Korsakovia:
1. Ridiculously complicated and confusing levels
2. Incoherent story
3. Looks like absolute shit, even for the outdated Source engine
4. Korsakov's psychosis doesn't work that way
5. The recent Source update broke it. You can't play the final level.
BONUS: Sudden and loud static noises may harm your speakers, ears, and sanity!
Still (and sometimes because of these things) the best thing ever.
-The combat is very repetitive
-Most of the special moves don't ever get used, as the aerobic attack and roll are all you need.
-Bats are annoying as hell, and seem to be there only to lengthen a level, rather than to pose a serious threat.
-Likewise the birds are also irritating, as there's no way to take the initiative during a fight with them
-Sometimes it's hard to tell what's a ledge and what's not.
-The Prince sometimes has trouble interpreting what the player wants him to do, leading to him diving off of cliffs or attacking the wrong enemy
-Sometimes the rewind timer can be very unforgiving with how long it will allow you to rewind for, leading to it being of no use when you die.
Having said all this, i'm willing to forgive the game. I freakin' love it. Replays never get old, even when you know the story and each level perfectly.
1) Heavies are overpowered, or at least, far too powerful for how easy they are to play.
2) Crits. (I seriously have "say Sorry for the crit" bound.)
3) Snipers are annoying and everyone who plays as one deserves to die a horrible death.
4) Goldrush is a terrible map, and everyone loves it for some reason.
5) Recently Valve seems to have forgotten what makes TF2 good, and released lots of unlocks to a) make every class able to do everything and b) add many cheap/annoying ways to kill people.
6) Seriously? $15 for a hat? (Apparently Valve is trying to convince me that TF2 items actually have value. I can't take them seriously on that.)
7) Most maps seem too crowded for 24 players. (They're perfect for 16 though. I wish that was the limit.)
Halo: Reach
1: Too short
2: Only 2 lights in the map editor? The hell?
3: The spartans didn't have much character/were generic
4: The plot wasn't great
5: A lot of cliched scripted dialogue, although the combat dialogue was generally good
6: Some of my old favourite weapons now suck
7: The grenade launcher was a huge disappointment
8: On higher modes I'm constantly forced to use a shite gun due to lack of ammo, which I find aggravating because its almost impossible to actually kill anything on those modes without a decent gun.
9: AI is occasionally retarded where the covanent are concerned- hyperawareness being the main complaint.
10: No replay value
11: Some unskippable cutscenes
12: In one of the multiaplayer maps, in certain modes, it basically insta-kills you if you go in a certain grav lift. They should have blocked off the lift
13: The soundtrack is good but doesn't compare to Halo 3's score.
My real favourite game is Bioshock but I havent played it in so long that I cant remember it well enough to nitpick. The fact I havent played it in ages is probably in itself evidence im not a huge fanboy so ill just go with the Reach stuff.
Result: Unreasonable? I was just being excessively nitpicky because you told me to...
1. Static backgrounds make the game feel dated and claustrophobic. This is a big deal when you have characters that can fly.
2. Key features are unnecessarily hidden or obfuscated. Replays are an undocumented command line option, multiplayer is a separate EXE, air combos are a secret code, "powered up" versions of special moves are a secret, fatalities are a secret, etc.
3. Agility stat is broken, making any class with <50% agility unplayably bad.
4. Mysterious lack of shoryuken-type moves, encouraging noob-tastic "jump in over and over" play and generally warping the tier list.
5. Ground combos are broken (and this happened AFTER they wrote the Strategy Guide!) making the balance awful unless you use the aforementioned secret code to unlock air combos.
6. Tournament mode requires all players to start with the Jaguar character until they can afford a new one, ensuring that noobs will still be saying Jaguar is the best 10 years later
I could go on and on. Even a timeless classic has loads of problems if you look hard enough.
- I hate your stupid, overcomplicated interface
- i hate the vanilla game with broken balance
- i dislike how many parts of the game are just complicated because.. they can. Micromanagement hell (wich is a mixed good/bad thing)
- I hate the game engine that cant handle more than 20 ships on screen without -massive- lag.. when i like to use 200+ ships at a time... on a PC that runs Crisis at 100% with no trace of lag.
- i dislike how long and complicated it is to set up fleets with proper orders and formations.
- i hate how long it is to design everything when starting a game
- i hate how long it is to design anything to begin with. There should sliders bar rather that drag-n-drop icons for stuff we put on repeatedly
- i hate how inneficient your multiplyer modes are
- i hate the limitation of choices when creating a new game,with no means of making our own maps (custom map, by hand)
- i hate how population and trade are unimportant in the game (edit - not completely true, since pop is real important to optimise planet use.. but thats it)
- i hate how the in endgame there are overpowered weapons/systems/stuff that completely break the game
- i dislike the simplified, no-challenge economy in the game.
- i absolutely hate the ground combat system, wich is a lag monsters and full of bugs and ISNT FUN
- i dislike the fact that the engine cant handle AOE weaponry, wich makes massed ships too effective.
