The other side of "Girls only date jerks"

[ksn0va]

I agree. Being a confident nice guy is a one way trip to friendzoneland!

I was about to say "no it's not"(and it really, really isn't) when I realized that "what's the problem with being friendzoned?" is an equally appropriate answer.

I mean, seriously, what's the deal? There are a couple billion other women on the planet, so if someone just isn't romantically and/or sexually attracted to you, what's the big deal? Sure, you had a crush and got your heart broken. It sucks, but there's no sense in not moving on. The worst thing that can happen is that you've made a new friend.

Oh, and female friends usually have other single female friends, and often wants these female friends to get acquainted with guys she get along with. I take it you see where that trail can lead.

It lead me to about 20 close female friends(and by friends I mean friends).

 

[Naeras]

It lead me to about 20 close female friends(and by friends I mean friends).

That's more close female friends than I have close friends in both genders, which should mean a lot of opportunities to further expand your social circle and meet new people, as well as more chances to improve social skills. In other words, I still don't see what the problem is, except possibly sexual frustration.

And no, don't say "all of the girls dated assholes instead fml", because they didn't. Unless they're all teenagers and have zero confidence themselves, but this solves itself when people get out of puberty and everyone's brain chemistry stops being all derpy.

 

[the_dude_abides]

Let me tell you something about these self proclaimed "nice guys". Most of them aren't genuinely nice, just weak, selfish boys who feel the world owes them a piece of arm candy. These guys are usually beyond redemption as they have become so bitter over jerks getting the girls that they refuse to listen to reason.

My humble advice for genuinely nice men who struggle with women is to self evaluate. Is it your appearance? Your voice? Are you too agreeable? Ask a female friend what areas you can improve in and put them to work. The dating game is just like anything else. You get better with practise.

 

[ksn0va]

My humble advice for genuinely nice men who struggle with women is to self evaluate. Is it your appearance? Your voice? Are you too agreeable? Ask a female friend what areas you can improve in and put them to work. The dating game is just like anything else. You get better with practise.

That would make love too much like a "game"(as stated). Being natural than mechanical is more up our alley. Your advice usually leads into "that" territory where everything becomes a system of programs waiting to be rewritten and compiled.

captcha: two cents worth

 

[excalipoor]

My anecdotes contradict yours! How about that?

Sounds to me like you're looking in all the wrong places. It's been said before, but relationships =/= getting laid. If I had to make one sweeping generalization about women, I'd say they're more passive when it comes to initiating relations than men. Women will not flock to you unless you make yourself heard and seen, but that doesn't mean they'll outright shun you if you don't. But just being friendly and waiting for her to make the first move rarely works.

Then there's the important question everyone should ask themselves: "would I want to date me?" The answer may depress you, but at least you'll know there's work to be... No, nevermind. I'm just going to jump off a balcony now.

 

[Vegosiux]

Then there's the important question everyone should ask themselves: "would I want to date me?" The answer may depress you, but at least you'll know there's work to be... No, nevermind. I'm just going to jump off a balcony now.

Whoever says "yes" to that one, at any time, is either really messed up, or really doesn't know themselves as well as they ought to, seriously.

Not that being messed up is always a bad thing.

 

[excalipoor]

Then there's the important question everyone should ask themselves: "would I want to date me?" The answer may depress you, but at least you'll know there's work to be... No, nevermind. I'm just going to jump off a balcony now.

Whoever says "yes" to that one, at any time, is either really messed up, or really doesn't know themselves as well as they ought to, seriously.

Not that being messed up is always a bad thing.

Ha. Looking at it from someone else's perspective, obviously. Just Saiyan, when people run for the hills at the sight of you, you're probably doing something wrong.

 

[the_dude_abides]

My humble advice for genuinely nice men who struggle with women is to self evaluate. Is it your appearance? Your voice? Are you too agreeable? Ask a female friend what areas you can improve in and put them to work. The dating game is just like anything else. You get better with practise.

That would make love too much like a "game"(as stated). Being natural than mechanical is more up our alley. Your advice usually leads into "that" territory where everything becomes a system of programs waiting to be rewritten and compiled.

captcha: two cents worth

I agree that love is not a game. Love is loving each other for who they truly are and that takes time (I don't believe in love at first sight but back on track). Where I would disagree however is that the process of dating LEADING to love IS a game just like the rest of life. Most people amend their behaviour according to the situation they are in and 'courtship' (old fashioned term I know) isn't any different.

For example, look at a first date. Both the man and the woman would make an effort with their appearance, more than is normal or 'natural'. Both would likely attempt to follow certain social conventions. They would make an effort to seem attractive to the other person if they really like them. They are both complying to the mechanics of dating. In essence they are both playing 'the game'.

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

The female mind is both more complex and more simple than it appears:
Though I have no right to say such things myself; I have no experience w/ women, since the school that I go to barely has anyone of the opposite sex that I'm remotely interested in beyond friendship(I try to base my opinion of a person based on their behaviour/personality, rather than looks, also, I lack the confidence and the skills necessary to "get a girl").

I always blame society in things like this; I have no evidence to prove that a girl can be both beautiful and compatible in terms of personality(ie; nice, similar interests), as society itself still has a primal understanding of love imho.

Captcha; top notch

Yay?

