Tales of Really Dumb Teammates

[The Funslinger]

I was playing Halo: Reach when this guy was on the enemy team. I watched him fire rockets at his own team, kill them, then attempt to pick up the flag they had stolen from us. In essence he took out the enemy team for us and saved us from loosing a flag.

In terms of Halo, I may be able to top this.

The year is 2009. Halo 3 is at its peak. My friend and I end up in a Team Rockets game on Narrows. We don't like rocket game types, and end up running up this sloping area on our side of the map. Invading enemies can't see us until it's too late and we pot shot them. This tactic works well throughout the game. The only time I died was when I was clutching my chest laughing from one hilarious incident. We were doing our thing, when one of our team mates (sounded like a bogstandard 30 year old American guy having a game, nothing amiss) is standing a few yards in front of our hiding spot. He gets charged by a couple of enemies. Me and my friend fire simultaneously and take both of them out before our comrade can come to any harm. Then this man, this paragon of intelligence, utters the greatest remark in the history of gaming:

"The rockets! The rockets are comin' outta the WALLS!"

 

[negimafan587]

Halo 2 fighting the two jetpack thingys as arbiter my bro wouldn't listen to me and just hide(cuz he sucks) and we both died multiple times. the end

 

[The Funslinger]

Well, either that, or people who kill teammates to get vehicles. May those bastards rot in the deepest, darkest circle of hell. There is no redemption for such a heinous act.

And when you're sniping (specifically a Halo problem here) and because they can't get over the fact you beat them to the sniper rifle, you aim, and they punch you so you come out of zoom. Your shields go back up, and they do it again, wash rinse, repeat. Cunts.

 

[Joshimodo]

I'd tell my tales of the incredible exploits of the retards I've ended up in matches with, but it'd be several hundred thousand words long. My ZP's and myself are constantly stuck with awful, stupid players in all online games.

 

[Stuntcrab]

APB Reloaded

We're on the horrible unbalanced defend VIP mission and as i'm firing the VIP jumps into my gunfire, dies, blames it on me, kicks me from the mission, then rages like tourettes guy on crack.

 

[TheTim]

Battlefield 3, when i'm tearing shit up in a tank and i get out to repair it because my idiot gunner isn't a engineer, then as soon as i'm done, he gets in the drivers seat and gets wrecked by an enemy tank.

 

[mb16]

Spoiler

This first one was on Chromehounds, at least a year ago. Now, I wasn't too sure on how to build a winning mech, but I'd come damn close. Assault rifles adorned the left and right sides of my track-based machine, and the roof was devoted to supporting this giant fucking cannon. It became something of a legend in our 'clan'. You had to be in teams in that game, right? Like...permanent ones. So, yeah, our 'clan'. Organisation. Team. Group. Gamer pool.
That cannon was my trademark.

So, anyhow, my brother acted Commander, and co-ordinated our movements. An opposing Hound headed in my direction, and my brother reported it as such. My team-mate nearby got the same idea I did, and turned to his left, whereas I turned to my right. He got the first shot off - an assault rifle round plinked against my armour.

Boom.

The cannon roared, and my poor team-mate limped away from the conflict after my brother started roaring "NO! YOU STUPID BASTARD! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!"

So ashamed of myself.


The other one takes place in Modern Warfare 3's Hardcore Kill Confirmed. It plays by Ricochet rules, so any damage you attempt to inflict on a team-mate is reflected on you. A nice idea, but painful in practice.
My brother made it his personal mission to run in front of our mutual friend's gun. I don't think he even realises when he's doing it, but he just KNOWS that perfect moment to stick his head between a bad guy and a gun barrel.

For a little while, I had Martyrdom as my death streak. I have Dead Man's Hand now, but this was then. That mutual friend insisted on squatting over my corpse and its live grenade, killing me on spawn.
Sometimes he'd sit next to my booby trapped care packages, and so I'd defend them more fiercely than I'd defend a regular care package, desperate for him to never have the satisfaction of killing me like that.

YAY chromehounds:

OT: oh i have had thousands; people leaving whilst in fully loaded choppers, guys jumping infront of me, tanks driving off whilst im healing them, friendlies headshotting me from the other side of the map.... etc, etc.

Me in Chromehounds
In chromehounds i normally played the commander, However in this particular game i was using a heavy tracked hound, covered in armour (literal), with 4 of the max damage cannons. The game started with the rest of my team set off going to the right, through an urban area. I however went to the left. At this point let it be known that i am a bit of a pyromaniac so i like blowing things up, including the giant gas tanks scattered around the map. On this occasion my team just so happened to be passing next to a few of these gas tanks..... It very quickly became me and one badly damaged ally VS the rest of the enemy team.

I when back to being a commander after that

 

[Ddgafd]

Every time I played Domination on Black Ops most of my team thought it was fucking TDM. Oh, can't forget BF:BC2. Every single game full of the useless Recon cunts who just sit on a hill and get killed while doing nothing for the team. You wanna know how to play Recon? Mortar spam and RDS on sniper rifles(I know what I said and I stand by it). It's so freaking easy and they're fucking it up!

 

[Dark Prophet]

TF2 don't know the name but the map with the ghosts and control point in the middle, we had to hold it for 10 mins, and let it be said I'm pretty nooby at TF2. So game begins I run to the point as heavy and capture it and hold it almost single handedly about 7 mins, I had help but not much, so some team mates call for medic, mostly other heavies and because they have now all gathered on the point I say OK and go change for medic if I come back everybody is dead and there are 2 enemy engineers with tier 2 turrets and some heavies and pyros on the point we never go over 8 mins of capture, everybody blames me.