FAnboy rating: 10? meh. I loved it, i wish it was much better. Cant stand it anymore, but it still got a special place in my heart.
Shadow of the Colossus
1. The Sea Dragon. I know way too many peopl who quit the game because of him.
2. The game mechanics for holding on. Too often was I getting flung around on the colossi's head feeling completely helpless.
3. The Goliath's beard was difficult to maneuver around, often getting glitchy.
4. The apples and lizards felt completely unnecessary. They were a half assed attempt to give a reason to explore the amazing world that they built. Which leads me to...
5. The world was too empty. The world was beautiful and the second I saw it I wanted to hop on my horse and explore around it. Sadly besides the 16 colossi there was nothing to look for (lizards and fruit non-withstanding).
6. I might be alone in thinking this but they could have made it take longer to find the colossi. By this I don't mean a wider plain of grass separating you from the colossi. This would also help solve the problem with the empty game world. Perhaps longer platforming sections or similar obstacles?
7. Too short. While I did like the simplicity of the game and how it was very focused, the game ended before I was ready for it to. I wanted more colossi and a better idea of what was happening. But I guess it's a good thing when a game finishes with you wanting more. Better than it overstaying it's welcome.
8.
{Agro "death." They ruined what would have been a sad moment in the game by bringing back your horse with only a broken leg (Although considering how horses with broken legs are usually dealt with, it might have been a sadder ending than I thought).}
9. Could have used a little brighter colors.
Metroid Prime
1. Please Samus, learn how to keep track of your stuff. While I did enjoy having to start from scratch, the idea of an explosion knocking off all of her expansions, rather than the usua result of killing her, seemed a tad farfetched
2.Chozo ghosts. Really nice touch but they appeared too often. It's tiring enough having to go from one side of the map to the complete opposite side to find your next expansion without having to take out 3 ghosts per room requiring about 6 charge beams per ghost.
3. Having to go from one side of the map to the complete opposite side to find your next expansion. That's pretty self-explanatory.
4. No magmoor caverns boss. I was really looking forwards to one.
5. Could have had a better story. I'm not referring to a better storytelling method, I'm probably one of the few people who enjoyed reading through the scans I'm talking about a better fleshed out story.
6. Now this is just something that I ran into after replaying the game recently, I found that it was too easy. On my first play through I found it hard, but coming back to it is like a walk in the park. A more challenging hard mode would be welcome.
7. Platforming is not ideal for a first person game. It was easy to fall off of a platform because you had no idea where your feet were in relation to the edge.
8. Flamethrower and wavebuster were useless.
1. Game runs like crappy in half of the fights.
2. Little to no actual "strategy" for fighting the bosses. Just set a bunch of mines, lure the boss over them and *BAM!* 500 xp.
3. Half of the characters are winy, annoying, unlikable pricks with pitiful back-stories.
4. Half of the characters are useless.
5. The game uses all the standard Bioware cliches, and brings nothing really new to the table besides being in the Star Wars universe.
6. All the characters shared the same face, and many shared voices.
7. The graphics looked like crap, and all the places you go to could be ripped out of any other science fiction game.
8. The game has a terrible menu and inventory system that is a pain to cycle through.
9. Half of the feats and powers were useless wastes of points, but you did not know that until you used them.
10. There was a lack of interesting choices. The choices were along the lines of "help the little old lady across the street" or "kill the little old lady, take everything she has, then burn her corpse".
Wow. I really destroyed the game. I give myself a 10.
Chrono Cross, ahh Chrono Cross, how I love you so..
1) 45 different characters, wow awesome! That is until you realize 2/3 of them are useless and have virtually nothing special about them.
a) I hope you didn't get attached to any characters at the start because you're not getting them back until you're in the final quarter of the game.
b) What the hell? I don't get Kid back until I'm on the final dungeon's front step? What the- WHERE THE HELL DID HARLE GO?!
2) Game, why would you assume I want to have to hold down a button to run everywhere rather than run automatically? That doesn't even need to be an option, much less the default.
3) One spot that you need to return to every single time you wish to alternate between worlds. I hope you like the beach.
4) Boss: "Hey guys, I hope you don't mind me taking multiple turns so can I can reduce your magic resistance, influence the element field AND cast devastating spells before you can possibly react."
5) It's hard to feel the sorrow of some of these characters when their tragedy struck due to running up to a very evil looking sword, that they consciously know before hand is VERY EVIL and responsible for evil things like possession, and grabbing it while their best friend stands within swinging distance.
6) Uh oh, Lynx has been causing trouble in Serge's body, so that must mean that when I do change back there's gonna be some trouble or- No, wait, I guess I looked a bit too much into that plot point.
7) I am not sure what Harle just said, but I hope it wasn't important.
8) Alright second disc time! Wait, wuh..this..is this the same story? Omniscient computers? I was just fighting a band of colorful dragons for their power and to 'prove my worth' how did things suddenly change so- Oh I guess we're back to dragons again now.
9) Sorry magic users. You're cool and all but it's just not worth having to build up your magic levels in battle when Serge and Glenn can pretty much wipe out anything (Including bosses) in a couple short turns near the end.
a) Also using healing magic with them isn't that much weaker.
