The Friend Zone

[godofallu]

Friend zone = not interested in you sexually.

Don't you guys have any ugly chicks that you are friends with? I mean you like to hang out with them, not fuck them. You don't fuck your friends, you fuck dirty drunk chicks you meet at bars.

 

[AlchemicalGod]

My problem is that I fell in love with this amazing girl, and she immediatly puts me in the friend zone. Why?

Well I asked her and her best friend several times over the past two years and this was the most recent answer -> "Because Im the first guy since grade 1 or so that liked her, yet never made a pass at her, never acted like and asshole, and a was there no matter what fo the past two years"

So yeah, I hate myself for being 'Mr.Nice Guy' now, but I don't think I'd change a thing if I could do it over again....

 

[Ekit]

You just gotta' knock 'em out of their shell. Like Koopas.

That's the best analogy ever!

 

[Lionsfan]

I never understood this phrase. Every girlfriend I've ever had, I was friends with first. I don't go out with girls I don't know. That's just weird. Also some of the best couples I've known also treated each other as good friends.

Is there some misconception out there that you can't be friends with the opposite sex? Or is the phrase just a misnomer for social incompetence?

In case no one explained or you didn't read the thread after you posted, the friend zone is when your attracted to a girl for whatever reasons and your goal is sex/relationship/whatever. But when you try to make a move on said girl she says, "Oh....I'm sorry if I gave you wrong signals but I think of you just as a friend. I'm so sorry I just don't like you that way." Or something like that, basically she doesn't think that your physically attractive enough. I mean after all, some beautiful blind girl isn't going to fall in love with us on our personality alone. This isn't Mask or some other cheap Hollywood feel-good movie.

 

[Dr. Danger]

At least the friend zone has potiential. Usually sad, pathetic potiential but it's there none the less. Why does nobody complain about the 'sibling zone'?

I find that to be even more insufferable because there's really nowhere you can go from there. The moment she or he says, "You're like a brother/sister to me" that's it. Game over, man. Game over. You can't go anywhere from that. There's no possibility to develop into any sort of relationship without a lingering awkwardness that they considered you of the sibling variety.

Yes, I speak from experience.

 

[Gunner_Guardian]

Oddly enough even though I haven't had much lucky relationship-wise (only 1 short relationship and some random drama which is a long story) and I have a couple female friends (all are in relationships right now), I haven't been stuck in the friend-zone for a lengthy period of time. It helps I have a bit more luck talking to women since I lost my disadvantage of looking 5 years younger then I actually am recently.

I do remember not getting into a relationship with 2 of my female friends after I kissed them. Messy stories in each.

 

[Brandon237]

Yeah, I once liked a girl and asked her out. She did the whole "But we're friends!" thing.

The sucky part is that the friend zone is basically just a poor excuse for girls to say "I like you as a person, but I wouldn't ever want to have sex with you." Not that all want is sex, but it sucks essentially being told that your genes won't cut it.

Why do I keep commenting on these things?

Hey, don't stop the comments, they are funny. Besides, I can relate.

I'm in a slightly sticky situation right now, but I'm still happy. Although I can't complain considering that if my situation is sticky then hers is already stuck. Pity is a horrible feeling and now I need a happy pill if I am to return to my normal self.

 

[dragonslayer32]

i was in the friend zone once. i just avoided her for a couple of weeks and when she asked me what was wrong i just told her how i felt. trust me, it works.

 

[Anah'ya]

If you do it right, (lighthearted, teasing) then it builds attraction. As does all teasing. But only if done in a humorous and lighthearted way with a smile on your face.

This works because it lowers her social value if you tease, her making you seem higher in the social hierarchy. I know it seems malevolent when I put it like this, but it really isn't. And girls are naturally attracted to the most confident man in the group, or the alpha.

This man has it right. That's how we tick. Mostly.
Unless the lad posing as the 'alpha' is really failing at it. We can smell your true spot in the foodchain, so don't try to fool us too much.

 

[Deleted]

Once a girl I liked was talking to me about how she was reminded about her boyfriend. She said to me that she wanted to find a guy who was like him, cool and didn't care about problems in life, bla bla bla. I told her "I'm busy right now (I was doing nothing), maybe you can tell your sad stories to one of your female friends." and walked away.

She now knows that I don't deal with friend zone bullshit. You guys need to try that: just act like you don't care and have more important things to do.

 

[Mr Montmorency]

I think this topic could be used to solve some problems in real time. A lot of wise people are here with something to say.

 

[gorfias]

Being a friend to being a boyfriend is a difficult transition to make. I always find it easier to separate the two. Keep my shefriends as shefriends and if I want a girlfriend, its best to meet someone knew and start out on a sexual level, before she can categorise you.

I was friends with my wife before we dated. Nothing wrong with the friend zone. A proper relationship requires that you actually like hanging out with the person you're going to be spending a lot of time with.

Now, if you're just looking to bump uglies, yeah, you can't or shouldn't do that with someone that is genuinely a friend. Friend's with benefits is a tricky situation. You're friends, you have sex, but don't consider each other anything more than that: it's like saying there is actually something wrong with each other that keeps it from being more serious.

