The Maiden Name Conundrum

[Sariteiya]

I only skimmed the other responses, so it may have been said, but anyway, here's what my mom did (and I thought this was just how things were done for quite a while). She took my dad's last name and her maiden name became her middle name. Not hyphenated, just bumped off her old middle name. Would be slightly more complicated if you went by your middle name for w/e reason, but still, it's a simple solution.

Keep you old name: check.
Family is all under the same name: check.

Trouble is, this doesn't address the problem of having to change all my legal and bank documents. This doesn't seem like a big problem, but for perspective, see here. http://wedinator.icanhascheezburger.com/2011/07/21/funny-wedding-photos-whats-in-a-name-change/#comments

 

[Hagi]

I'd say first kid gets your name (you're the one going through the whole pregnancy, not to dismiss a father's role which is equally important but not nearly as much morning sickness, back-pains and not to mention the birth itself). Second kid gets his name, third yours etc.

This way you don't end up in situations where all children get one name because they just happened to all be sons or something.

I can't think of anything fairer without mashing up your names or things like that.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

Stop this foolish pride and take his name, then there won't be a problem. Really, if it means a lot to you then all the better, he'll see it as a much greater expression of your love for him. That's my serious suggestion.

 

[No_Remainders]

Just don't get married. It doesn't do anything but cost you money. The ceremony is an outdated waste of time.

If you try to play the "but it's tradition!" card then I'm going to smuggly point out that taking your husband's last name is also tradition.

We don't plan on having much of a ceremony at all. Just a town hall marriage and then a BBQ afterwards. We pretty much function as a married couple already. To be honest the only reason I want to get married is so I can stop calling him my Boyfriend and start calling him my Husband. It just seems less High Schoolish to me.

You could just call him your "partner", instead?

I mean, that cuts out the stupidity of being married.

 

[Sariteiya]

You could just call him your "partner", instead?

I mean, that cuts out the stupidity of being married.

I only refer to him as my partner ironically in a John Wayne accent.

 

[Sariteiya]

Stop this foolish pride and take his name, then there won't be a problem. Really, if it means a lot to you then all the better, he'll see it as a much greater expression of your love for him. That's my serious suggestion.

This works equally as well for him. If you can give me one good reason why I automatically have to give up my heritage because I have lady parts then I'm all ears.

 

[No_Remainders]

You could just call him your "partner", instead?

I mean, that cuts out the stupidity of being married.

I only refer to him as my partner ironically in a John Wayne accent.

... Well... You could refer to him as your partner in a non-ironic fashion?

I suppose that's too difficult...

Someone earlier suggested one person using their surname and the other person picking the first name...

You could do that, with, like, a veto system where one of you picks three suitable first names and the other chooses their favourite?

 

[number2301]

Stop this foolish pride and take his name, then there won't be a problem. Really, if it means a lot to you then all the better, he'll see it as a much greater expression of your love for him. That's my serious suggestion.

This works equally as well for him. If you can give me one good reason why I automatically have to give up my heritage because I have lady parts then I'm all ears.

One good reason? I guess good is subjective but you're in a position where there's no true right answer so you have to grab onto any kind of logic you can find.

Try this on for size, society expects you and the children to take his last name. Doing so will make things easier. You wouldn't believe the trouble a man can have when trying to change his last name due to marriage.

Also, you don't like the idea of taking his last name due to the whole property connotations, but are happy to get married? Marriage is literally the transfer of property from the father to the groom. Every second of that ceremony is based on that, so why reject the name change and not the rest of it?

 

[ShadowStar42]

Personally I would consider what's necessary to maintain the family name. If either of you have siblings who are passing on your family name to a son in the next generation than then other should be able to give their last name to your first son if you have one. If neither of you do you should discuss who's family feels that it's more important to keep the name going (I'd say that'd generally default to the man's name since most likely if your parents have had only daughters they've probably accepted that the name will not continue). If both...then yeah it's pretty much a coin flip so far as my argument goes but I would generally go with the man's name again, but only because it's what more people are accustomed to and so will cause less questions.

 

[badgersprite]

My mum kept her maiden name but I have my Dad's last name. It wasn't ever really an issue for them. That said, my cousin has his mother's maiden name after she divorced his father, and he kept her maiden name as his name after she remarried.

So, yeah, there really is no rule for names anymore. Yours would hardly be the only family where this sort of thing happens.

 

[s0p0g]

think about first names, for boys and girls, you'd like
then listen to which last name sounds better with them/it
done!
easy as pie ^^

 

[Fbuh]

Decide together which surname sounds better for each potential child as the time comes?

