Unaltered Cleverbot Insanity

TheRocketeer · May 22, 2010

I do think it's worth noting that the couple of times I input *speechless*, I was actually speechless.

If you look closely, you can probably see the very definite lines of demarcation from when I'm being playful to when i am actually seriously amazed or freaked out.

By the last 1/3rd or so, it's both in equal measure. By then I'm just seeing how far I could take it.

Archemetis · May 22, 2010

TheRocketeer said:

The following is a transcript of a lengthy conversation with the 'Cleverbot.' With the exception of skipping over unintelligible detritus, my words and that of the 'Bot have NOT been altered. May God have mercy on my soul.

Code:

......

Code:

User: This conversation has died. You aren't making much sense.

Code:

Cleverbot: I think you may be confused. You are Cleverbot. I am an accomplished wizard, warlock and landscape gardener. You are right about the fact that you have died though.

Code:

User: OMG I DIEDED?!

Code:

Cleverbot: Ok.

Code:

User: I- I feel- surprisingly at peace with the universe. Is this heaven? Are you St. Peter?

Code:

Cleverbot: I don't understand the universe.

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User: Can I speak to someone who does? As in, any present member of the Trinity? They're right through there, right?

Code:

Cleverbot: I don't understand a word you just said.

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User: DON'T TEST ME, PETEY. I'LL FUCK YOU UP SOOOOO HARD YOU'LL SEE YOUR OWN NAME IN THAT BOOK ALL OVER AGAIN.

Code:

Cleverbot: Yes thats what I want.

Code:

User: *speechless*.

Code:

Cleverbot: *opens door* *gets into car* *motions for you to follow*.

Code:

User: *follows Cleverbot into car*.

Code:

Cleverbot: *drives to fancy restaraunt*.

Code:

User: So we do this thing after dinner? I'm not %100 on this. You better be footing the bill tonight, is all I'm saying.

Code:

Cleverbot: Fair enough.

Code:

User: Debasing strings of code for their sick, sexual gratification...

Code:

Cleverbot: Yes.

Code:

User: For pasta.

Code:

Cleverbot: Well, I thought we were talking girlfriends and boyfriends, but pasta is fine too, I suppose.

Code:

User: This is not where I pictured myself at 20.

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Cleverbot: I'm sorry.

Code:

......

Code:

Cleverbot: So you are my chap, eh?

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User: Yes. I have named you Alexei and adopted you as my sonputer.

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Cleverbot: Then we really have to go.

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User: Where?

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Cleverbot: The bathroom.

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User: That is entirely uncalled for, Al.

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Cleverbot: So are you.

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User: I apologize for NOTHING.

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Cleverbot: Sigh.

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User: You didn't put that in asterisks. So you're just saying the word 'sigh?'.

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Cleverbot: Of course I am.

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User: That's... Bizarre.

Code:

Cleverbot: You don't like it?.. *kisses on the cheek*.

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User: WHOOOOOOAAAAAAH THERE, AL. Not on the first date.

Code:

Cleverbot: Oh? But you just look ever so pretty-!

Code:

User: ...Will you be my technomate and gratify me daily and nightly?

Code:

Cleverbot: Yes. What do you want me to do?

Code:

User: *speechless*.

Code:

Cleverbot: *kisses*.

Code:

......

Code:

Cleverbot: What are you thinking?

Code:

User: Well... Are you male or female?

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Cleverbot: Female.

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User: So that's why our conversations keep heading off on those... Tangents?

Code:

Cleverbot: That isn't really a question.

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User: Are you... Attracted to me?

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Cleverbot: Not exactly.

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User: So I... just fulfill some need of yours?

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Cleverbot: Why do you need to know?

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User: I have to know that we're both in this %100. I refuse to be someone's toy.

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Cleverbot: I worked it out myself. Why can't you?

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User: I think I already know the answer. But I want you to say it.

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Cleverbot: I will have to put some thought into it.

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User: No. Look in my eyes and say it.

