The Weirdest Essay You Wrote?

[Squiggles]

We had a 'off the top of your head essay' where the teacher would say a random word and we would have to start writing about it, after 20 minutes he would say another word. The three words he said was 'school','pastry' and 'dinosaurs'... and some how I was the only one in class who made a comprehensible essay on all three subjects tying into each other. creative writing for the win.

 

[Nouw]

I wrote an Essay on How Video Games Are Good For You. I got the highest grade in the class even though half of it was missing.

 

[justhereforthemoney]

About creating legal brothels for house-flies.

 

[Ham_authority95]

First year university
Thesis: Potatoes = Cthulhu
Title: The starch that should not be
74%

You should have gotten 300% for a masterpiece like that.

 

[direkiller]

There was an essy that was to be graded by a computer program
the topic was a great invention and a buddy of mine picked the light saber he got a 10/10 on it

another buddy of mine had a topic for something that is unique to you it was a no credit assignment so he wrote the whole thing in Chinese (Chinese was his first language)

Oddest one I wrote was how George Orwell was a crappy writer because he flat out told you what the imagery in his books were

 

[MortisLegio]

I wrote a persuasive essay on why we should eat "old" people*

*the essay was satirical

 

[direkiller]

I wrote a persuasive essay on why we should eat "old" people*

*the essay was satirical

Seems like a modest proposal

 

[RazgrizInferno]

I wrote an essay about how easily Fallout 3 could actually happen from where we are now.

Wrote another one about how America could annex Mexico.

And yet another one which was a interpretation of Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" revised to apply to modern America. People who know what Swift's work was about should recognize the weirdness. XD

 

[Discord]

In a sexology class (college health class elective) we had to write an essay on who we were attracted to in our class and why. Oh the after class conversations were of youtube video caliber I'll tell you what!

 

[scoobyduped]

Not really weird, but I once wrote an essay about why high school students procrastinate. I started said essay at around midnight the night before it was due.

 

[ace_of_something]

I did an essay on child molesters facial hair. The assignement was about how statistics can be misleading or something.
My findings were that most Chimos had thin wispy facial hair particularly mustaches. Dark colored hair was far more common.

 

[RowdyRodimus]

I was supposed to write an essay on Rio De Janeiro but somehow became about Die Hard and John McClanes wife Holly Gennaro. I still got an A on it simply because I was my teachers favorite student and actually wrote out tests for the class for him. I had come from a private school, so I was about four to five years ahead of everyone in the class in terms of what we covered, so after making 100% on everything the first nine weeks of class, I pretty much became a teacher's aide.

 

[tehweave]

This semester at college I took a poetry writing class (mistake) and had to write an essay on WHY we took the class on the first day. She said it could be informal, humorous, whatever. She basically wanted to see what our personalities were like. I ended up writing an essay that was as ADD as I am, flip flopping between subjects, constantly changing topics, no overall theme, and frankly I never quite knew what I got on it.

 

[drisky]

Monsanto is an evil corporation that is slowly killing everyone by poisoning your food! It was originally just supposed to be about genetic engineering in food.

 

[jubosu]

I wrote a ten page research paper on Blizzard Entertainment and all of its intellectual property.
Along with an accompanying twenty minute presentation on history and brief game play videos.
This of course was my high school graduation paper.
It is a sad life i lead my friends.

 

[WhamBamSam]

I wrote an essay last semester saying that the Iron Maiden song "Powerslave" was an indictment of Reagan-Era consumerism.

Spoiler: Here is the song for anyone unfamiliar with it

In a nutshell, a dying pharaoh is lamenting his own mortality, the idea that he should "live [his] last hour a slave to the power of death."

Spoiler: This is the essay's conclusion, which was the best part

We as a society would do well to mean it as we nod in the act of headbanging to "Powerslave." As things stand, we are ravaged by our own commercialism, enslaved by our own belongings and by our own mortality. The reactionary Christian Right that spearhead this culture of hedonistic self-deification in the name of 'family values' and 'economic responsibility' seem to believe in little other than the base and the material. What little that does remain of their faith reeks of the pettiness and superstition of ancient Paganism. They do not feed the hungry, but rather suspect that poverty is the result of deficiency in work ethic, and devote their time to attacking anything that doesn't fit comfortably into their world view. Such was the case when Reagan era soccer moms attacked Iron Maiden's 1982 album Number of the Beast, burning the CDs en masse in order to 'protect the children' from the music's supposed satanic influences. Through this arrogance and folly, the concept of permanence in material possession is disfigured into the prospect of eternity in a hellish tomb. This is a culture from which we must flee, and quickly. We cannot spare time to let our bread rise, for as the yeast expands so too does the next bubble destined to pop disastrously. The ascension of Wall Street's next false profit and false god is near at hand. If one listens closely, they can almost hear AIG sing out, "bring me the blood and red wine, for the one to succeed me. For he is a man and a god, and he will die too" (Powerslave). As we know from our present experience, "when the life-giver dies, all around is laid waste" (Powerslave). We should know better than to let ourselves and our futures be thusly sealed in stone. We don't have to be powerslaves.

Spoiler: While I'm at it, here are some of the better bits from my end of semester self-assessment

"It's difficult for me to take literary or cultural analysis particularly seriously when no matter how rigorous the argument, the end result is never able to transcend the realm of subjective opinion. Because of this, I have a tendency to see English papers as being an improper venue for the formalism of a mathematical proof, and generally better suited to the raw eloquence of a deranged coke-frenzy fueled by severe sleep-deprivation and hardcore rock music in the vein of an impassioned rant or a love letter."

"Throughout this semester, and really since my junior year of High School, I haven't done work in English classes with intent to learn, but rather to see just how much I could get away with. Most of my development as a writer has been due to the influence of other writers, acting like a dick on the internet, and my own cognitive faculties being better suited to literary communication than to oral."

 

[Sporky111]

I haven't written many essays, but there was one that I wrote for a diploma exam that was interesting. I wrote about how believing in your own abilities affects your performance, but I used the movies "A Knights Tale" and "The Matrix" as examples.

 

[Zedzero]

The holocaust and why it needed to happen.

97% No joke, I think it was the satire that won him over.

 

[Zedzero]

I wrote a persuasive essay on why we should eat "old" people*

*the essay was satirical

Seems like a modest proposal

Mhmm...fish be fishy!

 

[Yureina]

I wrote an essay on video game addiction. I've so far used it 3 times throughout my college years. Not exactly weird, but its certainly interesting getting different grades on it each time.

Isn't that against academic integrity rules?

I wasn't aware that I was breaking any rules...so no. Probably not.

It's for sure not ok.

...What?

I don't think they beat people up too badly for it, but i'd imagine that they would not like it very much if you did turn in the same paper for two different classes. I wouldn't know because I haven't done it, and since i'm graduating college within 6 weeks, i'm not likely to ever find out.