Take your favorite game - and RIP IT TO SHREDS!

[MoosieMann]

Ocarina of time
1-5 GODDAMN WATER TEMPLE!
6 bug that didnt let me save- this happen to anyone else?
7 GODDAMN UNSAVABLE BASTARD OF A WATER TEMPLE!

 

[silver wolf009]

Halo: Reach.

The single biggest, most idiotic sotry of the year.

Gameplay that was a clone of halo 3, which was a clone of halo 2, which was a clone of halo: CE, with ripped off everything it had from every other shooter ever freaking made!

The multiplayer is buggy as hell and the maps are complete shit, giving one side every power weapon to one freaking side! Usally the side your not on.

The covenant as a faction is just stupid. How can such an advanced society be so eaisly bamboozled into beliving something like religion? [footnote]/sarcasm[/footnote]
Why would such cultures like the elities, which believe that the best warrior should be in command, let the prophets, the meekest of the coventant be in command? And did none amongst their ranks ever view killing unnarmed civilians are wrong? How many just thought it to be without honor?

If the UNSC is in such a bad place with a near civil war, why dont they get the thought into their heads to try and join the coventant?

The rebels must not have any common sense either because even while facing complete and utter religious extermination, the A-holes keep atacking the UNSC.

Why the hell does every one else in your team have freaking impenetrable shields, and armor made out of actualy metal and not styrafoam?

Besides building giant hoola-hoops in space, what else did the Forerunners ever accomplish?

 

[DreadfulSorry]

Dear Portal:

1. The source engine is just not very conducive to platforming gameplay: jumping is imprecise at best, and it is just difficult to be forced through platforming sections when I cannot even see my feet.
2. The turrets, while adorable, are also a pain in the ass. I understand the desire to add combat situations into the mix, but they are irritating as hell. The game is way more fun when you don't have to deal with those things.
3. Could you have made the incinerator any more imprecise? I actually had to re-play the ending because I couldn't get the stupid GLaDOS bits into the impractically sized opening in enough time.
4. The behind-the-scenes areas toward the end are eerie and effective in the beginning, but after the set pieces start to repeat themselves, the effect wears off. Repeating the same poem about the companion cube and that "cake is a lie" business just makes it feel like you copied-and-pasted the environments wholesale. It was great the first time; that doesn't mean I want to see it eight more times.
5. You let me pick up radios and coffee cups and then you didn't have me to anything interesting with them. There are a lot of ways you could have changed around the puzzles segments, instead of repeating the same old "use heavy cube to weight down button redirect flaming balls of death don't fall in the water sneak up on the turrets".
6. The weighted companion cube nonsense did not have the desired effect upon me. Maybe if you had used more cute voices...
7. Of all the cakes you could have picked, why did you have to choose a black forest cake? I hate cherries. It should have been German chocolate.

 

[superbatranger]

I'll go with my current favorite game.

Grand Theft Auto 4
1) I don't know why, but the walking seems wonky at times.
2) The aiming system could use some tweaking to make it easier to switch from enemy to enemy
3) The radio stations aren't as good as in previous installments of the series.
4) The police radar system in place when the 5-0 are chasing you is somewhat annoying.
5) This whole buddy system gets on my nerves sometimes. Stop calling me every 10 minutes asking if I want to go get drunk. Sometimes I just want to play for 30 minutes, do some missions and be done. If I want to hang out, I'll call.

 

[Get_A_Grip_]

Pokémon RPGs

1. Zubats and Golbats being the only Pokémon in caves.
2. Rubbish Plots.
3. Only some TM's are available through Game Corners. This was a huge problem for me in HGSS as I didn't have the patience to play Voltorb Flip.
4. Voltorb Flip
5. All have similar stories.
6. Forces you to buy more games to get specific Pokémon. eg Growlithe is in HG but not in SS.
7. Trading with a friend to get certain evolutions. eg. Alakzam, Porygon-Z, Gengar, Machamp...
8. Wobbuffet with its annoying shadow tag ability.
9. Some legendaries are unobtainable in Ireland due to lack of Nintendo events. Celebi I'm looking at you.
10. Almost impossible to compete Pokedex yourself.
11. Double Team.
12. OHKOs
14. Finding Feebas.
15. Evolving Feebas into Milotic.
17. The FEAR strategy.
18. Poor Pokémon designs.
19. You're often underleveled against Gyms and Pokemon League due to not enough training opportunities.
20. The online play is somewhat underwhelming.
21. Red's Pikachu in HGSS.
22. Red's Snorlax.
23. Grinding to defeat Red.


