Transgender Q & A

[omicron1]

snip

let me answer with a hypothetical example: a guy that is, for whatever reason, completely turned off by tattoos of any kind, sleeps with a girl that he finds very attractive, that, for whatever reason, keeps her shirt/dress on during the act. he later discovers that she has a large tattoo on her back.

does that analogy make sense? sorry i'm doing my best here, but i'm running a pretty high fever right now and can't perfectly verbalize my thoughts..

Yeah, it does. The reason why he doesn't like the tattoo is all in his head. One can't claim that its a biological reaction because its just been proven not to be.

Which is precisely the problem.

You (in a general sense, the activist members of the trans* community) seem want to make other people think (or at least act) a certain way on what is in no uncertain sense a matter of opinion.

None of us have any right to change others' minds on this issue, any more than I have a right to force Christianity on others just because I believe it. Further, as we are seeking respect from others, the least we can do is respect them and their beliefs as well. I don't particularly care if someone considers me a woman or a man with a lot of odd modifications. Sure, if insults or deliberate callouts are involved, I am unlikely to be friends with them - but that is because they are deliberately rude, not because they don't accept my choices. Feel free to think of me as a man in a dress until the day you die. I'm doing this for me, not you.

Who forcing anything at all?

Is somebody forcing their Christian beliefs on me if they say "You're going to burn in hell if you don't get saved"? Not really, no, its just some words. If there's a law passed that forces me to pray, however. We're just trying to change opinions to make life easier on ourselves. Seems logical.

Which is all well and good, if that (discussion and respectful attempts to change opinions) is what happens. As opposed to, say, hate speech legislation to make things illegal.

The problem is, any group with an opinion, a conviction, and power to enforce it, is apt to make their opinion law. Belief must be tempered with respect, and that is no less true here than it is in politics or religion. It is ok to want acceptance. It is not ok to require it.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

Another question: 1) I know you can?t really 100% compare the experiences of the two, but do you think trans women have it harder than trans men? For example, even if a trans man can?t ?pass?, most people won?t really bat an eyelid and just treat him as a ?tomboy? (not what he wants, but it?s not hateful). But if a trans woman can?t ?pass?, it can be more obvious and people are more likely to hurl abuse at them for being ?ugly? and stuff (which does make me think that masculinity is still inherently held as superior to femininity in society, even if most people don?t realize it).

Of course, that?s not to belittle the experiences of trans men, since they have to suffer the physical pain of menstruation if they don?t take hormones before puberty. But apparently it?s easier for them to transition than it is for trans women. And are there less trans men than there are trans women? Because I hear about them less than trans women. Anyway, I don?t really know that much about it, which is why I?m asking the question(s), for further insight.

And question 2) So, would I be fine using the terms ?gender dysphoria? and ?sex reassignment surgery?? Because, apparently, ?gender identity disorder? can no longer be used because transgender isn?t classed as a disorder anymore.

Sorry if those are somewhat loaded questions. This kind stuff just fascinates me. Not in a ?weird? way or anything like that; I just always research stuff to do with gender, sociology, etc., to better get to know people, how others feel about certain things, and different life experiences.

 

[Psykoma]

Another question: 1)

As far as i understood it, it's basically a catch 22.

Transmen generally pass extremely well (and they don't have to go through hair removal or voice training, but the flipside is that (as far as I'm aware) they almost always have to or do get their breasts removed, and the downstairs surgery is really brutal (with pain, expense, and length of time it takes) with questionable results.


From what I've seen, it is roughly half and half trans men and women. But trans men are guys, and many of the ones i've met are more guarded about publicly talking about their feelings and such, at least more than women.

And question 2)

This might be an aggravating response...but the answer is it depends on who you talk to :/
Some will have problems with the terms, some won't. If you want to play it safe don't use them, but yeah some won't care much about the term.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

Another question: 1)

As far as i understood it, it's basically a catch 22.

Transmen generally pass extremely well (and they don't have to go through hair removal or voice training, but the flipside is that (as far as I'm aware) they almost always have to or do get their breasts removed, and the downstairs surgery is really brutal (with pain, expense, and length of time it takes) with questionable results.

From what I've seen, it is roughly half and half trans men and women. But trans men are guys, and many of the ones i've met are more guarded about publicly talking about their feelings and such, at least more than women.[/quote]

Yeah. I also forgot to mention about the breast binding before the operation, which I can imagine would be pretty uncomfortable.

