You know the one. The one that thinks he's funny and well-read, and that by quoting Mock the Week or whatever such shit that WAS funny when it was on the TV a week ago thinks he's seeming on the pulse of current affairs. He thinks he's so edgy and funny when he makes pointless, straight-up-wrong comments to people. I have one such friend.
He's a complete and utter idiot. Unfunny in every respect. Makes the very concept of watching shows that you like repugnant because he also likes them and you know that the next time you see them you'll get that "*Sigh*, not this shit again" feeling in your stomach when he quotes it over and over and you just want to interrupt him and say he's being a complete tool.
Somehow or other, he stays within your circle of friends, though. He's rude, annoying, insensitive and generally assholish to the people around him. Intolerant of people's beliefs and views, and seems to have gotten this idea into his irritating, warped mind that he IS smart, that he IS funny, and he's above everyone else despite his complete lack of ability to show anything that could possibly constitute any level of coherence or intelligence in his sentences.
He starts arguments on shitty, stupid premises and thinks he's being oh-so hilarious when he points out obvious flaws in things that everybody else with an IQ beyond cretin level around him noticed and discarded when they saw it. He can't take a joke about himself personally but enjoys doling out unnecessary insults to the people around him. And when he's not being a douchebag around you in real life, making you feel personally embarrassed due to the fact that people associate him with you or making you look like an arsehole by insulting people you want to make a positive impression on, he's fucking well talking to you online.
You get home after a hard day at school or work or whatever it is you do, hoping to relax, kick back, listen to some music and talk to your actual friends and hey-ho, you get that ever-so-familiar MSN message sound accompanied by the dreadful sight of his stupid, unfunny screen-name with some pointless YouTube fad video you saw back when it was popular two damn years ago. Then he just doesn't stop. You get message after message after message from him concerning whatever superfluous observation he just made of some TV show he hates but continues watching for utterly no reason but to give him more things to message you about or sends you links to sites you don't want to view and somehow still thinks he's being funny by spamming you with porn videos.
Then, you go onto a game, hoping that he'll stop when he sees the change in your status on whatever you're doing. But, lo and behold the torture doesn't stop. He also has that game, and just has to want to play it with you. He sends you more in-game messages asking you to come and play with him until you eventually give in and do so. And God forbid if he has a microphone because you know you'll just have to spend the next half hour listening to him make banal complaints about the game and all that gameplay entails. Eventually, just to get away from it, you claim that you've gotten bored when, in fact, you're just itching to get some me-time on the game by yourself or with some proper friends you actually want to play the game with. So, you leave the game, log off and go back to just browsing the web. He stays on the game a couple of minutes to make it look like he wasn't just playing the game to be with you, and then also leaves and resumes the never-ending onslaught of useless messages over whatever IM service you care to mention.
He proceeds to start making jokes about religion because, of course, he thinks he's being trendy, hip and edgy by being one of those annoying atheists who can't just not believe in religion, but have to go around constantly raping your ears about how much bullshit it is and how much nonsense the religious people are spewing. After he makes some shitty, badly-thought out jibes at the expense of some theistic belief or another (some of them literally can be just "(insert) is stupid") he then proceeds to go on to complaining about politics, with which he holds utterly no interest and has no political motivations whatsoever. After he's done filling your ears with the "latest" (read: three-year-old political news that he just got from a Mock the Week rerun on Dave) hilarity from the world of high-powered political movements he then proceeds to say how shit the government is and how he'd rather someone else was in charge. He then tops it off with how he's not going to vote, making you wonder why he just did a whole massive spiel about politics if he literally holds utterly no interest in it and would rather not even attempt to have a say in the way the country's governed.
You go onto Facebook and noticed he'd made some badly-thought-out "insults" on people's pages (I once had one where he said "HEY THERE I HEARD CHRISTIANS DON'T BELIEVE IN GRAVITY OH I LOST MY PAPER PLANE IT FLEW OFF", not in those exact words but with the same level of utter stupidity on his part as to beliefs) which are mostly either wrong or at least incredibly subversive of the original topic to the point of inanity. You contemplate whether or not to claim you're going off and set your status to offline, but you realise he's experienced in the field of guessing whether you're actually gone and give up. You put up with his useless wittering for a few hours while just trying to enjoy your precious free time, and eventually you just give out a long sigh and snap. You just say to him "I'm going now, bye". You press the power button because actually navigating the menus would mean having to put up with his presence a few more mind-raping seconds.
The screen goes blank and you turn on your TV or read a book. You don't have to deal with him any more.
You feel your pocket vibrate and realise you have a text. Guess who.
Anyone who genuinely just read through that is either incredibly bored or actually can sustain extended exposure to wall of text. They have my respect. I don't have anything against you for skipping past my behemoth rant there, it hurts my eyes when I look at it.
