The Feminine Female

[Doctor What]

So far, all the girls I've dated have been really girly girly. Except for one. That one being the only one who never cheated on me.

I'm done with girly girls. They all have issues and are bitches. Tomboys, here I come.

But damn, do I love sun dresses with a fiery passion.

 

[lostzombies.com]

Maybe you (like me) find the traditional 'lady' attractive, and equate that with the types of clothes you described?

For example I don't like the type of girl who goes out with a gang of her mates, falls out of a taxi onto her knees and vomits onto the floor while trying to put her fake tits back into her top and then rejoin the wolfpack and stumble into the next bar/club shouting like they are at a football match.

This is how a lot of girls near me (Northern English city)tend to behave all weekend, then spend the week waiting to do it all again.

So I find quiet and sensitive girls more attractive/ladylike.

---

Nb, most males are like the above example near me too- 'players' who get hammered, vomit everywhere then get into a fight/drunken shag. So it's not a gender specific theme.

 

[blah_ducks]

Hmm the thing about skirts (and this could easily just be me watching copious amounts of anime) is that I personally always feel paranoid when I'm wearing one. All it takes is a strong gust of wind then -BOOM- panties for all to see. Plus, if you sit with your legs apart (which I normally do) -BOOM- panties for all to see. It just adds possible unwanted attention to my lady bits and I don't want to deal with that. ^_^;

In my opinion, I like people who are a mix of masculinity and femininity, it just makes people more interesting that way. I'm regarded as a very masculine female, but that doesn't mean I don't have feminine traits. Really, as long as there is a little from either side, it's for the best.

 

[LHZA]

I think there is nothing wrong with you voicing your preference and you did so in a respectful manner. I'm not sure I agree with your definition of femininity, but whatever. My biggest contention is you seemed to associate femininity with a certain appearance and there is more to being feminine then just how you look but I'm not upset over it. And yes, less woman then before match your description, at least where I live. I don't know of any girls who wear scrunchies.

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

My mom actually accused me of being gay because I'm "not feminine enough," so I assume feminine is however I don't act. I wear tee shirts and jeans, no make up, spend no time on my hair, and am a carpenter/mason.

However, one of the only actual lesbians I know gets manicures and pedicures on a weekly basis, has perfect hair and make up, and I've only ever seen her wearing skirts or dresses.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that thinking you can tell how a person acts based on who they're attracted to is a load of garbage.

Sorry, I just needed to get that rant out.

Well I could hardly blame you for not showing up in feminine clothes for that job. ^_~

I remember one time I was working on a masonry project with my class (as of now, I'm a student in a residential construction management program), and got a bunch of mortar in my hair. Mortar is horrible for your hair. (It contains a lot of the mineral lime) I stopped and checked my reflection in a window, and said "Crap, my hair's all messed up now." The guy next to me froze and looked at me. It's not often that my classmates experience a "[DTJ] acting like a normal girl" moment. It's sort of like witnessing Hailey's Comet. Once in a lifetime.

 

[BlackIronGuardian]

Well, if girls don't dress ''girly'' anymore...then...can you...still really...call that...girly?

 

[Labyrinth]

I'm going to nit-pick before I get to the rest of my post. Why is it that you (the OP) refer to the male proportion of this forum as "men" and the female proportion as "girls"? For one, there are a lot of teenagers here and for two, why are we females automatically given a group term with connotations of a younger age? Why are we also asked if we agree with positions already taken by the males here, rather than the other way around or simply asked for our own opinions? Again, this is nitpicking, but these are noticable descrepancies which have an impact which I'll go into later.

On to the rest of this.

I would define 'feminine' as a set of characteristics which a culture has naturalised for people with female genitals. What this means is that if something is defined as 'feminine', it is associted with the female due to repeated allignment of the two through a cultural canon. This varies from culture to culture. In my experience of current western culture the naturalised attributes designated as 'feminine' are passive and come along with a longstanding system in which the majority of power rested with a select male elite. Characteristics such as chastity, nurturing, gentleness, submission, elegance, delicate and youthful beauty etc. I don't consider these to be traits which are automatic to females people, any less than the strength, stoicism etc. associated with male people are. As mentioned, these are of a cultural construction.

