TEST: Are you a guy or a man? (Females welcome to take test and comment )
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1) Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:
D) Use it to start my own energy company, knowing full well that if I give it to any one else it will be burred to protect the massive energy profits of the current conglomerates.
2) As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
D) Pop tarts
3) When is it okay to kiss another male?
D) When your gay and in love?
4) What about hugging another male?
D) Right before the mutual man man sodomy starts.
5) Complete this sentence: A funeral is a good time to......
D) Desecrate a corps.
6) In your opinion, the ideal pet is
D) Gold Fish
7) You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy - you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers - when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together, What do you say?
D)Start crying like a little girl until goes away.
8) Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her - sharing the joys and the sorrows, the triumphs and the tragedies, and all the adventures and opportunities that the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
D)Pee it into the snow in front of her house.
9) One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:
D)"Why cant you ask there real father to do it?"
10) When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
D) Underwear is for pussies.
11) What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?
D)Probably because it's a fable that was made up by people who really didnt know the desert that well and had this concept of it's scale. I mean this is in a time period where people seldom traveled more then a few miles outside where they where born. So even a reasonably small desert could take on a mythic scale to people who never actually bothered to cross it.
12) What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
D) ME!
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All jackassory aside. This test is just downright biased. Your questions make some presupposed assumptions about the audience. One, when is it OK to kiss a man? C'mon, homophobic much? I thought we climbed this hurdle a long time ago. Your questions regarding religion also presuppose certain things, like that your audience is Christian or Jewish... you know, because no Buddhist, Muslim or Atheist would ever read this test. Or maybe they just dont mater enough to take this test. I mean, dont get me wrong, I get it... you cant do this kind of test with out presupposing things, the options are just to limited, which is why these things tend to rely on cartoonish stereotypes, which your test doesnt actually do.
Unless of course, your actually posting this from the perspective of a cartoonish stereotype, making fun of the sort of people who believe that any real person falls into a very narrow definition, that is always inevitably wrong. Maybe this whole thing is a satire... In which case. Good show.
D) Use it to start my own energy company, knowing full well that if I give it to any one else it will be burred to protect the massive energy profits of the current conglomerates.
2) As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
D) Pop tarts
3) When is it okay to kiss another male?
D) When your gay and in love?
4) What about hugging another male?
D) Right before the mutual man man sodomy starts.
5) Complete this sentence: A funeral is a good time to......
D) Desecrate a corps.
6) In your opinion, the ideal pet is
D) Gold Fish
7) You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy - you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers - when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together, What do you say?
D)Start crying like a little girl until goes away.
8) Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her - sharing the joys and the sorrows, the triumphs and the tragedies, and all the adventures and opportunities that the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
D)Pee it into the snow in front of her house.
9) One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:
D)"Why cant you ask there real father to do it?"
10) When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
D) Underwear is for pussies.
11) What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?
D)Probably because it's a fable that was made up by people who really didnt know the desert that well and had this concept of it's scale. I mean this is in a time period where people seldom traveled more then a few miles outside where they where born. So even a reasonably small desert could take on a mythic scale to people who never actually bothered to cross it.
12) What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
D) ME!
-----------
All jackassory aside. This test is just downright biased. Your questions make some presupposed assumptions about the audience. One, when is it OK to kiss a man? C'mon, homophobic much? I thought we climbed this hurdle a long time ago. Your questions regarding religion also presuppose certain things, like that your audience is Christian or Jewish... you know, because no Buddhist, Muslim or Atheist would ever read this test. Or maybe they just dont mater enough to take this test. I mean, dont get me wrong, I get it... you cant do this kind of test with out presupposing things, the options are just to limited, which is why these things tend to rely on cartoonish stereotypes, which your test doesnt actually do.
Unless of course, your actually posting this from the perspective of a cartoonish stereotype, making fun of the sort of people who believe that any real person falls into a very narrow definition, that is always inevitably wrong. Maybe this whole thing is a satire... In which case. Good show.
I get the feeling a lot of people responding in this thread don't know who Dave Barry is, or that this is not so much a test as it is a comedic illustration of the differences between "men" and "guys". I don't think I'd seen this one previously though, so I got a good chuckle out of it (especially the line about the Heimlich maneuver).
Question 4 is a bullshit question. Who the fuck is Dave Barry and did he intend this to be serious. If not then fair do's this was okay, but if he was serious, then he is doucebag incarnate.
......
Ain't that the truth.zipzod said:
But that would mean that a "guy" falls outside. So they are free to not choose or obey? (And be completely fucking useless to absolutely everybody or anything including themselves?)
With a 4th answer scoring 0 points, I think I made around 17.
[sub]What an asshole.[/sub]
I didn't get anything. A 0.
It's very biased, and this says the men are total pricks. if a man is an idiot, I do not want to be one then.
It's very biased, and this says the men are total pricks. if a man is an idiot, I do not want to be one then.
I'm female and scored "1" on this test (I said Moses was too lazy to ask for direction). All in all, this test is rather hilarious (and I must say the "veteran underwear" question was certainly "apropos"... =D ), although the "manly man" answer were glaringly obvious. A fun little quiz, though!
Two points for me, yay.2fish said:
As a side note OP, I think you need to add an edit for people unable to grasp that you don't want to score highly in this test; that, in fact, a score of zero is best and 16, the highest, is worst (in the eyes of this test). 0 = Man, 16 = Guy with a sliding scale, femininity doesn't enter it.