Oh, a discussion topic would help - friends who irritate you.
[HEADING=1] Now with paragraphs! [/HEADING]
He's a complete and utter idiot. Unfunny in every respect. Makes the very concept of watching shows that you like repugnant because he also likes them and you know that the next time you see them you'll get that "*Sigh*, not this shit again" feeling in your stomach when he quotes it over and over and you just want to interrupt him and say he's being a complete tool.
Somehow or other, he stays within your circle of friends, though. He's rude, annoying, insensitive and generally assholish to the people around him. Intolerant of people's beliefs and views, and seems to have gotten this idea into his irritating, warped mind that he IS smart, that he IS funny, and he's above everyone else despite his complete lack of ability to show anything that could possibly constitute any level of coherence or intelligence in his sentences.
He starts arguments on shitty, stupid premises and thinks he's being oh-so hilarious when he points out obvious flaws in things that everybody else with an IQ beyond cretin level around him noticed and discarded when they saw it. He can't take a joke about himself personally but enjoys doling out unnecessary insults to the people around him. And when he's not being a douchebag around you in real life, making you feel personally embarrassed due to the fact that people associate him with you or making you look like an arsehole by insulting people you want to make a positive impression on, he's fucking well talking to you online.
You get home after a hard day at school or work or whatever it is you do, hoping to relax, kick back, listen to some music and talk to your actual friends and hey-ho, you get that ever-so-familiar MSN message sound accompanied by the dreadful sight of his stupid, unfunny screen-name with some pointless YouTube fad video you saw back when it was popular two damn years ago. Then he just doesn't stop. You get message after message after message from him concerning whatever superfluous observation he just made of some TV show he hates but continues watching for utterly no reason but to give him more things to message you about or sends you links to sites you don't want to view and somehow still thinks he's being funny by spamming you with porn videos.
Then, you go onto a game, hoping that he'll stop when he sees the change in your status on whatever you're doing. But, lo and behold the torture doesn't stop. He also has that game, and just has to want to play it with you. He sends you more in-game messages asking you to come and play with him until you eventually give in and do so. And God forbid if he has a microphone because you know you'll just have to spend the next half hour listening to him make banal complaints about the game and all that gameplay entails. Eventually, just to get away from it, you claim that you've gotten bored when, in fact, you're just itching to get some me-time on the game by yourself or with some proper friends you actually want to play the game with. So, you leave the game, log off and go back to just browsing the web. He stays on the game a couple of minutes to make it look like he wasn't just playing the game to be with you, and then also leaves and resumes the never-ending onslaught of useless messages over whatever IM service you care to mention.
He proceeds to start making jokes about religion because, of course, he thinks he's being trendy, hip and edgy by being one of those annoying atheists who can't just not believe in religion, but have to go around constantly raping your ears about how much bullshit it is and how much nonsense the religious people are spewing. After he makes some shitty, badly-thought out jibes at the expense of some theistic belief or another (some of them literally can be just "(insert) is stupid") he then proceeds to go on to complaining about politics, with which he holds utterly no interest and has no political motivations whatsoever. After he's done filling your ears with the "latest" (read: three-year-old political news that he just got from a Mock the Week rerun on Dave) hilarity from the world of high-powered political movements he then proceeds to say how shit the government is and how he'd rather someone else was in charge. He then tops it off with how he's not going to vote, making you wonder why he just did a whole massive spiel about politics if he literally holds utterly no interest in it and would rather not even attempt to have a say in the way the country's governed.
You go onto Facebook and noticed he'd made some badly-thought-out "insults" on people's pages (I once had one where he said "HEY THERE I HEARD CHRISTIANS DON'T BELIEVE IN GRAVITY OH I LOST MY PAPER PLANE IT FLEW OFF", not in those exact words but with the same level of utter stupidity on his part as to beliefs) which are mostly either wrong or at least incredibly subversive of the original topic to the point of inanity. You contemplate whether or not to claim you're going off and set your status to offline, but you realise he's experienced in the field of guessing whether you're actually gone and give up. You put up with his useless wittering for a few hours while just trying to enjoy your precious free time, and eventually you just give out a long sigh and snap. You just say to him "I'm going now, bye". You press the power button because actually navigating the menus would mean having to put up with his presence a few more mind-raping seconds.
The screen goes blank and you turn on your TV or read a book. You don't have to deal with him any more.
You feel your pocket vibrate and realise you have a text. Guess who.
Anyone who genuinely just read through that is either incredibly bored or actually can sustain extended exposure to wall of text. They have my respect. I don't have anything against you for skipping past my behemoth rant there, it hurts my eyes when I look at it.
Oh, a discussion topic would help - friends who irritate you.
[HEADING=1] Now with paragraphs! [/HEADING]