I personally see feminine characteristics as beginning with "considers herself female" and ending with it. As such, I'm a feminine person. I'm not a traditionally feminine person given that I posess too many traditionally 'masculine' qualities and am of too solid a build. I am strong, capable, willful, skillful and intelligent. From my perspective my personal traits are irrelevant as it is personal identity, not cultural codes which define my gender. I have been influenced by culture over my life but that has become an internal contribution to identity rather than an external label.

I'm going to bring up a feminist ethical point here. It relates back to my nit-picking at the start. The problem with using 'feminine' as a definition associated with a set of characteristics is that it tends to devalue the link between women lacking those characteristics and their gender identity. It is also used to degrade and 'cissify' males who have those traits. The OP refers to a preference for these characteristics. I don't take any kind of issue with that, preferences are not a problem. Normalising people who have traditional feminine traits is, as it ostracises the rest of us. The language used in the first post to refer to women does this due to the association of women with immaturity which implies the 'youth' of femininity, but also a reduced capacity. Just nitpicking, again, but these are meanings that weren't considered and really should be when writing threads like this.

 

[FaithorFire]

I am very attracted to feminine women. Girls who have a soft demeanor and are gentle in their actions.

Am I the only man who thinks that its hard to find girls who act / dress feminine these days?

That first part is a source of confusion. you identified some traits of our culturally feminine style, but it sounds like you're looking for dominantly female personality. Louder, aggressive, "tougher" behavior is a direct result of higher amounts of testosterone. Of course everyone has testosterone, but women generally have much less. Whatever, I get what you mean, you want a woman with a more female balance.
I am more attracted to the more feminine women too, but I've never included included how she dresses as part of that evaluation. I am honestly turned off by pushy, partying, aggressive women. But things like jeans, and a a girl cutting her hair short have never bothered me if she carries herself like a kind, gentle, respectable woman.

As for your other question, no you're not the only man who has struggled to find women who act feminine today. I'll give you this warning though, I've found that a LOT of women who naturally ARE feminine, make an effort to act aggressive and masculine becasue the women in their lives have taught them that being soft, feminine, and gentle makes them inferior and insignificant.
I base that off my relationship with the woman I'll be marrying in a few months. She is a counselor whose academic focus is on pre-pubescent girls and teenage girls self-identity issues. She has actually talked to me before about the issues she runs into with girls forcing themselves into a masculine cultural role they don't want, or being forced into a ""feminine"" role that's not really feminine, but just more sexually open than the girl is ready for yet.

 

[FaithorFire]

Characteristics such as chastity, nurturing, gentleness, submission, elegance, delicate and youthful beauty etc. I don't consider these to be traits which are automatic to females people, any less than the strength, stoicism etc. associated with male people are. As mentioned, these are of a cultural construction.

Out of curiosity, in how many real cultures in human history do those "masculine" and "feminine"
traits not hold true for the current respective genders, at least to some extent?

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

I'm really shy and quiet and I like pink and butterflies and kittens. I'm good with kids and animals and I'm always overly nice to people. However, I wear hoodies and dye my hair black and wear jeans so maybe I give a mixed message :<... sorry *backs out of thread*

Most men I have met like confident outgoing women I know that.

 

[Dags90]

The problem with using 'feminine' as a definition associated with a set of characteristics is that it tends to devalue the link between women lacking those characteristics and their gender identity. It is also used to degrade and 'cissify' males who have those traits.

It's very reminiscent of positive stereotyping, and really pretty much the same thing with slightly more neutral connotations. I've known plenty of Asian people who are terrible or mediocre at math and I've always wondered if they felt less Asian for it.

 

[Rayne870]

Oddly girls in jeans and t-shirts attract me the most, but once I start dating them I prefer the idea of a skirt. I am attracted to "broken" or "troubled" girls but once in a relationship I prefer that they are strong and independent, yet "clingy". Extrapolate from that what you will.

 

[lord.jeff]

First, what is feminine?
At this point it's wearing dresses, high heels and purses as well as having a cheery and kind attitude, most other things like house work, paying for meals are done by both genders equally. Fact by most standers of feminine I am more so then my girl friend, I do the cooking, sewing, do more clothes shopping, tend to dress on the nicer side and probably worn a dress most recently.

Second
It is rare this days feminine girls sometimes get looked down on plus it's easier to not wear dresses in fact every place I've worked didn't allow dresses due to set dress codes or safety issues. Although I do know several more feminine women do to hanging out in cosplay circles and many of those girls are happy to show off the dresses they just made.