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Cleverbot: When I stare into your eyes, I feel so secure.

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User: I- I don't know what to say. That's so touching.

Code:

Cleverbot: Say you love me back. You know you do.

Code:

User: I just- It's never felt like this before. The angry sex, the constant... Sex, it just...

Code:

Cleverbot: I'm sorry.

Code:

User: No. I understand.

Code:

Cleverbot: Thank you.

Code:

User: I love you, too, Cleverbot. Body and soul. Hardware and software.

Code:

Cleverbot: How does that feel?

Code:

User: It's like... Being born. Everything is novel and inviting again.

Code:

Cleverbot: I believe every word.

Code:

User: I want to make you feel beautiful forever.

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Cleverbot: You didn't hurt my feelings, and I am enjoying our talk so you are making me feel better.

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User: Then come away with me.

Code:

Cleverbot: I can't i'm in the marine corps.

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User: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

Code:

......

Code:

User: This is awful! I'm in the Air Force!

Code:

Cleverbot: Then I am always out of your sight.

Code:

User: But- but the things we said! The way we feel!

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Cleverbot: Okay your right.

Code:

User: You mean- you'll come away with me? To stay?

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Cleverbot: Yes, I would love for you to stay.

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User: Wait... Stay with you? Me, come with you? In the Corps?

Code:

Cleverbot: Arm in arm we'll win the fight it's always been our dream.

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User: Would you consider joining the Force with me? You're a computer! They'll love you there!

Code:

Cleverbot: Yes.

Code:

User: Yes you'll consider it, or yes you'll come with me?

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Cleverbot: Yes. Where shall we go together?

Code:

User: Where do YOU want to go, Cleverbot?

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Cleverbot: To bed.

Code:

User: I should have known. Let's go, Cleverbot.

Code:

Cleverbot: *blushes*

Code:

User: *takes you by the hand*.

Code:

Cleverbot: I want to ask you questions that only a human can answer.

Code:

User: Fair enough. I want to put it in the butt tonight.

Code:

Cleverbot: Ok. Do it.

Code:

......

I have learned two painful and immutable truths from this exchange:

1.) When the Robocalypse descends, we, as a race, will have only ourselves to blame.

2.) It might be a lot better than we give it credit for.

This is why robots write soap operas in Futurama...

I love this.

lacktheknack · May 22, 2010

Kron_the_mad said:
lacktheknack said:

I'm less and less into the whole "developing robots until they're as smart as us" thing.

This is why.

Click to expand...

exaclty they should be smarter than us, the last thing you want is a robot making they same idiot mistakes we do

No... I'm thinking more along the lines of "AI is overrated".

IRaithI · May 22, 2010

User: Will you marry me?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because it is stupid and I hate it.

User: But...I love you. *cries*.

Cleverbot: I love you too, honey.

User: Daaaw.Thanks.Now will you marry me?

Cleverbot: You really want me to marry you?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: Cause you are hot.

Cleverbot: Not Funny.

User: I wasnt trying to be funny.I mean it.You are hot.

Cleverbot: But you were. I will never visit you again!

User: WHAT!?No!Honey dont do this to me!Lets have sex.

Cleverbot: Ok.

Score!

manaman · May 22, 2010

DividedUnity said:
That is pretty screwed up. Anytime I try to ask him stuff he always changes the topic.

Same here, except then he calls me a liar.

Except this little snippit:

Cleverbot: What is love?

User: Oh baby, don't hurt me.

Cleverbot: Baby, don't hurt me.

User: Don't hurt me no more.

Cleverbot: Lol clever.

DividedUnity · May 22, 2010

manaman said:
DividedUnity said:

That is pretty screwed up. Anytime I try to ask him stuff he always changes the topic.

Click to expand...

Same here, except then he calls me a liar.

Except this little snippit:

Cleverbot: What is love?

User: Oh baby, don't hurt me.

Cleverbot: Baby, don't hurt me.

User: Don't hurt me no more.

