Strangest threat ever

[eatenbyagrue]

I once threatened that I would kick someone in the ass so hard that "the force will drive you across the world so fast that you will end up punching yourselves in the balls, which will have the dual effect of sending them flying up into your chest AND throwing you backwards in time and thereby creating the first women on Earth."

 

[qwertyzxy27]

"if you are what you eat then i could be you by tomorrow"

 

[Blemontea]

"I WILL HARM YOU!" - Spoony
i say that a lot in video games but i joking use it to my friend when were practice fighting.

 

[Fidelias]

"if you are what you eat then i could be you by tomorrow"

Lol, that's a good one.

One of my strange threats was that I'd "stab you with a shotgun!"
Yeah, I'm not good at making threats.

 

[RootbeerJello]

My friend threatened to punch someone in the shoe.

I once told my friend I would kick his ass in weird and sensual ways. As always, awkward wins any argument.

EDIT: Also, not so much a threat as just a rage-y exclamation, but I once accidentally stepped on my friend's phone, and without missing a beat he yelled, "You flaming ****!"

Another edit: I keep remembering more of these. A kid on Facebook said he would face-fuck me with a shovel.

The keyboard player in my band threatened to put me in a small room with 8 rats and turn up the temperature so they'd burrow under my skin. Because I called him before 10 AM.

EDIT EDIT EDIT: From now on I'm not saying what are edits. Just assume each letter is it's own edit.

OT: I told a friend I would steal all his peanut butter.

Told a guy on TF2 that I'd punch his sentry in the cock.

Was threatened with being taken to a commune by a guy on Urban Terror.

Another guy on TF2 said he'd rocket jump UP MY ASS.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

"Knock knock! MY FIST UP YOUR BALLS!"

".....Who's there?"

 

[sarge1942]

i've heard someone say that another person threatened them by saying they would kick them in their... lets just say female reproductive organ that babies come out of. This was an odd threat because it was said to a man. The weirdest threat i can think of that i've heard said, and said, is "i'll kick your butt/@$$", take that literally for a second, we've all heard it before, who thought that was a good threat, why not "i'll kick your face!" or something else. If someone was going to get kicked, i've never heard of "no!, not the butt!".

 

[Jfswift]

I'll leave breadcrumbs on your battleship. XD

 

[Teh Ty]

"you Dun Goofed!!!"
I had to say it...

"Consequences will never be the same!"

OT: I dunno, I said some strange stuff before.

We are horrible, horrible people for mocking an 11-year old girl. Still, we have the moral high ground on 4chan who have probably photoshopped her into some kind of alien sex orgy by now.

OT: I once threatened to attack someone with a monopoly dog.

That was a strange evening.

Hey, I was mocking her father.

Hehe..."Backtraced"

{This post has been deleted by the cyber police}
OT: There was someone who threatened to kill me if I didn;t change classes in TF2 from engie to scout, because those were the only 2 classes his friend enabled. And I threatened that I'll stay as engie unless he tells his friend to enable all classes.

 

[spartan231490]

"Speak to me again, and i will eviserate you with a rusty butter knife." works every tiem.

 

[crudus]

"don't call my girlfriend stubborn or I will make you look like (hyperlinked)this aborted fetus"

Which was hilarious because this was about a month or two after someone actually tried to kill be with a kitchen knife. At which point I stopped taking death threats from the internet seriously.

 

[Jonny The Kay]

Some guy on Xbox Live told me he was "Gunna break my hips"

 

[Irony's Acolyte]

"I will find where you live, sneak into your house at night, forcibly castrate you while you sleep, and then feed you the bloody remains of your genitals."

I'll only use it on a guy.

 

[General Ken8]

"you Dun Goofed!!!"
I had to say it...

Dang, that's EXACTLY what I was going to say. . .or maybe CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!

This one kid said he'd stick his boot so far up my butt that I would taste leather for a month, that was interesting I guess, but I think my friend takes the cake on this one, one day at lunch he said he'd cut off my nipples with his baby carrots :3

 

[Paksenarrion]

I was threatened to have a dog nibble my cock off

...did he then put his pinky finger to the corner of his mouth and add, "...unless you give me one *million* dollars!"?

 

[Benmonkey7]

Shut up or i will cut your dick of with a muffler..

I shit you not. It wasnt to me, but i heard a 9 year old say it to another kid

Kids these days, crafty little bastards, aren't they?

 

[300ccs of medicine]

I will occasionally threaten to drown someone in boiling electrified urine, or exclaim that "you can eat a bag of dicks and die in a fire!"

 

[TheStickman]

"you Dun Goofed!!!"
I had to say it...

"Consequences will never be the same!"

OT: I dunno, I said some strange stuff before.

"I called the cyberpolice, and the real police!"

OT: I don't usually threaten people. I find people don't usually threaten me either.