Things you dont say or do at a funeral

[badgersprite]

Things you shouldn't say if you're a funeral director. Imagine a funeral director talking loudly on a cellphone at the service.

"What do you mean you cremated the wrong body? Well, who's body is in there?"

"Ah, the old body in the passenger seat trick. Gets me in the carpool lane every time. Oh, crap, did I leave her in there? Shit!"

"Well, my dog had to eat something! We're in a recession, you guys!"

"No, it's cool. We'll dig her up in a week and recycle the coffin. Penny saved, penny earned, am I right?"

"What? No, he's not a real priest. I just put my cousin in a black shirt. Everyone's buying it. Way cheaper."

"Damn it, I told you not to let the kids play with the embalming fluid! God, they've made a mess of her in there. It's like looking at week old spaghetti and meatballs..."

"Yeah, I'm hungover. No, it's alright; I threw up in the urn. I don't think anybody noticed. Heh, just wait til the poor sod puts his hand in there to scatter the ashes."

"I lost the ashes. Yeah, I dropped the urn, and they just spilled everywhere. It's cool, though, I just emptied my vacuum cleaner in a new urn. Same diff, right?"

"What do you mean I'm being investigated? Damn it, that necrophilia charge was overturned! They didn't have any evidence against me!"

 

[ForensicYOYO]

Gigidy gigidy. Alright! lol

 

[Valiance]

I unfortunately went to a funeral where one of my cousins who I had never met until then was painfully obviously flirting with me.

It was interesting but definitely felt out of place and a bit awkward.

 

[sanguinator]

Never admit to having slept with the deceased...or that they were awesome in bed.

It doesn't end well.

it sounds as if you may have said this.....

here are some of my ideas of what not to say:

Wow this guy is really convincing!

can i loot him? he's supposed to have an item for a quest...

guess he had a dinner to DIE for right?

hey why is this guy sleeping at his funeral?

 

[Stuntkid]

"So, who gets his car?"

 

[Skorpyo]

You walk up to the casket to pay your respects, when suddenly, you dance...

 

[cheese_wizington]

"Your next."

Or light something on fire I don't see that working.

 

[Naheal]

Ask xkcd. It knows.

As always... xkcd wins.

 

[Naheal]

Never admit to having slept with the deceased...or that they were awesome in bed.

It doesn't end well.

No. No it does not

Yeah...Doesn't help that his wife overheard.

Was it followed by crying/stating that they didn't know that about their husband?

 

[triggrhappy94]

... necrophilia anyone?


OT:
get drunk at the reception, steal the body and a microphone, then stand in front of everyone arm around the body and give a toast like you're at a wedding and the body's the groom

 

[Belgian_Waffles]

"Well this blows, I'm going to go whack it."

 

[oblivion220791]

"Food Fight!!!"

 

[The Salty Vulcan]

Never admit to having slept with the deceased...or that they were awesome in bed.

It doesn't end well.

No. No it does not

Yeah...Doesn't help that his wife overheard.

Was it followed by crying/stating that they didn't know that about their husband?

Well...No. It didn't happen. Or at least I hope not I was pretty plastered.

 

[Substance-E]

Definitely DO NOT throw rice on the deceased and yell "Maggots, MAGGOTS!!!"

 

[Naheal]

Never admit to having slept with the deceased...or that they were awesome in bed.

It doesn't end well.

No. No it does not

Yeah...Doesn't help that his wife overheard.

Was it followed by crying/stating that they didn't know that about their husband?

Well...No. It didn't happen. Or at least I hope not I was pretty plastered.

Would've been both highly inappropriate and highly amusing.

 

[Romblen]

Never go to a funeral looking for a date, especially if you're the widow/er.

"I need an organ donor, does anyone know where I can find one?"

 

[DesiPrinceX09]

Funerals tend to last a long time so it's never a good idea to say:

"Why does this have to take so long!? He/she didn't take this long to die!" (anyone get the reference?)