To: Anybody. I'm looking for honest advice..please.

[NoriYuki Sato]

this is kind of a long one, so please just bear with it.

i'm an optomistic pessamist. i try to find good things out of bad, but that bad usually prevails. now admittedly it's partially my fault, but still.

ANYways, on to the point of this. i am 20 years old. when i go for a relationship, i go because i can see myself with that person for a long time. usually i fall in love, and i fall hard. when things don't work out, i'm devastated. this has happened twice to me. one was with somebody i was with for 4 years. the other more recently. we weren't together very long, not even a full year, but still. it happened.

the most recent was she was moving away for college and wouldn't be home very much if at all. i later found out it was a lie. that was last year. her senior year. she's still here. hasn't moved away. as far as i've heard doesn't plan to, but i can't be sure of her future plans.

the 4 year one was the hardest, obviously. she was also the first person i truly loved. we had plans on getting married. i was even going so far as looking at rings. now it was long-distance, but that didn't stop us. Ohio and Idaho. long ways apart. i dont care what you guys make of that, it was hard but we made it work. 2 months before i was going to fly up there to see her, i found out she cheated on me. stupidly, i forgave her and gave her another chance. well she did it again. we had a huge fight and i went to bed in tears for the next 2 or 3 weeks.

since her i've never really been the same. that relationship changed me a lot in who i am and how i look at things. i've been starting ot think to myself that i'm no good for anybody, and will end up alone. well this thought doesn't sit well with me because i want to be a father someday, but i'm no good with meeting new people. ((so you see my problem)) to me it seems either, end up alone, or try to be social and end up uncomfortable for days on end. i dont talk to new people very well. i feel awkward and hate that feeling.

i hate being single. sure i used to love it, but after awhile and thinking about past experiences. i never want to be single again. i want to find somebody and stay with said somebody. i've been depressed for a long time, but for appearances and for other people, i present a happier and strong image. there's actually a part ppl might hate me for, but in Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park. "I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through" is honestly how i am. i look and act strong for others because most of them need it. but i can't stand another heartbreak.

with everything i've been through in life so far, just emotionally, another heartbreak would make me never get out of bed again, and just stop caring all together. there's no fixing this, and nobody shout have to try and deal with that in a relationship, so i've been staying away from people, but it makes me more depressed. i'm in a rut with no way out. to me, being single fuckin' sucks, but i dont have a choice until my life gets into a better place, but i have no clue on how to get there

now for those of you who say "anti-depressants" or "therapy" keep in mind, my last therapist told me i was lieing and didn't know what i was talking about, and i was 2 or 3 years old with my parents going through a divorce. and for anti-depressants, when i was on them last i almost killed myself, and only reason i didn't, was because my mom held me down to keep me from doing it, and i ended up in a group home. this was all before i was even 12 years old.

so i'm looking for honest advice here. i haven't done this advice asking publicly before, only person i ever ask is one of my friends who is going through a bad time as well, so i've kept to myself these past few weeks. and for added depression, i'm taking a 15% paycut at work next month, and i'm not making enough to make ends meet now, and there are litterally no jobs here.

anybody? i could REALLY use some help here. even just ways to be more social, or how to talk to people. a way to keep from being depressed all the time.

please. anybody. just..please don't be an ass. i get enough of that as it is.

sorry for it being so long, but uber brownie points if you stuck with it all the way through and still offer honest advice without being a dick.

 

[Abedeus]

I think there is already a "Broeken Haert coarner" somewhere.

Or get a blog. What made you think Escapist is seriously the best forum to post this thing?

 

[NoriYuki Sato]

I think there is already a "Broeken Haert coarner" somewhere.

Or get a blog. What made you think Escapist is seriously the best forum to post this thing?

everybody is entitled to their opinions, but that's not being very helpful, considering i've been everywhere else, and that's all i get. blogs dont do anything, and The Escapist is a good place for advice, if you post in the Off-topic Discussion section. many a people have come through with similar needs of advice, i have helped as i could, so have others. that's all there is to it. again, i fyou read it at all..past experiences got me to post it here.

