There's a girl... that old chestnut

[Mcapplepie]

Curious to see how this turns out.

PS: grow a spine and ask her, but probably skip the part about you being obsessed with her, and for how long, and all the other stalker-esque qualities until she's in the bag.
Otherwise, she might have a Sound Of Music impulse and run for the hills.

 

[Katana314]

To those saying you have nothing to lose: Wrong. Many people lose a lot of self-esteem from rejection, and often lose the chances of having a normal conversation with her. It's not exactly close physical contact or anything, but given the choice between periodic normal conversations and a very low chance of contact, it may be a tough decision.

See, thats the problem. People let the rejection bring them down. If you do that, of course it will be worse. But, seriously, the worst thing that could happen is that she says, "No." What you do afterward with that answer is on you. If you let it bring you down, then you're doing that to yourself.

This is coming from someone who's self esteem hit an all-time-low over the course of the last five years and is just now starting to come back now that I've begun living my life this way.

Can you honestly just tell someone NOT to be depressed about something when it's a human reaction?
"My sister died in a mugging..."
"Get over it! Jeez, stop moping."

I did not "let" rejection bring me down. It brought me down. It's possible that other people are able to respond differently, but that's them.

 

[Iron Mal]

right, first thing's first, there's a girl that i've liked for a long time now, sinc at last june last year and in october i had just built up the courage to ask her out, but turns out she was dating one of best friends without my knowledge, and this had been for several months.

now last friday her boyfriend broke up with her to go out with his ex, who he cheated on in the first place so he could go out with the girl i like, and now that she's single i want to ask her before i lose her again, so im asking for any advice and opinions any of you many have but only if you think it will genuinely help because this girl means the world to me, any advice on when to ask her, how, what to say etc... would much very very appreciated, thank you

It may be best to wait if she's just come out of a relationship (the topic of relationships may still be a bit of a sore spot for her if it was a particularly bad break up) but if you're feeling like now is the best time then I'd say be gentle about it, be supportive and reassuring about what's happened and show that you really do care for her and how she feels (she'll probably appreciate that in the given situation).

As for dealing with nerves, everyone is different. Some people talk to themselves in the mirror, some people just don't think about it and others still down seven and a half cases of Russian vodka. At the end of the day you should do what works best for you and makes you feel most calm and relaxed.

Sure, you're without a doubt gonna be nervous as hell anyway (I'm sure most people are) but look at it this way, if she says yes then she feels the same way you do and allow me to say congratulations and good luck in advance, if she says no then at least you know where you stand with her and you can still be friends (better to know how things are than to have doubts about it eating away at you).

Whatever you do, good luck, I hope the advice I gave is helpful and I hope things work out for you.

 

[RiboNucleicAxe]

Ask her out soon the friend zone is real and it sucks.
That's all I've got sorry.
Also this should probably be in the advice section.

The friend zone is real, but can be overcome. And the result is so much more awesome.

 

[sparten042]

alright, hey agaian. so i just got back from college, all goes well until the ed of the day, so this is what i did;

i walk up to her start chatting and just casully say do you want to come too te cinema on saturday, to which she replies she's busy all weekend, the thing is we've got a week break next week and im not sure if i should wait til after the holiday to do it in person or ask her through text or msn or whatever.

she said to try again some other time, so now i really have to get it right 'cause three times seems desperate to me...

 

[Kaytastrophe]

alright, hey agaian. so i just got back from college, all goes well until the ed of the day, so this is what i did;

i walk up to her start chatting and just casully say do you want to come too te cinema on saturday, to which she replies she's busy all weekend, the thing is we've got a week break next week and im not sure if i should wait til after the holiday to do it in person or ask her through text or msn or whatever.

she said to try again some other time, so now i really have to get it right 'cause three times seems desperate to me...

Hey man first of all I'm proud of you for asking, and she didn't technically say no so yah to that! If I were you I would leave her for a week, make her think about you a bit (distance makes the heart grow fonder) she knows your interested so there is no rush. I would wait a week and then ask her. That is my opinion though and I am not good with this situation, maybe someone else can give better advice but that is what I would do

 

[sparten042]

i was actually stuck between saddness and anger initially, of course not infront of her i waited til i got home, but now im like, ""hell yeah motherfucka", i just need to plan what to say better next time.

