What is the funniest / most interesting thing that your teacher has said

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SkyeNeko

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Dec 30, 2010
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preferably class/subject-related, at least said in-class =)

I cant think of any from my own professors right now though...
 

scyrin

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Mar 31, 2010
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when ever someone came into class late my math teacher would say

"it is ALIVE...!"
 

BonsaiK

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Nov 14, 2007
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My old science teacher once said "a bird in the bush is worth two in the hand".
 

Ranchcroutons

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Sep 12, 2010
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I have a few from the same teacher who loved nothing more than to berate his students. These are actual things he would say in class.

"Try not to screw up you frickin rejects!"

"This weekend your assignment is to have sex...wait scratch that. Never have sex ever. I don't want more you guys running around"
 

CombiBlood

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Nov 18, 2009
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How many failures do we have here class?....10?...no!...we have 27 failures in this class and we have 28 people in this room.
 

Nouw

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Mar 18, 2009
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She said '*****' while reading a book because it was in it >.>. Okay a better one would be joking around 'sexually' in science class.
 

Jillyjally

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Dec 10, 2010
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I once engaged my science teacher in a word-play battle.

For us, it was great, for the rest of the class, it was a lesson in pun-ishment.
 

MR.Spartacus

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Jul 7, 2009
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His helping us come up with a nickname for the jackass of the class. His head was oddly shaped and he was always trying to piss off everyone. Anyways we were starting to refer to him as inbred and such. Then the teacher mentioned that the proper word for it was incest, so we called him that. That was funny to me but I guess most will just find it interesting. Also it is impossible to understate how much of a douche this kid was. He got on everybody's nerves.
 

emeraldrafael

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Jul 17, 2010
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I think the most interesting thing a teacher's ever said in class was my college Argument and Research professor telling us about how he spent his friday night and how we spent ours.

I dont know, I thought it was fun, since we had nothing to do that day in class.
 

jcptopi

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May 10, 2009
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When talking about linked-lists, and using a temp pointer to crawl the list, starting from the head, my Computer Science professor said this:
"'temp' gets 'head'. Lucky 'temp'."
And when mentioning that member functions called by one object of a given class can access the private member variables of another object of the same class:

"So basically what I'm saying is this: because these two are in the same class... they can touch each other's privates." *Massive Grin*
 

Merkavar

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Aug 21, 2010
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i had a teacher teaching me something about maths. not exactly sure what but it involved removing a decimal point for some reason. Anyway instead of saying something normal like remove the decimal point he would say to feed it to the chickens.

odd thing was it was a geography or maybe a aboriginal studies class. so cant remember why we were talking about maths.
 

spartan1077

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Aug 24, 2010
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Well I can dedicate everything to my Science teacher. And all of this is true.
"So there was this one cat right? And I guess it had rabies. So I was looking out my window at the cat and it was running around some person's yard, frothing from the mouth and all that shit. So anyways, I guess someone was scared and called the police because two cops pulled up. As soon as they got out, the one cop takes out his gun and shoots the cat. So I run outside to see more and I see the cat struggling on the ground, still alive.
*demonstrates what cat was doing*
So the cop shrugs and shoots it again. And it still DOESN'T DIE! So he starts slamming it with bullets, BOOM BOOM BOOM and finally the cat starts to twitch and move again! They had to walk up and shoot it in the head...and this shows something about anatomy"

"...I'll tell you how spiders mate. The female spider is a real *****. She hates the male and doesn't really want to procreate so she has to be raped...so the male will go to her web and walk down to her, then get his head bitten off and his body devoured...at some point the male spider got smarter and probably flicked the web a little or something and saw the female fall asleep...for a second. So he plays the whole song and when she's asleep he goes, rapes her and then she wakes up and eats him."

"Instead of doing science, we're watching Sweeny Todd...what the fuck! This is a musical?"

"Okay, so the friendly, tall, angry, loving, caring, grumpy, tired ostrich sticks in head in the ground a metre from a convex mirror..."

"I used to have this Asian professor for physics. And he tried teaching us Reflection and Refractions but because he was Asian it sounded like,
"Refwactions and refwactions awe vewwwy diffewent."
Never quite understood him"

"See, now Isaac Newton was a real douchebag..."

"...and I would be pissed off if I looked like that too..."

*stares at kid who randomly stands up during class and then makes excuses*
"You know what your problem is? You have ADHD. You stand up and I look you in the eye and I see that you have no idea what's going on..."

"Get me pictures of clouds for a project we won't actually do..."

"Okay, so this is hydrochloric acid
*demonstrates acidic abilities*
Okay now after I take a handful of this
*grabs powder(it was some sort of base)*
and neutralize the acid
*takes a drink*
Tastes like vinegar...anyone want a glass?"

"All hail mighty google...sometimes when you guys are working I'll just sit at my desk and google random things..."

"It's got them fangs!...what were we talking about?"

"Ni! Ni! Ni! And now to chemistry..."

"It's like that one thing in Monty Python...what is your favourite color...blue no red no AHHHHH!"

Any quote from Holy Grail he pretty much did...

"Okay word association because that's something to do with your brain"

"The education system is a joke..."

"Evolution is not a theory. It's the truth!(I go to a catholic school...I loved him for that)"

"Think of molecules like atoms having sex. Chloe and Sodium are walking through the mall, see a nice closet and sneak inside for a little rump. Come back out and they can't get out of eachother...also think of them like orgies if there is more than two atoms"

"Ever notice how a heart kind've looks like two twins having sex?
*draws two hearts together*
And that looks like an orgy..."
 

Sethzard

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Dec 22, 2007
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When responding to a student who asked "But sir what if I die during the experiment" he replied "We'll send flowers."
 
May 5, 2010
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Well, my English instructor pretty much endorsed getting drunk over Halloween Weekend. His exact words were "Do something you'll regret later.", accompanied by a fairly long motivational speech about "the great American College Experience". I could almost hear the national anthem playing in the background.

I had another teacher who liked hiding certain student's phones in the ceiling while they were in the bathroom. (Bonus points for whoever gets the reference) The same teacher had a few crowbar-shaped metal bars taken from broken desks. Whenever someone in the hall was being loud, he would dramatically grab one and storm out of the room, only to return a few seconds later, saying something like "Problem solved."
 

Spy_Guy

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Mar 16, 2010
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Me and my Physics teacher would spend the lessons discussing the optimal way to clear a level in Chaos Theory, good times.

...and later my Philosophy teacher, hoo boy. You know how they are with words, they'll run right over you if you try to take them in a debate. Then I made a reasonable argument for unborn humans not fitting the definition of "life", threw in some parallels to parasitism and topped it of with a strong case for allowing abortion until the actual moment of birth.
She was a wreck, constantly saying some variation of:
"You can't think that way..."

That, is how you win at philosophy.
 

vxicepickxv

Slayer of Bothan Spies
Sep 28, 2008
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I haven't been in a classroom setting that even might have been funny in over a decade. Damn I either a)feel old or b)need to start using some TA.
 

spartan1077

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Aug 24, 2010
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Frozen Donkey Wheel2 said:
I had another teacher who liked hiding certain student's phones in the ceiling while they were in the bathroom. (Bonus points for whoever gets the reference)
Well Jim Halpert and Pam Beasley played that prank on Andy Bernard in The Office, second season. Travelling Salesman, part 1. :D
 

Tree709

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Aug 31, 2010
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One of my high school teachers pointed at me and shouted: "YOU FOOL; YOU'VE ANGERED THE FAR SIDE GODS!"