The Most Absurd Gaming Patent Application Ever

[solidstatemind]

http://www.google.com/patents?id=aAuzAAAAEBAJ&pg=PA3&source=gbs_selected_pages&cad=2

Seriously, this guy is batshit-fucking-LOCO

A lot of the text is TLR, but just go peruse the diagrams for a laugh, and be sure to browse the intro to the text on pg 18. Seriously, it left me speechless, you guys know how much I love to talk...

 

[More Fun To Compute]

It's like a hardcore objectivist played Bioshock then decided to tell the world how it should be done.

 

[Optimus Hagrid]

I read the first diagram, was baffled, then loled at "Shoot woman - World is saved."

 

[AmrasCalmacil]

What?

What the hell is that for? What does it do?

It's even more confusing than games that play themselves!

 

[lacktheknack]

 

[Sir-Tdb]

I Wish I could have so much fun with Paint.

Only time I need to make diagrams is to show people how a computer problem is solved.

 

[More Fun To Compute]

"A claim for equality of material position can be met only by a government with totalitarian powers."

Take that you evil vampire communist woman #2!

GOTY.

Actually, isn't this game like Deus Ex? Prior art.

 

[Gl1tch]

How the hell did this woman suddenly go from quoting Lenin to seizing property for redistribution? Seems like that step requires a bit more than the player deciding to "quote the founding fathers".

But then again, that's really the last part that has any semblance of coherence, I couldn't keep reading when it devolved into something about vampires... and Odysseus... wait, what?

 

[Nmil-ek]

Is it me or do pretty much all of those sited examples boil down to here is situation Zombies have kiddinaped the mayor are you a bad enough dude to go get him? Shoot zombies > world saved, join zombies > world ruined.

No chance in hell i can read through all that garbled text ugh what a nightmare.

 

[solidstatemind]

What?

What the hell is that for? What does it do?

It's even more confusing than games that play themselves!

It's an actual schematic for the design of a game (and yeah, that's how they script 'em usually). Basically, it looks like the guy wants to patent the concept of a game that uses historical moral/philosophical systems as a basis for how the player should make his decisions and how he is either punished or rewarded based upon said decisions.

The guy's name is Elliot McGucken, and he is, in the vernacular, crazier than a shithouse rat.

Here's his blog, but be forewarned: if you read it, you'll understand why you should be glad that insanity is just a contaminant and not communicable.
here--man that needed a tinyurl [http://www.gamasutra.com/blogs/DrElliotMcGucken/20090709/2322/The_Novel_quotGold_45_RevolverIdeas_Have_Consequences_Moral_Premisequot_Game_Technologies_Will_Be_Worth_Billions_of_Dollars.php]

I find myself with a sick fascination about this, the same sort of blending of interest and loathing that compels rubberneckers to look at a gruesome car-crash.

 

[Knonsense]

This seems like a joke. What the patent suggests looks so ham handed, it's like they took Michael Bay and strapped pigs to his arms.

 

[captainwalrus]

So.. this is a patent application for a video game system where your choices have consequences?? You know, like every other game on the market?

 

[solidstatemind]

So.. this is a patent application for a video game system where your choices have consequences?? You know, like every other game on the market?

Yeah, that's partly what I found so silly at first, but when you dig down deeper, the ludicrousness of the choices he's suggesting make it even more absurd. It's like an Insanity burger with cuckoo cheese, slathered in nutso sauce on a stupidity bun.

 

[Vuljatar]

It looks like encyclopedia dramatica's "TL;DR" entry.

 

[Dom Uk]

From his blog:
Which would you buy? Imagine you walk into EB Games, and you have to decide between two versions of GTA. In one, you can only hire and shoot hookers--there is no chance of reforming them nor talking them out of it. In the "Gold 45 Revolver" version of GTA, you can engage in dialogue with the Hooker and hand her copies of the Constitution and Bible, as well as Hayek's The Road to Serfdom, and thus enlist her in your struggle against the fiatocracy, the decline of freedom, and the growth of the corporate-state. She in turn would hand those works to her Pimp who would join you. Which version of GTA would you buy? Obviously the one wired with the novel technology found in "System and method for creating exalted video games and virtual realities wherein ideas have consequences."


I disagree. Handing Bibles to prostitutes doesn't sound like a very fun game to me.

 

[Merteg]

I'm totally confused by that.

I read the first few and they kind of made-sense, then they went totally crazy.

 

[Kuchinawa212]

I don't understand
I rolled a Bulbasaur on my Intelligence check

 

[ohgodalex]

Can I just point out that there are references to communism and vampires in the same chart?
This is revolutionary.

 

[More Fun To Compute]

Can I just point out that there are references to communism and vampires in the same chart?
This is revolutionary.

Yeah, I always thought that vampires symbolised the perils and romance of an entrenched rural aristocracy. It does make sense, on further consideration, that the modern vampires are actually female communists who refuse to stop quoting Karl Marx.

 

[John Smyth]

Save the world kill anyone who's ideas are different from your own! do it now!
from sheet 11

Edit: look up other work by Elliot McGucken its eye opening
get it? "eye" opening