Where to find a gamer girl?

[BloatedGuppy]

Sorry if I seem to just be sadly rambling on, it's the mood I'm in right now. Though I still can't help but wonder, how does a gamer who wants someone with whom to share that part of his life find what he needs?

Good grief. Well, first, don't listen to this guy...

Just give up. Now. Do it.

Because that's fucking ridiculous. The "gamer girl" is not a unicorn, and the degree to which gamer girls and girls in general are mythologized on these boards is borderline absurd.

Just use online dating to find someone in your area. If she's not already nuts about games, just make sure she doesn't hate them. Introduce her to some. It's not uncommon for people to grow into one another's hobbies. When I met my girlfriend seven years ago, she played games here and there, but it wasn't really a thing she did with any regularity. Now? She's a hardcore gamer. She plays MMOs and all the new RPGs, and she's working her way through a 20 year backlog of classics. She likes to talk about games, and she gets fangirl excited for new releases.

And y'know? She has a pretty broad social circle, and of her 20ish female friends, probably 18 or so are "game friendly", and of those, probably HALF are hardcore gamers. One runs her own private WoW server. Another is into pen and paper.

As for the "circus pig" bit...

Spoiler: My girlfriend

Spoiler: My girlfriend geeking out over her copy of ME3

If that's what passes for a circus pig, then I guess I'm into pigs. A lot of her gamer friends are pretty damn cute too.

In short, stop being so desperate and weird, and stop treating gaming like a communicable disease. It's not social leprosy. Just have a little self confidence, treat your hobby like the fun and interesting past time that it is, and girls will find you AND your interests appealing. The thing holding 90% of gamers back from having relationships isn't their GAMING. It's the fact that they're mopey, misogynistic, socially maladroit ASSHOLES. Just be a good guy, and you'll be shocked by how not impossible getting girls to respect you and your hobbies is.

 

[ShindoL Shill]

Spoiler: I was reminded of this...

But seriously. Expos/cons are one way. Another is brick and mortar game shops. The girls in there are likely to be gamer girls, or friends/relatives of gamers.

"Gamer-girl"? What, is that like a breed or something? They probably have a lot of underlying health issues. You should try and get one with more genetic diversity.
Honestly, saying you want a gamer girl is a bit insulting, as though there is only one specific type of women who can suit your needs.

And there's that.
Plus, just because they play games doesn't mean you'll be able to talk to them about games.

 

[Johndo]

I always build upon what others say in the thread so I'm not omitting what has already been talked about.

I understand what you're looking for. Someone that understands about your hobby. For me, I like video games and doing art. These all eat up time and attention. I may not be able to share my activities and I'll have to say, "Sorry (whomever), tonight and the next night I'm spending my time alone working on this or staring at paper, clay, canvas, monitor or tv."

And right when I got time to spend time with her and she asked what did you do, All I can say is, "I got to battle this great big boss or finished up blocking out my scene." These are not interesting conversations unless the person I'm with likes the same subjects. Though, no one cares unless they will do the same. On their own time. By themselves. Notice this predicament? Even if you do share the same interests, you're not going to be able to share the precise joy of that moment. The couple can only just understand.

But that's just it, you're not looking to find someone with the same moments. You're looking to find someone that will accept what you do. And that's generally what everyone is looking for! It's a very common trait. Other than the interest being specific ones that hopefully that other will be ok with. (what about sports?, movies?, reading?, etc.)

But let's spin this in a different direction. Let say you DO find that gamer girl. You are not going to be conducting the type of stuff that you think you'll be doing. If you want to game with her, you're going to have to find games you can play together(multiplayer, coop). You'll have to find time to do this. But what about those single player games? You got to accept that. But than, you're with someone! You do more than that. You go out for food, movies, hangout,visit places, and just talk. It's not going to be exactly what you think in your head.

Now, I can't quite say where to find these gamer girls. As gamers, we are all elusive. But we do funnel to specific areas. Like forums, multiplayer games with voice chat or chat windows, and chat programs. Sometimes we are just out there in common places. And understand, women are not rare when they play games. If you're looking for hardcore ones, than yeah they'll be rare but that's expected. I would not want a hardcore gamer. I actually want to head outside and do stuff.

