UPDATED!!!! Is she being selfish to want a baby??

[That Greek Guy]

you know this world for only 20 years and you haven't yet realized how cruel it is.
She has to wait AT THE VERY LEAST 5 more years before having a baby, otherwise it simply wont work out. ffs i am freakin suprised that the guy agreed to a baby in his 20. Seriously 20?
I mean he is a gem, don't get me wrong, but its too damn early

 

[Kelthurin]

Godwins law in full effect I see though I said Nazi first so its kind of my bad.

I was mocking you with sarcasm. Try to keep up.

You seem to be flipping between the ideals of an extremist feminist

Expecting guys to take responsibility for their own semen --> extreme

Many people stop using condoms when they feel there is enough trust because it is more pleasurable for both participants.

Yes, that's what I said before - the guy can't be bothered after a while and expects the girl to chemically spay herself because condoms upset his delicate wee-wee.

They obviously felt that there was enough trust between the two for a condom to be unnecessary

If you stop using a condom fellas, there's a chance your girl could end up pregnant. If you don't use a condom, that's the risk you take. Guess what - the pill isn't foolproof either.

You seem bitter. No, really, you do.
They're in a relationship. They both have responsibility. If you're trying to be a voice of reason among a sea of sheep, you should perhaps mention this.

Both. Their. Responsibilities.

But you seem to be ignoring the fact that they allegedly have a relationship built on mutual trust. Obviously, the guy doesn't know that his girl is about to make a major decision for both of them, so they don't actually have that by a fucking mile.

And she's willing to lie to him, so he'll get her pregnant. THAT is why most of the outrage in this thread falls on HER. And why no one really takes your point of view as their own. It seems almost as if you're laying the entirety of the responsibility on him. Which I'm sure is just a misunderstanding, since no one would be that bitter and narrowminded. Right?

 

[LokiSuaveHP]

Fuck her, I'm sorry if she's your friend. But this is disgusting. You should tell her boy that she stopped taking the pill. If you have to lie to your boyfriend to try and get pregnant, then you are a seriously disturbed individual. If my GF pulled this shit, I would seriously consider dumping her.

And if one of my friends knew about it, I would tell them to go and raise the kid with her, because this is betrayal on a giant scale.

 

[Stevepinto3]

Screw her, tell him. She's being stupid and selfish, to a degree that could end up with both of them getting totally screwed over. If you're in a committed relationship it is NOT ok to make life-altering decisions that affect both parties without discussing it first.

Also, next time you see her, slap her. Just right across the face.

Disclaimer: I do not endorse violence towards women, only towards ridiculously stupid people, regardless of their sex.

OH, and if you're worried about making her mad, consider how pissed off he would be if he unintentionally got her pregnant, and then discovered you knew about it and didn't tell him. Yeah, you'll be lucky if he doesn't stab you to death, let alone stop talking to you entirely.

 

[Yureina]

Tell him. Deceit that could change someone's life permanently is wrong, no matter how you try to cut it.

 

[Talshere]

Thats not fair on him. He has a right to know and failing to tell him breaks the trust that holds relationships together. She is risking losing him by doing this. He would be well within he rights to be pissed off and leave, and its a morally grey area on how responsible he should be for the child, considering to the best of his knowledge they were protected.

Its fine to want kids, but you have to be realistic. If he finishes his education and gets a full time job they will be in a strong financial position to start a family.

A relationship is give and take, and shit like that has to be decided together.

 

[Kefo]

1) shes 19, I dont care how mature people think you are you are not ready for a baby at that age

2) they have been together for 9 months. The hell is wrong with people? I waited a year before I moved in with my current gf/fiancee and waited another year before asking her to marry me. Make sure there is a relationship before bringing a baby into a split home.

3) she sounds like a conniving ***** and if she is not telling her partner that she is off the pill to trick him into getting her pregnant she needs her ovaries cut out with a rusted spoon

 

[Brutal Peanut]

She is being selfish, a liar, and a fool as well. And everyone saying, "She's 20 and it's her choice." doesn't seem to understand that making a child takes two people, and both of those people will be affected by the outcome. It should be a mutual decision between two people, not some girl who is having baby fever, and will probably end up changing her mind when it's already too late, damaging her future, and even the child's future.

If she did get pregnant without his knowledge, he'd be in a hard pressed place. Because if he leaves her while she's pregnant, he's now a monster, and if he stays, he'll be miserable. Not that she'd be too happy, now that she can't really go out, drink, socialize, or have any money to do those things anyway. It's not a puppy you can leave at home with an auto-feeder.

