The most useless advice ever given to you.

[Jon Etheridge]

"Put more Fallout jokes into Apocalypse Lane" Im not doing it! I don't care what you people say!

 

[AkJay]

"Just be yourself around women, and nothing can go wrong"

I laugh at that advice now.

 

[Dogstile]

well, DON'T!!!

no joke, car accident messed up my leg pretty bad (broken and fractured in 2 places). I told my buddy i couldn't move my leg cuz it hurt so bad and needed to go to the hospital. his response, "Don't move your leg"

....idiot

to be fair, if you said your leg hurt when you moved it, i would probably chuckle and tell you to stop moving it also

i recieved a useless piece of advice "don't give your wallet to a stranger"

yep...thanks grandma

i normally give out advice thats useless for fun

when people say they're feeling really bad, i tend to tell them that skipping around your house while clapping tends to make you feel better

hey! it works for me!

 

[Khaos Theory]

Your vote always makes a difference!

Speaking as a resident of a certain benevolant dictatorship in South East Asia, it hurts to see your fellow man act like a bunch of sheep by blindly allowing the same party to win ever damn election since our freaking independence.

 

[teh_saminator]

'if she broke up with you, she probably doesn't wanna go out with you anymore'

gee Eintstein, how long did that hypothesis take you to hypothesise?

 

[Cherry Cola]

"Don't buy a console, play pc games instead"

I'm not a pc gamer and have been playing on consoles all my life, so when I heard this a month I punched the guy in the stomach.

Yes random acts of violence towards well meaning associates is definitely the mast efficient way of securing a reputation as a console tard and cementing the universal image of psychotic xbox users. At least, that's my my mother used to tell me as a child. Incidentally do you happen to own an xbox? (Why do I ask?)

Maybe I should have added that it was my very pretentious friend I punched very friendly in the stomach. Everyone seems to think I am a fury-driven console crazy punching random people. I don't roll like that. Also, I'm not very fond of the Xbox. Although I don't know why.. I think Sony are brainwashing me into hating them. Evil bastards. And yet I love them.

Well fair enough actually pretentious people piss me off too . Like Peter Molinue. Anyway it was just the way you described it so no worries.

There should be more nice people like you on the internet... Wait, it shouldn't! Then I can feel like the smartest person alive. (Not really that hard since most of the youtube comunity are assholes)

Thanks, but OH my do I know how you feel, youtube comments are the lowest of the low. There is no greater alternative when it comes to boosting my own self esteem than taking a quick break to see a youtube comment . On the other hand the escapist seems relatively void of cretins, This is the greatest community I have come into contact with so far, Save the comments left on zero punctuation threads boasting "first!" so proudly you almost expect them to be waiting for a trophy, only to receive a ban.

The searchbar nazis can get a little boring sometimes also, but hey, whithout them the regime would fall.

 

[pirateninj4]

Don't forget to set fire to your cat...

 

[Dys]

"Don't use a condom, they won't stop the spread of disease"
countered with
"...Really.. how about you don't give bad advice to people you've never met before"

 

[The Lawn]

I have a list of dumb advice from my cousin.

"Generally, you don't want to be near an explosion."
"Make her orgasm twice in one sitting and you'll never spend another night alone."
"If you eat enough blue popcicles, your pee will be green."
"Pee in the sink to avoid a large water bill."

 

[Swaki]

any advice my mum have EVER given me, i once had troubles at class, the guy i was sitting next to used every minute hearing loud music, texting and watching movies, i started to get quite annoying and hard to concentrate when there was horrible pop music playing in the background.

i told her that on my monthly visit, her advice "just sit down whit him and tell him how you feel, say to him, hey! im here to learn so could you please be silent, and im sure that will solve that", it got solved by him not doing any thing in class and got kicked out and moved home to his parents.

 

[VargRaev]

Dont piss on an elecrical fence...

 

[Insert Comedy Here]

Because Connolly said it, I'm assuming he was taking the piss anyway, but:

"Never take any idjut with you, where ever you go, you can always pick one up when you get there."

Also, "Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes, after that, who cares? He's a mile away and you have his shoes!"

Bless him.

 

[AngloDoom]

"If he wants to hit you, just let him; then everyone will see he's the asshole."
"No, they'll see that I don't hit back and pummel me into a pile of blood and teeth."
"Oh! Now you're just being defeatist!"

Apparently my mother had never been bullied.

 

[SeventySeven]

"If he wants to hit you, just let him; then everyone will see he's the asshole."
"No, they'll see that I don't hit back and pummel me into a pile of blood and teeth."
"Oh! Now you're just being defeatist!"

Apparently my mother had never been bullied.

lol what??

That is what my principal said to me, I replied "well darn that I want to kick his arse."

I was always told that if someone hits you you hit them back twice as hard. Infact my dad encourages me to hit back

 

[dwightsteel]

For my loveline radio show, one of my buddies threw in this gem:

"Tell them to get a MySpace page. Chicks dig the MySpace."

 

[AngloDoom]

"If he wants to hit you, just let him; then everyone will see he's the asshole."
"No, they'll see that I don't hit back and pummel me into a pile of blood and teeth."
"Oh! Now you're just being defeatist!"

Apparently my mother had never been bullied.

lol what??

That is what my principal said to me, I replied "well darn that I want to kick his arse."

I was always told that if someone hits you you hit them back twice as hard. Infact my dad encourages me to hit back

Only works if you can hit back twice as hard. I was short and underdeveloped when I was thirteen, so I was still a child against some guy who'd already had a growth-spurt and was twice my size. Still, I lost my temper and got a lucky shot and ended up smashing his head against the corner of a desk; turns out that was the best way of stopping a bully. I suppose dad's have it right; my dad gave me the same idea. My Grandad was better. "Hide behind a corner, and when he's coming punch him in the nose."

Which sounds hilarious and so underhanded that it made me instantly want to do it, but then I can imagine that I'd not only get mocked, but probably end up punching a teacher by accident.

 

[SeventySeven]

Only works if you can hit back twice as hard. I was short and underdeveloped when I was thirteen, so I was still a child against some guy who'd already had a growth-spurt and was twice my size. Still, I lost my temper and got a lucky shot and ended up smashing his head against the corner of a desk; turns out that was the best way of stopping a bully.

I am a chick, so i didnt exactly have strength on my side either. I have learnt to use the things around you, desks are always great. : D

And yeah, Teachers always pop up at the worst moments.

 

[AngloDoom]

Only works if you can hit back twice as hard. I was short and underdeveloped when I was thirteen, so I was still a child against some guy who'd already had a growth-spurt and was twice my size. Still, I lost my temper and got a lucky shot and ended up smashing his head against the corner of a desk; turns out that was the best way of stopping a bully.

I am a chick, so i didnt exactly have strength on my side either. I have learnt to use the things around you, desks are always great. : D

And yeah, Teachers always pop up at the worst moments.

Most of the girls in my school seemed to be protected under some weird etiquette. Even girls didn't fight girls; they'd be mocked and ostracised for it at worst, and have it broken up by guys who suddenly feel they have to ride in and wisk some poor damsel away, when half they time they're psycho's who would rip their throat out.

Also, since when do girls call themselves 'chick'? I always got the impression that most girls find it demeaning. I'd make a joke about 'proof that girls don't exist on the internet', but now I know you hit people with desks it doesn't sound as appealing...o.o

 

[Smitty of the Tolchocks]

Once while driving in Queens,New York,I forgot to signal with my middle finger before cutting someone off. Another motorist told me to "stick it up my ass."---Personally, I consider that to be bad advice.