I'm really just nitpicking here.

Gran Turismo 5.

1. Delayed...

 

[shadow741]

MW2
1.Love-hate relationship
2.Commando
3.Noob tubes
5.(lolwut)OMA noob tubes
4.(all logic is falling apart)Campers
9001.(ITS OVER 9000!)Boosters
117.(MC get out of here)No/quick scopers, just cause they're luckier than me
8.(finally back to normal)Unbalanced killstreaks.
I accidently the whole number.Painkiller
Cthulu.(Don't look at him!)Ninja perk when you're sniping.
11.(I hope that doesn't happen again)Not that good graphics.
WHAT THE FU, BOOOOOOOOOOOM*cue laughter*.Crappy host migration.
13.(*prays for correct numbers*)Dude with shitty internet gets picked as host.
14.(YAY!!!)Short campaign.
OMGWTFBBQ!. (*crys* I'm done with this)No split-screen campaign co-op.

 

[Master_of_Oldskool]

Spoiler: Pokémon: Heart Gold verison

1. Why the hemmorhaging FUCK are there Sinnoh pokémon scattered all through Kanto?! It makes no sense and it forces me to acknowledge the existence of Diamond/Pearl/Platinum, which I hated.

2. They remixed the original music. Okay, so the originals weren't that great and don't stand up to today's standards, but they were my childhood, dammit!

3. Alright, they finally made it so you can rematch Gym Leaders! This will be awesoWAIT WHAT WHY DO THEY HAVE SINNOH POKEMON?

4. Where the hell is Krystal? I loved Krystal! Now we have this genderswapped Mario with obnoxiously peppy dialogue and a marril. A marril, for Pete's sake! Pikablu, the most saccharine, disgusting pokémon in the series until happiny!

5. Okay, I swear this'll be the last one with this general theme, but: WHY ARE ALL THESE SINNOH CHARACTERS ALL UP IN MY KANTO/JOHTO REGIONS?!!?OBLIGATORY ONE! I didn't like D/P/Pl, I liked Gold/Silver/Crystal! That's why I bought the remake of Gold instead of sitting at home and sinking all my spare time into the metagame. Why do you have to shove the previous champion in my face?

6. Does anyone know of some glitch I can use to stop people from calling me unless they're challenging me to a rematch? Seriously? Because I woke up this morning with blood all over my hands and a disfigured Game Freak employee draped over my lap. I'm concerned I may be hindering the development of the inevitable Gen III remakes.

7. Some of the Pokéathlon minigames have extremely awkard controls that make it absolute torture to win, and this is very serious for me, 100%-completion-freak that I am.

8. When moving from land to water, the random encounter rate makes a jump from "A bit annoying, but I've got to train anyways" to "JESUS FUCK CHRIST FUCK".

9. While I like JRPGs in general, there is one JRPG convention that I hate with a passion, and HG falls victim to it: the "OMG I'M POINTING OUT THE OBVIOUS AND RESPONDING TO IT IN A WAY THAT EVERYONE ELSE HAS ALREADY AGREED UPON!"-type dialogue. Yes, the villain did just kick a puppy, people. And don't start lecturing him on how mean that is, the expression on his face tells me that he knows and does not care.

Spoiler: Disgaea 2

1. See point 9 above.

2. For a game that bills itself as "strategy", there are a lot of levels where the best solution is to have all of your units gang up on the enemy one at a time.

3. Why do I have to have a character with Level 3 Bow Mastery in order to get an ARCHER? That's like telling me I can't play Halo: ODST until I've played Halo 3! By that point I've already got what I wanted and realized I didn't want it after all, so why bother with the second one?

4. Grinding...grinding...grinding...griOH GOD WHEN WILL THE INCESSANT GRINDING END?!

Not going to bother averaging them, since the massive outlier would render it innacurate.

