Teaching kids about homosexuality

[101flyboy]

You're sister is anti-gay and making excuses for why she thinks homosexuality is offensive.

 

[Talespinner]

The most healthy way for a child to learn about these things is to be around it and see that homos are EXACTLY like everyone else and that any sort of hype, fear or special attention is pointless and stupid.

If the family in question have no homosexual friends, relatives or acquaintances then it's most likely a concious choice to avoid those people. Homosexuals represent such a significant percentage of the population that you need to put some actual work into not knowing any. In that case the best approach would probably be to ignore the matter until it pops up (You see two men holding hands on the street or something) and then make sure to just comment on it as casually as possible.

Teaching special behaviour towards homosexuals is counter-productive no matter if you attempt to indoctrinate the kid with a positive or negative bias. In a world where information is everywhere the risks of a negative backlash makes grooming the thoughts, opinions and feelings of a child extremely unpredictable and even more unethical than it would've been 30 years ago.

Oh and:

If she later finds out she is indeed actually queer,.

Please don't use the word queer when talking about homosexuality. I find it offensive just use homosexual or gay, I see "queer" as a derogatory word.

"Queer" is commonly accepted as a term that describes a sexuality that's not exactly the vanilla hetero but also doesn't really fit into any of the "boxes". Some people may use it as a derogatory word but anything can be used as such if the intention is there. "Queer" is not only a commonly recognized term but also a really important one. To teach a child that they're either straight, homo or bi (50/50 split) will confuse the heck out of that kid once (s)he encounters people that are actually queer. Or even find him/herself to be.

I thought for a long time that I was gay (As in 100% homo) and the amount of confusion and frustration I felt when I fell for a girl but still were attracted exclusively to men, apart from her, was most unsettling. All my life (even in the gay culture) I'd just heard about the 3 "boxes". I never saw it coming that the definition of love and sex are not nearly as rigid as I had been told.

If I can save someone else from the crisis of identity I went through back then I'll consider it an important achievement in life.

 

[random_bars]

I couldn't be arsed to read through the whole 6 page discussion, just wanna throw this out there:

Kids don't develop a sexuality until their teens. Telling a 7 year old girl about the possibility of being attracted to other women instead of men, at a time when she still thinks boys are icky, could confuse her and give her mixed messages. Would you still be happy about being totally open and honest if your kid gets the wrong end of the stick and announces to you that they're gay, before they even reach the age where they'd consider ANYONE in a sexual way?

Not saying I have any evidence this would happen, it's just something that came to my mind.

 

[101flyboy]

I think there should be as less outside teaching over homosexuality as possible, if a person is homesexual then they should be able to come out as one without any external knowledge. I just don't believe kids should be taught about homosexuality at a young age.

So basically, LGBT teens should be left on their own with absolutely no help or possible advice. We should just raise an entire group of kids where they don't understand or acknowledge their potential same-sex attractions.

Yeah...................no.

 

[PoliceBox63]

Teaching them about it from an early age is the best way for them to accept is as a normal part of our society as they grow up, and thus become the members of a more tolerant society in the future.

 

[101flyboy]

I couldn't be arsed to read through the whole 6 page discussion, just wanna throw this out there:

Kids don't develop a sexuality until their teens. Telling a 7 year old girl about the possibility of being attracted to other women instead of men, at a time when she still thinks boys are icky, could confuse her and give her mixed messages. Would you still be happy about being totally open and honest if your kid gets the wrong end of the stick and announces to you that they're gay, before they even reach the age where they'd consider ANYONE in a sexual way?

Not saying I have any evidence this would happen, it's just something that came to my mind.

Since sexual orientation is not "created", these are false statements. Also, saying kids don't develop sexually until their teens, is false as well. Kids are developing sexually at 7 years old. Their immutable sexual attractions don't start fully emerging until early adolescence/early teen years.

Being gay/lesbian is not a "wrong end of the stick" or "confusion". There is nothing wrong in being non-heterosexual. Implying that there is, is offensive.

 

[thiosk]

Kids aren't supposed to learn about "what gets them off" at the age of 7.

