How long for?! 'Cos I can't really picture that and keep my head in one piece... (unless I've got the context completely wrong...)aprilmarie said:
The most awkward moment with your parents...
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Pretty much all of them, I've found very few moments that aren't awkward around them, but they are just really awkward people. This thread is making me fell like I'm never going to tell them jack about my sexuality, the world would explode from awkwardness, especially seeing as that's two separate conversations...
SckizoBoy said:
heh. the whole movie. For the curious ones it was the XXX version of Pirates. And yes I do own the movie. To make it worse it was also with my (at the time) best mate and her (now) husband, my mum and dad and brother, and the guy I was dating.
Ah, stuff like that is generally through the health service here in the UK, although I'm unlikely to ever see anything like that in my current local area due to my doctor being a completely brainless bimbo. >.>Dags90 said:
I've only had one girlfriend so far, and I managed to keep that secret from my mother. So I've yet to get any form of rants.
I was 15, it was the first time I met my online girlfriend and we ended up having sex that night. The morning after my mom was sitting at the breakfast table looking like she hadn't slept a minute, she called me over, looked me dead in the eyes and said "I heard all of it".
There's enough pressure on us guys to be able to perform well our first time, and finding out that my mom heard me losing my virginity all night just made whatever part of the brain that handles shame shrivel and die. So it all turned out for the best, I suppose. Who needs to feel shame/awkwardness anyway?
There's enough pressure on us guys to be able to perform well our first time, and finding out that my mom heard me losing my virginity all night just made whatever part of the brain that handles shame shrivel and die. So it all turned out for the best, I suppose. Who needs to feel shame/awkwardness anyway?
Good grief... ninety minutes to two hours of porn with six people...aprilmarie said:
Did someone ask 'anyone for ice cream?' at all? *hrk*
A serious of awkward and unfortunate events.Psychotic-ishSOB said:
my day was rather normal through most of it. Its not uncommon for me to leave the house at 6 or so am and not come back till 8 or so pm. So at around 745pm, I told one of my friends to let my mom know I wouldnt be back (i forget what I was so involved in I couldnt text her myself, but Im sure I it was stupid) for a while. then one of my friends said i bet you wont walk through the bad part of town in a dress, and I asked how much he had. He pulled out 9 dollars in singles and 83 cents, so I said he keep keep the change got a dress from one of my girl friends, and started out.
Now naturally I got cocky, and Im something of a dick, so I started asking guys if i could turn tricks for them as a joke, and most called me queer, a fe laughed and gave me a tip to "help me on my way to being a woman" and even fewer asked what id be willing to do. So at this point in the story, I have about 34 bucks in singles, in a dress, in the part of town that cops usually dont even like to go to.
So at about 1140 or so, I realized im quite a few miles from home, should probably start walking back. Of course Im wearing a dress, so I have no pockets and Im just walking down the street with a little over 42 dollars in singles (got a few more "tips"). I walk past the young group of older young men who decide, hey, the scrawny kid in a dress with his money in his hand looks like a good target, and they rush me. So two tackle me down while the other two go to pick up the money saying something cute about how i was so willing to donate to the under privledged or something. and Of course i've never been one to just take a beating, so i wasnt taking thsi, especially in a dress.
so I bit the one with his hands too close to my mouth and drew quite a bit of blood. this naturally pissed him off and his buddyy i suppose, cause he punched me in the eye (hence the black eye). so my leg went up and rather effectively ensured he wouldnt have children. So hes rolling on the ground and his friend is shouting to the other two that I was being problematic as i was shakely trying to get up.
which evolved into a three on one fist fight (though really only two of them could actually fight, I think the one I bit was more used to the surprise of attacking someone getting them through). and that carried on for a while until I came out on top, bruises and scracthes everyhwere, dress torn to shreds and about ready to pass out. being the winner, i calmly collected my money, as well as some victory spoils to cover the cost of the now ruined dress (which I had twice over in the 42 dollars cause it was a k mart dress, but still, I wanted her to get something nice) and took all the money they had which wasnt alot (only about 13 dollars total since Id idnt want to be walking around with change) and began the walk of shame/pride home.
So its about a six hour walk home for me as i walk first through the city, with time taken out to sit and collect msyself so i didnt pass out, and along the way I find a purse that Ig uess someone had taken, but still had the identity and some other stuff in it (lipstick, tissues, a pen, standard fare). So i took it home and told myself i wasnt about to walk into a police station like this, so I'll do it tomorrow and wind up bringing it home. Thinking no one was up, I walk in, money in hand, purse under my arm, getting an ice pack for my eye and a drink after the long night and low and behold my mom walks in the kitchen and sees me, and then, well, awkward.
