tell me a joke......
- Thread starter jonny bhoy
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Sigel said:
You do [ spoiler] blahblahblah [/ spoiler]
Without the space
This might be offensive to some people i've been told so I will spoiler it:|
There was a Scottish man English man and Irishman on a plane. The place was crashing but there was only 1 parachute, the irishman said I will jump for ireland so he jumped out of the plane, and then the scotsman said For Scotland and pushed the Englishman out of the plane(sorry that was terrible I barely remembered it)
A man walks into a bar and orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The man replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Ireland, the other in Australia, and I'm here in America. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The man becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The man looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."
The man becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The man looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."
This uses strong language. Don't read if easily offended.
A ten year old kid is visiting with his grandparents. One day as he sits on the porch with his Grandfather the kid says
"Grandpa, can we go to a strip bar?"
And the grandfather asks him
"Can your dick touch you ass?"
and the kid said "no"
so the grandfather said "Then your too young".
The next fay the kid is sitting on the porch eating cookies, and his grandfather asks
"Oh, can i have one?"
And the kid looked at his grandfather and said
"Can your dick touch your ass?"
And the grandfather proudly says
"Yes".
So as quick as a whip, not missing a single beat the kid said
"Then go fuck yourself old man. These cookies are mine."
"Grandpa, can we go to a strip bar?"
And the grandfather asks him
"Can your dick touch you ass?"
and the kid said "no"
so the grandfather said "Then your too young".
The next fay the kid is sitting on the porch eating cookies, and his grandfather asks
"Oh, can i have one?"
And the kid looked at his grandfather and said
"Can your dick touch your ass?"
And the grandfather proudly says
"Yes".
So as quick as a whip, not missing a single beat the kid said
"Then go fuck yourself old man. These cookies are mine."
errr dont read this one...
whats the difference between a truck full of sand and a truck full of dead babys?
cant unload a truck full of sand with a pitch fork
whats the difference between a truck full of sand and a truck full of dead babys?
cant unload a truck full of sand with a pitch fork
Q:What's long hard and full of semen?jonny bhoy said:as the title says tell me a joke. The funniest joke wins a cookie
A: A submarine.
Two man are walking through a forest.
Man 1: We've been this way before.
Man 2: How do you kmow?
Man 1: I sat here and waited for you to come back round
A man walks into a bar. Ouch.
Knock knock
Whose there?
The interupting duck?
The interupt... QUACK!
The only other good jokes I know are racist.
but those are the best ones!letsnoobtehpwns said:
heres another of my favorites
what do you call it when you break a babys jaw? deepthroat
how do you get 5 dead babys into a tupperware container? use a blender
how do you get them out? nachos!
Gotta post this, the only Chuck Norris joke to ever make me chuckle. Otherwise I think they are all stupid.
Before turning out the lights and going to sleep, the Boogieman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Before turning out the lights and going to sleep, the Boogieman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
what do you call it when you break a babys jaw? deepthroat
how do you get 5 dead babys into a tupperware container? use a blender
how do you get them out? nachos! [/quote]
Dude, you got some issues.
how do you get 5 dead babys into a tupperware container? use a blender
how do you get them out? nachos! [/quote]
Dude, you got some issues.
-Knock, knock.
-Who's there?
-Ieatmap
-Ieatmap who?
-Haha, you eat your poo?
...It's not the same when it's written.
-Who's there?
-Ieatmap
-Ieatmap who?
-Haha, you eat your poo?
...It's not the same when it's written.
Actually you do.MaxTheReaper said:
Okay here's a joke that many Jaffa tell:
A Serpent guard, a Horus guard, and a Setesh guard meet on a neutral planet.
It is a tense moment. The Serpent guard's eyes glow. The Horus guard's beak glistens.
The Setesh guard's nose drips...