 

[Abedeus]

I think there is already a "Broeken Haert coarner" somewhere.

Or get a blog. What made you think Escapist is seriously the best forum to post this thing?

everybody is entitled to their opinions, but that's not being very helpful, considering i've been everywhere else, and that's all i get. blogs dont do anything, and The Escapist is a good place for advice, if you post in the Off-topic Discussion section. many a people have come through with similar needs of advice, i have helped as i could, so have others. that's all there is to it. again, i fyou read it at all..past experiences got me to post it here.

I skipped through most of it, because I'm not interested in your life story.

You have obviously never tried looking in real world places to deal with things. Internet doesn't have all the answers, seriously.

 

[Berethond]

The problem I see with a lot of people is that they try and make themselves hard instead of strong. When subjected to pressure, something that is merely hard will shatter, whereas something truly strong will flex. From what I see, you haven't done the best job rolling with the punches. You have to really get out there -- try finding a group of people who share interests with you. Meeting people can be hard, but you can do it with a bit of effort.

And effort is the key. Nothing will happen on its own, nothing will change, unless you make it change. I don't know of anything in life that I've deemed worthwhile that I was given for free. You have to work at it. When you feel like you can't go on any further, you just keep going.

As for depression, I have no idea how to get rid of it or stop it. I'm still working on that myself.

 

[Mr.Pandah]

Look, I'm sorry for what has happened to you in the past, but its just that. The past. You can't keep thinking about it. While people say your experiences make you who you are, I like to think that its the actions that you make for yourself, in the present, in the now, is what makes you who you are. There is always time for change.

4 years of what you thought is love is hard to get over, thats understandable. Heart-break from another one that was a little under a year is a bit much. You say you don't want to be alone, but if you can't take the chance of being "socially awkward" for someone who could be that special someone, then you'll be stuck feeling like this forever. You can't have the best of both worlds.

I don't condone therapy or anti-depressants either. Thats just how I am.

As for the pay-cut, I think that is the biggest problem. Get that sorted out first. Continue looking for another job or attempt some negotiations with your boss.

Your story is really focusing on the past too much though. I'm not saying that the future will be filled with rainbows and ponies, but if you don't try, nobody will do it for you. If you go out with a friend or something and you see a cute girl, don't be afraid to go up to her and compliment her, or even your socially ineptitude will make for a great conversation opener. Walking by a girl and practically tripping over yourself as you stare mouth agape is a great compliment...just don't actually fall. =P

You have to take risks man, its the only way you'll ever see yourself out of this rut. Don't get hung up on the past.

 

[Mr.Pandah]

I think there is already a "Broeken Haert coarner" somewhere.

Or get a blog. What made you think Escapist is seriously the best forum to post this thing?

everybody is entitled to their opinions, but that's not being very helpful, considering i've been everywhere else, and that's all i get. blogs dont do anything, and The Escapist is a good place for advice, if you post in the Off-topic Discussion section. many a people have come through with similar needs of advice, i have helped as i could, so have others. that's all there is to it. again, i fyou read it at all..past experiences got me to post it here.

I skipped through most of it, because I'm not interested in your life story.

You have obviously never tried looking in real world places to deal with things. Internet doesn't have all the answers, seriously.

...Don't post in this topic then. Simple as that. There are places to poke fun and prod at people who made topics, but in a general plea for help such as this, you look like an ass.

If you're not willing to give him the time of day, why should anyone bother with your future posts?

 

[blah_ducks]

Since I'm the last person to know much about love, all I can tell you is make sure that you're comfortable with yourself. I know it's a cop-out, but I think it might help you be more social.

"The reason you're so scared of being social with people is that you think you need them. You think that by yourself you're not enough and because of that, when you face rejection it's all the more heartbreaking."

Sorry of the quote above, it's kind of labeling you, but I think it might help put things in perspective. My best advice is just to start and try to enjoy the time spent by yourself with yourself, get your confidence up. I hope you get someone to help with the relationship part of your problem, and I really hope you can find a good mate. Keep your chin up!