 

[Death God]

Super Smash Bros Brawl:

Spoiler

1) It just seemed a BIT too short.
2) I thought that there'd be more characters
3) I miss the easter egg where you could play as Master Hand
4) The final boss isn't hard, just annoying!
5) After you have most of the stickers and trophies, it's just a pain in the butt to get the missing ones left.

Metal Gear Solid 3:

Spoiler

1) The whole thing with healing yourself. Just unnecessarily needed.
That's actually it.

So I'm a fanboy of MGS3 and reasonable with my Brawl. Sounds about right.

 

[Bravo 21]

TF2-
1. Weapons make no sense, either masive overkill, or totally ineffective
2 new boss fights just unbalance the game
3. half the servers are always empty
4. goddamn invisible spy
5. I cant slap a member of my team when they're being a jackass
6. Mannconomy
7. Pyro camping
id say im about 8 or 9
Edit-
GMOD-
1-(the only one i need)-The game hates me

 

[Yokai]

Good times!
Half-Life 2:
1. The protagonist never speaks, which causes a huge break in immersion whenever the player is spoken to by an NPC and doesn't answer back
2. The vehicles are difficult to control, and somehow someone shooting your car injures you
3. Weapons are generic and uninteresting, with the notable exception of the Gravity Gun
4. The long-range sniping weapon is the only one with a delay between firing and impact. What the hell.
5. Multiplayer costs an extra fifteen bucks and is boring and undeveloped, with only two modes and six maps. Also, it's absolutely packed to the gills with trolls and small children.

None of these things matter, though.

 

[zombays]

Okami-
Too fucking long
Boring attack mechanics, all there is is divine weapons, slash, and bomb (which never works)
Too much fucking cutscenes and text
Voice acting is a non-existent force
No scripted sequences, ever.
Downright frustrating brush mechanics that never work even if you're on Wii.

 

[thevillageidiot13]

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic:

1. Dual wielding is so much more powerful than single-wielding, which makes the customization feel less deep.

2. Only two companions at a time. Why only two? Do you REALLY need seven guys to guard ONE ship while the other three go and fight the entire Sith Empire?

3. Plus the fact that, usually, you pick the same two means that you don't develop much of a relationship or friendship with all the other companions. Which isn't realistic. Because, really, YOU LIVE WITH THEM. You're going to get close to them. Period.

4. Half the party members are pretty much useless, so you never take them out anyway. Isn't the whole point of having 9 possible companions (making a total possible 81 combinations) so that you can mix and match parties depending on the situation you're going into?

5. A lot of the best gear makes you look like an idiot and you hate wearing it, so you end up wearing weaker gear just so that you dont feel like an idiot. I don't like this about a lot of RPGs.

6. The fact that you have to constantly switch out gear for stronger gear and your characters' appearance always changes as a result. I know that's a big part of RPG video games, but that's always pissed me off. Seriously, your precious lightsaber which you've fought through countless battles with: Would you give it away to your buddy Jedi just because you found another lightsaber in a box that does +2 damage? And would he REALLY want to stop using HIS lightsaber just because you gave him a slightly better one?

7. Part of me thought the plot twist was fucking-fucking-fucking awesome. The other part thinks it sucked. I spent the entire game trying to build my character's personality and make him more relatable to me, and then the plot twist just kinda tells you "no, that's not who you are." ITS MY FUCKING CHARACTER THAT I CREATED AND GAVE A PERSONALITY TO OVER THE COURSE OF THE GAME! DON'T GIVE HIM A BACKSTORY AFTER I'VE ALREADY PUT ONE TOGETHER IN MY IMAGINATION! (I know the whole "OMG" factor was kinda the whole POINT of the plot twist, but it wasn't delivered in a way where it was believable at all. It felt forced. A lot.)

8. A lot of the head-gear covers up your face. Which just pisses me off during dialogue.


Total: 8.

Reasonable

EDIT://

9. Combat is clunky and isn't fluid at all.

10. Sniper rifle has the same range as a blaster rifle, and only a SLIGHTLY higher critical-hit chance. Seriously, guys?

Edited total: 10

High standards?