 

[CATS FTW]

confident nice guy

Does not compute.

Anyway, I asked a girl who always complained that the guys she dated were so horrible why she dated them. She said that they pissed her off so much that she couldn't stop thinking about them and just went out with them because of it.

No part of that is logical. Not a single part.

It does work, you don't have to be a pissy quiet whiner to be a nice person. You're not really a nice person if you just believe that you think well of people but won't tell them that or go out of your way to help people, I know the shitty kind of affected person that will only do nice things when other people are around to see them. It's such a bullshit farce, when you just care for people though and do so with confidence because you know that's appropriate that's what a confident nice guy/girl/human is. It's sad that you think that can't exist.

 

[CATS FTW]

I'd like to share a revelation I've had during my time here. Three of them, actually.

[HEADING=1]Not all women want the same thing.[/HEADING]How hard is this concept to grasp? What a girl looks for in a partner is as unique as the girl doing the looking. You may as well ask what do women like to eat, or what cars do women drive. Some girls like guys who resemble a fleshy beanbag chair, others like their guys 100% submissive. Trying to argue they 'all want X' is ludicrous.

[HEADING=1]Confidence does not equal being a jerk.[/HEADING]You need confidence to be a jerk, you don't need to be a jerk to have confidence. Just being who you are, and not giving a damn what anyone thinks of you for it? That is confidence. You want to hear something crazy? I'm 22 years old, and I collect LEGO. And get this: chicks dig it. You want to know why? Because I'm confident about it.

[HEADING=1]Being 'nice' doesn't mean being a pussy.[/HEADING]I don't know where the idea that being a nice person also meant being someone's doormat came from, because it's pretty damn idiotic. It's not difficult to be a nice person while also standing up for yourself. Being nice doesn't mean bending over for anyone who asks, it just means not treating everyone like dirt.

In short, stop generalising, grow a spine, and face the world head-on.

Thank god that there are other people who recognize this.

 

[Cat Cloud]

Yes, it worked, but what kind of girls were you attracting?

Also, acting more confident normally (but not like a jerk) might make girls like you more.

 

[Kellogs Fried Chickn]

It would have been an interesting topic had some data been gathered.

I've been watching a detective series so I am pretty sure I know what you are doing, why you started doing it, and why you posted it. I'm going to print out the OT, I have a bizarre sense of humor and this is pretty good.

You need help, not for your sake, but for others'.
? KellogsFriedChickn, tries not to publicly shame, does not want to keep silent

People forget women aren't logical too much. Hell, people aren't logical most of the time. But women? Especially them.

What the fuck is wrong with you people? This has to be the second time within a few days I've seen someone insisting women are less logical than men. It makes me want to shit in my pants.

Bad phrasing conveniently simplified to the masses which is essentially true. Difference is in what genders see as valuable. Generalizations: Men think gossip is illogical, women think not asking for help and doing something by oneself is illogical.

Edit: ... I totally butchered the post.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Bad phrasing conveniently simplified to the masses which is essentially true. Difference is in what genders see as valuable. Generalizations: Men think gossip is illogical, women think not asking for help and doing something by oneself is illogical.

Edit: ... I totally butchered the post.

Men are wrong then. There is nothing inherently illogical with talking about how "OMG I can't believe so-and-so got pregnant!" I personally find it incredibly uninteresting and kind of mean, since I ultimately don't care what other people do with their lives and I don't think it's up to others to judge them, but that doesn't make it illogical. Different people enjoy different things.

Refusing to ask for help when you could only benefit by doing so is certainly illogical.

Having said that, those are fucking idiotic stereotypes. To begin with, every male I know loves gossipping while I can barely stand it. I've known plenty of women who for one reason or another didn't like asking for help. Do you even talk to people? It sounds like you got your knowledge of how people act from watching crappy sitcoms.

 

[Something Amyss]

You're off your rocker if you think people in long term successful relationships don't hide things from one another.

[citation needed]

I know it's cool to be cynical and all that, but really.

You can't really wish to unload all of your secrets, desires and insecurities onto someone you spend more time with than anyone else and expect things to keep chugging along like normal.

Wish? No. But I believe in acting like a grown-up. Thankfully, it seems I lucked out with my girlfriend, as we appear to be an endangered species.

Deep down we're very secretive animals, time we spend with each other and the things we allow those closest to us to see need to be well measured and considered.

[citation needed]

I know the modern mantra amongst couples is "no secrets". But that's honestly a very, very bad idea.

Yes, because the common excuse you hear from people when they break up isn't "he wasn't honest with me," it's "he was too honest with me!"

 

[Luna]

I'm sorry but I laughed at the start of your second paragraph. Probably because I was expecting something along the lines of "And guess what? Being a jerk actually makes people hate you, who'd have thought?" But nope, it gets you laid, and I found that hilarious.

It really comes down to one thing: confidence. If your confidence borders on douchbaggery it rarely matters. I've had a girl honestly admit she likes guys who are jerks and are mean to her. Why? Because they're confident. So why not try being a confident nice guy?

Congrats on pulling it off!


IMO: if you're looking for a gf then don't act like it. If you're just looking to get laid one night then do. Not so bad.

 

[FrozenCones]

I seem to be able to attract females without being a jerk to them..... Am I just special?

You're the exception that proves the rule.