Just understand it will be different than what you think. Also, like everyone has said, don't condense your view for just gamer girls. Look for someone that will accept your hobbies. Oh and evaluate how much time you play games. I don't know how much you play but you might be digging a deep enough hole in your hobby that you're hoping someone would take the plunge and join you. You might have to pull back on the hours.

 

[Doclector]

Sorry if I seem to just be sadly rambling on, it's the mood I'm in right now. Though I still can't help but wonder, how does a gamer who wants someone with whom to share that part of his life find what he needs?

Good grief. Well, first, don't listen to this guy...

Just give up. Now. Do it.

Because that's fucking ridiculous. The "gamer girl" is not a unicorn, and the degree to which gamer girls and girls in general are mythologized on these boards is borderline absurd.

Just use online dating to find someone in your area. If she's not already nuts about games, just make sure she doesn't hate them. Introduce her to some. It's not uncommon for people to grow into one another's hobbies. When I met my girlfriend seven years ago, she played games here and there, but it wasn't really a thing she did with any regularity. Now? She's a hardcore gamer. She plays MMOs and all the new RPGs, and she's working her way through a 20 year backlog of classics. She likes to talk about games, and she gets fangirl excited for new releases.

And y'know? She has a pretty broad social circle, and of her 20ish female friends, probably 18 or so are "game friendly", and of those, probably HALF are hardcore gamers. One runs her own private WoW server. Another is into pen and paper.

As for the "circus pig" bit...

Spoiler: My girlfriend

Spoiler: My girlfriend geeking out over her copy of ME3

If that's what passes for a circus pig, then I guess I'm into pigs. A lot of her gamer friends are pretty damn cute too.

In short, stop being so desperate and weird, and stop treating gaming like a communicable disease. It's not social leprosy. Just have a little self confidence, treat your hobby like the fun and interesting past time that it is, and girls will find you AND your interests appealing. The thing holding 90% of gamers back from having relationships isn't their GAMING. It's the fact that they're mopey, misogynistic, socially maladroit ASSHOLES. Just be a good guy, and you'll be shocked by how not impossible getting girls to respect you and your hobbies is.

Slow down, buddy, a little quick on the flame cannon there. I wasn't calling your girlfriend a circus pig, I was saying unless a gamer girl is truly, repulsively ugly, she's gonna attract a lot of attention, it's inevitable. Like I said, you must've swept her off her feet, congrats.

In your area, maybe there's more gamer girls at the situation isn't so, but it most areas it is.

And no gaming isn't social leprosy, but it is something which females typically don't take up, partially due to the less agreeable parts of the community and culture and social attitudes towards gamers, although that last part is improving, even if it does bring forth the tiresome hipsters mentioned earlier.

And personally, I'm pretty popular at uni, to the point where to call me a "mopey, misogynistic, socially maladroit ASSHOLE" simply isn't true. The fact is, I'm the circus pig. That, my friend, is why I can't have a girlfriend, I'm just trying to make this guy aware of the pitfalls of such a pursuit.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Slow down, buddy, a little quick on the flame cannon there. I wasn't calling your girlfriend a circus pig, I was saying unless a gamer girl is truly, repulsively ugly, she's gonna attract a lot of attention, it's inevitable. Like I said, you must've swept her off her feet, congrats.

In your area, maybe there's more gamer girls at the situation isn't so, but it most areas it is.

And no gaming isn't social leprosy, but it is something which females typically don't take up, partially due to the less agreeable parts of the community and culture and social attitudes towards gamers, although that last part is improving, even if it does bring forth the tiresome hipsters mentioned earlier.

And personally, I'm pretty popular at uni, to the point where to call me a "mopey, misogynistic, socially maladroit ASSHOLE" simply isn't true. The fact is, I'm the circus pig. That, my friend, is why I can't have a girlfriend, I'm just trying to make this guy aware of the pitfalls of such a pursuit.

I'm being hard on you because you were being RIDICULOUSLY fatalistic. It's really not that hard. You don't have to be a stunner to have a girlfriend, and gaming isn't anywhere NEAR the social albatross it was 20 years ago. 40% of gamers are girls now. It's gone mainstream.

