The Sydney Funnel Web: Unfair

[TheRealCJ]

I love living in Britain, where we have a precise total of 0 animals that will kill you, no blizzards, no baking hot droughts, no earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanoes or tsunamis. Although we do have to put up with His Toryness.

And the humiliation of being English, of course.

 

[TheRealCJ]

I'm lucky, I only have water moccasins, rattlesnakes, coral snakes, black widow spiders, brown recluse spiders, Africanized honey bees, carpenter bees, What we call "corn spiders" but aren't really corn spiders because they are bigger than this

Spoiler: Don't click

Also it looks different, there's more red on it, and the yellow bands are different. Also they only show up in large groups of at least 4 and they vibrate their webs to communicate apparently. Weather or not they're poisonous, they're creepy. Also mosquitoes. more mosquitoes than you ever thought possibly could exist in a single place at any given time. I counted 8 bites in a single square inch of skin. They will bite you through bug spray. They will bite you through the bug spray. THEY WILL BITE YOU THROUGH THE BUG SPRAY. They feed off of poison. Also the summer temperature will break triple digits several times through the year combined with %80+ humidity most of the year makes this an awesome place to live. I'm so glad I don't live in Australia.

Also there are Portuguese man of wars, sharks (Bull sharks are notorious for hating every other creature alive), and barracudas.

Edit: Also wolves, coyotes, and the occasional bobcat.

EDIT: EDIT: Also the fauna isn't very nice what with the poison oak, poison ivy, and various poison berries and shrooms.

EDIT: EDIT: EDIT: And the flesh eating virus.

EDIT: EDIT: EDIT: EDIT: And 10' gators.

Writers note, wiki'ing spiders for twenty minutes will make you feel like there are spiders all over you.

Bull sharks? Ill do you one better:

we had bull sharks SWIMMING THROUGH THE CENTRE of one of our suburbs just a scant few months ago.

 

[QuadFish]

Let me give you a rundown of what a whack from this thing will do to you:

1) Agonizing Pain. Not 'ow, put an ice-block on that' agony, but roll on the floor and beg for death agony. Neurotoxin is an utter ***** and will rape your nerve endings and make you see Satan.
2) Drooling. Not spit, not the pre-vomit wet-mouthness. After only 5 minutes you will drool so much and so uncontrollably you can barely breath or speak, making calling for help really hard. Did we mention agony more extreme than anything you have ever felt?
3) After this point, the fun stuff starts. You will cry, pee and crap blood, you will drool and vomit blood and the agony that once made you want to cut off your bitten limb has now spread to your entire body and is making every nerve scream for death.

And this little prick of an animal will bite you multiple times, if he can get you, because he feeds on your tears.

You die at this point. Ambulance drivers don't rush for snake bites, save to spare you prolonged pain before you get the cure. They will run red lights, scrape up against other cars and mount the sidewalk to get a funnelweb victim to the hospital, because after they've got there the guy is usually crying blood already.

Never, in my entire life have I been more glad that I live 3 storeys above ground and that the little fuckers can't climb.

And you're unfortunately right about them being aggressive. My dad vividly tells us about one time a Funnel Web started to actively pursue him (there's also the run in with the Cassowary, but that's another story). My mum told us how she saw one in our laundry that came from my brother's cricket bag. She ended up beating it really hard several times with a boot, since she didn't want it to run off.

Really, the only reason it's not extinct is because it has built a reputation for itself. All the other animals know that messing with it is the last thing they want to do in their life.

 

[QuadFish]

I've had a few of these around my backyard. Plenty of snakes too, though the kookerburras make short work of them on the concrete.

Australia: The harmless animals are some of the sheep and the occasional resident.

Well...If I saw one of those I would likely try to kill it. But I was refering to these spiders:

Yes I'm evil.

Huntsmen are harmless, they're just ugly. They also kill mosquitoes which is why I don't object to them taking up residence in my house. That is until they start spawning and then I scowl a bit.

