Ok first of all to the people trying to degrade this to a flame war please go somewhere more sutable, and to those trying to stealthy about it take off the bloody masks and let the people who want to have a conversation thrive? Thank you. Also to you people who say "Be a man" I have strong words for you but I would rather not swear here, theres enough trolls for that. We do not need to be hardened idiots who cant accept help from the other 6 billion of us and theres nothing making us different than the ladies other than the insignificant y chromozome we have.
For your issues cash is going to be killer, you can survive without it but it will make things alot easier for you so I would say finding a job should be your top priority. Just forget about everything else, anything thats not getting you closer to that new paycheck is irrelevent, just forget it, eat sleep poop and find job should be your only concerns. Be a person but ultimatly your on a mission you should finish it.
Now for the happiness issue, you must achieve personal happieness before you can be happy with another person. I know im preaching to the choir with this whole speach since I havent walked a mile in your shoes and dont fully understand you. However until you can come to terms with your own situation in your life and be happy with just being YOU then having a women will be trying to be happy in the wrong way. There is happieness that is achieved by yourself and there is happieness about finding a person to spend your life with. Trying to fill hole A with Filler B is not going to acomplish anything but heartbreak.
Ultimatly you seem like a martyr and on that sense I can relate, I often find myself in situations where I have to put on the happy mask just to keep others going. Its tiring and bothersome but it needs to be done. However sharing feelings over the internet wont acomplish much, make friends for who you are just the happy version of who you are. The one that doesnt scream your past experiences and make friends, make fake friends, they will fade away over time leaving only the good ones. With the good ones you can experience things and open up and trust me, telling somebody in real life your issues is such a weight off your chest. Then once you make friends with humans that lack a Y chromozome then you can feed personal experience little by little and you can become closer and closer. Until you are in a relationship AND THE WHEELS ON THE BUS TURN AROUND AND AROUND!!!
As for you wanting children, your 20 pleanty of time my friend, with your financial situation having a child or adopting one would not be a good idea, with the state of your economy even if you did have a stable job I would'nt recomend it.
Closing words on this freaking bear jamberee is that suicide is not the answer, it is only a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Nobody is happier that you died, you only add to tragity so make a bloody comedy. If you havent hated every word of this your free to PM me another friend is always welcome.