 

[yanipheonu]

Persona 3 is wonderful, but why are all these guys so willing to join this random club that fights shadows? ANd they tend to not address several plotlines, they simply leave them hanging with no resolution. And the bosses tend to be too easy even though you spend so much time training to beat them. Plus the fact you couldn't control your party members sucked, though they fixed that in the Portable version. But then that version doesn't look nearly good, not to mention most of the animated cutscenes are missing, so I get torn between which version is better. I guess I could nitpick that the game is too linear and repetitive, but that's sorta the point, why would you pick up the game if you didn't want that?

It's still SO SO AWESOME though

 

[Ouroboros0977]

Blood Bowl: Legendary edition
1. Commentators, although awesome to hear 1st time, get repetitive, especially since they have a few for each race that is playing in the game which leads to you switching them off in campaign.
2. No Chaos Dwarves! Me wants Bull Centaur!
3. Playing Campaign leads your rookie team (rated 1000) against others who are quite experienced (rated 1300) leading to new players getting owned even on easy.
4. AI deciding that fouling your halflings is more important than victory leading to the rating gap increasing.
5. Why is this considered a different game to the original and not simply an expansion pack? L4D fans (inc. me) got it off easy. 'We are going to give you the full game... but it will cost you an extra £20 on top of your £30 you gave us for the original while new peeps get it for £30. Don't you feel glad you supported our efforts to rip you off?'

 

[Spycat]

Vampire: the Masquerade Bloodlines:

1. You need the unofficial patches to actually *play* the game.
2. The water effects are buggy as hell. Seriously, you couldn't fix this in *any* of the unofficial patches?!
3. The Natural History Museum level is nigh-impossible to complete stealthily without Obfuscate.
4. ...come to think of it, the stealth in the game is awkwardly implemented.
5. FUCKING WEIRD-ASS HEAD-RUNNER CTHULHU-MONSTER THINGIES JUMPING OUTTA NOWHERE.
6. The game was too awesome to have a sequel.

Alpha Protocol:

1. The. Fucking. DRM. Software. Is. CRAP.
2. The boss fights feel out-of-place.
3. It's kinda-sorta buggy in my case. Your mileage will vary.
4. There won't be a sequel.
5. Sis isn't romanceable.

Reasonable scores, in both cases.

 

[binvjoh]

Alpha Protocol:

1. The. Fucking. DRM. Software. Is. CRAP.
2. The boss fights feel out-of-place.
3. It's kinda-sorta buggy in my case. Your mileage will vary.
4. There won't be a sequel.
5. Sis isn't romanceable.

Reasonable scores, in both cases.

6. Enemy detection is a pretty cheap.
7. Weird glitch where all the menu sounds are replaced with a grunt (like someone getting killed) and my most recent save gets corrupted.

Romancing Sis would have been nice.

 

[MiracleOfSound]

Fallout 3:

5. Giant Radscorpions

pussy...

They honestly scare the shit out of me...

Those horrible clicking legs, clicking in my headphones around my ears (shudder)

What about the albino radscorpions?

Just as bad, with the added annoyance of them being bullet sponges.

 

[Tanto-chan]

Devil May Cry

1. The story is really thinly spread with the slightest of ties holding everything together.
2. A lot of the cutscenes are for bosses that just need killing a few times. (meaning that there's not a lot of story being told)
3. The boss battles are less about skill and more about how long it takes to chip away at the excessively long health bars.
4. The one female character has a major inability to make a dicision and stick with it. (regarding whenther or not she wants to be good or evil)
5. The final boss and ending feel lame in comparison to the growing tension throughout the game.
6. FIXED CAMERA ANGLES!!!! (for the most part sometimes it'll follow you but only rarely)
7. The one humanoid boss just so happens to be your long lost twin.
8. You get all sorts of cool weapons which you will never use (because the original sword and gun combo is the best for most situations)
9. Your 'experience' buys both your weapon upgrades as well as your recovery items.

... that's all i can think of right now.

 

[CptShiv]

Fire Emblem (All of them)
1.What the hell is up with the random number generator?
2.Why do pre-promotes almost always suck?
That's about it really.