EDIT:
Though I do have to admit, her comment made it all the more awesome and easy to get over. She just sat down and after we stared at each other for a few minutes, she finally said "its oka, my first night was rough to. it gets easier".
Hrmm...probably a drive home from a mates place after he hugged me. My mother started asking questions about my sexuality and if stuff like that happened often, and she also started listing off my friends and asking if I had a crush on them.
**MATURE CONTENT AHEAD**
I was camming with my GF, and she wanted to watch me...uhm...spank my monkey as it were. My Dad came in right as I finished. I had quickly hidden everything my GOD!...to make it worse, I got it on my good pants....
**MATURE CONTENT AHEAD**
I was camming with my GF, and she wanted to watch me...uhm...spank my monkey as it were. My Dad came in right as I finished. I had quickly hidden everything my GOD!...to make it worse, I got it on my good pants....
I was still in high school at the time. To quell my hormones (albeit temporarily), I decided to have a wank before school. Got dressed, went to my bus stop, and off to school. School ends, I get home and I'm greeted by my mom with the phrase "Kevlar, we need to talk." During the talk, she directed me to my computer, and to my dismay I was seeing the porn page I left up before I went to school, and I... also forgot to clean the mess I made.
One night, while my dad was asleep on the couch next to me, I decided to watch the Adult Swim edited version of Tommy Wizeau's infamous movie The Room for the first time.
Now, for people who haven't seen the film, the first half hour of the movie includes three graphic, extremely awkward sex scenes, two of which involve the director/producer/writer himself, Tommy Wizeau, who for the record, is not an attractive man. Thank God this was the edited-for-TV version, so all the naked bits were covered by black boxes on the screen... Too bad these black boxes sometimes covered the entire fucking screen, for upwards of 20-30 seconds at once, with moaning and "Uhhh... Oooohhhh.. Yeeeaaaaahhhhhh...." in the background.
Guess what time my dad decided to wake up?
Now, for people who haven't seen the film, the first half hour of the movie includes three graphic, extremely awkward sex scenes, two of which involve the director/producer/writer himself, Tommy Wizeau, who for the record, is not an attractive man. Thank God this was the edited-for-TV version, so all the naked bits were covered by black boxes on the screen... Too bad these black boxes sometimes covered the entire fucking screen, for upwards of 20-30 seconds at once, with moaning and "Uhhh... Oooohhhh.. Yeeeaaaaahhhhhh...." in the background.
Guess what time my dad decided to wake up?
Was watching a documentary with my mother from the 60's about some kids that ran around and... well, just were assholes. A while into the documentary two of kids started foreplaying in front of the camera. My wtf-o-meter went sky high and I wasn't sure if I should run away or skip the scene. Then it got more awkward... The kids started having sex and the cameraman apparently had no problems at all getting it on tape and putting it in the documentary.
I buried my head in a pillow and waited it out. I swear the damn scene seemed to last for half an hour. Anyone knows how awkward sex scenes in movies are when you're watching with your parents, but this was like watching porn with them.
I buried my head in a pillow and waited it out. I swear the damn scene seemed to last for half an hour. Anyone knows how awkward sex scenes in movies are when you're watching with your parents, but this was like watching porn with them.
When i was 11 years old i was sitting in the livingroom with my mom and dad and we where watching an American western cowboy movie of some sorts where it was a scene with a woman getting raped, at a later point in the movie the sherif (i think) started peeing on the female prisoner. Gotta say that was a little wierd. Anybody know what movie i am talking about? 
Another time i was shaking the president if you know what i mean, and my dad walked in (sad face), ended up with both of us just staring each other straight in the eye for a few seconds not knowing what to say to eachother. Awkward meter maximized.
When i was a little younger (7-8 years old) i used to go to my mothers bed to sleep after i had a nightmare. The last time i had a nightmare and wanted to go sleep in my mothers bed, the first thing that greeted my eyesight was my mothers boyfriends naked hairy ass...(He liked to sleep naked)
That was the last time i felt the need to sleep in the safety of my mothers arms.
Another time i was shaking the president if you know what i mean, and my dad walked in (sad face), ended up with both of us just staring each other straight in the eye for a few seconds not knowing what to say to eachother. Awkward meter maximized.
When i was a little younger (7-8 years old) i used to go to my mothers bed to sleep after i had a nightmare. The last time i had a nightmare and wanted to go sleep in my mothers bed, the first thing that greeted my eyesight was my mothers boyfriends naked hairy ass...(He liked to sleep naked)
That was the last time i felt the need to sleep in the safety of my mothers arms.