He needs to know about this, pronto. And if he doesn't care, then, they can both be miserable together.

It loves company.

 

[Cyberwulf]

If you're in a relationship long enough, and feel like you are ready to take the sexual aspect further, you end up talking about alternate means of contraception.

Yeah, if you're in a relationship "long enough", condoms become such a damn hassle and so the girl has to take all the responsibility for contraception.

They're in a relationship. They both have responsibility. If you're trying to be a voice of reason among a sea of sheep, you should perhaps mention this.

Both. Their. Responsibilities.

He wasn't taking responsibility. He abdicated his responsibility by not using condoms any more. According to the OP, he sleeps with the girlfriend even when he knows she's unprotected.

He's in college and not ready to have a baby, according to everyone here. He should be using condoms, no matter what other birth control is being used.

You don't seem to realise that it isn't possible to control another human being, unless you're seriously fucked up and abusive. You can only control yourself, your own body and its own emissions and doings. Don't want kids? YOU use birth control. You can't rely on someone else to do it for you. Sure, you can scream and roar and leave forever if you end up with a baby anyway, and if someone deceives you that's perfectly understandable. But there's no escaping the fact that you could've done something to prevent it and didn't, because it was too much of a hassle, or killing the romance, or whatever.

 

[Robert632]

Godwins law in full effect I see though I said Nazi first so its kind of my bad.

I was mocking you with sarcasm. Try to keep up.

You seem to be flipping between the ideals of an extremist feminist

Expecting guys to take responsibility for their own semen --> extreme

Many people stop using condoms when they feel there is enough trust because it is more pleasurable for both participants.

Yes, that's what I said before - the guy can't be bothered after a while and expects the girl to chemically spay herself because condoms upset his delicate wee-wee.

They obviously felt that there was enough trust between the two for a condom to be unnecessary

If you stop using a condom fellas, there's a chance your girl could end up pregnant. If you don't use a condom, that's the risk you take. Guess what - the pill isn't foolproof either.

EDIT: Ahh never mind, I just read your most reacent post, ignore this.

 

[SimuLord]

Hoo doggy...here's a piece of perspective from a guy who's been in a similar situation (gee, how many of th...never mind.)

Anyway, back in '01 I was in a bad relationship with a nutty girl. Major self-esteem issues, really. And she didn't want me to leave her. So she thought it would be a good idea to go off her birth control and not inform me of this fact.

Well, sure enough, frequent sex + the gods' intended result of same meant that she was pregnant the very first month. What she didn't count on was that she had a guy in her life who, well...didn't take too kindly to that. And by "didn't take too kindly" I mean I said and did some things that I probably should've been arrested for and locked up for domestic violence.

Anyway, long story short, after some "convincing" she ended up at Planned Parenthood, I wouldn't give her the time of day afterward, and I've become, well...less trusting these days.

It is your responsibility to tell the guy what's what, because no guy should ever have to face the "I'm on birth control, really" accidental pregnancy/deception. He should run, not walk, out of this girl's life because I don't care how much he thinks he loves her, if she can't be honest with him about this, he will NEVER be able to trust her word.

Plus, fercrissakes, they are WAY too young! I'm 33 and I only recently got to the point where I've considered myself ready for fatherhood (just gotta finish school and find the right girl.) I was 24 when the incident I just described happened. What's the rush?

Yep...he needs to get himself the fuck out of there. FAST.

 

[Talshere]

If you're in a relationship long enough, and feel like you are ready to take the sexual aspect further, you end up talking about alternate means of contraception.

Yeah, if you're in a relationship "long enough", condoms become such a damn hassle and so the girl has to take all the responsibility for contraception.

They're in a relationship. They both have responsibility. If you're trying to be a voice of reason among a sea of sheep, you should perhaps mention this.

Both. Their. Responsibilities.

He wasn't taking responsibility. He abdicated his responsibility by not using condoms any more. According to the OP, he sleeps with the girlfriend even when he knows she's unprotected.

He's in college and not ready to have a baby, according to everyone here. He should be using condoms, no matter what other birth control is being used.

