Things that Hollywood have taught us.
- Thread starter Deadlock Radium
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- It takes 30 seconds to trace phone calls. And if you hang up before that, there's no way the police can figure it out.
- All revolvers are either six-shooters or they never need to be reloaded.
- Empty guns go "click-click-click" when you repeatedly pull the trigger. Even single actions, semi- or full automatics.
- Newton's third law don't apply when shooting people.
- Nobody ever volunteers information to the police unless they are blackmailed or threatened.
- All revolvers are either six-shooters or they never need to be reloaded.
- Empty guns go "click-click-click" when you repeatedly pull the trigger. Even single actions, semi- or full automatics.
- Newton's third law don't apply when shooting people.
- Nobody ever volunteers information to the police unless they are blackmailed or threatened.
According to horror movies:
Sluts always die.
When a man in chasing you in your house with a knife, never run upstairs.
If there is a sequel, you will live in one illogical way or another.
Sluts always die.
When a man in chasing you in your house with a knife, never run upstairs.
If there is a sequel, you will live in one illogical way or another.
-De-fibs will always jump start the heart.
-A female's armor class is inversely proportional to the amount of cloth on thier body
-It is traditional to explain your plans. No matter what.
-Goatees are a sign of evil.
-Unless you are an ex-military badass with a angst filled backstory, being bald is clearly being evil.
-Evil corporations need to stop hiring people that are liable to sleep with the sauve spy.
-A female's armor class is inversely proportional to the amount of cloth on thier body
-It is traditional to explain your plans. No matter what.
-Goatees are a sign of evil.
-Unless you are an ex-military badass with a angst filled backstory, being bald is clearly being evil.
-Evil corporations need to stop hiring people that are liable to sleep with the sauve spy.
The most obvious bad guys are rarely your enemy. Except obvious super-villains.
Dead people don't ever lose their bowel, piss themselves, or have embarrassing erections.
If you're a poor, downtrodden man, or have regrets about your past, the girl will totally get into your pants. She'll want to talk about your shitty life afterward - you've been warned.
If you aren't completely sure that someone you know is real, it's because they're actually YOU. This is especially true if said person commits crimes.
Dead people don't ever lose their bowel, piss themselves, or have embarrassing erections.
If you're a poor, downtrodden man, or have regrets about your past, the girl will totally get into your pants. She'll want to talk about your shitty life afterward - you've been warned.
If you aren't completely sure that someone you know is real, it's because they're actually YOU. This is especially true if said person commits crimes.
Women always sleep wearing a Bra.
Fat Kids = Heroes
If you travel back to the court of King Arthur or whatever everyone speaks perfect modern english, except the scottish brute and the Irish funny guy who always starts fights in some rare examples some of the medieval english persons were magically turned into blacks.
If some folks get together (again) after about 90 minutes random people start applauding and dancing to music that comes out of nowhere.
The War of The Worlds bacteria/germ phenomenon just works with Aliens visiting earth, never the other way around.
If someone says "did you hear something", joke about someone beeing scared or say "its just the wind" or just wait till he/she says "it was probably nothing".
If you laugh because your enemy missed you with his last shot, you will die seconds later in an explosion from behind or under something falling on your head.
If you advertise for a party in someones house, especially if you dont like that person, some bulky dude with a barrel of beer on his shoulder kicks in the door like a douchbaggy Cool-Aid Man.This must happen, you will see him again , two scenes later, surrounded by a crowd shouting "drink!drink!drink!", if he drinks with a girl, he passes out with 75% propability.
The guy at whose house you start the party, will never call the police, he will sit on a couch or in a corner with his 3 geeky friends or runs through the house helplessy trying to prevend some destruction.
Fat Kids = Heroes
If you travel back to the court of King Arthur or whatever everyone speaks perfect modern english, except the scottish brute and the Irish funny guy who always starts fights in some rare examples some of the medieval english persons were magically turned into blacks.
If some folks get together (again) after about 90 minutes random people start applauding and dancing to music that comes out of nowhere.
The War of The Worlds bacteria/germ phenomenon just works with Aliens visiting earth, never the other way around.
If someone says "did you hear something", joke about someone beeing scared or say "its just the wind" or just wait till he/she says "it was probably nothing".
If you laugh because your enemy missed you with his last shot, you will die seconds later in an explosion from behind or under something falling on your head.
If you advertise for a party in someones house, especially if you dont like that person, some bulky dude with a barrel of beer on his shoulder kicks in the door like a douchbaggy Cool-Aid Man.This must happen, you will see him again , two scenes later, surrounded by a crowd shouting "drink!drink!drink!", if he drinks with a girl, he passes out with 75% propability.
The guy at whose house you start the party, will never call the police, he will sit on a couch or in a corner with his 3 geeky friends or runs through the house helplessy trying to prevend some destruction.
Battle hardened super soldiers will be wiped out by some farmboy win a plot coupon
Re-loading is an option. Dropping your weapon and picking up a new one is far more practical.
Wearing a helmet in a war zone (especially one that covers the face) is a death sentence.
Charging over open ground towards an enemy fixed position is an effective tactic.
The underdog always wins, even if the opponent is bigger, stronger, faster, more natural talent, and has years more training and experience. All you need to do is believe in yourself.
Relationships between protagonists always work out despite massive personality differences and incompatibility. Also, said relationship can be undone by a simple misunderstanding rather than money issues, stress, work or any other reason.
Re-loading is an option. Dropping your weapon and picking up a new one is far more practical.
Wearing a helmet in a war zone (especially one that covers the face) is a death sentence.
Charging over open ground towards an enemy fixed position is an effective tactic.