It could be worse. An egg sac actually exploded in our living room once, showering the entire floor with the little brown things. In the end we had to actually Mortein them and get out the vacuum cleaner to deal with it.

 

[Pilkingtube]

It's already been said in this thread, but it's also so true!
For all the complaining we do in Britan, we're one of the least threatening places to live.
No real earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, tornados, volcanoes, floods, droughts etc.
One dangerous creature, the Adder. It avoids humans at all costs and hides from them if they're near. Bites if directly stood on or attacked, very rarely deadly.
No other dangerous creatures atall!

So happy that I live here! ;D

 

[BlackStar42]

I love living in Britain, where we have a precise total of 0 animals that will kill you, no blizzards, no baking hot droughts, no earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanoes or tsunamis. Although we do have to put up with His Toryness.

And the humiliation of being English, of course.

Spoiler

Hey, it's better than being French. Or German. Or American. Or Australian. Or anywhere that isn't Scandinavia, lucky bastards.

 

[TyrantGanado]

I love living in Britain, where we have a precise total of 0 animals that will kill you, no blizzards, no baking hot droughts, no earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanoes or tsunamis. Although we do have to put up with His Toryness.

Well up in Scotland we have the Ned. They're known to frequent venues dispensing alcohol. They have a high chance of unprovoked attack which has a chance of being fatal. If one is witnessed the best thing to do is contact the authorities who will politely remove it from your vicinity and set it down closer to its nest in the nearest Council Estate and/or drug den.

We also have the Haggis which, contrary to popular belief among American tourists, uses its long leg to kick you in the crotch then then strangle you to death.

 

[ElephantGuts]

I think the Australian government should launch a campaign to wipe these things off the face of the Earth. You wouldn't keep Hitler in a zoo if he was a highly aggressive, highly poisonous species of spider, would you?

You can't just let these things hang out in a comfy zoo, enjoying life. That's like...doing the same thing...to Hitler.

If you haven't noticed I'm trying to compare these spiders to Hitler.

Then again, unlike Hitler, these spiders have no way to escape from an island continent. And since I've got the Pacific Ocean and the width of North America between them and me, I'm not too worried. Good luck with living in Australia though.

yes, lets wipe out complete species (genocide) that are vital to our eco system, and yes, im asking if you think our governement should be more like hitler, and if you're so out raged about it you come down here with a supply of bug spray and try and do something about it. this isnt america, wherein when something becomes a problem we attempt to destroy it instead of living with it

Is the spider so vital to the ecosystem that it is worth keeping it around despite the fact that it poses an extreme danger to the population?

And genocide may usually be bad, but if the "geno" itself is bad then yes, it is worth being "cided" against. Genocide isn't necessarily bad. It just always has been.

It's not that dangerous to the population - you'd actually be very lucky to ever encounter one of these in Australia - usually if you live in more rural settings, our population is still most dense in urban areas.

I should clarify that while these spiders are highly venomous, it's not like they are out to hunt and kill every single human being in existence. That's like saying: "we should hunt and kill all bears because look at this photo of a caved-in human skull!!!"

I think the OP has probably gone a bit overboard in describing the spider- yes, its bites will change you in very unpleasant ways. But I've been living in Australia for 21 years- and I've yet to SEE a funnel web spider in a natural habitat OR hear of anyone I know having been bitten by one yet.

Calm. Down. Everyone.

...I wrote that two years ago. I don't even remember writing that. I don't remember this thread. Probably because it was two years ago.

Please don't make counterpoints to things I wrote two years ago. Chances are I don't even hold the same opinion I did when that post was written, and either way my participation in this conversation ended two years ago. Thus, your responding to it is a waste of your time and mine.

 

[BlackStar42]

I love living in Britain, where we have a precise total of 0 animals that will kill you, no blizzards, no baking hot droughts, no earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanoes or tsunamis. Although we do have to put up with His Toryness.

