The Escapist Advice Thread

[scorptatious]

Eh, I'll help you tomorrow.

Dear person who has an account on this website dedicated to gaming, I feel depressed. What should I do?

 

[thesilentman]

Be less depressed and play a game you like.

Dear Escapist, how do I manage my limitless anger today?

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

PUNCH SMALL CHILDREN! They make the best stress release!

Dear the Escapist, me and four other people are going on a long wagon train through the unexplored Western United States to get rich in the mountains of gold hidden there. What should I buy for the six month journey?

 

[Dr.Susse]

All of the Anti-dysentery pills you can.

Dear Escapist I'm worried that I'm alienating myself. What should I do?

 

[PsychicTaco115]

De-alienate yourself by playing more XCOM: Enemy Unknown

Dear Escapist, how do I tell a friend I like her?

 

[Dr.Susse]

Well Vincent Van Gough cut off his ear and posted it to a girl. Try that.

Dear Escapist may radio isn't working is there a problem with my Internet?

 

[thesilentman]

Radio and Internet do not have anything to do with other.

I need a faster computer without paying money. What to do?

 

[Dr.Susse]

Look into buying a raido.

Should I go and see a band that I've never heard of?

 

[thesilentman]

If you like the genre, go ahead.

Dog? Cat? Fish? Which pet would give me the least amount of hassle?

 

[MrCollins]

Those pets are for pussies, get a LIGER, those are badass.

Dear Escapist, what percentage of my income should I spend on games?

 

[thesilentman]

2%. Saving money is king.

Which progressive rock artist has the best concept albums?

 

[username sucks]

The madman living inside your ear.

How do I SCIENCE?

 

[Dr.Susse]

Just start throwing different elements together and wait for a BOOM, Splat or Nobel prize.

Dear Escapist I can't quit alcohol what should I do?

 

[MrCollins]

Take up heroine instead, you'll see, you won't even be able to think of alcohol.

Dear Escapist, how do I learn to count?
there is a certain count is wish to replace

 

[thesilentman]

Cards? Go learn how to cheat in poker.

Dear Escapist, how do I internet smack someone?

 

[PsychicTaco115]

You put your hand really close to the screen and yell "SMACKA DAT FOOL!"

Dear Escapist, how can I be a good vigilante in society?

 

[username sucks]

Nuke the city. It is now crime-free!

Dear Escapist, how do I make a pizza?

 

[scorptatious]

Go find the Heavy, he did teach you how to make "sandvich".

Dear Escapist, my toast is burnt. What do I do?

 

[thesilentman]

Use it to kill flies and make another toast. First world problems my ass...

Dear Escapist, I have a seminar tomorrow. How do I get prepared?

 

[MrCollins]

Screw your seminar, don't prepare. When your professor asks you why you haven't done it, just blame Kross. That always works.

Dear Escapist, how can I increase my typing speed?