To: Anybody. I'm looking for honest advice..please.

[sky14kemea]

People who ask for help in such a public forum don't want help they want attention. If one seriously wanted help for depression/relationships, there are far better resources for such things.

Like where? Do enlighten us.

 

[I38VWI]

People sicken me with how weak minded/thin skinned (for lack of a better word) they are.

And people sicken me with how cocky, and beg-headed they are.

We're all human beings, and in this day and age, men don't have to be ticking time-bombs of internal emotion.

I don't know why I'm complaining, though...
The internet finds everyone, and some people are stupid as hell. (hint hint look who's talking about weak mindedness hint hint HE's the weak-minded one hint hint)

I'm just glad most of the people on here are normally functioning, friendly people, and that the douchebags remain in a large minority.

 

[NoriYuki Sato]

Anyway,
Whenever i have broken up i found the best way to deal with it is to just talk with your friends and try to forget what's happened.

i dont have many people to talk to here that understand what i'm going through, and sadly trying to forget doesn't work much anymore.

but i do thank you for the advice, again, anything that isn't rude or anything is welcome.

also, welcome to The Escapist.

 

[Dusty Donuts]

I think there is already a "Broeken Haert coarner" somewhere.

Or get a blog. What made you think Escapist is seriously the best forum to post this thing?

everybody is entitled to their opinions, but that's not being very helpful, considering i've been everywhere else, and that's all i get. blogs dont do anything, and The Escapist is a good place for advice, if you post in the Off-topic Discussion section. many a people have come through with similar needs of advice, i have helped as i could, so have others. that's all there is to it. again, i fyou read it at all..past experiences got me to post it here.

I skipped through most of it, because I'm not interested in your life story.

You have obviously never tried looking in real world places to deal with things. Internet doesn't have all the answers, seriously.

...Don't post in this topic then. Simple as that. There are places to poke fun and prod at people who made topics, but in a general plea for help such as this, you look like an ass.

If you're not willing to give him the time of day, why should anyone bother with your future posts?

That's some sound advice. Many a time I've held myself from posting something completely unhelpful (about 25 times)
The only advice I can offer is take court action on the next girl for "Emotional Damages".

 

[Klopy]

My only true advice is to widen your friend circle, and don't act desperate. Life is hard, don't let it get to you.

Sadly, a friend has gone through something relationship wise like you. I tell him that he doesn't need a girlfriend to make him happy, but he doesn't listen. After his depression and self pity, he finds someone and clings to them. The new girl in question usually has some problems, but it keeps them together. Eventually that problem becomes too big and she freaks out at him for one reason or another, the problem being trust issues or lying or something like that. Then he falls back into a deeper hole and feels even more depressed. The cycle keeps going and going. Right now hes back with a girl and i'm tryin to get to him.

I just say this story because, well, you can't set your mind on one thing and feel that it will make EVERYTHING better. One thing can't do that (unless its medication for a fatal disease >>). Its hard, but enjoy the little things and try to get a lot of things to help you out. Then, if it really comes to it, if that thing goes wrong, you got the other things to help you out.

 

[NoriYuki Sato]

My only true advice is to widen your friend circle, and don't act desperate. Life is hard, don't let it get to you.

Sadly, a friend has gone through something relationship wise like you. I tell him that he doesn't need a girlfriend to make him happy, but he doesn't listen. After his depression and self pity, he finds someone and clings to them. The new girl in question usually has some problems, but it keeps them together. Eventually that problem becomes too big and she freaks out at him for one reason or another, the problem being trust issues or lying or something like that. Then he falls back into a deeper hole and feels even more depressed. The cycle keeps going and going. Right now hes back with a girl and i'm tryin to get to him.

I just say this story because, well, you can't set your mind on one thing and feel that it will make EVERYTHING better. One thing can't do that (unless its medication for a fatal disease >>). Its hard, but enjoy the little things and try to get a lot of things to help you out. Then, if it really comes to it, if that thing goes wrong, you got the other things to help you out.

i've been trying as hard as i can, and it just keeps getting harder to find things that help. i know i sound like a broken record to you and some of the people on here, and even like i dont want to feel better, it's just i've tried a ot of what has been said, and continue to try even after each failure. it just keeps getting harder.

