0:16...was that fucking Hunk?!
0:38, Here we see the new character, Titty McFunbags, blinded by her poor choice of hairstyle.
0:50, Titty finds a pile of goo, left behind by younger male gamers when she was revealed moments ago.
1:01, first look of what is either a new type of zombie or, an Deep One...or whatever the fishmen of Innsmouth are called.
1:07 - 1:15, Hunk being a bastard
1:15 - 1:20, T McF asks a stupid question about why this is happening to her, oblivious to the fact that horror creatures leave the frumpy ladies alone.
1:20 - 1:23, I thought we were on a Boat, why does it suddenly look like a mansion?
1:27, SERIOUSLY?! How in the hell is she supposed to see anything? Her hair is like the worst possible kind of goggles.
1:30, Gravity finally asserts itself upon Titty's funbags, causing her to tumble over like a million other heroines in a million other horror tales.
1:32, the monster seems to be able to see through it's Zoidberg-like tentacle mustache.
1:53, Titty obviously thought she was safe or sighed too loudly since she is attacked again by a hitherto unseen monster. Unseen to the viewer, Titty must have seen the monster on the floor when she stumbled clumsily into the elevator.
2:00 - 2:08, looks like the beginning of a really weird hentai. Why does she scream for help...?
2:35, a monster greets a wounded Titty in what she thought was a safe room.
2:40, two more monsters rise from the spot where the first had arisen. Where they on top of each other? What kind of boat was this?
2:47 - 2:53, a monster finally grabs Titty and whips out his Lamprey, ready to punish Titty for her horrible crimes against fashion.
2:59 (spoiler alert), Titty McFunbags is splattered against a window which doesn't shatter despite the 2 tons of tit and 2 tons of ass which just slammed into it. Blood is left behind though so there's that.
3:15, a more familiar pair of tits in a skin-tight suit finds the deceased Titty McFunbags, claiming POW's murdered her. Close enough I guess.
3:15 - 3:19, title screen
3:20 - the end, Hunk tells Mr. Redfield (probably Chris) that the show is about to begin. I assume it's something like Two and a Half Men or something.