tell me some bad jokes

[badgersprite]

Your mother is so fat, she has to wear large clothing.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, why the long face? The horse says, "My wife just died."

What do you call a man having a heart attack? An ambulance, preferably.

Is your refrigerator running? Cool, mine's broken. Mind if I store some stuff there?

 

[What890]

Why did the mathematician get arrested?

Because he killed his wife...

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I would tell you a chemistry joke,

but all the good ones Argon.

 

[wolf92]

A man walks into a bar and says "ow"

 

[Timberwolf0924]

a guy runs up to me and says "I'm a Wig-wam, I'm a Tee-pee, I'm a Wig-wam, I'm a Tee-pee, I'm a Wig-wam, I'm a Tee-pee," I said 'calm down man, you're two tents

 

[MagnificentFiend]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

To.

To who?

To whom.

 

[The_Amazing_G]

How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
one.

 

[Captain__Cookies]

Lets all face it lads, Gadaffis death was a dead sirte!

That's got to be the only pun on the name of a Libyan town, you should be Tripoli proud of it.

 

[The_Amazing_G]

A panda walks into a bar and orders a sandwich for lunch. the panda finishes his meal, thanks the bartender, then takes out a revolver and shoots the guy next to him. The bartender cries, "What the hell! Why would you do that??!" the panda says "I'm a panda. Look it up." and then leaves. The bartender looks in the dictionary under panda and this is what he finds: "panda- eats, shoots, and leaves."

 

[me.vicky]

Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left 'Nam. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boys' faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now.

Sometimes Six still hears Ten's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Nine's cigarettes. Nine always had a pack of Luckys on him. But the boys are gone now... Six knows that. It's - it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that Seven looks at him...it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there...in the jungle...in the darkness.

Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

 

[nonl33t m4st3r]

Ever had Ethiopian food?


Neither have they!

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

A tortoise gets mugged by three snails on the way home.

He reports it to the police, but couldn't give any details as it happened too fast.

Three tomatoes in a cupboard, which one's John Wayne?

None, they're all redskins.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

A man walks into a bar and says "ow"

The Heavy walks into bar. Bar goes ow.

If you weigh a whale at a whale-weigh station, where do you weigh a pie?

Somewhere over the rainbow...weigh a pie.

 

[bloopblerp]

How many potato does it take to kill an Irish family?

zero

 

[jhlip]

A guys walks into a bar, sees a jar full of money. Asks the bartender how he could get it. Bartender tells him to go out back and make the horse laugh. Guy does it and gets the money. Month later, same guy, same bar and the jar is refilled. Guy asks what he needs to do to get it a second time. Bartender tells him to go out back and make the horse cry. Guy does. Bartender pissed off and asks how the hell he did it. Guy replies, to make the horse I told him I had a bigger dick than him, to make him cry I proved it.

 

[Pyrignis]

A man with a hunchback is going home from a night of heavy drinking in his favorite pub
He decides to take a short cut through a cemetery.
Walking through the cemetery, he regrets his decision.
Suddenly, he hears a voice: "What do you have there on your back?"
The man replies: "W-w-well, it's a-a hunchback
"Here with that hunchback!"
The man suddenly lost his hunchback.
He ran back, as fast as he could to his friends in the pub and told them his story.
Another man in the pub had a limp leg, and liked to get rid of it, too.
So he walked over the cemetery and he too heard the voice.
"What do you have there on your back?"
"...nothing?"
"Here, have a hunchback!"
/thatsthejoke

 

[jhlip]

Edit: Accidental double post. Sorry about that guys.

 

[Yugeky20]

What walks on four legs, then two and finally three? A baby when ypou cut two legs off and give it a crutch. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

 

[Saulkar]

What is worse than ten babies nailed to a tree?
A babie nailed to ten trees.

Do you know what I want to happen when I kick the bucket?
When I die bury me
Then hang my balls in a cherry tree
When their ripe take a bite
But don't blame me if they were licked last night.

 

[ThaBenMan]

A man goes into a bar. He has a dog with him. The dog is wearing an eye patch. The man says to the bartender, "Ask me about my dog." Unfortunately, the bartender does not hear him, because he went deaf in one ear as a child. He serves a woman at the other end of the bar. When he comes around to the man with the dog again, the man orders an imported beer. He forgets what he was going to say about the dog.