 

[Mr Montmorency]

Being a friend to being a boyfriend is a difficult transition to make. I always find it easier to separate the two. Keep my shefriends as shefriends and if I want a girlfriend, its best to meet someone knew and start out on a sexual level, before she can categorise you.

I was friends with my wife before we dated. Nothing wrong with the friend zone. A proper relationship requires that you actually like hanging out with the person you're going to be spending a lot of time with.

Now, if you're just looking to bump uglies, yeah, you can't or shouldn't do that with someone that is genuinely a friend. Friend's with benefits is a tricky situation. You're friends, you have sex, but don't consider each other anything more than that: it's like saying there is actually something wrong with each other that keeps it from being more serious.

I thought we established that if they friend zone you they don't find you attractive?

 

[fishman279]

*Sigh* The friend zone. That's the place where I always am. I'm in it at the moment even. It's the most god damned depressing place in the universe. Sitting there talking to a girl who you love and who you know everything about and knowing that they don't love you back. It's torture to the point where you can't stand seeing/talking to her. Helping her and caring about her for a whole year and getting nothing in return.
I won't bore you with the details but that's what it's like for me.

 

[Mr Montmorency]

*Sigh* The friend zone. That's the place where I always am. I'm in it at the moment even. It's the most god damned depressing place in the universe. Sitting there talking to a girl who you love and who you know everything about and knowing that they don't love you back. It's torture to the point where you can't stand seeing/talking to her. Helping her and caring about her for a whole year and getting nothing in return.
I won't bore you with the details but that's what it's like for me.

Tell us a more detailed story and I'm sure somebody would be nice enough to help you.

 

[gorfias]

Being a friend to being a boyfriend is a difficult transition to make. I always find it easier to separate the two. Keep my shefriends as shefriends and if I want a girlfriend, its best to meet someone knew and start out on a sexual level, before she can categorise you.

I was friends with my wife before we dated. Nothing wrong with the friend zone. A proper relationship requires that you actually like hanging out with the person you're going to be spending a lot of time with.

Now, if you're just looking to bump uglies, yeah, you can't or shouldn't do that with someone that is genuinely a friend. Friend's with benefits is a tricky situation. You're friends, you have sex, but don't consider each other anything more than that: it's like saying there is actually something wrong with each other that keeps it from being more serious.

I thought we established that if they friend zone you they don't find you attractive?

Define Attractive. That's kind of a "When Harry Met Sally" kind of thing (Can't be friends with someone you find attractive). On the other hand, in "Just Friends" the bad guy is trying to jump the main female character. He is clearly physically attractive. She just doesn't think of him in that way for reasons females likely understand better than guys do.

I think you can be friends with someone you find attractive and there are just going to be other things that keep you from being more than that. Again, if you really are friends and just want to remain that, making a move to have sex is typically disruptive to your friendship in the long run.

 

[fishman279]

*Sigh* The friend zone. That's the place where I always am. I'm in it at the moment even. It's the most god damned depressing place in the universe. Sitting there talking to a girl who you love and who you know everything about and knowing that they don't love you back. It's torture to the point where you can't stand seeing/talking to her. Helping her and caring about her for a whole year and getting nothing in return.
I won't bore you with the details but that's what it's like for me.

Tell us a more detailed story and I'm sure somebody would be nice enough to help you.

Ok then, didn't realise it was a help thread =).

Spoiler

Well basically I met this Portugese girl last year (She was in my class) and got talking to her out of politeness because she was sitting next to me in a couple of classes. She was really nice and we exchanged msn, facebook and mobile phone details.
At the beginning I admit I didn't really feel strongly about her because I fancied this other girl (I didn't talk to her about her though, thank god). But eventually my feelings for this other girl died down and after a few weeks chatting and getting to know the Portugese girl I started to think about her differently.
Well anyway, because we're both foreigners living in France (I'm English), I felt that there was some kind of connection. She told me about how she wasn't happy here and how she missed her family and things like that so I listened and made suggestions and she sounded quite appreciative. She told me a few weeks later that she was worried that she might have to re-do her year (They do that in France if your end-of-years results are bad enough) and wanted me to help her (The nerd at the top of the class). I agreed and we started revising together a few nights a week. In the meantime, she started going out with a complete arsehole who was going out with her to make his ex jealous. She eventually found out and broke up with him and obviously came crying to me. I reassured her that she'd find someone better (hinting about going out with me) but she seemed oblivious. Well we carried on revising a few times a week and we found out at the end of the year that she'd scraped through.
Well now it's the holidays and I'm not seeing her (I talk to her on msn a couple of times a week) till september. I'm kinda hoping that I'll have forgotten about her and moved on before then but something about her seems...different. I've been out with girls before but I've never felt quite like this about someone.
Now, I'm almost 100% sure she knows that I like her (seeing how my best friend told her best friend) but she hasn't made any sign of this to me, so I get the feeling that it's not mutual. Now I just feel like I've been used to get through her exams.

Well basically that's it. Ideas?