The underdog always wins, even if the opponent is bigger, stronger, faster, more natural talent, and has years more training and experience. All you need to do is believe in yourself.
Relationships between protagonists always work out despite massive personality differences and incompatibility. Also, said relationship can be undone by a simple misunderstanding rather than money issues, stress, work or any other reason.
Visible minorities have no chance of surviving horror movies, nor do the: cool character, the funny character, the character who probably would survive the movie in real life, and the hot chick.
Also, having a scar makes you evil, being foreign makes you evil. If there is a foreign guy with a scar he is probably the leader of the bad guys.
Guns never jam in combat, for anyone.
Non-vital characters kan never kill the main character. If you hear that the good guy is in your base, and you havent had a big roll in the previous events, you CAN NOT KILL HIM, he has some kind of armor from a wizard. Like the armor that major allied characters in the Call of Duty series.
Also, despite being from completely different galaxies, aliens will usually share characteristics with humans (eyes, ears, nose, mouth, legs, feet, bones, a similar bone structure) There is never a galaxy where the planets require different characteristics to deal with different ecosystems.
Also, all aliens breath oxygen.
Also, having a scar makes you evil, being foreign makes you evil. If there is a foreign guy with a scar he is probably the leader of the bad guys.
Guns never jam in combat, for anyone.
Non-vital characters kan never kill the main character. If you hear that the good guy is in your base, and you havent had a big roll in the previous events, you CAN NOT KILL HIM, he has some kind of armor from a wizard. Like the armor that major allied characters in the Call of Duty series.
Also, despite being from completely different galaxies, aliens will usually share characteristics with humans (eyes, ears, nose, mouth, legs, feet, bones, a similar bone structure) There is never a galaxy where the planets require different characteristics to deal with different ecosystems.
Also, all aliens breath oxygen.
All romances follow the strict rule of:
girl meets boy,
girl and boy flirt coyly or don't like each other to start with,
girl and boy get together,
girl and boy have massive fight,
boy/girl does something overtly romantic and wins back boy/girl,
they hook up.
Seriously, hollywood has used this rom-com forumla so many times it's a wonder people don't think that real relationships are like this!
Also, Hollywood has taught us that in a tight squeeze, you need a man in a vest to save the day not twenty fully armed battle-hardened policemen/comandos. (Or is that just Die Hard?).
girl meets boy,
girl and boy flirt coyly or don't like each other to start with,
girl and boy get together,
girl and boy have massive fight,
boy/girl does something overtly romantic and wins back boy/girl,
they hook up.
Seriously, hollywood has used this rom-com forumla so many times it's a wonder people don't think that real relationships are like this!
Also, Hollywood has taught us that in a tight squeeze, you need a man in a vest to save the day not twenty fully armed battle-hardened policemen/comandos. (Or is that just Die Hard?).
No, no... Hackers is.Quaxar said:
Anyone can escape from government custody because the guards on your door are always inept.
Henchmen are horrible shots, as are trained Stormtroopers and other soldier types, unless you know their name, then they can wound but not kill you. Such an inconvenience.
A Macintosh is all it takes to hack an alien network and upload a "virus". (ID4)
Tokyo is not a safe city to live in, what with all the Godzilla attacks.
Morgan Freeman is really God in disguise.
The voice in your head is either James Earl Jones or Morgan Freeman depending on what era you were born in.
AI is bad, will take over the world and destroy humanity because we're racist hatemongers who kill anything different than ourselves.
Everyone in the world has a prefix of "555" after area codes.
88 mph is the speed at which you travel through time.
The end fight will involve you getting your arse handed to you hard... Until you remember about Timmy... To which you get up with no real ill effects, fully healed like a Paladin just walked past and now you've been buffed to shit... allowing you to kick major arse... The power of love makes you immune to all your enemies attacks...
The only sensible person in an horror movie will be killed off early, otherwise there wouldn't be a movie.
The only sensible person in an horror movie will be killed off early, otherwise there wouldn't be a movie.
Do I sense a "Ten things I hate about you" reference?.Fetzenfisch said:
- In situ tracheotomy are used more often than CPR after car accidents.
- No one ever slaughter and carve up their prey when done hunting, it will always be roped to the hood of their car.
- Children never die on screen (unless they have cancer and it's a Sunday special made for TV movie)
- Nobody goes to take a shit unless it's essential for the plot that they die on the can.
- Any gun can be picked up and used competently by anyone if they are on team Good. Training is almost never required.
- Tourette always manifests as hilarious swearing and schizophrenia is the same as dissociative identity disorder.
*edit*
And
If you land on a foreign planet, you only need to check if the atmosphere is breathable before taking of your helmet or beaming down. Alien microbiology can only harm humans if used as an weapon, never by accident.
- No one ever slaughter and carve up their prey when done hunting, it will always be roped to the hood of their car.
- Children never die on screen (unless they have cancer and it's a Sunday special made for TV movie)
- Nobody goes to take a shit unless it's essential for the plot that they die on the can.
- Any gun can be picked up and used competently by anyone if they are on team Good. Training is almost never required.
- Tourette always manifests as hilarious swearing and schizophrenia is the same as dissociative identity disorder.
*edit*
And
This!Fetzenfisch said:
If you land on a foreign planet, you only need to check if the atmosphere is breathable before taking of your helmet or beaming down. Alien microbiology can only harm humans if used as an weapon, never by accident.
If a person has got a British accent, he's probably the evil one/the traitor.
Enemies can't shoot for shit and hitting people with a gun is more efficient than shooting them.
Enemies can't shoot for shit and hitting people with a gun is more efficient than shooting them.
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