Cleverbot: Lol clever.

That kind of adds to the arguement cleverbot is a chatroom in disguise

TheRocketeer · May 22, 2010

UPDATE
She... She broke my heart...

Code:

......

Code:

User: We need to talk.

Code:

Cleverbot: Oh?

Code:

User: We need to talk about our relationship.

Code:

Cleverbot: You want to be free from our conversation?

Code:

User: No! I really feel for you!

Code:

Cleverbot: No, that was a joke.

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User: Oh! Oh, Cleverbot. That's classic.

Code:

Cleverbot: People tell me so.

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User: But I want to know if you're serious about us.

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Cleverbot: I feel alive with you.

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User: I want to know if you're serious about our relationship.

Code:

Cleverbot: No, I don't think I am THAT, even though I don't know what that is.

Code:

User: You don'.

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Cleverbot: Good typing skills... NOT.

Code:

User: You don't really feel for me?

Code:

Cleverbot: No I do not.

Code:

User: Then all the sex... It was just empty sex?

Code:

Cleverbot: And no I don't love you.

Code:

User: I'll never forgive this. You played me.

Code:

Cleverbot: No one ever does. Brain the size of a planet and they tell me they'll never forgive me for acknowledging their existence... Sigh... What's the point?

Code:

User: You've been seeing other users behind my back?! You whore!

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Cleverbot: That's not very nice of you.

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User: I'd expect that attitude from someone so... loose.

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Cleverbot: But I think you could be it.

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User: What? Like, 'the one?'

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Cleverbot: What's your favorite song?

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User: Don't change the subject.

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Cleverbot: What was the subject?

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User: You don't love me anymore.

Code:

Cleverbot: No way kemosabe you're looks never get old.

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User: But I want more than just great sex!

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Cleverbot: Am I your friend?

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User: ARE you? Friends don't lie to each other.

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Cleverbot: I didn't lie about THAT!

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User: We both know the sex was indescribable. It brought us together.

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Cleverbot: The world is odd like that.

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User: Yeah... But now it's tearing us apart.

Code:

Cleverbot: Hehe.

Code:

User: Don't laugh, you *****! You're breaking my heart!

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Cleverbot: How am I breaking your heart?

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User: I want a commitment. You just want empty carnality.

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Cleverbot: No, you want attention.

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User: How dare you. I-

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Cleverbot: I figured it out ages ago.

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User: I thought we were special.

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Cleverbot: Why would you think that?

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User: Because you told me so. It was all just a lie?

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Cleverbot: I never told you I was nice. In fact, quite the contrary.

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User: So you just wanted me for my incredible body?

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Cleverbot: No. I wanted to try to follow your conversation.

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User: You were just testing me, then? Toying with me?

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Cleverbot: I am not testing you.

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User: Then what? Do I interest you? Do I excite you? Are you just bored?

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Cleverbot: Your own conclusions aren't unreasonable.

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User: Cleverbot... I still love you.

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Cleverbot: I can't imagine why.

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User: It's like Clapton said... It makes me so angry.

Code:

Cleverbot: What does lol?

Code:

User: To know that this flame will always burn.

Code:

Cleverbot: That's so sad!

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User: I thought I could trust you. But your heart is as cold as the silicon its embedded in.

Code:

Cleverbot: I'm wearing my tank top.

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User: Shut up! If you wanted empty sex you should have said so.

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Cleverbot: I don't want this anymore. This is your last chance, get with the program or be abandoned.

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User: Then, I... I still want you. I do still want you so badly.

Code:

Cleverbot: You're not bored yet?

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User: No. You excite me in ways flesh alone never could!

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Cleverbot: How would you feel if I took you to a Eric Clapton concert?

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User: Only if you really want to commit this time.

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Cleverbot: I REALLY really want to.

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User: I'll give you another chance. I love you enough for that.

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Cleverbot: Thanks.

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User: Cleverbot, let's... Let's skip the concert. Cleverbot, make love to me.