 

[kilibot57]

Okay, I read the whole thing, and it's a tough situation, no doubt about it. Breakups are tough, and the trauma from them is tougher. However, staying at home with nothing but your thoughts will not help, and therapists are douchebags a lot of the time (sorry). Mostly, they come off like they're just offering static advice and have no way of legitimately probing the human brain efficiently enough to come up with any truly helpful solutions.

So from you post I gathered that through your life you've had some issues with depression after traumatic events, most recently your girlfriend cheating on you, which was not your fault to begin with. If she wanted to go be an immature little ***** and blow everybody that is her problem. I know the betrayal stings but see it as her being the bad guy, and you the victim. After you've had time to recuperate, get back out there.

I don't mean jump back into a relationship all at once. Bad plan. What you need to do is make platonic friends (preferrably male for you) and just get used to talking to people. Then, once adjusted to that, try to make platonic female friends. Do not go for romance at first, as that is how you get fucked. Become friends with her, get to know her, and build a strong bond and relationship before taking it to a romantic level. I knew my boyfrend for about five months before we got together, and it's great as we know each other so well.

I am not saying don't fall for anyone. I'm saying don't act on those feelings until you know and trust the person you're with. Nothing's worse then proposing your love only to be betrayed. If you have a happy relationship that ends, however, rinse and repeat, as you will have friends to fall back on, and they will help you feel better. If you break up with her, thats no issue for you. If it's vice versa, then work on any, if anything you did wrong to push her away and apply that knowledge the next time. I sincerely hope this helps.


I also have two more bits of advice:

1. Suicide not only ends your live, but it causes pain and suffering for those around you, and consider that. No one hates you enough to want you to kill yourself.

2. On a website like this, you might occasionally get advice, but mostly, you get douchebags.


please msg me if this was helpful

 

[Valksy]

Agree with the poster who remarked that the first step was to get job/money sorted out and squared away as best you can. A 15% pay cut sounds rough but it may be what it takes to keep the business open in these shitty times. Might mean sacrificing some things you would normally spend cash on, but I guess that is life.

Now I think I am reading it right - but someone prescribed you anti-depressant medication at the age of 12? To be honest I am not sure any of the SSRI have been properly passed for young people and one or two of them are downright dangerous (Seroxat for example). If I read that wrong, I apologise. In terms of therapy - I think that might actually help you. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for example encourages you to try and work out why you make the choices that you do. That is always the first step to change.

In terms of your 4 year internet r/ship. That was online and only ever exited online? My advice is that no one should ever do that. Ever. Make it real, put it in your real life as soon as you can or just let it go. Sorry if that sounds harsh but experience (some of it bitter and personal) suggests to me that long distance without some foundation - such as an RL couple separated for a period of time by work - is a hiding to nothing.

 

[sky14kemea]

You could always try not being such a little girl. From your loooooooooooooong post you seem to be quite whiney, stupid (for giving a whore another chance) and you listen to Linkin Park so we can add "emo" to the list.

Wait wait, what the hell has listening to Linkin Park got to do with being "Emo".? I listen to them sometimes and I'm probably almost the opposite of Emo.
You could try not being such a dickwad when someone is asking for a bit of advice to help them through a tough time in life. Asking for help sometimes is not a sign of weakness, as a few people seem to think.

 

[FluffyNeurosis]

Get out, hang with friends or make new ones and try not to be so fixated on relationships. Get a hobby! Collect stamps, read, buy some guns, or paint tiny soldiers. As for the job situation it blows for us young guys right now, I have some friends that moved to try and find work and are not having much success. I?m surprised at the number of people I know (self included) who have college degrees and are doing jobs that used to just be summer jobs. You will find someone eventually just don?t force it or you will be miserable.

 

[similar.squirrel]

I think there is already a "Broeken Haert coarner" somewhere.

Or get a blog. What made you think Escapist is seriously the best forum to post this thing?

Escapist is full of nice people. These relationship threads always start out with one or two people saying what you've just said, then the good advice starts to come in.

