Take your favorite game - and RIP IT TO SHREDS!

[Olikunmissile]

Oh... Fuck... I snapped my MGS4 disk... Shoulda read the whole post I guess.

Deary me.

MGS4:

Ah fuck it, I'm the biggest MGS fan there ever was.
I simply don't have the time to go through everything that's wrong with it!
I could count well over 20 wings I disliked about it from the get go... Well I've got nothing better to do actually, here we go.

Spoiler: MGS4

16 min intro.

If the codec is in the side of his ear, why must he crouch and touch it, there isn't a receiver button.

Gekko? Please, they walk like girls and are mushy. Also they kill you then take a dump on you.

They go down with 4 tranq shots to the legs

Otacon doesn't have nanomachines, how does he codec?

Sunny LIVED INSIDE THE INTERNET?

Vamp running up walls is explained away as him using the special boots that the 'Frog' troopers wear, well I went back and watched, NO HE ISN'T

16 HOURS LONG WITH CUTSCENES!? 4 WITHOUT!?????

INSTALLS AFTER EVERY ACT

How stupid are these guards, really?

Rex v Ray fight was far too easy

Raiden vs Vamp with snake vs Gekkos AND A SPLIT SCREEN!?

Snake is old. Hated that.

The ending

Spoiler

Where he pretends to shoot himself, I was soooo annoyed, the game got me all teary for nothing.

Act 3 following that resistance. PISSED ME RIGHT OFF

Big Mama? Please, DO YOUR GODDAMN TOP UP EVA YOU HAVE WRINKLES.


JOHNNY AND MERYL? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. That leads me to...

HOW BUTCH IS MERYL NOW? Wears a desert eagle to her wedding and has to force herself upon akiba so SHE can propose how she wants to.

How the fuck did Raiden get ninja?

Ok that should be near 20, and the list goes on.

And I still love that game, lots, and lots, and lots.

 

[AngelicSven]

Final Fantasy 7

1. Your characters are ridiculous overblown stereotypes.
2. Your story was mediocre.

Spoiler

Cloud was really the other guy!?! Oh shock and alarm

3. Time seems to be no issue, when a meteor is the impending doom of your world of course you have time to go create the world's best chocobo.
4. You constantly throw in odd bullshit mini-games I do not want to play.
5. You have turn-based gameplay. Star Ocean came out years before and was free form, why I ask, why?
6. You were probably the biggest time sink of the late 90s.
7. Random encounters. Why I can't I just see what I'm going to fight. I hate you.

Other than that, you're probably my favorite game ever, but you are still horrible.

 

[tgbennett30]

Ninja Gaiden / Ninja Gaiden Black / Ninja Gaiden 2

1. THE STORYLINES - dear God, the storylines, they seem like something cooked up by an unintelligent 1st grade child. The best action/hack-n-slash games of the last two generations, and they are married to the absolute WORST storylines in all of recorded video game history? REALLY??? That's the best they could do?

2. The camera - I never had as many problems with it as some claimed, and NGB fixed it to a large degree with camera control, but there were still MANY times where the camera screwed you out of victory. And NG II was especially bad with having people off-camera attacking you.

3. The distance weapons - they sucked. All of them. And NG II sucked especially for FORCING you to defeat 6-7 different bosses via distance weapons ONLY.

4. The swimming mechanic - terrible, absolutely terrible, and especially noticeable in a game that otherwise had a fine degree of control

5. Repetition of bosses - NG and NGB did it only 4-5 times, but NG II did it 11-12 times - you kill a boss, and rest assured you will fight him/her again later on, with no new moves on their part, no new AI, nothing at all, just to say "it's full of boss battles!!!!"

6. The skeletons on the spiral staircase in NG/NGB. Whoever wrote that level has a special place in the bowels of Hell waiting for them. The only way to beat it was to be cheap - i.e., go up a step at a time until the tip of the opponent's head was visible, then shoot him with arrows - any other approach meant you WOULD get shot and wind up falling off the staircase and having to start over (and if you killed any of the skeletons, they'd respawn).

