Those one liners that cause you to *facepalm*.

[HK_01]

We were in history and a girl actually asked "What is a sword?"





She was being completely serious.

 

[Valkyira]

Alex Mercer made me break the facepalm record.
I think the people who designed the Dialogue just used a template.
___________ IS THE KEY TO ALL OF THIS
___________ IS THE KEY
___________, HE'S GOT TO BE THE KEY TO EVERYTHING!

My favourite?

"TAGGART!!! YOU SUICIDAL MORON!!!"

That whole mission, I was thinking "Shit, why is he so pissed at that guy?"

"DIG IN, LIKE IT'S GONNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE!"
"NOTHING CAN STOP ME. NOT MEN, NOT WEAPONS, NOT ARMOUR!"
"NO-ONE CAN PROTECT YOU FROM ME!"
"KEEP RUNNING YOU BASTARD!"
"NOT EVEN YOUR BEST MEN (man?) CAN STOP ME!"

It's kind of ridiculous.

OT:

That video is depressing. And to think I used to like CSI Miami.

 

[purplegothchick]

Whilst visiting Florida, a shop assistant at the register noticed my brother's accent. She asked him where he was from. "Britain" he said. "Oh," she replied, "you speak good English".

....Buh... I don't even.... did she?

Americans can be funny. Stupid British people aren't funny, only Americans.

I beg to differ. Also, your story is amusing.

OT: I was working in Gamestation over Christmas and a woman came over to me asking for "that new Grand Theft Auto on the PS3". I asked her if she meant GTA4 and she said no, he's got that one. So I asked if she meant Episodes From Liberty City and she replied yes, that's it. I explained to her that it was an Xbox exclusive and she said "What does that mean?"

I had to fight every urge in my body telling me to facepalm right there and then, I think it's considered a bit rude to do it in front of the customers cos it draws attention to their stupidity!

 

[Brandon237]

A rather mad girl in my class said after we had read a book in which a guy takes a laxative:"Wait, so a laxative isn't a suppository?".

Another was in a really old Mel Gibson action movie. Mel was running from a gang of some sort, so he hides in a zoo. As three guys from the gang walk in with AK47's the one says "come out, we just wanna talk". That caused my head to collide with the nearest wall...

 

[Pickman]

Oh, one more. I?m on a bus escaping the suburbs years ago.

Two girly-girls behind me.

?Have you seen Brahm Stoker?s Dracula? I really liked it. Can?t wait for his next film?

 

[CincoDeMayo]

Mine would be from the first Predator movie were Arnie throws a knife into some guys gut and utters the line "Stick around"...*facepalm*

I call your Arnie, and raise you Mr. Freeze.

"You're not sending ME to the COOLER!"
"Mercy? I'm afraid my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy."

Or my personal favorite:
"Ice to see you!"

 

[TehCookie]

When one of my friends told me "I hate raw toast".

It was even worse when I replied, "You mean bread?" and she kept saying, "No, raw toast."

 

[Marsell]

I truly believe that video games were created by Satan
epic facepalm response
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/7.166652-Frumpy-Mom-Responds-To-Attacks?page=21#4532578

 

[RipperSU]

Pretty much any line from 'Plan 9 From Outer Space'.

[youtube]gK4olkFGJrw[/youtube]

 

[Marsell]

also, a girl in my agri. sci. class asks "Whats a testicle?"
in a high school

 

[Canadamus Prime]

My friend used this pick up line on a girl he liked:

"Baby, I'm a real estate agent, and I've got some property for you on 'Boner Way'!"

Yes.. He did get the girl. However, in his defense for actually using that line, he is a very charming and charismatic fellow with the ladies. Not that I'm jealous or anything.. [small]Lucky bastard![/small]

He actually said that and it it worked??. Excuse me, I have to go kill myself now.....

I've used far worse pickup lines that have worked. The trick is not to actually use a pickup line seriously. Kills it completely.

"I'm no food taster but I could eat you out"

"Are you in Greece because you are hot"

"I'm trying to catch them all, can I catch you too?"

All have worked for me. Hilarious stuff. I was expecting a slap for each of them

I could never bring myself to say anything like that to a girl, not even in jest.

 

[Octorok]

Whilst visiting Florida, a shop assistant at the register noticed my brother's accent. She asked him where he was from. "Britain" he said. "Oh," she replied, "you speak good English".

....Buh... I don't even.... did she?

Americans can be funny. Stupid British people aren't funny, only Americans.

Uh, you might want to read it again.

Fuck, double post. Sorry.

I read it again. I arrive at the same conclusion.

Florida Shop Assistant = American who made a mistake that is humourously stupid.

Brother with British accent = British person.

See, in the UK really stupid people might well make you facepalm, but they aren't funny because they tend to be chavs and quite likely to stab you.

In America you get stupid people who are not going to hurt you, ignoring the number that will, and they tend to be the funny ones.

 

[Otterpoet]

A fellow employee and I were talking about good comedies. I mentioned Throw Mama From The Train:

"That was a great black comedy."

She blinks in complete stupefaction, "I didn't see any black people in that one."

 

[Otterpoet]

Oh yeah. Met a Texan once that seemed utterly amazed that I was Canadian. And yes, he did ask the infamous 'do you live in igloos' question But the crowning once was:

"Do ye all have baseball up there?"

I reply, "Is that the game with the ball and the stick and you run around a field?"

"YEAH! That's it!"

"Nope."

He felt very bad for me.

 

[AvsJoe]

[HEADING=2]WHO ORDERED THE WHOOP-ASS FAJITAS???[/HEADING]*facepalm*[HEADING=2]DING DONG, MOTHERF*CKAS! DING DONG![/HEADING]*epic facepalm*​

 

[Eggsnham]

My friend used this pick up line on a girl he liked:

"Baby, I'm a real estate agent, and I've got some property for you on 'Boner Way'!"

Yes.. He did get the girl. However, in his defense for actually using that line, he is a very charming and charismatic fellow with the ladies. Not that I'm jealous or anything.. [small]Lucky bastard![/small]

He actually said that and it it worked??. Excuse me, I have to go kill myself now.....

That's what I said as I watched it.

if you are reading this, then it means i am no longer of this world. i had to kill myself after reading a post like that... goodbye world, and to the people from the escapist, it may not be long, but was nice knowing you...

Lawl, like I said though, he's very good with the ladies.

I think they're still going out, too.

 

[Crunchy English]

Kids in my brother's high school always say "Jokes" instead of funny.
"Ha Ha, that's jokes"
"No idiot, that's funny. y'know, funny, the word we have, Not Jokes.

 

[khaimera]

OT: when someone puts on their turn signal as they are halfway through a turn

I love you.

OT: Arnold Schwartzegger (using him is almost cheating, isn't it?) in Commando after impaling his enemy on a steam pipe: "Hey Bennet. Let off some steam." Ouch.

EDIT: Ninja'd by two posts! Fine. Same movie, after dropping a guy off a cliff, and the girl asks, "What did you do with him?" "I let him go."

I like you too, but not in that way. Just kidding, I do Love You. Plus Swollen Goat sounds like some sort of perverse sex act, like the dirty sanchez.

 

[TheSpaceCowboy]

Caution fire is Hot
Caution Steam is Hot
Caution Hot Coffee is Hot