They are supposed to learn very basic biology of where babies come from.

Whats next-- should toddlers be taught S&M techniques? Remember kids: make sure you can pronounce a safe word with a ball gag in your mouth!

 

[101flyboy]

No, I do not. I don't think homosexuality should be encouraged, unless it actually comes from the child itself, with as little as external influence as possible.

The same goes for the opposite- The kid will learn soon enough, and probably ask her parents about it- then they should tell her, naturally, as unbiased as they can. If she later finds out she is indeed actually queer, it would be better if she does not have any subconscious issues with it inherited from her parents.

But still, they should not be handled equally, as heterosexuality is still the norm- and the natural way to reproduce. If the children are gay, they will probably find it out themselves. The important thing is to then make sure they are neither ashamed or feel otherwise repressed.

No offense, but bullshit. Gay/lesbian teens need help too. Not secrecy or avoidance of their sexuality. They need HELP too, they need ADVICE, they need KNOWLEDGE. Not saying anything is essentially creating shame around their sexuality, which is a major source of the reason gay teens commit suicide.

Heterosexuality is the norm, and guess what, homosexuality is normal too. In fact, most kids have same-sex thoughts/encounters. And since it's a reality of life, it's not something that should be seen as abnormal. The only subconscious issues would be revolving around not being open or honest with the REALITIES of life.

 

[Jamous]

Maybe not go into specifics? But apart from that, go for it, methinks.

 

[101flyboy]

I don't think parents should shy away from talking about it but at the same time I wouldn't suggest mentioning it when having 'the talk'. It's something that kids will become curious about in time and that's when a parent should talk about it but including it in talking about straight relatonships might just confuse them.

Being gay is not confusion. It's a legitimate sexual orientation. It develops same as heterosexual attraction. Gay/lesbian teens are as worthy of understanding and being helped in figuring out their sexuality as straight teens, and all kids should understand the realities of life, otherwise THAT will create confusion.

 

[random_bars]

I couldn't be arsed to read through the whole 6 page discussion, just wanna throw this out there:

Kids don't develop a sexuality until their teens. Telling a 7 year old girl about the possibility of being attracted to other women instead of men, at a time when she still thinks boys are icky, could confuse her and give her mixed messages. Would you still be happy about being totally open and honest if your kid gets the wrong end of the stick and announces to you that they're gay, before they even reach the age where they'd consider ANYONE in a sexual way?

Not saying I have any evidence this would happen, it's just something that came to my mind.

Since sexual orientation is not "created", these are false statements. Also, saying kids don't develop sexually until their teens, is false as well. Kids are developing sexually at 7 years old. Their immutable sexual attractions don't start fully emerging until early adolescence/early teen years.

Being gay/lesbian is not a "wrong end of the stick" or "confusion". There is nothing wrong in being non-heterosexual. Implying that there is, is offensive.

I didn't mean that they'd turn gay or anything. All I meant is that they might believe that because of currently being at an age where they don't like boys, they could potentially think "oh, I'm gay then". Note here that I am not saying that them actually being homosexual is a bad thing in any way. What I'm saying is that there's the potential to cause them to think they're gay when they're a kid, then feel confused if they find they're not as they become teenagers and discover what their sexuality actually is. Would this happen realistically? No idea. It's just something I thought of.

 

[101flyboy]

No, I do not. I don't think homosexuality should be encouraged, unless it actually comes from the child itself, with as little as external influence as possible.

...or the kid might catch the gay?

You would be amazed how many people think they have a sexuality they indeed have not (at least that's what I firmly believe). I feel sorry for people under 18 who claim to be homosexual, as it's more often than not insecurity.

No, it's actually gay/lesbian teens who have come to terms with their sexuality, like straight teens. Not everyone is born to be straight, so therefore not just heterosexuality should be taught to children.

 

[ShadowsofHope]

Yes, they should absolutely be informed of both at the same time.
The way I see it, what's the fucking difference?

Its not like giving them information about something will make them more interested in it.
However, it has been proven over and over and over time after time after fucking time that withholding information makes something more interesting to people. We want to know why we're not being told something. Don't make a big deal out of this kind of thing, because it isn't a big deal.

