What to do if you ever come to.....

[chromewarriorXIII]

If you ever come to Connecticut make sure to visit one of our very boring museums, because that's all we have got.

If you ever come to Connecticut go to New Haven and eat at Louis Lunch. It is the home of the hamburger and they are delicious, just don't ask for ketchup or mustard. They believe that the burger is good enough without it, which is true.

 

[Simon Hadow]

If you ever come to my location of Alberta (Good Luck guessing), watch out for Doug, and NEVER do a "favour" for the 14 year old who hangs out behind the liquor store... seriously, whatever he's doing, you do not want to be an accesory!!!

 

[Mackinator]

If you ever come to my house, make sure you are female.

Hmm maybe not the best one.
Maybe...

(To ladies)If you ever come to Ireland, pay me a visit?
(To guys) If you ever come to Ireland, I'll be in the pub...

 

[dwightsteel]

If you ever come to Alaska...

90% of the densely populated areas are not snowy year round, so chances are, you won't spot an igloo or a polar bear.

Penguins live in a completely different hemisphere.

There is not a single spot in Alaska that connects to Russia. Don't expect to be able to cross that particular border by car....or by ship either. You have seen the Deadliest Catch, right?

If you ask "at what elevation a deer becomes a moose", somebody within earshot WILL hit you, so keep your guard up.

We use U.S. currency, because we're a state.

Eskimos occupy a small portion of Alaska. Chances are, you won't run into one. And if you do, don't call them Eskimos, because that's a broad name for 3 or 4 different tribes.

We aren't even close to the general vicinity of Hawaii, even though we often occupy the same area in an atlas.

 

[RagnorakTres]

If you ever come to Bowling Green, Ohio, be prepared to alternately burn and freeze, depending on the month.

If you ever come to BG, run from the college kids.

If you ever come to BG, go to Sylvania instead, at least they have Cedar Point.

If you ever come to BG, do not wear red, gray, blue or yellow, no matter how good they look on you. You will get raped.

If you ever come to BG, give me a PM, I'll list you the good bars and pizza/food joints.

If you ever come to BG, beware of the cops. They are out late and are mean motherfuckers. All because of the stupid college kids.

If you ever come to BG, go to the Portage Quarry, it's surprisingly fun. (About two minutes south of town on Route 25.)

 

[Sneaky Paladin]

If you come to california in any month besides fall or winter be prepared to say "I'M MELLTTINNNNNGGG" because you most likely will

If you ever come to my part of california it may look like the flinstones. we're trying to replicate it all we need is dinosaurs now

 

[SomeGuyNamedKy]

If you ever come to Florida, be prepared to be made fun of for visiting a state shaped like a penis.

 

[Pimppeter2]

If you ever come to Chicago, buy some pizzza

If you ever come to Chicago, you will eternally wonder how 1 stadium (United center) can host hockey and basketball at the same time without you even knowing it or seeing anybody in the other sports jersey. I'm serious, its freaky

 

[Pimppeter2]

Well I'll have to go to Florida someday, if only to say I've visited my birthplace (I was 6 months old when my mother and I left).

If you want to have the experience without actually spending the money, lock yourself in an oven and repeatedly punch yourself in the boy or lady parts.
That's basically what it feels like, but with more humidity.

Hmm, tempting...

 

[hopeneverdies]

If you ever come to Indiana look forward to seeing loads of corn.

And never expect to see a gas station or a restaurant.

If you ever come to Kentucky, don't assume we're all hillbillies with 4 eyes, 12 toes, and marrying our sisters.

If you ever come to Cincinnati stay out of Over-the-Rhine which is officially the most dangerous neighborhood in America.

If you ever come to Kentucky, don't wear red in Lexington or blue in Louisville.

If you live in Greater Cincinnati, you'll get this joke

Why does the Brent-Spence bridge have two tiers?
So the Kentuckians leaving Ohio can drop their shoes to the ones coming in.

 

[Yegargeburble]

If you ever come to North Carolina, reconsider your vacation plans... Charlotte's alright though.