10) Use the Chrono Cross! How? I dunno, look up a guide or something. Bad ending.
a) Oh okay we gotta use the right order of elements with the Chrono Cross, Yellow, green, red- dangit, stupid guy used yellow. Okay, Yellow, Green, red, blue- aw man I forgot to bring black elements! Bad ending.
11) That sure was a beautiful ending, now certainly all the characters I recruited and have grown attached to will be sent off with each a small ten second scene showing them heading off or living life away from all this terri- Oh, no, I guess they don't matter.
Aww, High Standards, now I just feel like a bad person.
Let me just say this: my favorite game of all time is Deus Ex. I haven't played it in some time, but here's all the things that suck about it, just off the top of my head:
Shitty Stealth
Even worse shooting
Wretched AI, both friendly and hostile
Railroad-tastic plot
Abominable voice acting
Atrocious graphics
Occasionally crappy level design
Is about as subtly delivered as a brick wrapped in the box art from MW2 to the head.
If I tried, I could come up with more. To cite another example, I loved Reach to death, but I still found a way to write a six-page essay about how much it sucked. I can, when I try, find ten or twenty irredeemably awful things about damn near every game ever; and with that in mind, I give me a 25.
Like the look of that bleak brown landscape? Good because we ran out of development time and just copy pasted the hell out of the first screen and added in some randomly spawning robots,EVERYWHERE. A nice change of pace, a subway, yep just follow that for a mandatory fun killing hour and then you can resume the interesting plot. Admire that riveting dialogue,"Hey have you seen a middle aged man? middle aged man, or how about you? other middle aged man" "Why yes I think I did, but I'll only tell you if you-A random stranger I've only known for five minutes-goes and messes about with that bomb down there. Hate iron sight aiming? Hate having to accurately aim your gun so you can shoot successfully then you'll love fallout 3, the only iron sight aiming we have is with scopes and even then they control like your on a boat....during a hurricane. Do you hate having climatic boss battles? closure or at least decent endings? Free roam at the end? Well once again you'll love Fallout 3 where the only decent ending has to be paid for *cough* *Alan Wake* *cough*. Sorry if I was overly sarcastic.
Mass Effect 2
1) The mining was bad pre-patch. Mind you, they fixed it so I guess that counts as 1/2.
2) I would have liked a few more skills.
3) The dreaded "Bioware Look" haunts the game at times.
4) Is starting to rely too much on DLC
5) Some "continuations" of ME1 encounters were total crap (I'm looking at you, Conrad Werner)
6) Overall limited enemy variety: Mecenaries, Geth and Collectors
Pokémon Soul Silver:
The first gym is ludicrously difficult for that early in the game, but once you can beat that, you will never be under-levelled again. (until Kanto)
Roaming pokémon are a shit idea and you know it.
There are too many creatures nowadays.
There are too many obscure evolution/egg conditions, meaning you can't possibly complete the pokédex without using a guide.
The game varies wildly between you being over-levelled, and capable of taking every gym leader in the game with a single 'mon, and having to grind for hours on end the second you enter Kanto to have a chance against any of the gym leaders, and then the new improved Elite 4.
Whitney's Miltank. 'nuf said.
Zubat. Likewise.
Stupid enemy AI, making the game ludicrously simple except when an enemy spams the same confusion/paralysin move every turn, so no matter how often you heal, the status effect still applies.
8! Reasonable!
I may have a shot at Left 4 Dead, Scribblenauts, Halo:Reach, Red Dead Redemption, the Mass Effect series or Freecell later.
1. Can be very, very repetitive.
2. Breeding ground for jerks.
3. Hard to get good.
4. Takes forever to get anywhere.
5. Costs money every month.
6. Some of the spell effects are pitifully bad.
7. Gnomes.
1) Paulie takes too long to collect the first payment in 'A Trip to the Country'
2) Taking out Morello Jr. at the docks still makes me want to cut myself, even though I've now pretty much perfected the method (when I first played it I'd tied a noose for myself and everything - too fucking hard!)
3) As Tommy's always on a mission-mission (not just an in-game mission), you don't get much insight into his social life 'outside' of the game, other than when he has a talk with Frank.
4) We never see his daughter, and we only see Sarah properly once, despite the 2 of them being a major motivation for him cooperating with the police
Hey, you know horses? You know how they always run thirty feet away from you whenever you try and ride them? Oh, they don't do that? Gee, RDR had me believing otherwise...
Also, why does Marston holster his gun every five seconds? Maybe that's why the gang left him, can't stick up a bank if you can't keep your gun out for more than a few seconds. And the game gives you a button for it, it's like they expect you to forgot how.
And why must I tap the button to run? We've mastered the "push lightly for walk, hard for run" thing since, oh, the PS2? Maybe even later PS1? Instead, let's waste a button on running. And give people carpal tunnel, for the full western experience. On that note, why can't controls be customized? Square is the shittiest jump button I've used in a long time, and R2 is too clunky to be a shoot button.
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