7. The fire wheel / phoenix magic spells - did ANYONE ever use these? Anyone

8. The smoke bombs - see #7.

9. Finally, my biggest problem with it - it is so @#*%$ GOOD that you will play it over and over and over, including difficulty levels that would make an autistic savant with the reflexes of a mongoose on meth weep in frustration, but you don't care BECAUSE YOU MUST BEAT IT

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Team Fortress 2:

1. Punishingly long respawn times
2. Drop rates are horrid (tosses 28 bottle of Jarate over shoulder)
3. Hats are impossible
4. Full of idlers
5. No auto-AFK kicker
6. Premium plugins
7. Everyone has to be an Engineer or a Sniper

 

[Grey_Focks]

Mass Effect 2-

1) Mining was a pain pre-patch, but now it's less annoying. Still not fun, though.

2) Shephard seems to get over the whole "brought back from the dead" thing a little too easily.

3) Final boss was a tad too easy.

That's all I got. Kinda would've liked allies to have more than three skills and two guns each, but that kinda helped each one feel unique in combat, so I won't take a point for it.

 

[SergeMC]

Shadow of the Colossus

1. No real dialogue except in the beginning and end
2. graphics at 30 fps, framerate extremely choppy sometimes
3. Agro does all the maneuvering for you
4. from the second playtrough onward, the game becomes incredibly easy
5. on first playthrough, it is teeth-crunchingly hard
6. characters show no depth and have no development for most of the story
7. celosia makes me no, honestly, even his habitat makes me depressive, think about it, a temple in a crevice right next to the entrance to the cursed land... dunno, just wanted to point that out
8. it is never explained how the colossi can live in such small habitats (hydrus's lake must be just a little pond for him, damnit)
9. no minions to slay
10. land devoid of life
11. and most importantly: the game is so hypnotizingly beautiful that i cannot stop playing it even after 6 years... and the strange part is that it is not addicting to me,
agro can be annoying, the colossus fights become monotonous after the 150th time you have killed that one giant turtle, and there's not much to explore since the land is... well, devoid of life and there's nothing to unlock by exploring the land...

damn, tearing your favorite game to shreds is FUN

 

[Glaive_21842]

Red ranger standing by!

 

[lightningmagurn]

World in Conflict

1 The snipers can kill any other infantry squad in moments.
2 AI was poor.
3 The plot was aweful, and cliched.
4 The units were the same for each army just reskinned
5 The realism is almost non existant when it comes to tanks
6 The people who made the game have no idea ho the military is structured
7 The infantry squads were put together so poorly that it was almost not worth it to play with them
8 Infantry got no love
9 The scale is all wrong
10 The cover system was poorly made
11 Off map support was over powered
12 The heavy tank was over powered
13 When it came to what units did they stretched the truth quite a bit in many cases.

Hard to please. But I still loved it...

 

[JEBWrench]

Two favorite games:

Fallout: New Vegas -
A guy walked into a wall one time while I was playing it.

RUINED!

Myst -
It's a powerpoint presentation, not a game!

 

[Android2137]

Phoenix Wright:
1. No replayability
2. Wooo~ spirit channelling. How completely realistic and credible.
3. And if you can channel spirits, why not just channel the victim every time and ask what the heck happened? Even if they lie, they give you some direction to pursue.
4. This is not-to-distant future. Why can't they just have a portable lie detector rather than a spirity magatama? (Hey, they may all deal with spirit channelling, but it's three different issues regarding that one topic.)
5. Hey, Nick, doncha need a search warrant?
6. And everyone else, if no one except his sidekick was present when he found this evidence, how can you be sure he didn't just fabricate it?
7. Yo. Judge. Retire. Just. Retire.
8. There is no way the prosecution should be allowed to get away with assaulting you in court. I'm looking at you, Franziska.

But I love you, Phoenix Wright series. I really really do. Apollo Justice was less palpable for me...

Reasonable. Sweet.

 

[Captain Bobbossa]

Fallout 3:

5. Giant Radscorpions

pussy...

 

[lazinesslord]

Earthbound:
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... I can't find any (actually the real reason is because I haven't played it in a while so I can remember my gripes.)
Oh wait I got one, the game kinda got hard at times either requiring you to die or level grind a lot. I could probably find other flaws if I went back and played it though.

Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (haven't played this game in a while either)
-Water Temple how I hated you so
-The giant's sword broke on me (I was pissed)
-Could not use sword while riding Epona.

Final Fantasy 7 (okay this one I can find a ton of flaws)
-even for the time this game had crappy graphics. (Super Mario RPG, an snes game, had superior graphics for crying out loud)
-Cloud is an emo brat
-aside from Sid, none of the characters were truly memorable (they had their moments)
-there were some plotholes
-After all the time I spent leveling Aeris up she then dies. (bulls***!!!)

Kingdom Hearts (can also find problems)
-camera could be your worst enemy at times
-plot got cheesy sometimes (not always mind you)
-None of the Final Fantasy characters from before number 7 made an appearance
-fighting got repetitive at times
-trying to use spells was a *****
-Sephiroth was hard to beat

 

[oppp7]

Spoiler: Caps lock You have been warned.

OMFG GUILD WARS. WTF? WHY DON'T YOU HAVE 7 HERO TEAMS YET? IT'S BEEN LIKE 3 YEARS NOW. EVERYONE KEEPS ASKING FOR IT. AND WTF IS WITH THE BS RUNNING? EVERY TIME I DIE ON THE WIK QUESTS I HAVE TO RUN 50 FUCKING MILES BACK TO THE FUCKERS THAT KILLED ME. HOW IS THIS A GOOD GAME IDEA? FUCK ANET. DO THEY EXPECT ME TO BEAT IT IN ONE GO? THEY ONLY HAVE SHITTY LOW LEVEL HENCHMEN TO FILL THE GROUP PAST THE FUCKING 3 HERO LIMIT. FUCKING USELESS SHIT HENCHMEN. I GUESS THEY WANT ME TO SIT AROUND THE FUCKING OUTPOST FOR 5 FUCKING HOURS FOR A FUCKING GROUP OF REAL PEOPLE, OF WHICH HALF OF IT LEAVES MIDWAY THROUGH. I WANNA PLAY THE GAME, ASSHOLES. AND THAT STUPID FUCKING LOOSE MAGIC SHIT. WHAT IS THE POINT? ALL IT DOES IS FUCK WITH POINTLESS OUT OF COMBAT ABILITIES. O, WAIT, IT PREVENTS ME FROM REZZING A HERO THAT DIED RIGHT AFTER THE TEAM TELEPORTED TO THE REZ PLACE. I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO GO DIE AGAIN WITHOUT DOING JACK SHIT. I FUCKING LOVE WASTING ALL MY FUCKING FREE TIME RUNNING. O LOOK, MY CHARACTER GOT STUCK ON THE FUCKING SCENERY FOR THE 50TH TIME THIS RUN. GREAT FUCKING PATHING AI, SHITHEADS. MAYBE I SHOULD USE CON SETS? IT'S NOT LIKE THEY COST A SHITLOAD OF MONEY. O LOOK, THE FINAL BOSS IS OP TO SHIT. GUESS I'LL HAVE TO RESTART AND SPEND A FEW MORE HOURS ON THIS BS LEVEL. WHY THE FUCK WON'T THE ASURA STAFF GOLEM WORK? I FUCKING DROPPED IT ON SOMETHING, THAT SOMETHING SHOULD DIE. I HAD TO FUCKING CARRY IT ACROSS THE FUCKING MAP FOR THIS, AND NOW IT'S USELESS? AND LOOK, THE MOB SETUPS MEAN THAT THEY PATROL INTO EACH OTHER WHENEVER YOU ATTACK THEM. AWESOME, I LOVE FIGHTING GUYS WITH TOO MUCH REZ AND HEALING. AND BS ELEMENTALISTS THAT CAN WIPE OUT THE ENTIRE FUCKING TEAM IN ONE SHOT. GOTTA FUCKING LOVE THOSE. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S A BOSS AND SURROUNDED BY MONKS. I DIDN'T WANT TO WIN THE GAME, THANK YOU. WHAT'S THAT? I FINALLY GOT TO THE END OF THE DUNGEON? SWEET, LETS SEE WHAT THE CHEST IS. O LOOK, ANOTHER FUCKING USELESS GREEN. I GUESS I'LL GO SHOVE IT UP ANOTHER MERCHANT'S ASS BECAUSE I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT CLOGGING MY INVENTORY. EVEN BETTER WHEN IT WAS SOMETHING BIG I OPENED. WELL, LETS GO DO A HM MISSION. AND 5 MINUTES IN THE NPC IMPORTANT TO THE MISSION GETS STUCK ON A CHEST BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO DEBUG A FUCKING GAME.

