What are the best comebacks you've ever said/heard?

[Undedd Jester]

I have a few myself.

"Ouch dude that was a little below the belt.... like your gut!"

Best one I ever heard

"Hey mate, how old are you? You can't be more than 12, sounds like your balls need to drop"
"What, you mean right into your mums mouth?"

I just creased when I heard that one xD

Although the classic one for me is

"Your so god damn ugly, that when you were born they slapped your Dad" ^^

 

[Motti]

Some douchebag said I was gay.
I responded with "that's what she said, until I proved otherwise"
. . .
. . .
It was funny at the time!

 

[EvilMuffin094]

From the show Home Movies(not the exact dialogue but close enough)
*Coach Mcgurk is waiting in line at a grocery store*
Coach Mcgurk:*to guy in front of him*It's says 10 items or less, and you have 24.
Guy: Oh look, you can read.
Coach Mcgurk: Yeah, well apparently you can't.

Gave me a good laugh.

 

[speedcoreXdandy]

charv girl: Errrrr you're a proper posh twat
me: What was that, I'm sorry I don't speak scum.

 

[Gerazzi]

"You fight like a dairy farmer"
"How appropriate, you fight like a cow"

 

[Gardenclaw]

My favourite was some fat chav girl accused us of stealing her camera on a night out. She said to my friend Lee, "well you've got bulges in your pockets so you must have stolen my camera" So he took his wallet and phone out of his pockets to show what the lumps were then said "Well you've got a big lump under your jumper, Have you stolen my House?".

My other favourite is to wait until someone is right in your face having a go at you, Then just recoil in horror saying "Awwwww your breath". Works a treat.

 

[Undedd Jester]

"You fight like a dairy farmer"
"How appropriate, you fight like a cow"

"You look like a monkey in a negligee!"
"I look that much like you fiancee?"

LawL xD

 

[Captain Pancake]

I sort of did a self-comeback...

"The TV can suck me! because no-one else will..."

 

[hazabaza1]

Well, one that I made up on the spot, when someone called me gay for not liking sports:

'of course, the who's gay doesn't like to watch a lot of big sweaty men chase, touch and kiss each other, that makes sense.
Think it through, dick face.'

He then called me gay again.

 

[I Stomp on Kittens]

"Hey if you stood on your own shoulders you would be half as tall as Dylan!"
"Hey if I had 3 Di*ks in my mouth i'de be half as gay as you!"

 

[AbsoluteVirtue18]

"Your mother was a goat-herder."
"It's an honorable profession."
"Yeah, for a goat."

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYlZiWK2Iy8
This is sort of a comeback, I damn love it.

 

[Hookman]

I heard this in a song called Dont Trust Me
"Tell your boyfriend if he says hes got beef,
That I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fucking scared of him!"

I came up with one during a PE lesson. Some idiot scored a goal so he decided to take his shirt off and run around hugging people. His sheep-like friends did the same of course. When he saw I wasn't joining in he turned to me and said "Hey,whats wrong? You gay or something? Gay!"
"Yeah,says the guy hugging a bunch of shirtless men. Dont talk to me unless you can talk like a civilized person." And with that I walked away with my head held high.

 

[Dr Ampersand]

http://www.teamfortress.com/spy.htm

Meet the Spy anyone?

 

[AmrasCalmacil]

The only one I can think of was part of a prolonged arguement with someone who got uppity at me for correcting them. I then continued to do so!

Me: Goodness! You nearly constructed a full sentence then.
Them: Well I am studying english at uni (I believe it was something along those lines.)
Me: Amazing, and I never believed it when they said standards were slipping.

 

[KittywifaMohawk]

Well there was one while a friend and I were playing hardcore search and destroy on CoD4.

A teammate kills the bomb planter and this is the conversation after the bomb blew up.
Player 1:"Hey man, why'd you kill me?!"
Player 2:"I wanted to plant the bomb."
Player 1:"You didn't even have the bomb!"
Player 2:"I did after I killed you."

I just lost it there, I could not breathe I was laughing so hard.

And another one. I was in a party with a few friends. And they were talking about Call of Duty:WaW. And some asked me why I don't have it. I said that I don't have it because I, personally, don't think it is worth the 60 bucks.
Well as soon as I said this, one of my close friends just blurts out(may I add not even a second later he is saying this)

"Well neither was your mom's vagina, but I paid for it because you guys need to eat."

I had nothing to say back....

 

[Neonbob]

"Keep your temporary satisfaction. I'm the one who's going to be digging up your corpse in a few years, just to have the last laugh."
Worked quite nicely on my brother when he was being a jackoff.

 

[Neesa]

I remember I got into a fight with some kid and I came back with: "If you wanted a better comeback, you should've just wiped it off your chin." Hilarity ensued.