And yes, I was being a bit scathing about the attitudes of many lonesome male gamers, and that wasn't aimed at you in particular but at the demographic in general. Male "Nerd culture" is still incredibly hermetic, and insular, and hostile to both newcomers and women. We tend to think of ourselves as nice, put upon guys, but in reality we can be and often are socially inept pricks. I think if you're a decent chap, and you're nice to be around, and if you attend to your basic hygenic requirements, it won't matter if your hobby is gaming or ice fishing or model trains, you're going to find someone who loves you. Hobbies rank WAY down the list of major stumbling blocks in relationships, and usually by the 2nd or 3rd year you're going to share a lot of interests anyway, as a result of immersion.

And finally, yeah, I know you weren't specifically claiming my girl was a circus pig, but referring to women in any capacity as "circus pigs" is sort of symptomatic of the kind of toxic attitude I'm talking about. I know you fancy yourself a misanthrope, so this is just you staying in character so to speak, but it's something you'll want to try to get over. I spent a good period of time in my 20's cultivating a sour misanthropy, and the only thing it ever got me was lonely, because I was utterly fucking miserable to be around.

 

[zefiris]

In your area, maybe there's more gamer girls at the situation isn't so, but it most areas it is.

Actually, in your area, there likely are more gamer girls than you think. You will just never realize, because they will not tell you. I wouldn't tell you. The way you think of women, to be frank, makes you something that I would avoid.

Quite simple, the "circus pig" thing is evidence that you are precisely the type of male gamer that makes female gamers avoid stores you frequent. There are only two kinds of male gamers that shove extreme attention on women - completely helpless creepers as one, and the other are people like you that make up ridiculous caricatures and pretend real women behave like these. Which is false.

Hobbies rank WAY down the list of major stumbling blocks in relationships

Yep, precisely. Hobbies are nice, but the "attached at the hip" syndrome can be more problem than boon.

Guys. You do not need to do everything with a girlfriend. It is absolutely okay - in fact encouraged - that there are things you aren't doing together. This is good. This is healthy. Even in happy relationships, it's only beneficial if there are times where you aren't clinging together! Dating a non-gamer *is not a problem*.

I'm dating a non-gamer right now. It hasn't harmed me. It won't harm you, either.


Sure, my dating pool doesn't contain straight people, so it's somewhat different, but it's still similar enough.

 

[Cowabungaa]

Just relax. Stop looking for love, and let it find you. Let it happen naturally, don't try and force it.

While I agree that forcing it doesn't work and can only give you the opposite effect, the first phrases are just plain bad advice if you ask me. There's nothing wrong with looking, especially not when you're of the indoors-ey, geeky persuasion. Girls won't suddenly walk up to your doorstep and ask you out, you have to be pro-active about it. Force it? No. Try? Yes.

Also, to all people: I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a girlfriend who shares your passion, whether that's the medium of videogames or something else. Do you have to share everything? No, but it's very nice to have someone who understands the things you really care about.

 

[General BrEeZy]

So I'm at a loss... here I am, in love with this hobby, but it's impossible to have a social life with it. Perhaps even worse, it seems impossible to find that special someone with whom I can enjoy the hobby together. Seems any girl I'm interested in, I basically have to settle for the fact that she'll just never get this important part of my lifestyle. She'll never understand my simple joys, my sorrows, or any of that. The biggest portion of my life, and it feels like it's completely closed-off to every woman I might date.

I guess there are conventions, sure. Entire events just flooded with people who would share that common interest. Only problem though is that those are just once a year, and the odds of meeting someone who lives in the same area as me are very slim. Less of a problem for people I plan to be just friends with, since we can just meet-up on Vent and play games and talk games. Heck, I have some friends down in Vegas whom I only see in person once a year, if even that often, but that's okay.

Keeping gamer friends online is easy. But a relationship? Long distance relationships are hell! I know, I've been there. Sure it's nice having that emotional support there. Someone to love, someone to really get to know, to basically share my life with, even if it is online... but eventually comes the point when you need the physical part of the relationship. Someone to cuddle-up with during a movie, or while gaming of course, the kissing, the intimacy in general.