 

[Gorilla Gunk]

Battlefield BC2

The tank is damaged, I run to heal it from the front and it reverses for 20 seconds and gets shot 2 more times and blows up then I die

All of my rage...

This. The amount of times I have tried to repair a friendly tank that's about to die and they just drive away. I mean cmon you can't seriously tell me you don't want me to 1) keep your powerful vehicle from blowing up and 2) therefore stopping it from killing you.

This happens to me so much that I've long since given up as playing an engineer.

Likewise, I've almost given up on playing as a medic because nobody will wait long enough for me to run over to them and revive them. Then again, that's more DICE's fault then theirs since unlike every other game with a medic class they made it so that there's really now way of knowing if a medic is coming to revive you. 95% when I get revived it's a complete surprise.

 

[A Weary Exile]

And I know you TF2 players have been in this scenario more than once:

You (On fire): Medic!
Medic: ...
You: Medic!
Medic: ...
You: *dies from fire*

 

[AetherWolf]

"GET IN THE BOAT," my AI-controlled Rochelle screams to three human players in L4D2, as she stands 2 feet outside the boat like a dumbfuck, seemingly waiting for the hoard to come after her and tear her to shreads. We decided to let he die and left her behind.


Video somewhat related.

 

[tmande2nd]

In LFD2:

I was playing a 4vs4 match and we just needed to get THREE survivors out on the finale.
I fell back and drew aggro by making myself an easy target for the horde.

Two team mates get onto the chopper and the third.....runs back for me WHEN I SCREAMED dont come back and keep running!
He died and we lost that round because of him.

Henceforth I called him Cap'n Dumbfuck for that and never let him live it down.
We would have won...he thought he could take on the entire horde to save me, when i told him to run.

Great so now its just Coach and Ellis left to repopulate the earth...good going.

 

[Reaper69lol]

Combat medics in team fortress 2. Do I really need to say more?

Actually, you do. As a one of my primaries is the medic, I can ENSURE YOU that no one protects me. The other team surely gets if I'm helping my squad to survive, they need to get me out of the game. What does my team do when I'm being batted, blasted, and bombed? "Dude. You suck. I need healing". If I explain more than twice that I can't heal them if they keep allowing the enemy team to kill me, I either go Combat Medic or I switch classes.

Protecting myself and healing others occasionally is a tactic that we Medics now adopted because the rest of the team made us. The enemies get that no medic should be left alive. Good for them. Everyone should do their job. But if it's the team's job to get to the goal, and I'm one of the factors... I'm a bit more important than their personal K/D ratio. I'm completely forgoing mine.

I personally like the statement that Combat Medics make; How sucky is it when I don't do my job? Keep me alive, I'll get you to your job.

My main is a medic and believe me I agree and know what you mean by saying "no one protects me." I get that a lot, as well as negative comments when they are not being healed when they cant even help me out just a little bit. Oh and constant medic yells when they are overhealed.

What I meant by "combat medics" are guys who exclusively only use their needle gun/Blutsauger and refuse to heal you.

Protecting yourself and healing others is the way to go, however only when you need to. Hell, I have 400 something kills on my S.Needle Gun and S.Ubersaw. Its just when people exclusively go combat meds and refuse to change class or heal, like at all. Thats when it ticks me off.

 

[OneOfTheMichael's]

Oh just recently I was playing WoW and joined with a random group who were at admiral ripsnarl in the deadmines (herioc) and saddly I was the only one there that spoke fluent english. I was very familiar with the bosses but they had no idea how to play it and blamed me for wiping the group by saying "Help Fercio" or "do damage ferico" (Ferico is my characters name). Amazingly we killed him but couldn't at all kill cookie and they just spamed the phrases above blaming me and saying "Stop eating" even though they didn't know that if you dont eat the bad food it piles up and you couldn't walk anywhere. So I just rage quited after a few tries because they were so stupid!

 

[CATB320]

I was playing Gears of War 3 on online co-op, and we were all up on a bridge/platform shooting at Locust beneath us. I got incapacitated and crawled over to my teammates. No one stopped what they were doing. At one point, I was right beside a teammate, and was still completely ignored. Then he started to move to the side, bumped into my near-corpse, and moved around me so he could keep shooting.

I mean all you have to do is push X.

EDIT: Playing as a healing class in online games is also terrible. (Even in D&D, no one gets health potions or heals themselves so all I get to do in a battle is cure all the light/serious wounds.) I was playing as a Monk in Guild Wars PvP and was running around the map, getting chased by assassins. When my teammates started dying they bitched about the "shitty heals," etc. When I pointed out that no one helped me out, someone was like, oh, OBVS you cast Guardian to keep them off you! Guardian (I think -- memory's a little hazy) made it so that for x amount of time, there was a 50% chance you'd take no damage from a hit. Yeah. Because surely that would have saved me.

 

[mortalsatsuma]

Oh, another thing that annoys me, playing Killing Floor as a medic, people call for me so I try to shoot them with my healing dart gun and they just will not stand still for even half a second so that I can heal them. Then they die. Then they have a go at me. Then I ragequit

 

[Fijiman]

Every person on my team sucks. When I'm doing badly.

It's usually either that your team sucks or the enemy team is being a bunch a laggy, cheating douchebags in cases like that.

I've been playing Dungeon Defenders lately and one of my friends can be really dumb. For instance, we were playing with another friend on one level when I got attacked by one of the assassins and even said so. Not a minute later he then says something like "Oh shit guys, there are assassins running around now." Thank you for the update captain oblivious.

 

[The Bum]

BF3, I was in an LAV-AD (an extremely powerful Anti-air and Infantry weapon), I hoped out to repair it. One of my so called "teammates" spawned on me, stole my LAV and promptly died. I was only sorry that the tosser lost my LAV when he died.