children you know how to be a parent too.

 

[Lukeje]

Please don't tell me you dealt with bullies by talking to them in an authoritative voice.

Nope. Just saying--don't tell people without kids they have no experience of how kids behave.

That's not the same thing. All you were doing when you were a kid was keeping kids from kicking your ass. You did not have to get them to eat their vegetables, go to bed at a reasonable hour, brush their teeth, respect their elders, or the thousands of other things you have to do as a parent. You have no idea how to do these things if you have not dealt with children as an adult. Don't even try to make the argument that since you learned to be friends with other children you know how to be a parent too.

So what you're saying is that everyone should have to take lessons in childcare before they're allowed to become parents?

 

[Nimbus]

If a child disrespects his mother, he gets smacked on the ass and yelled at. Not in a sense of anger, but in a tone of discipline. He will no longer disrespect his mother [intentionally]. If he does it again, he gets yelled at and is sent to his room with nothing, not even books, to think about his actions. If he is insubordinate, he will sit there for hours, eventually he'll come to reason.

I believe that a child should not respect their parents, if the parents resort to such behavior.

 

[Evilbunny]

Please don't tell me you dealt with bullies by talking to them in an authoritative voice.

Nope. Just saying--don't tell people without kids they have no experience of how kids behave.

That's not the same thing. All you were doing when you were a kid was keeping kids from kicking your ass. You did not have to get them to eat their vegetables, go to bed at a reasonable hour, brush their teeth, respect their elders, or the thousands of other things you have to do as a parent. You have no idea how to do these things if you have not dealt with children as an adult. Don't even try to make the argument that since you learned to be friends with other children you know how to be a parent too.

So what you're saying is that everyone should have to take lessons in childcare before they're allowed to become parents?

Fuck yes, there are far too many unfit parents out there.

 

[BallPtPenTheif]

Fuck yes, there are far too many unfit parents out there.

So?

The world isn't Marry Poppins, we should be concerned that a child has what is essential not what is ideal. Clearly physical abuse is uncalled for however thinking that we should create a massive socialized parenting license based on western european social standards is insane.

 

[Simski]

My parents don't beat me.
Got spanked once for kicking my sister with a pair of clogs though.
Was humiliating but I would probably do it again if she provoked me the same way.

I'm also starting to find pain enjoyable.
Not in a sexual way, I just often think it's funny when I injure myself.
So hitting me won't stop me that's for sure, luckily for my parents they're more for the idea of talking sense into people rather than beating it into them.

My parents are nice... I'm socially messed up though.
I never tell my parents anything.
Not because I fear them, just rather because I don't like upsetting them.

 

[Jursa]

Depends... I'd say a really really really messed up kid deserves a solid punch, a kid who knows he's doing bad things and still does it because he wants it deserves some punishment, however the reason's children are spanked for are ridiculous. How can a parent believe that raising their child by physical trauma (like an animal or something) is the right thing to do. A psychological attack is more effective and painful at times, also it's the more correct method. After all... you want the kid to respect you, not fear you.

 

[Siuss]

It's a quote, I don't recall where from but. "You need a license to drive a car, shoot an animal, or catch a fish, but any moron can be a parent." Hitting you kids will only make them hate you. Or that's just me. If you hurt someone when they're young they will grow a hatred for you. My parents never hit me aside from a few times, they used psychology as a weapon.

 

[Evilbunny]

Fuck yes, there are far too many unfit parents out there.

So?

The world isn't Marry Poppins, we should be concerned that a child has what is essential not what is ideal. Clearly physical abuse is uncalled for however thinking that we should create a massive socialized parenting license based on western european social standards is insane.

Wait, I'm confused. What are you trying to argue here? Are you saying you don't want children to have good parents? Aren't you sick of seeing those idiots on daytime television going "my child drinks, does drugs, and has sex with strangers at the age of 14! He/she is out of control, I need help!"? I think this world would be much better if people were forced to pass a test before they are in charge of raising and providing for another human being.