Well up in Scotland we have the Ned. They're known to frequent venues dispensing alcohol. They have a high chance of unprovoked attack which has a chance of being fatal. If one is witnessed the best thing to do is contact the authorities who will politely remove it from your vicinity and set it down closer to its nest in the nearest Council Estate and/or drug den.

We also have the Haggis which, contrary to popular belief among American tourists, uses its long leg to kick you in the crotch then then strangle you to death.

I just imagined Attenborough saying your post, and lol'd hard. So a Ned is the Scottish version of a chav...can't say I've ever heard that word used before.

 

[TyrantGanado]

I love living in Britain, where we have a precise total of 0 animals that will kill you, no blizzards, no baking hot droughts, no earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanoes or tsunamis. Although we do have to put up with His Toryness.

Well up in Scotland we have the Ned. They're known to frequent venues dispensing alcohol. They have a high chance of unprovoked attack which has a chance of being fatal. If one is witnessed the best thing to do is contact the authorities who will politely remove it from your vicinity and set it down closer to its nest in the nearest Council Estate and/or drug den.

We also have the Haggis which, contrary to popular belief among American tourists, uses its long leg to kick you in the crotch then then strangle you to death.

I just imagined Attenborough saying your post, and lol'd hard. So a Ned is the Scottish version of a chav...can't say I've ever heard that word used before.

Yeah, it's a fairly localised term here, but they do go by "chav" in equal measure too. Now I just need to submit this to Sir David.

 

[teqrevisited]

Well...If I saw one of those I would likely try to kill it. But I was refering to these spiders:


Yes I'm evil.

GRAAARGH! You had to post that... thing! The one in the OP was horrible enough. Urrghh. I'm going to be paranoid for the next hour or so looking out for that fucking thing now .

 

[arcaneviper]

oh dam you ultrajoe! I'm barefoot and i have this crawling sensation all over my feet now! D:<... and godam.. trees? stinging trees?.. i now realize why i never wanted a passport... *hugs nearest tree* i like you Britain you won't try to kill me for being here.

 

[kjh242]

scary is one of those SFW f**kers having children with one of the big spiders. Although i had already wanted to visit australia. despite the fact that every damn animal is trying to kill you.

 

[kjh242]

Anyways, the american southwest is already full of eeeeevil. We have diamondbacks, black widows, wolves, scorpions, etc

 

[Dungeons]

Fuck spiders, FUCK THEM! They make standing between a female caribou and her young sound like a walk in the park.

 

[TheRealCJ]

I love living in Britain, where we have a precise total of 0 animals that will kill you, no blizzards, no baking hot droughts, no earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanoes or tsunamis. Although we do have to put up with His Toryness.

And the humiliation of being English, of course.

Spoiler

Hey, it's better than being French. Or German. Or American. Or Australian. Or anywhere that isn't Scandinavia, lucky bastards.

Oh yeah? Well, to both reply to you, and get back on topic:

Spoiler

 

[BlackStar42]

I love living in Britain, where we have a precise total of 0 animals that will kill you, no blizzards, no baking hot droughts, no earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanoes or tsunamis. Although we do have to put up with His Toryness.

And the humiliation of being English, of course.

Spoiler

Hey, it's better than being French. Or German. Or American. Or Australian. Or anywhere that isn't Scandinavia, lucky bastards.

Oh yeah? Well, to both reply to you, and get back on topic:

Spoiler

Spoiler

...I think I need a change of trousers now. That's one of the most horrifying things I've ever seen, and that includes Offended.

 

[Singularly Datarific]

The Australian Travel Agency is going to notice this.

 

[Ultrajoe]

The Australian Travel Agency is going to notice this.

That's only because they're all spiders.

 

[ChupathingyX]

Why does everyone judge Australia's fauna based on the "bad" ones?

Yeah we have massive crocodiles, creey spiders, the strangest animal in the world, the most dangerous bird in the world and the most venemous land snake in the world....

...but we also have Bandicoots!

And wallabies...

The clown fish!

And the crimson rosella...