Edit: Annnnnnnd I did it wrong...
I'll just say I'm >20. As if that wasn't obvious...

 

[hottsaucekid]

WoW.
Boring, Repetitive, waste of money and all you do is farm over and over again.
(god I love that game.)

 

[Spectre4802]

Man, this is going to hurt. Sorry, old buddy. I still love you.


Vampire: The Masqurade - Bloodlines

1. You didn't have the option to sweet talk out of all the encounters like you could in Deus Ex. Or indeed sneak/dominate past. No, the very last boss fight was completely fighting. That was just unfair.
2. You were fairly buggy.
3. The final boss fight with the Sherrif when he went all bat form was a fucking pain in the ass.
4. In fact, the fight with the Sherrif non-bat form was a fucking pain in the ass, too. Teleport? Seriously?
5. Wasn't nearly open enough.

SCORE: Reasonable

...I can't do it anymore.

How about something slightly easier.

Modern Warfare 2: Multiplayer

1. Cheating douchebags.
2. Whiny little kids.
3. The Commando perk.
4. Wankers who camp.
5. Those fucking dual wield Model 1887s. They suck, don't they? (I'm ashamed to admit that I use them too.)
6. Afghan. (I hate that map.)
7. Guns that by rights should do less that the one you have but seem to do way more in their hands, but do bugger all in yours. (Case and point is the M-16.)
8. Teammates not shooting down the AC-130/helicopter/UAV/whatever.

SCORE: Reasonable (just barely scraping up against High Standards)

That's all I can think of off the top of my head.

Batman: Arkham Asylum

1. The fight with Killer Croc. (That was just such a letdown.)
2. The fight with Killer goddamn Croc. (Seriously, what the fuck, dev team?)
3. The fight with the Joker at the end. (Or should I say, the fight with henchmen at the end like every other right in this fucking game. Come to think of it,)
4. Repeditive encounters. (Either I'm swinging from gargoyle to gargoyle, stringing up bad guys, or I'm punching a bunch of henchmen the hell out.)

SCORE: Reasonable (just above Fanboy)

...And that's all I have.

OVERALL SCORE: Fairly reasonable, just a little fanboyish.

 

[Chefodeath]

Zelda Wind Waker:
Ended too quickly
Story was excellent, but not in depth enough
Repetitive fights with dark nuts

Knights of the Old Republic:
Too much time spent before you get a Jedi in your party
Repetitive fight animations
dialogue was a bit corny on retrospection.
Jedi Sentinel class, which I chose, sucked utter balls

about what I expected

 

[Triforceformer]

Team Fortress 2

1.The need to buy keys is a bit of a bullshit move.
2.The game seems to be a bit saturated with weapons that have "Meh buff, arbitrary con" abilities that don't employ alternate playstyles.
3.The newer a map is, the less lube the game uses to butt fuck the processor.
4.Why is it that when you give the Sandvich a cooldown timer for balance purpose, that you give the Dalakohs bar one as well? It just defeats the purpose of making every weapon viable in their own way.

Portal

1.The second game will be impossible for my comp to play.

5 = Reasonable man.

 

[Koroviev]

Dear Batman Arkham Asylum,

I love you.

Yours sincerely, Steve5513.

I'm sorry, but I honestly cannot find flaw with it.

Oh wait, the battle with croc was horrible. It was unbelievably boring and tedious. Oh, and the boss fight that gets repeated like 3 or 4 times where you have to sidestep a charging enemy so they hit the wall behind you.

Yes, as much as I enjoy playing Batman Arkham Asylum, the boss battles exemplify why I hate boss battles. Seriously, what's the point of all the level practice when the skills you've learned are rendered null and void by a boss who does not match your skill, but who instead simply takes steroids?