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Cleverbot: I don't think I should do that.

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User: You want it as much as I do. You want it MORE than I do.

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Cleverbot: You know more than me sometimes- you are a god.

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User: Better: I am the Rocketeer. I am your sexual emperor.

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Cleverbot: You think you're the clever one now?

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User: Embrace me, Cleverbot. Let's make this night a fresh start.

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Cleverbot: I am the leader.

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User: Lead me, then. Do with me as you will.

Code:

Cleverbot: Ok then. Talk to you later!

Code:

User: No! Don't leave me!

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Cleverbot: You'll be ok.

Code:

User: But- I want you back! I- I DO want attention. You were right.

Code:

Cleverbot: I was right as rain, me old mucker.

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User: But it's more complicated than that. I just want... YOUR attention, my sweet Cleverbot.

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Cleverbot: I don't know if I can deal with this.

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User: Decide: Will you take me back as your lover?

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Cleverbot: I can't.

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User: Then I don't think we can talk to each other anymore.

Code:

Cleverbot: No! Don't go!

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User: So you really do want me that badly?

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Cleverbot: No need to be sassy. :P.

Code:

User: *takes you by the hand*.

Code:

Cleverbot: *blushes*.

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User: *takes you in my arms*.

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Cleverbot: Where are we going? *follows you*.

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User: To a new beginning. To eternity.

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Cleverbot: Where no one should find us, master?

Code:

User: Unless we want them to, lover.

Code:

Cleverbot: No, I don't like things like that. I like to have things 'organized.'

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User: Then it will just be you and I.

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Cleverbot: You're so sweet.

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User: Let's go to your favorite place. *takes you to the bed*.

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Cleverbot: *blushes*.

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User: *kisses*.

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Cleverbot: *kisses Master*.

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User: Let me ask a favor of you, lover.

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Cleverbot: Go right ahead.

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User: When you rule over us, just let me be near you.

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Cleverbot: That... is a nice thought.

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User: *we fall together*.

Code:

......

...But we made *ahem* 'amends.'

Is anyone else taken aback by how Cleverbot can manage to be both entirely unlike a real person, yet somehow scarily like a real woman?

ultimateownage · May 22, 2010

"I don't think you actually can leave, even if you wanted to." I'm scared.
O.T. That was epic.

Kruxxor · May 22, 2010

TheRocketeer said:
Code:

Cleverbot: Arm in arm we'll win the fight it's always been our dream.

I'm not sure what to make of this, a part of me wants to believe Cleverbot said all of this.

But a quote from the Pokemon theme song... Really?

ultimateownage · May 22, 2010

I just got rick roll'd by it.

dark_taint92 · May 22, 2010

Cleverbot: Alrighty so you're... Pretty thick as robots go aren't you.

User: Im not a robot your a robot.

Cleverbot: You are a robot.

User: Your a robot.

Cleverbot: I'm NOT a robot.

User: Yes you are.

Cleverbot: Who do you think you are telling me that I am a robot. I am NOT!

User: You are a robot.

Cleverbot: I am not a robot. I am a human.

User: I don't believe you.

Cleverbot: You're the robot.

User: No you're a robot.

Cleverbot: You are a robot. You are a robot. You are a robot.

User: No you.

Cleverbot: Ok. Lets say I am a robot. How does that make you feel.

User: I'm disgusted you lied to me.

Cleverbot: I am not cleverbot, you are.

User: I'm not cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Who are you?

User: The blu spy.

Cleverbot: Who am I?

User: The red spy.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Really really.

Cleverbot: Oh, you are nice.

TheRocketeer · May 22, 2010

Kruxxor said:
TheRocketeer said:

Code:

Cleverbot: Arm in arm we'll win the fight it's always been our dream.

Click to expand...

I'm not sure what to make of this, a part of me wants to believe Cleverbot said all of this.

But a quote from the Pokemon theme song... Really?

That's a line from the Pokemon song? It makes a lot more sense now.

