Eighteen and a virgin (well, I sort of had sex at ~8 but I don't feel it's fair to count that time because we were pre-pubescent kids) and I know exactly how you feel. I got selfishly jealous over anything the guys I liked had done/had with anyone else in the past.
I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference for a fellow virgin, but being very jealous kind of says "bawwwwwwwww I'll never be good enough to compare to anyone's ex's so I'll just be bitter and jealous and I'm going to make them feel guilty about it so they can reassure they love me EVEN MORE and I don't know if they even feel the same way". For me, it was exacerbated (or partially caused?) by the fact that I was raised Christian. I feel like I'd be disappointing my parents if I had sex right now, and I'd feel bad if I had a boyfriend who was used to having sex in a relationship and I wasn't living up to his ex. Chaplains and preachers drilled it into us that virginity was something go give away only after marriage, that you keep giving away pieces of you when you have sex. To illustrate emotional baggage, they compared having more than one sex partner with gluing two different coloured pieces of paper together and pulling them apart and showing us all the bits of paper that remained stuck to the other one, and told us to imagine what would happen if we stuck different pieces of paper together multiple times.
I figured that everyone must be "giving away" bits of themselves (well, giving away lack of experience, which is essentially what virginity is) with any kind of intimacy or desire, and in the same way most people get over those smaller things and move on to other people, most move on from losing their virginity to someone else. Sure, they might not have that exact same nervous excitement when you're together, but you can never be sure someone has the exact same balance of chemicals in their brain and all that, so just try to enjoy yourself and it will be more special for them too. Have you had a crush on anyone in the past? Have you seen a naked woman? Have you done anything physical with a girl whatsoever, like hugging? Have you had a girlfriend? How would you feel if you found a girlfriend, and she was bitter about not being the first with all those things too? I think if I found someone who was jealous of my past, I'd feel sad that they'd feel that way and there was absolutely nothing I could do to change the past. If I find someone who I really like and they aren't a virgin, if any of those jealous feelings arise, I've made up my mind not to wallow in them and whine, although I'd rather them just be a virgin too so I won't have to try not to. Like that guy said, if you find someone groovy, who thinks you're groovy, don't worry about it and it will all be groovy (or something). Like, get into the positive vibes, maaan.
I guess from a male perspective, you might feel like it's compromising your manliness if she has more experience than you because you might want to be the knowledgeable, in control one and the next best thing is being equal. Shall I ramble about how gender expectations aren't cool, and all that? Idk. I think if you have any insecurities about anything, they're irrational because obviously you're good enough through her eyes if you're in a relationship with her. If you feel like she's secretly wrestling with judgmental thoughts, stop being paranoid and just try to enjoy yourself.
Ehmm... Also... A How would you feel if there was some kind of contraption that covers someone's entire body (including face) except their genitals with something like wood or metal and some kind of noise barrier, and she had de-personalised sex with whoever was inside? Barring the fact that it would be considered perverted and bizarre. Just curious. Also, how would you feel if she's masturbated a lot? You might not have to be afraid of breaking her down there, or if you're into that kind of thing, you might be disappointed finding nothing to break.
Monkfish Acc. said:
Innegativeion said:
Monkfish Acc. said:
Here's an idea.
Stop thinking about this. It's creepy.
Also, pretty fucking shallow. You're only concerned with the sex. What happens if you meet a girl who you like and who likes you back, you guys get along great and she seems about perfect but LO AND BEHOLD she had the gaul to not be a virgin? What, do you just drop her?
And besides that, it's stupid and unrealistic. You yourself have said most girls by your age will have slept with somebody at some point. Get fucking comfortable with that fact and stop giving a shit because it isn't important.
A virgin fantasizing about his first time feels perfectly not creepy/normal to me...
Anyone thinking about how much they'd love to deflower a virgin is a little creepy to me.
I sure fucking hope that isn't normal because then everyone is creepy.
Am I a creep solely because I'd rather a virgin too? I'm a girl and I have the same reasons as the OP.