And question 2)

This might be an aggravating response...but the answer is it depends on who you talk to :/
Some will have problems with the terms, some won't. If you want to play it safe don't use them, but yeah some won't care much about the term.

It's not an aggravating response; I pretty much expected that kind of answer. As far as I know, "sex change" isn't PC anymore. But GID and gender dysphoria seem to be used interchangeably. But of course, regarding individuals that it affects, it varies, just like the number of people who decide to have genital surgery varies depending on their personal feelings on the matter (and, potentially, other factors like sexual intercourse, cost, etc).

 

[Beautiful Tragedy]

Hey there, I did have a question if you would be so kind to answer it:

Question: How many people in real life, from where you live... treat you fairly? Or better yet the people who do know your a transgender, do they treat you like anyone else? I know a lot of people are becoming more accepting, but I was still curious.

Also if you ever need anything, do hit me up. I'd be happy to help you :}

I've been insanely lucky to have NOT run in to ANY unfair treatment, or abuse. ONE TIME I heard a guy mutter something to his girl friend/wife and she ran to a display next to me (to appear to be shopping) and turned at stared at me. I've have not been verbally abused.

As an aside- a LONG time ago, as I was just beginning my transition, i went to a trans support group meeting and after, as my wife went to use the rest room, another girl form the group went into the women's restroom...as guy (not part of the group) saw her and turn to ME and said twice, rather loudly "That's a man!" I wanted to say "No, that my friend, is a woman." but being only a few months into transition (going full time) I wasn't about to draw more attention to myself.

 

[Kathinka]

snip

yes, because anyone who doesn't share your opinion must be a troll or retarded. congrats, with that first line you have completely disqualified yourself from any form of civilized discussion and i'm not going to dignify the rest of your post with a response or even just by reading it.

 

[Jayemsal]

Hey there, I did have a question if you would be so kind to answer it:

Question: How many people in real life, from where you live... treat you fairly? Or better yet the people who do know your a transgender, do they treat you like anyone else? I know a lot of people are becoming more accepting, but I was still curious.

Also if you ever need anything, do hit me up. I'd be happy to help you :}

All my friends, roommates, classmates(the ones who I speak to) know I am transgender, yes. They treat me fairly, the few who are ignorant are polite enough to be nice when they ask questions, not unlike the group in this thread.

 

[Sarmos]

Where does the money come from.

The entire trans thing seems to me to be practically relegated to upper class kids and porn stars. The numerous cosmetic and hormonal operations/pharmaceuticals cannot be cheap. You don't see trans people on forums like 'I'm typing this on a Win95 machine because I have to save for my hospital bills'.

I don't mean to cheapen being transgender, but it would seem to me that people of moderate means would be stuck with only a different mindset and wardrobe (perhaps including wigs) than any cisgenders.

Depends on where you live. Here in the US? Our own damn pockets. We have to work our asses off to pay for this shit. Sometimes medical insurance covers some of the treatments, other times it doesn't. Hormone treatments are usually made affordable with diagnosis of GID(Gender Identity Disorder). There's also some things social services can do in the more progressive states, but most of the time we fund ourselves. In other countries there are things like universal health care though, and last I checked some countries like Canada have military pensions that cover the costs completely.

Again, it allllllll depends. (I'm actually in the Canadian military AND trans)

In Canada at least, there's some help. Each province or territory has it's own policy. The eastern provinces (where I live) Have no coverage with the exception of Newfoundland & Labrador which covers practically everything under universal health care. But for almost every other province it's on a "Case by case basis" Mostly, if you can prove to a medical professional, You can get some (And I do mean only SOME as in, anywhere from 10% to 50% cost coverage) help from the government. Some insurance policies through different jobs can cover meds and some surgery almost completely.

The military on the other hand, Will cover almost everything with the exception of some things like hair removal, etc. etc. Things they say that is specifically cosmetic. The mindset the military has is that They want you combat ready, not side focused because your worrying about whether your going to be called "sir" or "ma'am" as an officer.

In Canada, unless your a student(student health plans and insurances cover almost everything in Canada), have a REALLY good paying job, or just work somewhere with an exceptional insurance policy, your more then likely paying out of your own pocket.

As a side note, I have a few transgendered friends in Germany, who say that almost EVERYTHING is covered by the universal health care there. But I don't know the specifics.