And I'm sorry to OP, but your sister sounds like a bigot to me if she's trying to set heterosexuality up as the "norm". Because that is exactly what all of the bigots do, regardless of what they are prejudiced against: they set their own situation up as the "norm" and devalue everything else or at least whatever they deem to be the "opposite" or "abnormal".

This all stems from how I view the issue as a whole: it doesn't matter if sexuality is biology or if its a choice; neither case is a valid reason to deny someone their human rights.
And encouraging ignorance in children is a step towards encouraging bigotry and hatred in children.

But thats the point, isnt it? It all stems from how YOU view the issue. Which is fine, everyone has opinions. But his sister doesnt view it the same way, nor do I. How does that make it right to call us bigots? No, you didnt call me a bigot directly, but a blanket statement like that certainly includes me.

That all depends. Why do you view homosexuality with a negative connotation, personally?

I simply do not believe it is right, personally. However, I wouldnt treat anyone any differently because of it, just like I wouldnt treat anyone differently because of their skin color, or political differences, etc. etc. As per my earlier post, I believe in treating others how you want to be treated, and do so.

I understand that, but your justification is still one of irrationality. Why do you not believe it is right? What makes it "wrong"? What qualifications do you have to decide whether or not an individuals sexuality is "right" or "wrong"?

Also, opinions on this subject can be wrong. If you find homosexuality is wrong just.. because, then your opinion is quite frankly worthless. If you have a reasonable justification for why you would think so otherwise, then please do share.

Simply put, I was raised in a strongly christian home. So my beliefs are that its wrong. You live in your world, with your beliefs, and I live in mine. My children, that my wife and I are raising, feeding, loving, and caring for, are OUR children, and are being raised in our world. I will not teach them that it is wrong, I will let them make that decision on their own. However, I will teach them to treat people with respect, and I will teach them about sex when the time comes.

My children will be raised believing in the bible. My children will be raised to believe in God. My children will be raised to treat other people with respect. My children will be raised to respect the American Flag. They go to a school where they still say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag. This is my world, this is how I am raising my children, and I am very happy with that, and very content with that.

Fair enough. I do not believe anyone has said you could not do such, otherwise. While I disagree entirely on the "validity" of viewing sexuality through the lenses of the Bible (considering the time frame most of the authors wrote the ideals in), you are free to do as you wish. It is at least good to hear you are following the Golden Rule, in which so many of your faith tend to discard as soon as bigotry is convenient.

 

[Dags90]

I really don't get how telling children that "Some boys have boyfriends and some girls have girlfriends" is going to hurt them. I've never seen anything supporting the "telling kids about teh gays makes them gay/confused" and I wouldn't care if my kids were gay, anyway.

 

[101flyboy]

I'd say no. There's nothing wrong with parents talking about both, but not at the same time and heterosexuality first.

I wouldn't teach them both at the same time for the same reason I wouldn't try to teach the kid multiplication and division simultaneously with addition and subtraction. Let them get a firm grasp on the basic concept of sexuality first, then discuss differing instances.

The basic concepts of sexuality, includes homosexuality.

 

[101flyboy]

I think the reasons people have said for no are pretty good. For me it would depend entirely on the kid's surroundings. If, for example, I had a sibling that was gay and my kid grew up with a gay uncle/auntie, then I would think it was appropriate to explain homo and heterosexuality at the same time. If there's been little exposure so far, I'd probably wait a bit longer, but when the time came, explain it properly.

After all-

The kid will learn soon enough, and probably ask her parents about it- then they should tell her, naturally, as unbiased as they can. If she later finds out she is indeed actually queer, it would be better if she does not have any subconscious issues with it inherited from her parents.

Is a really good point. I'm pretty sure every teen wonders if they are (or could be gay) at some point, even if it's only for a moment followed by 'nah, there's no way!' And to even have the suspicion that that particular train of thought could have been brought on from the parents could be extremely damaging, whether it be implying that the parents are guiding them that way, or themselves being wary of it or something.