 

[sky14kemea]

I love that song too...
Hmm, in one or two ways I kinda understand how you feel, but in many others I don't.

Maybe you don't need to be too social? Just take a friend or two with you whenever you go out. I find I'm much more outgoing when I have a friend or two that I know will back me up if anything uncomfortable happens.

[sub]*Eats Brownie points*[/sub]

 

[APPCRASH]

I think there is already a "Broeken Haert coarner" somewhere.

Or get a blog. What made you think Escapist is seriously the best forum to post this thing?

I remember when guys had to deal with shit on their own, and asking for help or advice was unmanly. Those were the days.

 

[NoriYuki Sato]

Don't get hung up on the past.

that's the hardest part for me. i've tried hard, and still find myself thinking back to what it was like with them. what it was like when i was happy, and dont know how i can get like that again. i try and try and keep getting shot down. which bring sme to this..

From what I see, you haven't done the best job rolling with the punches. When you feel like you can't go on any further, you just keep going.

As for depression, I have no idea how to get rid of it or stop it. I'm still working on that myself.

everytime i get shot down, i get back up with a smile, and keep taking the hits that life deals to me. i can't just "roll with them" anymore. i've tried, gods i've tried. all i can do is keep taking them with a smile, for those who can't. when i feel like giving up, a friend needs me more than ever, and i force myself to keep going. it's exhausted me, which adds to the depression a bit, thankfully not much. but i know, depression sucks, huh?

see, i'm not the kind of person that can focus on myself when friends need help. i just can't do it. i did it once before, and it was the worst i've ever felt in my life. worse than when i almost killed myself, and worse than when the relationships ended. that's part of my problem. it doens't help with anyhting, obviously, and i think that if i can somehow figure that out, everything else will come that much easier. but that's where the hard part comes into play, ya know?

I think there is already a "Broeken Haert coarner" somewhere.

Or get a blog. What made you think Escapist is seriously the best forum to post this thing?

everybody is entitled to their opinions, but that's not being very helpful, considering i've been everywhere else, and that's all i get. blogs dont do anything, and The Escapist is a good place for advice, if you post in the Off-topic Discussion section. many a people have come through with similar needs of advice, i have helped as i could, so have others. that's all there is to it. again, i fyou read it at all..past experiences got me to post it here.

I skipped through most of it, because I'm not interested in your life story.

You have obviously never tried looking in real world places to deal with things. Internet doesn't have all the answers, seriously.

...Don't post in this topic then. Simple as that. There are places to poke fun and prod at people who made topics, but in a general plea for help such as this, you look like an ass.

If you're not willing to give him the time of day, why should anyone bother with your future posts?

and thank you Mr. Pandah. i dislike people trying to start flame wars in topics like this. it's un-needed and nobody likes an internet bully.

 

[hotdogoctopus]

Dude. My five year relationship that ended with disaster. You know what I did? I raged for a while, ruined the last year of her college running career. And made sure that everyone she knew and loved knew that she was a whore and the exact extent. I went biblical on her ass, and then when justice was righteously served. I got on with my life. When a girl breaks your heart you break your foot off in her smoldering twat, and realize that you're better than she is, and then the search is back on for a woman of your calibur. The two things that brought me back to my senses were runs accompanied with the kind of music you kill people to, and heavy drinking. Both have eased back into lesser amounts, and I now remember who I am and should always be, someone seperate in definition to anyone I might be romantically attached to for life or for the moment.

 

[I38VWI]

You want advice...
I'm sorry; I'm not very good at this, but your situation is so relate-able, I had to say something.

You don't have to end up alone if you don't want to; I don't believe anyone does.
For one, as long as you never give up, you can always find happiness in some way.
For two, being alone is something that's impossible to do on a planet this size with over 6 billion people crammed on it.
Example: even though we're only communicating through text in a forum, I'm here for you that much.

Also, you quoted one of my favorite LP songs ever. I listen to it almost daily.
There's more advice to be taken from that song... "Leave out all the rest."

Life is about more than successes, or failures, more than moments in time, and more than just living or surviving.