 

[PhiMed]

I've heard that transgender people (at least some of them, pardon my limited experience) 'feel' that they were born the wrong way or the wrong gender or somehow are off and thus are transgender as a way to correct that. I don't understand that since I don't know what it 'feels' like to be a gender or to be the wrong gender. I understand social structures built around gender and I understand being attracted to a different sex then a straight person, but feminism seeks to end limiting and unfair gender structures, and homosexuals and bisexuals exist, so obviously those things aren't the same since they are addressed with different outcomes. I can assume that this 'feeling' of a gender is something I have yet to consider and thus have overlooked and I'd like your insight into what exactly is at the core of what defines one's gender and how one feels their gender. I think I'll be missing a critical component that I need to understand sexuality in general until I can figure it out.

Most, if not all, of us feel a sense of gender dysphoria. Why this happens is not fully explained as of yet, but with recent studies we have a generally good idea as to what causes it. In the womb, as a child develops, they go through several chemical washes that are designated by the genetic code of the individual, usually resulting in a normal child. With us transgendered people, this process is generally disrupted in one form or another, only resulting in a partial, if not nonexistent, chemical wash of the corresponding hormone. The brain develops along a different path than the body, resulting in the dysphoric feelings that many of us first make sense of around ages 4 and 5. You don't feel anything like this because you got the right balance of your sex's hormone during this period, and as such, do not experience the feelings we do. The closest parallel that I can give is one a poster mentioned in a previous thread: it's kinda like phantom limb syndrome: you have a mental blueprint of your body, and when you lose a limb you have phantom sensations that your mind is telling you are coming from your limb, but it's not there. Gender dysphoria is something of a similar sensation.

I don't want to start a flame war here, but the examples of a "chemical wash" that you gave have really only been proven as it relates to the differentiation of external genitalia. Any assertions as to the effects on the brain are, at best, strictly theoretical, and at worst, grasping conjecture to fill the knowledge hole. Because of our poor understanding of neurophysiology and neurological biochemistry, nevermind the actual physiological nature of complex abstract constructs like gender, there's really no way to demonstrate this phenomenon at this point, even in animal models. Even if there was a viable animal model, international laws on human experimentation would likely prevent it from being extended to a human model.

So... we don't have an idea. Some people just have just put forth a plausible hypothesis. An unproven, possibly untestable hypothesis.

That's not to say you're wrong. We don't know. It's just that there's absolutely no evidence to support it.

 

[Jayemsal]

Nobody's ever treated me fairly before, but I know those who do know, for the most part, sure as hell don't treat me fairly now. Best example, my mother has in her mind delegitimized basically every emotion or thought I have. Let me cite an example from a few months ago. I've actually had a problem being around men for a few years, ever since I was gang-raped a few years, and when I told my birther that (I don't use the term "mother" to describe her, as it disparages people deserving of the term), in tears, for why I don't trust her fiance (among other reasons, like how he threatened me with a firearm), she said "You're fucking crazy, you know that! Get real!" Now my birther and I have had a fairly cold relationship for over a decade now - she's not mother of the year material, but there's was still something hanging on. With her saying that, it was clear to me that she didn't look at me as her son, or her daughter-to-be, but just a random somebody. Its clear that coming out to my mother broke the mother-child bond between us, although she's too delusional to see that. My birther is just the best example for this, by far. So yeah, some people will treat you differently in mostly if not entirely negative ways once they know. Others, usually the minority, don't care too much past what is to them a personality change.

.. ... I'm ... so sorry...

That must be a lot to take in, and that deeply saddens me how people can reach their lowest point when it comes to interaction with others .. despite if they're neighbors, family, ect. Please, do not think I pity you but if you'd ever like to talk or just need help with anything, then do notify me. I'm glad you're honestly strong willed and expressing your story, you can reach out to those that have gone through the same thing or something similar.

For me though, it never gets easier to cope with. The world is pretty corrupted and honestly, we need more optimism along friendship (you'd be surprised how powerful it is, and I am not talking about the MLP show ether). Again, it'd be a pleasure getting to know you or talking if you'd like ^_^ but overall I am sorry and you deserve much better. I don't blame you for how you feel towards men, it's something that bothers me when the majority of guys don't consider what can scar people by their actions.

Hey there, I did have a question if you would be so kind to answer it:

Question: How many people in real life, from where you live... treat you fairly? Or better yet the people who do know your a transgender, do they treat you like anyone else? I know a lot of people are becoming more accepting, but I was still curious.