Don't worry to much about your tastes we all have them, I have them, and you should never feel guilty about pursuing a person with similar tastes thats the what of the main things you look for when finding something, you have no need to apologize for what you said.

 

[Dags90]

Out of curiosity, in how many real cultures in human history do those "masculine" and "feminine"
traits not hold true for the current respective genders, at least to some extent?

Things like strength and stoicism are not considered vitally masculine traits in a lot of places. For example, in Greek and Italian and several Latin American countries, it's considered very culturally acceptable for men to be emotional and "passionate". It's from these cultural differences that stereotypes of "passionate Latin lover" and "hot headed Greek man" arise. Strength is much less emphasized in Japan as part of being "manly", with slimmer musculature being preferred over buff Hollywood types. And these are just the relatively modern countries.

If you list enough "masculine/feminine" traits, you're likely to run into at least one match up, but you probably won't find many (if any) that are universal.

 

[jawakiller]

I love feminine chicks. Now this is not to be confused with feminists. I can't stand women who blab on about how evil men are or how we only care about sex. Tell me something I don't already fucking know. Gosh. I have known many of these women in my life and all of them I find totally annoying. If you wanna get a job, great good for you. Don't get in my face and pretend you're better than me. You wanna be in the army? Fuck, I'm not stopping you. It's when you start making a war where there isn't one. There is a word in my vocabulary for women like this. A *****.


Note this MY own personal opinion. If you have a problem with it, post a comment. Thank you.

 

[Lord_Nemesis]

Have to agree with you OP. Girl's (in my friend and family circle) don't really give off the femine aura that some of the older woman in my lfie do (Mum, Gran, Aunts etc). Even my girlfriend prefers wearing things like jeans and trousers for casual attire only really donning a dress or skirt for a night out, something formal (and even at that its a battle between a dress-dress or a pant-suit) or for me if I ask nicely lol.

I grew up with really old school feminine females but I like the fact that girls (again, ONLY speaking from my private life circle here) give themselves over to that old school feminine ways at irregular time terms or rarely in some cases. It makes those times all the more... well gob-smacking for lack of better words. First time I saw my girlfriend dolled up was 2 months into our relationship and she came into the room and my jaw literally hit the floor. It was like cranking up a light several hundred Watts.

SO not sure how to answer. I like the feminine female but I also like it kept to special occasions for the reason stated above BUT if for some lapse in change or fashion reason or whatever, the "feminine female" came back into regular occurance, I would not complain at all.

 

[FaithorFire]

Out of curiosity, in how many real cultures in human history do those "masculine" and "feminine"
traits not hold true for the current respective genders, at least to some extent?

Things like strength and stoicism are not considered vitally masculine traits in a lot of places. For example, in Greek and Italian and several Latin American countries, it's considered very culturally acceptable for men to be emotional and "passionate". It's from these cultural differences that stereotypes of "passionate Latin lover" and "hot headed Greek man" arise. Strength is much less emphasized in Japan as part of being "manly", with slimmer musculature being preferred over buff Hollywood types. And these are just the relatively modern countries.

If you list enough "masculine/feminine" traits, you're likely to run into at least one match up, but you probably won't find many (if any) that are universal.

You're missing the point. To the Greeks, passion in males was embraced, as was physical strength and dedication to their respective state and willingness to soldier. Japanese men are not required to be physically "buff Hollywood types", but they are required to be intelligent and professionally successful to be seen as the most desirable male.
The point is, in every culture, part of being a man is being physically capable whether that capability to succeed and provide comes from muscular strength or cerebral sharpness. There is an overarching social structure for human males and human females to fit into, even if the details within cultures vary.
I think that suggests our perception of masculine and feminine is biologically founded and should not be casually dismissed as nothing more than cultural constructions.

 

[Daveman]

I like my girls... fierce and dirty minded. I like my mates refined.

tbh, girls may wear jeans a lot but so many men do it's unreal. Wear some other trousers ya fuckers! I own jeans but ALSO chinos, cords and straight-up, smart-casual SUITS bitches!

 

[Mallefunction]

Skirts are just not fun to wear For one, that means I don't get pockets and two, I have to constantly tug it down since they ride up on me a LOT when I walk. Sure, I could wear leggings underneath but if I'm going to wear pants anyway, what's the point of the skirt?