 

[sparten042]

To those saying you have nothing to lose: Wrong. Many people lose a lot of self-esteem from rejection, and often lose the chances of having a normal conversation with her. It's not exactly close physical contact or anything, but given the choice between periodic normal conversations and a very low chance of contact, it may be a tough decision.

See, thats the problem. People let the rejection bring them down. If you do that, of course it will be worse. But, seriously, the worst thing that could happen is that she says, "No." What you do afterward with that answer is on you. If you let it bring you down, then you're doing that to yourself.

This is coming from someone who's self esteem hit an all-time-low over the course of the last five years and is just now starting to come back now that I've begun living my life this way.

i know how you feel, when it come to rejection, i never usually take it well but now if you know it's a possibility, blank every other doubt from your mind and set your sights firmly on your goal, if you dont think about what will happen, it makes it easier to focus on what is happening

 

[Thundero13]

This seems weird but I really want this to end up well for you, the only news I ever hear is bad, I don't know anyone else who cares about love so it's really nice to see your situation, good luck with her, I really mean it

 

[Smooth Operator]

alright, hey agaian. so i just got back from college, all goes well until the ed of the day, so this is what i did;

i walk up to her start chatting and just casully say do you want to come too te cinema on saturday, to which she replies she's busy all weekend, the thing is we've got a week break next week and im not sure if i should wait til after the holiday to do it in person or ask her through text or msn or whatever.

she said to try again some other time, so now i really have to get it right 'cause three times seems desperate to me...

First off, nicely done. Too bad it didn't work yet.
I would wait a little before asking her out again, give her a week or two to make her wonder, she might even end up asking you in the end.

 

[sparten042]

thank you everyone for the advice your're all appreciated very much at the moment and i've been hyper none stop since i realised what happened earlier, those of you who know of the band the darkness will know what i mean when i say that some of their songs are exactly what im feeling like right now, also i will either post the result on this thread or start a new one, either way check back semi-regularly and i'll keep you all posted on progress.

 

[Gxas]

alright, hey agaian. so i just got back from college, all goes well until the ed of the day, so this is what i did;

i walk up to her start chatting and just casully say do you want to come too te cinema on saturday, to which she replies she's busy all weekend, the thing is we've got a week break next week and im not sure if i should wait til after the holiday to do it in person or ask her through text or msn or whatever.

she said to try again some other time, so now i really have to get it right 'cause three times seems desperate to me...

In my opinion, the more personal the better. Text and MSN are very impersonal. But think about this, you've made a move, and you weren't completely rejected. Now, if you do it again and she says that she's busy all weekend, then you might want to start breaking things off a bit. Just a little. Start working on not feeling that way about her. There is nothing worse than obsessing over someone who just isn't worth those feelings.

Congratulations though. I'm proud of you.

Can you honestly just tell someone NOT to be depressed about something when it's a human reaction?
"My sister died in a mugging..."
"Get over it! Jeez, stop moping."

I did not "let" rejection bring me down. It brought me down. It's possible that other people are able to respond differently, but that's them.

There's a very big difference between getting rejecting and having a loved one die. A very big difference. I know that rejection won't bring me down anymore because I'm focusing on making myself as happy as I can. Knowing that, and having that train of thought in everything I do, has made me realize that people who don't want to get to know me, aren't worth my time. Plain and simple as that.

 

[ZtH]

To the OP congratulations on stepping up to the plate I hope everything works out for the best. I would also recommend giving it a little time and as Gxas said keep it personal, doing it in a manner that isn't face to face is not generally recommended. Either way it's good to hear you got over the hardest bump of initiating a relationship, so props to you!

 

[sparten042]

i need something to do when i ask her out i dont know something fun, charming etc.. but i just want it special. and i really dont care how ourageous something happened today that made me realise that i should go for it whatever i do..