Also if you ever need anything, do hit me up. I'd be happy to help you :}

All my friends, roommates, classmates(the ones who I speak to) know I am transgender, yes. They treat me fairly, the few who are ignorant are polite enough to be nice when they ask questions, not unlike the group in this thread.

Oh, I truly apologize if I have offended you in any way or stated the question in any manner that puts you down. Also how has the people on here been treating you so far? If it hasn't been good so far, I do hope you give this site another chance. A lot of people are friendly and open minded about anyone who comes along, only a few get snappy but don't mind them they're good people too!

oh no no no,

the people here tend to be great, I was referring to how polite people here are, even if they are somewhat ignorant of transgender issues.

 

[Alex Graves]

....

From what I've seen from others, the further you push it into the closet, the more shit you have to sift through when you come out. Lets ignore every physical benefit for transitioning at a younger age - when you're older, you have a career position you can lose, years of job experience because many don't want to list former employers who knew them as a different gender, problems with every friend you've made and the family that you may have built. A lot of people have trouble with their kids, and I've heard stories where some parents were never talked to again by their own kids. Its definitely in your benefit to transition at an earlier age.

I'm not sure how to take this one...it is nice to think I should be at an age where it is easier to transition, but I wonder if I already have to much clutter in the closet with me.

There was lots of misery and struggle, there were years of depression, some chronic, others over the untimely death of a son, bouts of under-employment, a bankruptcy, continued struggles with self image, expensive medical treatments, ongoing therapy, blah..blah...blah. As many have reported, the older the gender disphoric get, the more they start seeing transition or suicide as their only opportunities for peace.

In other ways I was supremely lucky: naturally low on testosterone, so my first puberty didn't hit very hard, never pushed toward male behaviors as a youth, estranged from my family early on for unrelated reasons, married a lesbian leaning bisexual who'd never really thought of me as male, my kids, aged 4 and 10 when I started, and my wife, who is also my BFF since high school, all managed my transition easily, I was working in industries (engineering and software dev) that are fairly accepting of the marginal.

Our kids, though straight, have always collected LGBT kids and brought them home to us like stray kittens. Many of our friends, and our kid's friends, kinda see us as a poster family for LGBT; some have said that just knowing a family like ours is possible gave them hope for a future.

Alex, get yourself to a gender-aware therapist. The LGBT community centers, even in smallish cities, usually can provide leads to support resources, and may well run a support group. Just an hour or two of honest conversation with a cognizant specialist will help you better understand your own needs and identity and may change your entire life. I cannot say what your path might be, but I will say that life becomes unimaginably richer when you can live as yourself, possibly putting aside a crippling mask of a mis-assigned gender.

And don't be too concerned about how beautiful or feminine you might become. Even if you never have the chance to be the perfect flower you imagined as a teenager, being an old comfy fat broad surrounded by people that know you and love your true self is way better than the alternatives.

Sorry it took me a while to reply,(busy day) first (just to get it out of the way) game dev? Secondly, yeah I'll start looking around more one of my problems was just not being really aware of what any of this was/is even though the feeling hit early on in my life a lot of other stuff ended up happening it just got shoved to the side(nothing like covering a scar with more scars right?) I do need to find a good therapist, the last to did nothing but prescribe the most expensive drugs they could and told me that I'll "feel much better after you take these for a while" which (like everyone else I've none who was just given meds at random) did nothing but make everything worse. Last thing, I didn't mean to come off as looking to be a perfect flower...just hate seeing the way I look, never felt right...I still barely look in the mirror, even when brushing my teeth. (side affect of a long history of self-abuse and repression I'm sure)

 

[Psykoma]

Again, it allllllll depends. (I'm actually in the Canadian military AND trans)

In Canada at least, there's some help. Each province or territory has it's own policy. The eastern provinces (where I live) Have no coverage with the exception of Newfoundland & Labrador which covers practically everything under universal health care. But for almost every other province it's on a "Case by case basis" Mostly, if you can prove to a medical professional, You can get some (And I do mean only SOME as in, anywhere from 10% to 50% cost coverage) help from the government. Some insurance policies through different jobs can cover meds and some surgery almost completely.

In Canada, unless your a student(student health plans and insurances cover almost everything in Canada), have a REALLY good paying job, or just work somewhere with an exceptional insurance policy, your more then likely paying out of your own pocket.

Quebec, Ontario (Ontario might cover some therapy too, depending on where you go), Alberta, Newfoundland & Labrador, and Saskatchewan (for saskatchewan you have to travel to CAMH in Ontario, but Saskatchewan covers the travel costs) all fully cover hormones, blood tests, endocrinologist visits, and SRS (And top surgery for FtM). I don't even know about the territories.