I kind of liked this idea, but the trouble would be that there might be some kind of implied favoritism, as in whichever kid got my last name would be viewed as "My favorite" ect.

I'm not sure how you could have a favorite before the child is even born. "She kicked me less, so I like her more?"

Children do not think like that. Children can develop issues if they think that they are loved less than a sibling.

 

[Ironic Pirate]

Name him Optimus Prime Freeman. Done.

OT: Maybe... Nah, totally Optimus Prime Freeman.

I dunno, Optimus Freeman Prime flows better.

Do like the Wildlings, and wait till the kids are two to name them. After they get a first name, wait till they exhibit some kind of talent or something, and name them for that. It'll encourage them to get a cool name, like "John Bearfighter" instead of "Steve Wormeater" or "Carla Eighth-grade-reading-level"

 

[Sariteiya]

Stop this foolish pride and take his name, then there won't be a problem. Really, if it means a lot to you then all the better, he'll see it as a much greater expression of your love for him. That's my serious suggestion.

This works equally as well for him. If you can give me one good reason why I automatically have to give up my heritage because I have lady parts then I'm all ears.

One good reason? I guess good is subjective but you're in a position where there's no true right answer so you have to grab onto any kind of logic you can find.

Try this on for size, society expects you and the children to take his last name. Doing so will make things easier. You wouldn't believe the trouble a man can have when trying to change his last name due to marriage.

Also, you don't like the idea of taking his last name due to the whole property connotations, but are happy to get married? Marriage is literally the transfer of property from the father to the groom. Every second of that ceremony is based on that, so why reject the name change and not the rest of it?

I get that society expects me to take his name, but I think I've really given ample reason to explain why that just doesn't work for me personally. I never expected him to take my name, (as I've mentioned before as well,) so there's really no hardship on his part.

Secondly, I understand the original purpose of marriage, but nowadays marriage comes with serious, needful legal benefits. Antiquated ceremony or not, it's now part of our legal system, and there are tangible benefits to being his wife. Why do you think Homosexuals want to get married? (Other than sheer equality.) The name change however, is not legally necessary for those benefits and therefore, isn't something I want to do.

 

[Ashcrexl]

Give them an entirely different last name! My suggestions (M): Lord, Rocket, Fighter, Bad, Mysterio (F): Mistress, Willow, French, Autumn, Rising

 

[Joos]

Do it like my ancestors. Then you have two options.

First one: Say that your name is Mary and yer fella is Ben. If you get a son and you name him Mark, he would be Mark, son of Ben, Mark Benson. Or if you have a daughter and name her Eve, she would be Eve daughter of Mary, or Eve Marysdaughter. Now, in this case you have an option of making her name sound extra awesome, as if Thor and Odin shared her bloodlines by swapping daughter for dottir, Eve Marysdottir. Very frost, very metals and very awesome.

Other option is to chose a Place or thing that is connected to where she is from. Like my name, which translates into Eastgrove, or Joos of the Eastern Grove.

Be creative.

 

[BRex21]

While it IS a huge hassle to change your name, and you may have to re-apply for credit cards and stuff i saw what my sister went through, honestly I dont see any real value in taking the name unless it specifically means something to you. But personally I think you should give the kids the fathers last name, on the basis that it can be a hassle for dads whose children dont share there name.
here is a fun anecdote:

A cousin of mine had a big ol' wedding about a year ago and my family all went out to visit some of our female cousins came out and my sister set out with them in the car leaving her husband myself and some other family with her son, we were flying so it was a little more kid friendly anyway.
Silly me I bought the tickets because I get points and have better travel insurance and put the name Rex on my nephews ticket instead of Winfield, because for some reason I think everyone in my family is a Rex. Wouldnt you know, AirCanada wont recognise a father if the last names are different so... they wouldnt let him sit next to a strange child AKA his son and my brother in law was forced to change seats and squat in the isle when his son cried for him. I on the other hand, an uncle, was perfectly fine to sit next to him despite the fact that he at the time only refered to me as guy.
We did all get an apology from the pilot after the flight.

 

[Sariteiya]

There are some very awesome suggestions in here. Some I wish I could use but unfortunately my Bf says no, (The Scandinavian method, just making up a name, etc.)

I kind of like just rotating who names which kid. We plan to have two, so it would be pretty even stevens.

 

[Choppaduel]

child's full name:

No hyphen. His last name is the last name, your's is a middle name.