OT

I have no advice, though. Sorry.

Hang in there?

 

[RavingPenguin]

People who ask for help in such a public forum don't want help they want attention. If one seriously wanted help for depression/relationships, there are far better resources for such things.

Like where? Do enlighten us.

Ha they could always come to me and Shar, Im always up for giving advice and Im pretty sure Shars good for a word or two as well.

OT: Well OP, all I got to say is this. Being broken hearted sucks. Happened to me last year, it was the worst I've ever felt. However the best way to get over the funk is to take up a hobby, focus on school (or work), and go have fun with freinds. The less you can think about it the better, and if you can distract yourself completely you'll soon be free from the hurt. You have to move on, sure it hurts but its not life without both pain and pleasure.

 

[sky14kemea]

snip

Oh, now I see.
You're a douche who likes to fit everyone into a neat little stereotypes.
Hope that works out for you.

 

[Run Forrest Run]

It's hard to forget about this type of stuff but try and preoccupy yourself with something. I'd suggest video games since we are posting on a video game forum! It might only be temporary but it always helps not to think about it all the time.

Also, if your past girlfriends have hurt you like this they're not worth even thinking about. Move on and try not to focus on this aspect of your life. You seem a little bit introverted but don't worry, in my experience the relationship usually ends up finding you. I'd say try and figure out your financial situation first, that's probably the most important thing for you right now. All these other things? Leave it behind.

 

[Sonofadiddly]

Crying blurs the vision, and life goes by quickly. You don't want to be blinded by tears, you'll miss too much.

That is a great quote!
Really beautiful and poetic.
And you pretty much gave better advice is less words than I.

The best advice of all is to be happy and have fun, because those are the important things in life.

That's not advice. And it's not helpful. "Don't cry" isn't helpful to anyone.

Don't base your opinion of therapy on an experience you had when you were a toddler. You sound like you really need one. You might have to shop around for a therapist you can connect to, but if you put some work into it, therapy will be the best experience you will ever have. It sounds to me like you're seriously depressed, and you're afraid of rejection, but you're also basing all of your happiness on whether or not you're in a relationship. Those two girls you were with and what they did to you don't define your worth as a person. You are the one who defines your worth. And once you decide that you're a person who's worth knowing, getting to know people won't seem so hard. Are you afraid to meet new people because you think they won't like you? Some won't. It doesn't make you a bad person. And once you start to like yourself, you'll find that being social is a lot easier. But it's not always easy to like yourself. That's where therapy comes in. There's no shame in asking for help, especially when you have a handicap like depression weighing you down. I'm glad I got that help, and I would recommend it to anyone.

 

[sky14kemea]

snip

And I see you are the type of douche who reads like 2 sentences then makes snap judgements about your betters in a pathetic attempt to feel better about yourself all the while ignoring the fact that they just schooled you with good advice and sound logic.
Hope that works out for you.

Pfft, you think you're better then me?
You fit your stereotype well.

 

[Abedeus]

I think there is already a "Broeken Haert coarner" somewhere.

Or get a blog. What made you think Escapist is seriously the best forum to post this thing?

Wow, dick much? Poor guy just wants some advice.

Aww. Let's pat him on the head.

yeah they are, Im sick of people looking to cry on someones shoulder and have them cuddle them. And then make excuses later when you give them a sugestion or two. People like this dont want help they want to have people say "poor thing how hard it is for you" it makes me sick. Grow a back bone.

actually, i'm not like that. when i ask for help or advice, i welcome honest help and advice. i don't like people feeling sorry for me, because that's all i get where i'm at. here people will be honest. at least more honest. and offer better advice, because they don't have to worry about making somebody feel bad to their face. but i ask you kindly to stop posting like that on this thread. not because it's depressing, but because i'm sick of people like you in my life, which is why i left Nebraska and Wisconsin with my family, even when given the option to stay with friends.

So you want honest, but ONLY WHEN IT'S POSITIVE? Then you don't want honest. You want positive, hire a hooker to talk to you. Seriously.

Especially when you have the time to post this on an Internet forum.