While that isn't all the provinces, it does cover about 75% of the Canadian population who do have hormones and surgery covered.

Therapy is very rarely covered, I think it should be covered. Right now it's just acting as a financial dam to getting the medicare covered treatments.

I think you are painting a very unfair (and untrue) picture of coverage in general in Canada.
In the provinces without coverage it sucks pretty bad, but those provinces are a minority in Canada. Most Canadians have the essential treatments, absent therapy, fully covered by their provinces.

 

[DataSnake]

I've actually had a problem being around men for a few years, ever since I was gang-raped a few years, and when I told my birther that (I don't use the term "mother" to describe her, as it disparages people deserving of the term), in tears, for why I don't trust her fiance (among other reasons, like how he threatened me with a firearm), she said "You're fucking crazy, you know that! Get real!"

Guy pulls a gun on you and she says YOU'RE crazy?

Spoiler: Dear birther:

 

[Sarmos]

Again, it allllllll depends. (I'm actually in the Canadian military AND trans)

In Canada at least, there's some help. Each province or territory has it's own policy. The eastern provinces (where I live) Have no coverage with the exception of Newfoundland & Labrador which covers practically everything under universal health care. But for almost every other province it's on a "Case by case basis" Mostly, if you can prove to a medical professional, You can get some (And I do mean only SOME as in, anywhere from 10% to 50% cost coverage) help from the government. Some insurance policies through different jobs can cover meds and some surgery almost completely.

In Canada, unless your a student(student health plans and insurances cover almost everything in Canada), have a REALLY good paying job, or just work somewhere with an exceptional insurance policy, your more then likely paying out of your own pocket.

Quebec, Ontario (Ontario might cover some therapy too, depending on where you go), Alberta, Newfoundland & Labrador, and Saskatchewan (for saskatchewan you have to travel to CAMH in Ontario, but Saskatchewan covers the travel costs) all fully cover hormones, blood tests, endocrinologist visits, and SRS (And top surgery for FtM). I don't even know about the territories.

While that isn't all the provinces, it does cover about 75% of the Canadian population who do have hormones and surgery covered.

Therapy is very rarely covered, I think it should be covered. Right now it's just acting as a financial dam to getting the medicare covered treatments.

I think you are painting a very unfair (and untrue) picture of coverage in general in Canada.
In the provinces without coverage it sucks pretty bad, but those provinces are a minority in Canada. Most Canadians have the essential treatments, absent therapy, fully covered by their provinces.

My apologies. While I mostly live on a military base in Halifax in Nova Scotia, I wasn't aware of the policies of the other parts of Canada. The military keeps on trying to make me go through my own methods and pay for it out of my own paycheck mostly so I can only speak from personal perspective.

 

[Psykoma]

My apologies. While I mostly live on a military base in Halifax in Nova Scotia, I wasn't aware of the policies of the other parts of Canada. The military keeps on trying to make me go through my own methods and pay for it out of my own paycheck mostly so I can only speak from personal perspective.

It's okay
I hope the military wakes up and stops having a hissy fit about covering you

 

[TKretts3]

I have a question that's been on my mind for a while now, and this seems like a good place to get an answer for it.
There are some qualities that are generally seen as gender specific, such as; only men can like and do good at sports, only women should be tending a garden, et cetera. They may also be known as gender stereotypes.

Now from what I know about the trans community, which I admit is not much, trans is when someone feels that they are not the gender that they were born with - man stuck in a women's body, and so on. My question is, how else, if not through the aforementioned gender stereotypes does someone come to the conclusion that they were born the wrong gender? And my second question is, if certain qualities were not perceived as gender specific, if it were 'acceptable' for both genders to do the same thing, would the amount of people who identify as trans go down?

One more thing, and this is mainly a Canadian thing, I think. The current DSM, which from what I understand is a list of mental disorders, includes trans (or as they call it 'Gender Identity Disorder') among their books. Now, what really shocked me is that people in the trans community are actually split on this issue. Some, logically, want it removed due them not being mentally ill, and the fact that listing it as a mental illness creates a negative image for trans people. But some don't want it removed just because, as long as it's in the DSM, OHIP helps pay for the gender reassignment surgery. I guess this is less of a question, and more just me asking for your opinion on the matter.

And thank you in advance for a response, if it should come.