The Funniest Insult You Can Think Of?

[GyroCaptain]

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper!"
Quote, yes, but I've actually used that one.

Also "Well, that was incredibly 'special'" is one I use a lot. Not really that funny, but no language filter or mod obscenity sanction prevents it.

 

[Mockingjay]

For women it is

'You'd wouldn't be pretty if you were thin'

It's just perfect in every single way xD

 

[lenin_117]

if this isn't locked and i dont get banned....

P1: F**k you
P2: No, F**k you, it's cheaper

 

[Vrex360]

Ever watched Frankie Boyle?

Afraid I have not.

There were some girls at my Tafe who are snobby annoying hateful little scrags who every day sort of try to insult me for apparently being a retard, and you know what I said to them:

"Don't go blaming me for all your problems, just because you are aware that in the Business world you are destined to spend more time UNDER a desk then BEHIND one is no reason to take it out on ME."

Hah, I burned them.

That's awful.
I mean, if they deserved it, they deserved it, but that's still just cold.

I know it is very harsh, I did apologise later. It's just that at the time everyone cracked up and it was a real ice breaker given that one of them just randomly snapped at me in class to which I responded with that. But yeah it is kind of cruel and the sort of thing I regret (that said Max, if you met them you'd probably end up hating them by the end of the day)

I think I might be a graduate from the 'Bernard Black' school of insults. Just one who grew a concious.

 

[coldwarkid]

"You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow."

It's now to compliment the above's Bernard Black's school of insults.

Also, where do I enroll and how?

 

[lenin_117]

My personal favourite has to be a quotation from Winston Churchill.

Woman: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But, in the morning, I shall be sober.

and another one by Churchill

Woman:If you were my husband, I would serve your tea with poison
Churchill:And if you were my wife I would drink it

 

[Ruzzian Roulette]

Douche-missile is a personal favorite of mine.

 

[Datalord]

Yo mama so fat, you got AIDS, b*tch

Cyanide and happiness is hilarious

 

[Captain Pancake]

Him: OOH! i had an idea.
Me: did it hurt?

 

[electric_warrior]

"you barely hominid milk fed gimp"
cock monkey is a good one
ass bandit is alos pretty good, as is "pirate of the poo lagoon"
persoanlly, though, the best insult (and the nastiest) has to go to either, "Go suck your mum's tampon" or "you shit snorting spunk bubble"

 

[Xender90]

William Shakespeare has great insults.

I do desire that we may be better strangers.

A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.

Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.

Thou unmuzzled onion-eyed death-token!

and so on...

 

[El Poncho]

I often show extreme racial hatred towards people with white skin and it never seems to cause any offense =[

WHHHHHHHY =[

U damn whities

we dont give a shit

 

[Mechanical Cat Fish]

Don't bother looking any further than Shakespeare.

"She is spherical, like a globe. I could find out countries in her."
"Thou cream-faced loon"
And my personal favourite: "Thou smell of mountain goat."

Don't forget that he invented the Yo Momma insult; "What hast thou done" - "I hast done thy mother!"

As for my perfect insult; "You sir, are a banana, a banana of the highest calibur."

 

[Lord_Z]

My favorite is "I will not try to insult you, it would be a waste of my oxygen".

 

[szs0061]

this isnt really an insult more of a comment but my friend and i were playing chromehounds a few months ago and was really late and my sister and i had just had an argument, my friend and i were board so i said "what do you wanna do" to which he replied "i unno whattya you wanna do" this when on for a good five minutes until i asked him again and he in attempt to be creative and not say your mom responded with "your sister"(who is only 12 btw) this rendered me, a person who suffers from severe ADHD speechless.

 

[ExaltedK9]

What a novel idea! so Max, tell me, when's the court date?

This seems to be

I swear officer, Max said it would be funny.

a pattern here.

I'm certainly not suggesting you do so.
I'm suggesting you accuse someone of doing so.
If you're really feeling vindictive, falsify some evidence.

Or just bribe a cop.

I know a guy in my college class that I suspect does that a lot. He's tall, a bit bulky and with a beard and a huge grey coat. All he needs now are the glasses and the image is complete.

I'm uh.
I'm not entirely sure what to say to that though.

Just say no Max...just say no.

 

[Straitjacketeering]

Normally what I say after someone says something to me is when I bust out, "Hey if I wanted some stupid comeback from you I woulda wiped it off your chin."

 

[The Great JT]

Da bog da ti kuca bila na CNN-U.
Who Said That?! The Serbians.
What's That Mean?! "May Your House Be Live On CNN." Essentially it means "I hope someone bombs your house."

Spala-te pe dinti ca vin cu pula in inspectie.
Who Said That?! The Romanians.
What's That Mean?! "Brush Your Teeth, My Dick Will Be Inspecting Soon!" Pretty self-explanitory.

Trukkalessa.
Who Said That?! The Icelanders.
What's That Mean?! "Butch female truck driver." Kinda like saying "holy shit you're ugly" to an unattractive woman.

Sanjam da prdnem na tebe.
Who Said That?! The Bosnians.
What's That Mean?! "I dream about farting on you." Gross and effective.

Last one, I swear.

Cho yade.
Who Said That?! The Mandarin Chinese.
What's That Mean?! "Smelly Slave Wench." I guess that'd translate to "dirty ol' whore" in this day and age. Maybe she'd get with the Trukkalessa.