 

[Lukeje]

Fuck yes, there are far too many unfit parents out there.

So?

The world isn't Marry Poppins, we should be concerned that a child has what is essential not what is ideal. Clearly physical abuse is uncalled for however thinking that we should create a massive socialized parenting license based on western european social standards is insane.

Wait, I'm confused. What are you trying to argue here? Are you saying you don't want children to have good parents? Aren't you sick of seeing those idiots on daytime television going "my child drinks, does drugs, and has sex with strangers at the age of 14! He/she is out of control, I need help!"? I think this world would be much better if people were forced to pass a test before they are in charge of raising and providing for another human being.

I think his point was 'Who are we to decide what makes a good Parent?'

 

[Evilbunny]

I think his point was 'Who are we to decide what makes a good Parent?'

You have to obtain a license to drive, own a gun, or serve liquor. I would say raising a child is a bigger responsibility than those three things, so I don't know why you'd think we have no right to judge who is responsible and who isn't.

 

[Lukeje]

I think his point was 'Who are we to decide what makes a good Parent?'

You have to obtain a license to drive, own a gun, or serve liquor. I would say raising a child is a bigger responsibility than those three things, so I don't know why you'd think we have no right to judge who is responsible and who isn't.

Yes, but you can punish people for drinking, driving or owning a gun without a license. What would be the punishment for having a child without a license? Abortion? Prison? Having the baby adopted?
And I think the Catholic Church would want to have a word with any Government preventing their worshippers from having children...

 

[BallPtPenTheif]

Wait, I'm confused. What are you trying to argue here? Are you saying you don't want children to have good parents? Aren't you sick of seeing those idiots on daytime television going "my child drinks, does drugs, and has sex with strangers at the age of 14! He/she is out of control, I need help!"? I think this world would be much better if people were forced to pass a test before they are in charge of raising and providing for another human being.

Your statement works as a bumper sticker but as far as any functional legislation it's rediculous. What if people have kids without this license (which is probably 80% of pregnancies)? So now we live in a society where the federal government supercedes the sovereignty of the individual's right to procreate and to seek out relationships on their own constructed terms?

Do we imprison them and abort the illegal baby? Foster homes for everybody? I mean just think about the logistic mess this would create and all for what? To ensure that only overly intellectualized yuppies get kids? I mean I guess its one way to breed out uneducated poor people.

Ultimately, your proposal is the tip of the iceberg of social manipulation and human breeding.

 

[Evilbunny]

Wait, I'm confused. What are you trying to argue here? Are you saying you don't want children to have good parents? Aren't you sick of seeing those idiots on daytime television going "my child drinks, does drugs, and has sex with strangers at the age of 14! He/she is out of control, I need help!"? I think this world would be much better if people were forced to pass a test before they are in charge of raising and providing for another human being.

Your statement works as a bumper sticker but as far as any functional legislation it's rediculous. What if people have kids without this license (which is probably 80% of pregnancies)? So now we live in a society where the federal government supercedes the sovereignty of the individual's right to procreate and to seek out relationships on their own constructed terms?

Do we imprison them and abort the illegal baby? Foster homes for everybody? I mean just think about the logistic mess this would create and all for what? To ensure that only overly intellectualized yuppies get kids? I mean I guess its one way to breed out uneducated poor people.

Ultimately, your proposal is the tip of the iceberg of social manipulation and human breeding.

Huh, you apparently have thought this through far more thoroughly than I have. I will concede the point that in this world such a legislation is impossible, but I insist that in a perfect world only qualified professionals would be allowed to raise kids.

 

[Trace2010]

I think that parents waste more time trying to reason with children...the phrase "because I said so" is quite valid for as long as they live in my house.

I have thought about this long and hard and yes: in the future I will spank my children if I deem they display a behavior that: a) can threaten their life-running out in the middle of a street, b) display insubordination or disrespect to me or their mother.