You don't seem to realise that it isn't possible to control another human being, unless you're seriously fucked up and abusive. You can only control yourself, your own body and its own emissions and doings. Don't want kids? YOU use birth control. You can't rely on someone else to do it for you. Sure, you can scream and roar and leave forever if you end up with a baby anyway, and if someone deceives you that's perfectly understandable. But there's no escaping the fact that you could've done something to prevent it and didn't, because it was too much of a hassle, or killing the romance, or whatever.

But this fails to take into account that him not using a condom and her on the pill could well have been a joint decision. The primary reason for condoms is it stops STD, and to a large extent prevents a guy getting roped into a kid he doesnt want, and should be used even if the lass says she is on the pill.

If their relationship is exclusive, they are both clean, and they trust each other. A condom goes from a must have item to a choice by the couple. If we live in an age where we recommend guys should be using condoms in long standing relationship to stop his gf dropping a baby on him, supposedly someone he can trust, then we really have fallen far.

 

[w00tage99]

In my opinion what she is doing is wrong, she should wait for him to be ready before they have children. Also she may want to have a baby badly but its not as if shes short on time.

 

[p3t3r]

she has her whole life to get a baby how about they finish school first. besides 9 months isn't that long my 10th grade sister has been going out with her boyfriend for longer than 9 months

 

[Cyberwulf]

Hoo doggy...here's a piece of perspective from a guy who's been in a similar situation (gee, how many of th...never mind.)

Anyway, back in '01 I was in a bad relationship with a nutty girl. Major self-esteem issues, really. And she didn't want me to leave her. So she thought it would be a good idea to go off her birth control and not inform me of this fact.

Well, sure enough, frequent sex + the gods' intended result of same meant that she was pregnant the very first month. What she didn't count on was that she had a guy in her life who, well...didn't take too kindly to that. And by "didn't take too kindly" I mean I said and did some things that I probably should've been arrested for and locked up for domestic violence.

Anyway, long story short, after some "convincing" she ended up at Planned Parenthood, I wouldn't give her the time of day afterward, and I've become, well...less trusting these days.

So you were fucking her without a condom, and when she got pregnant you hit her and bullied her into having an abortion.

But, you know, she's the monster.

Nice.

 

[PrimoThePro]

She is tossing his future away so she can get what she wants, and after giving her a reason why they should not and she still continues to attempt to get pregnant.

So she is lying and destroying his future so she can have a baby? Yaaaaah I have a feeling this will not end well.

Classic case of first post answering all the questions.
She is being very selfish. It's not just HER child, it's both their child. She should be more sensitive.

 

[Jark212]

She's lying and tricking him into getting her pregnant. That is wrong and you should tell the guy before she ruins the relationship with her evil-woman trickery.

I'm in complete agreement, too many of our fellow men have fallen into this trap...

So if I were you I'd tell him, your female friend seems dangerously immature and unequipped to handle the responsibility a child entitles...

 

[Canid117]

Godwins law in full effect I see though I said Nazi first so its kind of my bad.

I was mocking you with sarcasm. Try to keep up.

What crawled into your vagina this morning?

What's wrong with your dick? Can't get it up?

Not when looking at hideous old hags like you. (Now you have set off a trolling war and we are both going to get mod warnings for this)

Many people stop using condoms when they feel there is enough trust because it is more pleasurable for both participants.

Yes, that's what I said before - the guy can't be bothered after a while and expects the girl to chemically spay herself because condoms upset his delicate wee-wee.

This is the extreme bit. She is not spraying herself with chemicals.

S-P-A-Y-I-N-G. Do you even know how the pill works?

Damn you speed reading you have foiled me again! But many pills are actually spermacide AKA they kill the sperm as they come in or they prevent eggs from fertilizing properly when under the effects of the pill but only when under the effects of the pill. Spaying is permanent the pill is not.

As long as they trust one another (Which is the real issue here not the issue you are trying to force) and neither has an STD that they can spread to the other then there is no real problem.

Hahaha. I love how you think trust is some magical thing that can never be broken even though that's what this thread is all about.

If you had quoted all my sentences in that response you would see how I flat out stated SHE BROKE HIS FUCKING TRUST.

He isn't avoiding condoms because he is a wuss he is choosing not to use them

Then he chose to leave himself open to exactly this kind of shit. She's wrong, totally wrong, but he chose this risk by not wearing condoms, and making his partner 100% responsible for contraception. He handed her the reins. If she drives them off a cliff it's murder, but he could have prevented it.

So you are saying that we should assume that every woman who comes along is an axe crazy ***** who is immediately trying to trap you by tricking you into knocking her up? Who the fuck raised you?