So I think I would wait until asked about it.

Kids don't "become" attracted to the same-sex. Parents don't turn kids gay. And yes, most kids have had same-sex thoughts. Homosexuality is open these days, it's all around them. It's a reality of life. Therefore, kids need to know what it is about, so that they can be somewhat knowledgeable when they potentially encounter these situations or feeling an attraction towards the same-sex. Not doing otherwise is making it seem as if homosexuality is abnormal or inappropriate, and that is offensive.

 

[loc978]

Seven's a little young to be talking about love and relationships. Biology, fine... but she's too young to develop sexuality.

 

[Rockchimp69]

No, I do not. I don't think homosexuality should be encouraged, unless it actually comes from the child itself, with as little as external influence as possible.

The same goes for the opposite- The kid will learn soon enough, and probably ask her parents about it- then they should tell her, naturally, as unbiased as they can. If she later finds out she is indeed actually queer, it would be better if she does not have any subconscious issues with it inherited from her parents.

But still, they should not be handled equally, as heterosexuality is still the norm- and the natural way to reproduce. If the children are gay, they will probably find it out themselves. The important thing is to then make sure they are neither ashamed or feel otherwise repressed.

I don't think OP means it should be "encouraged" rather that the child should be brought up with knowledge of homosexuality so that she won't have any pressure about coming it, should she realise she's gay.

 

[One of Many]

My pregnant sister has a 7 year old step-daughter who's in the process of learning about the birds and the bees. I was a little rattled to learn that my sister is only teaching her about hetrosexual relations, saying that it would be 'inappropriate' to tell her about homosexuality at such an early age as the step-daughter might discuss it at school and awkward phone calls from the teachers might follow. Since my sister is in a hetrosexual marriage she argued that it's what her step-daughter encounters on a daily basis, and thus is what she should be taught as the 'norm'.

Do you escapists think that children should be told about homosexuality and homosexual relationships at the same time as they're learning about straight relationships?

Well when I was taught about the birds and the bees, I was learning about how babies were made, not relationships. As far as I know, when a pair of homosexuals have a physical relationship, it doesn't end up producing a baby.

 

[101flyboy]

I couldn't be arsed to read through the whole 6 page discussion, just wanna throw this out there:

Kids don't develop a sexuality until their teens. Telling a 7 year old girl about the possibility of being attracted to other women instead of men, at a time when she still thinks boys are icky, could confuse her and give her mixed messages. Would you still be happy about being totally open and honest if your kid gets the wrong end of the stick and announces to you that they're gay, before they even reach the age where they'd consider ANYONE in a sexual way?

Not saying I have any evidence this would happen, it's just something that came to my mind.

Since sexual orientation is not "created", these are false statements. Also, saying kids don't develop sexually until their teens, is false as well. Kids are developing sexually at 7 years old. Their immutable sexual attractions don't start fully emerging until early adolescence/early teen years.

Being gay/lesbian is not a "wrong end of the stick" or "confusion". There is nothing wrong in being non-heterosexual. Implying that there is, is offensive.

I didn't mean that they'd turn gay or anything. All I meant is that they might believe that because of currently being at an age where they don't like boys, they could potentially think "oh, I'm gay then". Note here that I am not saying that them actually being homosexual is a bad thing in any way. What I'm saying is that there's the potential to cause them to think they're gay when they're a kid, then feel confused if they find they're not as they become teenagers and discover what their sexuality actually is. Would this happen realistically? No idea. It's just something I thought of.

OK, thanks for the clarification. I don't think that actually happens, since, as you say, when their start discovering their true sexual identity, that is what they are going to connect to. Simply saying "some girls like girls, some girls like guys", that alone won't lead a kid into actually thinking "I'm a lesbian." Kids........no offense, they aren't *that* smart. They aren't going to connect A+B=C in that sort of way, since they obviously don't really understand sexuality past the basics, or at least one would think that's all they should know at 7. Once they mature, then that's when obviously, they'll start to realize their true sexuality, and from there you continue to guide that child in an appropriate ways.