It truly is about enjoying your own life. Life is meant to be something we, as alive beings, enjoy.
So, find some way to have fun.

Obviously, you enjoy music, and stuff from this site, so use those.
They are your weapons against grief.

My uncle died recently; he was only 28.
He was like an older brother to me, so it hit me really hard.

My main way of combating the grief, and of finding some way to honor his passing, was music.
I wrote a song dedicated to him. I did it all in one sitting; I just poured all my emotions into it.
It helped enormously.
I still feel the grief, but it now comes with a twinge of happiness as I remember the fun time we shared.
And it makes me look forward, to when I will share happiness with others more.
My tight-knit network of close friends help with this part.

So, find an outlet. There was one thing that other guy said that was helpful, unlike the rest of it: maybe a blog would be a good idea, or whatever else you're really into and can be motovated to do.
Do something with your emotions; let others in on your pain.

All of us are stronger than one of us.

I'm here, and so are others, I'm sure.

If you need anything else, just ask me on here, or e-mail me at I38VWI@yahoo.com

You're never alone, no one is.
Life is beautiful, and fun, if you know how to find it.

I hope that helps somehow.

 

[NoriYuki Sato]

Since I'm the last person to know much about love, all I can tell you is make sure that you're comfortable with yourself. I know it's a cop-out, but I think it might help you be more social.

"The reason you're so scared of being social with people is that you think you need them. You think that by yourself you're not enough and because of that, when you face rejection it's all the more heartbreaking."

Sorry of the quote above, it's kind of labeling you, but I think it might help put things in perspective. My best advice is just to start and try to enjoy the time spent by yourself with yourself, get your confidence up. I hope you get someone to help with the relationship part of your problem, and I really hope you can find a good mate. Keep your chin up!

see, most would hate you for that quote, whereas i say thank you for saying it. it's kind of true, but not entirely. i don't LIKE being by myself, but i'm used to it. and it's not so much i'm scared, as it is the fear of rejection, but mainly the awkwardness i feel, and rejection added to that is a bit much for me.

 

[sky14kemea]

snip

...

I have been bested :0 *bows*

He's right though, a lot of us are here for you whenever you need it, just send a PM or email. =]
Even though I'm not good at advice giving or comforting, I'm an excellent listener.
That's gotta count for something right? D:

 

[Adzma]

I think there is already a "Broeken Haert coarner" somewhere.

Or get a blog. What made you think Escapist is seriously the best forum to post this thing?

Wow, dick much? Poor guy just wants some advice.

 

[NoriYuki Sato]

Even though I'm not good at advice giving or comforting, I'm an excellent listener.
That's gotta count for something right? D:

yeah..you'll get brownie points for that, no worries.

DO A BARREL ROLL
Plus, from what I've read, you'd understand the needs of an orphan child.

and i had to laugh at this because i read that topic and saw your post...

and for the record, barrel rolls don't solve everything...not saying i tried, just saying.

but yeah, with what some people have said they are getting into more bad portions of my past that weren't mentioned. however, yeah, with the past with my dad, and my recent past of being homeless, i can relate. not exactly, but it's kinda close.

 

[KillerH]

Life is hard, there's no way around it. From what I read, you let the actions of people around you govern what it is that you think and do. Alone time can be depressing for some, but you can take that time to think over who you truly are, the good and bad parts of you, and set yourself on the path you wish to take.

You also need some perspective on your situation. Your only 20 now, the real chunk of your life is just starting. From what you said (and I don't mean for this to sound like a kick when your down) but your single, can't socialize with the people around you, and your job sucks. What is stopping you from going somewhere new? Get a new step up on life with a fresh start.

You made a reference to a linken park song. I suggest that you listen to these two songs:
Magician's assistant
waiting for the beat to kick in
Both of these song are by an artist called scroobius pip from the U.K. You sound like the kind of person that can understand the meaning in words rather then just read them.

I'll wait to say more until you have time respond to some of the advice that has already been posted.

 

[sky14kemea]

snippeth

Are the swearwords really necessary? Seriously, there's a fine line between being a douchery and construtive critisizm.
Also better punctuation is your friend.