You believed her when she said she had it all planned out? Thats hilarious. I'd say she's being more stupid, its a thing most women go through and some realize a baby takes a lot of resources too late. With as much advice there is in here I'm pretty much saying the exact same thing as everyone else and now something completely different, I LIKE PONIES!
UPDATED!!!! Is she being selfish to want a baby??
- Thread starter DemonicVixen
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Wanting to have a baby in it's own right is selfish to me, but what do I know? I'm a male so I'll never experience this chemical in my brain turn into a thought for wanting a baby of my own, at least on a woman's point of view.
DemonicVixen said:
So let me get this straight. You have two friends who are dating and they live together in an apartment. The guy would rather finish his last two years of University before having a child. The woman wants to have a child right now and has stopped taking birth control and has yet to inform the man. The reason she hasn't is because she is afraid he will leave her or reject the child because he wants to finish his last two years of college first. You are currently aware of this and she has asked you to not tell your friend and her boyfriend because of the above reasons. Is this correct? I'm sorry its just your original draft was a bit confusing to me.
If this is the case then she is being selfish, manipulative, and damn near malicious. He will most likely have to drop college if she succeeds. University and and children are such massive time sinks that there is almost no way he will be able to succeed at both. They are also not exactly financially solvent at this time due to their young age and massive costs related to University. It is a bad idea to have a child while in this stage of life and she is trying to force it on him. You have a responsibility to tell your friend or you will either have to watch him spin into a terrible life watching a kid he never intended to have and having to give up schooling that could have been a great help to him in the future or watch him reject both her and the child for the sake of his future. Neither is something you want to see your friend go through and you can stop both from happening. This girl sounds like an irrational untrustworthy ***** and it might be best if you and your friend distanced yourselves from her as much as possible.
Why the hell are you all blaming HER for jeopardising the guy's future by saddling him with kids and ruining his chances at college...
...when he's sleeping with her without using a condom?
Seriously fellas, I don't give a shit what your partner/girlfriend/fuck-buddy tells you. If you don't want kids, or aren't ready to have kids, WRAP IT UP. It's YOUR responsibility, if children would mess up your life, to make sure none of your swimmers make it to home base.
...when he's sleeping with her without using a condom?
Seriously fellas, I don't give a shit what your partner/girlfriend/fuck-buddy tells you. If you don't want kids, or aren't ready to have kids, WRAP IT UP. It's YOUR responsibility, if children would mess up your life, to make sure none of your swimmers make it to home base.
Her choice. I mean, it's a bad choice that'll probably end in a break up but her choice none the less.
That is incredibly selfish on her part.
However, if you don't want kids, it's your job to make sure you wrap it before you tap it...
However, if you don't want kids, it's your job to make sure you wrap it before you tap it...
You're absolutely right, actually. Lying, especially about something this important, is not good for a relationship.XJ-0461 said:
That's a factor yes. If she's on the pill and he knows it, and he understands that she's going to remain on the pill, then she stops taking it, it's her responsibility to tell him because relationships like this are based on trust. Incidentally, 9 months is not a long relationship. 18 months is not a long relationship. Once they've been together for say, 3 years, they might have more claim to that title.Cyberwulf said:
It's the woman's responsibility to keep her partner informed. She's not on the pill any more. Fine. He needs know so that he can decide what he does about it. Otherwise I would hold her behaviour on the same abysmal level as I would a guy who puts holes in his condoms in order to get his girlfriend pregnant. It's dishonest and down right manipulative behaviour that I despise in anyone.
For you, OP, you need to stress the point that she MUST tell him. If she still refuses, you will have to take the thorny road of telling him yourself, and telling him that she didn't want you to. This kind of situation can be much more informative about the person he's in a relationship with than the 9 months he's already had. God forbid he find out she hid it from him after she gets pregnant, if she gets pregnant. In his position I would be furious, more likely to leave her for the deceit than for fear of responsibility. Getting pregnant should be something two people choose to do together, and delight in doing, at a time when they're both comfortable with the result.
Maybe he is. But Condoms are notoriously easy to sabotage...Cyberwulf said:
Anyway, they obviously have an understanding of how their relationship works, and if he wears a condom or not doesn't absolve her of the fact that she is tricking (or at least trying to) him into having a child against his will.
She's lying to her boyfriend of 9 months.
I don't care what anyone says, lying is wrong, especially about something like this and NINE MONTHS is not long enough to be together to have a child.
Tell her she's a selfish ***** for wanting to tie him down with a baby, and tell her she's damn stupid for throwing her life away.
I know too many people ages about 20 with kids who, while they love their kids, have had their lives ruined, and changed forever.
I fucking hate how irresponsible and dick headed some people get about kids >_<
/rant
EDIT: Condoms are fine, but in every relationship there reaches a point where you trust one another enough to go without and use the Pill, or a IUD or some other form of contraception.
YOU JUST MAKE DAMN SURE YOU STAY ON IT AND KEEP YOUR PARTNER INFORMED FOR FUCKS SAKE
I don't care what anyone says, lying is wrong, especially about something like this and NINE MONTHS is not long enough to be together to have a child.
Tell her she's a selfish ***** for wanting to tie him down with a baby, and tell her she's damn stupid for throwing her life away.
I know too many people ages about 20 with kids who, while they love their kids, have had their lives ruined, and changed forever.
I fucking hate how irresponsible and dick headed some people get about kids >_<
/rant
EDIT: Condoms are fine, but in every relationship there reaches a point where you trust one another enough to go without and use the Pill, or a IUD or some other form of contraception.
YOU JUST MAKE DAMN SURE YOU STAY ON IT AND KEEP YOUR PARTNER INFORMED FOR FUCKS SAKE
She shouldn't get to make that decision, because HE will be locked into it as well. Enough of the "it's her body and her life" bullshit--it's HIS life, too. She needs to tell him, and then he needs to leave her ass immediately.
I've been in this relationship before, and she might be great, but once this crazy 'baby fever' takes over... and once she's willing to lie about it without so much as feeling crippling remorse for such an awful thing... she's demonstrated she is fully capable of going batshit insane at the drop of a hat. And when that can result in a CHILD, she's willing to ruin THREE LIVES to satisfy an urge, and she needs to be dropped so she'll learn.
Period. (And once she stops having one, it's too late.)
I've been in this relationship before, and she might be great, but once this crazy 'baby fever' takes over... and once she's willing to lie about it without so much as feeling crippling remorse for such an awful thing... she's demonstrated she is fully capable of going batshit insane at the drop of a hat. And when that can result in a CHILD, she's willing to ruin THREE LIVES to satisfy an urge, and she needs to be dropped so she'll learn.
Period. (And once she stops having one, it's too late.)
That's way too early for kids for most people, I wonder if they have the slightest clue what raising a child is even remotely like (don't get me wrong, some can pull it off, but it's rare). And if he's not okay (or on board) with the decision, yeah she's being really selfish and manipulative.
Convince her to tell him/talk to him about it imo
Convince her to tell him/talk to him about it imo
This is why the male birth control pill is going to change the world; because guys don't want kids- they concede to them.
It's also funny that you can go to prison for sleeping someone knowing you have aids and not telling them... but women not telling men they stopped taking their birth control is the reason half the people in this country are here.
It's also funny that you can go to prison for sleeping someone knowing you have aids and not telling them... but women not telling men they stopped taking their birth control is the reason half the people in this country are here.
