The Sydney Funnel Web: Unfair

[sylekage]

Laughed my ass off for a lot of it.

Then it got to the spider part.

(O_O) That was my face for the rest of it. I freaking haaaate spiders

 

[ecoho]

pretty much the reason ill never go to Australia. Also i like crocs they get a bad rap case they kill the stupid, that being said i do make it a point to live in a place were reptiles tend to avoid and the deadliest spider we have is a black widow.(though the bear and moutain lions do make you a little wary)

 

[Meestor Pickle]

I've heard of those. I understand that they are the only spiders on the planet who will chase a human down even when nothing was done to provoke them. That's scary, even before you know the symptoms.

And this why every Australian is required by law to wear at LEAST 10kg boots on each foot.

 

[dietpeachsnapple]

But really, if you find a funnel shaped web, don't go sticking you fingers in it. It's that simple.

The problem is that the Males wander all over the place, so anything vaguely funnel-shaped will entice it, so check your shoes if you leave them outside.

Read: Check your shoes always. You take them off to check them? Check them again. Put them on. Repeat. You see a blue car? Might be a good time to stop and have a look. Lend them to a friend? Your friend might be a spider - time to check.

 

[Diablo27]

Yeah...no offense, I like Australian culture. But the flora and fauna scare me. Horrendously. Even more so, now that you showed me that spider.

None taken, the flora and fauna scare the Hell out of me as well. I've lived here my whole life

 

[thelonewolf266]

Ok I am now officially terrified. THANKS FOR THAT GUYS.On the bright side I now have a reason to like living in Scotland.

 

[MelziGurl]

But really, if you find a funnel shaped web, don't go sticking you fingers in it. It's that simple.

The problem is that the Males wander all over the place, so anything vaguely funnel-shaped will entice it, so check your shoes if you leave them outside.

Read: Check your shoes always. You take them off to check them? Check them again. Put them on. Repeat. You see a blue car? Might be a good time to stop and have a look. Lend them to a friend? Your friend might be a spider - time to check.

I have been extremely paranoid about this ever since I put my shoes on in a sleepy daze only to discover a Huntsman was taking up residence in them...now I check my shoes daily. Though I live in Queensland, I worry more about snakes than spiders

 

[thelonewolf266]

Also they caught an alligator in the Northern part of Alabama that had been seen with an intact deer in it's mouth

Spoiler: Ima Love Crocs And Gators Eating Things

I love all things crocodilian, and most things alligator-ish (The climate is colder there, even in florida, so the Crocs tend to be a little more active) so i'm adding your shot to my folder of awesome pictures.

That wound is nasty, that's the kind of necrotic I was talking about with the SFW, although you tend to lose the affected fingers, but damn that's a horrible bite. And from such a tiny spider... I think we may have underestimated our foe. They should never breed.

Spoiler: Couldn't Resist, spider haters should not click.

--------​

I wanted to take a second to discuss the Redback spider, which is named for the cats-eye stripe of red that runs down it's nasty little back. This sucker is even tinier than the brown recluse, and can kill you if it's lucky but will mostly just make you wish it had. It's got nothing on the saber-fanged monstrosity that is the funnel-web, but I think one thing cannot be ignored:

God damnit​

I just shat my pants I hate you right now why am I still reading all this.

 

[jackpipsam]

Yes cuz all us Aussies live in NSW and hang around outside.

 

[Griffolion]

just a few more extreme animals

TARDIGRADE

1.5 mm long, 150 c tempature? no fucking problem, 1000 times the radiation of any other living animal on the planet? you bet. MOTHERFUCKING VACUUM OF SPACE? NO GOD DAMN PROBLEM! thats right, he will follow your ass to MARS just to fuck you up, oh they can come back to life also, all they need is some water.

BOMBARDIER BEETLE

you see this? this is your death, and it comes from this bastards ass. thats right, he sprays you with his ass fluids which melts your skin, MELTS YOUR SKIN, you heard me. think that he isnt that hardcore, thats okay, theres over 500 species of this bastard to help you think otherwise.

POISON ARROW FROG

only a few centimeters long, bright ass blue, and unlike most frogs, walks around in the daylight. why? because he has 200 ways of messing you up. he eats the amazon's poisonus ants for food, to the ants, death is a rainbow. even the tribes wear baseball gloves when handling this beast so they can wipe their arrows on his toxin, thats how deadly he is.

DOUBLE BIRD

are you seeing this? ARE YOU SEEING THIS! because i dont think you are. thats right, a bird riding another bird, a hawk even. the hawk will rip out your neck while his friend pecks out your eyes, this is truly the final boss of the animal kingdom.

Seriously dude you should do your own wildlife show or something where you just rant about how deadly things are, it's cracking me up just reading those descriptions! My favourite: "he will follow your ass to MARS just to fuck you up". LMAO

 

[Biosophilogical]

I love Australia with all my heart. *sings national anthem*

We have a lot of Redbacks here in South East Queensland.

And brown snakes. Don't forget the brown snakes that will leap ten feet through the air to kill you.

*sings anthem with Major_Sam*

 

[Tax_Document]

I hate ROCK-Fish.
And Red Backs, worse than you Black Widows... Dawg!

 

[Tax_Document]

Bah ... all Australian animals (and flora) are HARMLESS ... the only thing I fear in Australia is the Irukandji ... it kills you by pain( and the subsequent drowning caused by the worst pain you will ever feel in your entire life).

And the best thing about the irukandji is that the poison that causes the intense pain won't even be touched by morphine

Irukandji syndrome in fun :3 You haven't felt nothing until you've been stung by the irukandji jellyfish n.n Death by pain .... fun Oh yeah, and to make matters worse ... one symptom of Irukandji syndrome is also 'an unknowable feeling of DOOM' ...

So it's not just being poisoned, it's also being mindfucked whilst poisoned.

Imagine if you could synthesise the toxin into a poisonous dart? #.#

My dad got stung by one of those, he screamed and rolled around vomitting, now he has scars all over his arms.

 

[Wondermint13]

My Girlfriend wanted to go to Sydney.
I'm showing her this...

 

[SextusMaximus]

This thread has been Necro'd... GET IT NECRO'D? hahahaha!

I got another one! These spiders most definitely AREN'T suitable for work!

Witty hey?

 

[Canned Spam]

You forget to mention that it takes a full day for them to drown.
Incidentally, I'm going to Sydney next week.

 

[USSR]

....
*Checks Australia off "Places not to visit."

 

[HentMas]

snip
Huntsmen are harmless, they're just ugly. They also kill mosquitoes which is why I don't object to them taking up residence in my house. That is until they start spawning and then I scowl a bit.

really??

 

[Scorched_Cascade]

I remembered this thread from the first time round, somewhat surprised to see it re-emerge, what's with the necro? Were you reading old posts and didn't notice or were you desiring to get probed or was it just that you wanted to unearth a quality post from times long past (and evoke nostalgia over Ultrajoe's reviews)? Regardless we can all agree that spiders need to die.

Check out the beast at number 6:
http://www.cracked.com/article_16054_6-endangered-species-that-arent-endangered-enough.html

 

[Broken Orange]

So what you are saying is, Australia is a more violent version of the planet of "Bulletstorm"?