That's what I was going to say.

Seriously people, NC is boring.

 

[pffh]

If you ever come to Iceland, please for the love of god do not wear hiking boots, a huge camping backpack and some sort of mountaineering coat when going downtown while visiting in spring and/or summer.

If you ever come to Iceland, be sure to check out the nightlife, it's the only place where you can get to know the real Icelanders.

If you ever come to Iceland, do not go to the blue lagoon it's an overpriced mud puddle.

If you ever come to Iceland, do go whale spotting and take a tour of the country, (mountaineering, see the hotsprings and generally enjoy the nature).

Oh and a final one (this one is a bit racist)
If you ever come to Iceland, do not ever call, or in anyway describe an Icelander as polish because you will get beaten up.

If you come to Denmark - you won't - expect 121 days of rain per year.

We have crazy taxes, insane gas prices, extremely expensive cars, bad english, scetchy public transport and a 100% guarantee that your bike will get stolen.

We even have our own Neo-Nazi radio station(I'm not kidding): http://www.dnsb.info/presse/radio/docs/english.php

Hilarious city names: http://maps.google.com/maps?q=middelfart&rls=com.microsoft:da-dk&oe=UTF-8&um=1&ie=UTF-8&split=0&ei=_l1DSv69O5fLjAfB9NidDw&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=image&resnum=1

And downright confusing magazines: http://www.folkogfag.dk/qviksoeger/

Also from a tourist perspective, in Kobenhavn it's ridiculously easy to accidentally wander into Istegade when out drinking with your mates..

 

[GrinningManiac]

If you ever come to Northamptonshire, stop as just ask yourself why you did

 

[Hippobatman]

If you ever come to Norway, bring an umbrella.

If you ever come to Norway, be armed, the polar bears roam free downtown after rush hour.

If you ever come to Norway, eat brown cheese or else...

 

[DinosaurSnack]

If you ever come to South Carolina, you better be going to Myrtle beach or be just passing through.

If you're not going to myrtle beach or just passing through(seriously?) be ready to drown in stupid, and be really cold with no snow or really hot with so many gnats in your face you'll think of mosquitos in a better light depending on the month.

 

[Lyri]

If you ever come to Blackpool, expect to be wearing a hat with tits on it.
(I wish I was kidding)

 

[LordSphinx]

If you ever come to Québec (city)...

... head to a fast food and order a poutine. It's our national delicacy.
... don't get into the Montreal/Quebec battle. It's ridiculous.
... please take a stroll in Vieux Quebec, it's really beautiful and lively.
... you will be astonished by how whiny most of the citizens are.
... don't ask people where you can find lumberjacks, bears and wooden shacks.
... try to learn how to swear in Quebecois. It's better than any therapy.
... you will not survive the cold if you came in winter (-25 degree farheineit is common).
... you won't see much of the girls' skin, as they are fucking prude (go to Montreal for the nice view instead).
... don't get hurt, as our health care is dead slow (as in it really kills people so much it's slow).

 

[SecretTacoNinja]

If you ever come to Gloucester...


...don't. There's nothing to do.

Go to Bristol.

 

[Ernie1042]

If you're going to Ohio, get WEATHER APPROPIATE CLOTHING. I've seen it rain, snow, be cold and windy, and be bright and sunny all in the same week. I'm not joking.

If you're going to Ohio, stay off large highways since people drive like they're batshit insane. Also stay away from backroads in the country, as there's a 99% chance you'll hit a deer or escaped cow.

If you're going to a large Ohio town (Columbus, Cleveland, etc.), you will meet the best and worst people. Mostly the worst. Beware of gangstaz and rednecks galore, along with every racial minority. Make sure you honk your horn at the sleeping homeless. Really loudly. They love that.

If you're going to a small Ohio town (anywhere else), bring something to entertain yourself with. There is nothing to do.

If you're going to Ohio to see the leaves/snow, there's a good chance whoever's been raking/shoveling for the past 3 hours under 40 lbs of clothes will go to your car, pull you out, and punch you in the vagina.