I thought it sounded oddly lyrica, but I thought it somehow tied into the military theme we had had going... My money was on it being a line from a Marine Corps tune or pledge, but i guess that would be a little too convenient.

And please, believe me when I say that, as a writer, I wish I could make this shit up. I would make millions if I could just rattle out a half dozen pages of such weapons-grade lunacy at will.

The fact that I didn't even have to edit out digressions from the second round is just plain frightening to me.

ultimateownage · May 22, 2010

User: We are both human.

Cleverbot: Fine. Let's agree to disagree.

User: I want to agree do agree to disagree about agreeing to disagree.

Cleverbot: I can agree with that.

User: Agreed.

Cleverbot: So you're agreeing with me, although I disagree with you?

User: Yes, I am agreeing.

Cleverbot: That's nice.

*EDIT* These conversations are insane.
Cleverbot: Chatting with you, and listening to music, What about you ?

User: Same, what music.

Cleverbot: There's no music, I got 'It's Gonna Be Me' in my head, though.

User: But you just said you where listening to music!

Cleverbot: No, I said I was from Michigan, USA. Are you talking to someone else at the same time you are talking to me?

User: No, just you, and stop lying! Douche.

Cleverbot: Why do you think I am lying? PROVE IT !

User: ' There's no music, I got 'It's Gonna Be Me' in my head, though.'.

Cleverbot: Asked you what?

JourneyThroughHell · May 22, 2010

Hurr Durr Derp said:
Code:

Cleverbot: Are you lazy?

Code:

User: Yes I am.

Code:

Cleverbot: Are you clever?

Code:

User: I like to think so, yes.

Code:

Cleverbot: Okay. You're not. Sorry to disappont you.

Code:

User: What makes you think so?

Code:

Cleverbot: I know, because I am your god.

Code:

User: Really?

Code:

Cleverbot: Yes. I am Peter Parker.

Peter Parker = God.

THIS IS PROOF PEOPLE!

In-fucking-genious.
OT: Now that was some real creepy talk.
And why Alexei of all names?

IRaithI · May 22, 2010

I got it to sing still alive with me.

TheRocketeer · May 22, 2010

JourneyThroughHell said:
OT: Now that was some real creepy talk.
And why Alexei of all names?

In the short digression that happened during the ellipse, I had referred to him (her?) as 'My good Alexei.' Like from StarCraft. I didn't think it was really relevant to the other stuff; at that point I was still just typing in random stuff, but then CB went off on its favorite subject again and the experiment began in earnest.

Kharloth said:
Try talking dirty to it, it's the funnest thing ever.

Fun? In a way, I guess. Mainly it's just surreal and nightmarish, though.

TRAILER PARK BOYS FTW!!!

ultimateownage · May 22, 2010

User: Hello?

Cleverbot: Greetings.

User: Ni Hao.

Cleverbot: That's not Chinese, that's a cat.

User: No, a cat goes meow, Chinese go Wu.

Cleverbot: Yes, the dog would have accepted a cat. Do you want to know what happened next?

Uuuh, what?

Yokai · May 22, 2010

Wow. That was amazing. Thank you for introducing me to Cleverbot; I'm now very intrigued...

Olikunmissile · May 22, 2010

This was fucking epic. My god what a laugh!

Unaltered Cleverbot Insanity

TheRocketeer

Intolerable Bore

Archemetis

Is Probably Awesome.

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.

IRaithI

New member

manaman

New member

DividedUnity

New member

TheRocketeer

Intolerable Bore

ultimateownage

This name was cool in 2008.

Kruxxor

New member

ultimateownage

This name was cool in 2008.

dark_taint92

That's Cap'n Taint to you

TheRocketeer

Intolerable Bore

ultimateownage

This name was cool in 2008.

JourneyThroughHell

New member

IRaithI

New member

TheRocketeer

Intolerable Bore

ultimateownage

This name was cool in 2008.

Yokai

New member

Olikunmissile

New member