The Escapist Advice Thread

[Not G. Ivingname]

Drink MOAR. The only way to become better at something is practice, practice, PRACTICE! Drink enough in one night, you will be able to drive in NASCAR completely plastered, operate heavy machinery after 12 beers, and fly airplanes without a day of flight school!

Dear escapist, I am in a bathroom covered with blood and a body is lying on the ground. What should I do?

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Hide the body in the trashcan and blend into the background of the stall

Dear Escapist, how can I be a better poster?

 

[Scde2]

Use all caps and make your posts pretty colors.

Dear Escapist, how can I lose 10 more pounds to reach my target weight?

 

[Kae]

Well I think your legs should weigh 10 ponds more or less, I recommend amputating them.

Dear Escapist how can I have better memory?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: Hit you head with this

Dear the Escapist, am I suppose to throw the pin or the grenade?

 

[VanQ]

Throw both. Can't go wrong, can you?

Dear Escapist, should I go play some games or continue to waste time on internet forums?

 

[scorptatious]

Go play Sonic 06. Fantastic game. *wink* *wink*

Dear Escapist, I think I see a UFO heading towards my direction. What should I do?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Spoiler: Shout and scream! Get their attention! YOU CAN BE THE ONE TO LEAD HUMANITY TO A NEW AGE OF PEACE AND PROSPERITY!

Dear escapist, I find scorptatious's image to adorable. How do I get back my man card?

 

[MrCollins]

Go punch a woman in the face, domestic abuse is SUPER-Manly (The "super" is too pronounced as Franky does in the japanese version of one piece)

Dear Escapist, I don't really know much about Anime, how can I learn more?

 

[Dr.Susse]

Go to a anime forum and say it sucks. You will get more information about it than you will need.

Dear Escapist how do I post here when I don't have the Internet during the week?

 

[MrCollins]

Go to every single thread and quadruple post, that way, on average, you will still be posting the same amount.
Or go insult a mod, you will get suspended and couldn't post even if you had internet.
O carrier pigeons.

Dear Escapist, how do I make plans for Easter?

 

[MrCollins]

Sit down and think about it.

Dear Escapist, how do I finish my assignments faster.

I object to this post. That is good advice, I demand only the most terrible of advice!!

OT: Plagiarize!!

Dear Escapist, how do I make money quickly and legally?

 

[MrCollins]

In order to improve your concentration, you wear glasses. Everyone knows they add +2 to concentration and +5 to intelligence.

Dear Escapist, how can I make problems for myself so I can contribute to this thread?

 

[thesilentman]

You make problems for your- DOESN'T FRUCKING COMPUTE.

Dear Escapist, how do I be less cynical?

 

[Dr.Susse]

Become almost over aggressively passive.

Dear Escapist I think I'm allergic to grass what should I do?

 

[Fractral]

Allergies are all in the mind. You need to get over what is quite obviously in fact an irrational fear of grass, by eating copious amounts of it. I hear it tastes good with chutney.

Dear Escapist, how do I win at dwarf fortress?

 

[MrCollins]

Winning at the game "Dwarf fortress" is pointless, you should win at real life dwarf fortress:
Step 1: Capture large amounts of midgets.
Step 2: Buy a chateau in the Loire Valley of France
Step 3: Purchase a mining permit for the land next to the chateau
Step 4: Force the midget to mine all day.
Step 5: Rule over them as a "benevolent" dictator.
step 6: Profit.

Dear Escapist, how do I stop my compulsion to scratch my nose?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Chop it off.

Dear the escapist, how do I stop procastinating everything I do?