U.S. Government Denies Existence of Mermaids

[Farther than stars]

The thing about mermaids is that they're usually depicted without either gills or a blowhole, when current taxonomy dictates that at least one of these is necessary for vertebrates to live in the sea. Also, seafaring folk are traditionally one of the most superstitious demographics around. Their affinity for unsubstantiated causality has even given rise to various commonly used phrases such as: whistling up a storm.
There's no joke there I'm afraid; just cold bare fact today, folks.

 

[Atmos Duality]

Thank god for that, I can swim in the sea again.

Now you just have to watch out for the dolphins.
Roving gangs of dolphins.

There go my wet dreams

This denial seems a little fishy to me.

I'm so sorry...

But They've sure got the gills to deny the existence of mermaids, haven't they?

[small]Okay...That was bad. I'm going back to my game now[/small]

That sound you hear is the whole world whaling at those terrible puns you two made. I hope you realize the depth of your crimes against comedy: if there was any justice I'd have you both exiled to Finland.

Makes you question the real porpoise of their research.

 

[2fish]

Ok so we know the government doesn't want us to think mermaids exist. That raises questions.

1 Where did all the mermaids go?

2. What is the government using the mermaids for?

3. Why do they want to be able to deny their mermaid plans?


We must find them and save them from our government! Or are mermaids running the government?

 

[Jynthor]

They went extinct because they all murdered each other. As documented in the song "Murmaider"

 

[RESURRECTION21]

hmmm why would they just say this out of nowhere unless OF COURSE THE US GOV IS SAYING THAT MERMAIDS DO NOT EXIST BECAUSE THEY ARE MAKEING THEM TO USE FOR A WAR WITH ATLANTIS BECAUSE THY ARE SELLING WMDS TO AL-QAEDA AND THE US WANTS TO HAVE A DANIEL PLAN IN PLACE IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE or you know it is because they do not exist but if glenn beck can have stupid conspiracy theories so can i

 

[Richardplex]

Thank god for that, I can swim in the sea again.

Now you just have to watch out for the dolphins.
Roving gangs of dolphins.

Actually I do, there are several documented cases of dolphins attempted rape on humans.

 

[FalloutJack]

Sir! Excuse me!

Bob Harrison, ISN News. Would you also care to comment on the existence of aliens? Of Fae? Jabberwocky? Dragons? Eldritch Horror? And everything else seen or heard of in Cabin in the Woods?

 

[emeraldrafael]

Its a good thing i dont work in the government. The sarcasm Id have on issues like this would justbe awful

 

[hooksashands]

Define 'real'. If believing in mermaids is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

 

[BehattedWanderer]

Well...yeah. Between the tales of company-starved, horny, dehydrated and delusional seamen, and the whole "victorian showmen would sew bits and pieces together to create a show piece", were we seriously considering this as a real thing? I mean, yes, some do, but some people believe we haven't landed on the moon. Was this really a big deal, or was this just a "no, now quick asking that retarded question" kind of thing? Are we now going to have to fail to find evidence of all the other fictional creatures in formal releases?

"But are mermaids real? No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found," it continues. "Why, then, do they occupy the collective unconscious of nearly all seafaring peoples? That's a question best left to historians, philosophers, and anthropologists."

Translation: Science done, let the humanities have it, it's of no worth to us.

 

[Souleks]

I want to believe

 

[MegaManOfNumbers]

Sooooo, what?

They accepted the existence of mermaids before?

 

[Risingblade]

Why bring this up...unless they really do exist and want to cover it up..naw

 

[Auesis]

In other news, scientists have confirmed that water is, indeed, wet.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

Why do they need to tell us this?

To me coming out randomly with NO ITS NOT REAL when no one has mentioned the subject at hand just makes me even more suspicious...

 

[Dfskelleton]

Well, if I were working for NOAA, I'd totally say "There is absolutely no such thing as mermaids", just to laugh at the conspiracy theorist guys who begin talking about our government working with mermaids.
Seriously, that's something I would totally do.
Now I have the picture in my head of a bunch of shady government officials laughing and high-fiving each other.
Hey, I finally got through one of these Government announcement concerning the paranormal/unexplainable things with no X-Files references!

 

[KefkaCultist]

Rob Zombie and Rainn Wilson disagrees.