Sorry if I seem to just be sadly rambling on, it's the mood I'm in right now. Though I still can't help but wonder, how does a gamer who wants someone with whom to share that part of his life find what he needs?

Two words:
GameStop

lol, I have a friend there, and I'm asking her out!

But you don't have to actively search for a "gamer girl". The right one will friggin' love you to death regardless. Gaming can stay a hobby, just don't let it rule you like it does for Me, and there should never be an argument about you "destroying this relationship" or something stupid and boring like that. Talk about it on the first date, find that compatibility and see if she respects you for it. If she does, then keep moving forward; and if not, then your minds probably already made up about her.

Hold on as long as it takes. Its been a hard wait for me too, but I've seen results, and its totally worth it, believe me.

So get out there and rock it!! And best of luck too!

 

[Doclector]

In your area, maybe there's more gamer girls at the situation isn't so, but it most areas it is.

Actually, in your area, there likely are more gamer girls than you think. You will just never realize, because they will not tell you. I wouldn't tell you. The way you think of women, to be frank, makes you something that I would avoid.

Quite simple, the "circus pig" thing is evidence that you are precisely the type of male gamer that makes female gamers avoid stores you frequent. There are only two kinds of male gamers that shove extreme attention on women - completely helpless creepers as one, and the other are people like you that make up ridiculous caricatures and pretend real women behave like these. Which is false.

Goddammit, I didn't say all women behave like that, but I sure as hell have met ones that do, just like I've met asshole men. And I ain't shallow but most people are. Since when does having an awareness of how sh**ty people's views are mean that I agree with said views? You think I'm fine with the world that way, no, I'm not. Far from it. I've seen way too many people, myself at a young age included, run headlong into the world, arms open, and been hurt beyond all imagination.

See, this doesn't have to be a s***ty world, but it'll take time and effort to change, lifetimes worth of it. In the meantime, we don't have to live sh**ty lives, but in order for things not to go so sh**ty, you gotta be aware of all the crap that could happen, and brace yourself for it.

 

[Ympulse]

Erm...going out of your way to find a "gamer girl" to like you?

Yeah, not likely to end well.

This. You're setting yourself up for failure, OP. I found my current GF completely by random chance, and for the majority of guys I know that have gamer GFs, share a similar story. So speaking from my small bit of anecdotal evidence, I'd say just live your life and keep your eyes open.

 

[DugMachine]

Lol yeah sure just go out to the gamer girl tree and pick one right off. No but seriously, idk.. just go out and talk to people? My girl friend is an avid gamer like myself and I met her in the Video Game club at my local uni (might as well be the Anime Club -_-). But anyways, you could try seeing if your college (if you're in college) has any sort of video game clubs or anime clubs or whatever, I would think that's where they feel more at home.

Or you can really just go out and start talking to people in bars, clubs, coffee shops etc. They're really not that special a breed and you'll learn that there are more female gamers than people tend to think (and I mean real gamers).

 

[A Weakgeek]

-snip-
But the gamer girls you're looking for are probably girls you wouldn't spare a second glance for. Most of us don't care as much for appearance and don't spend hours working out and then putting in hair extensions and fake eyelashes and caking on the make up. That's time better spent playing or browsing or whatever. It's a good day if I put on mascara and do something other than putting my hair up.
-snip-

This lady speaks volumes of truth. <3

That doesn't mean that we (gamer girls) aren't attractive, though. c:

I don't get it. So supposedly some gamer girls are attractive, but I still won't spare a second glance for them because..? Also, I never knew gamers had so high standards regarding looks.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Most of us don't care as much for appearance and don't spend hours working out and then putting in hair extensions and fake eyelashes and caking on the make up. That's time better spent playing or browsing or whatever. It's a good day if I put on mascara and do something other than putting my hair up.

I don't think that's necessarily true.
I know plenty of women who play games but still care about their appearance. I'm one of them.

I don't see what liking games has to do with enjoying getting dressed up or putting on make up. Not that I have a problem with women who don't but some people seem to think that gaming as a hobby and caring about your appearance are mutually exclusive.

 

[Risingblade]

Look anywhere for a nerdy looking girl and hope to god she likes games?

 

[Camarii]

I must live in the wrong place. My problem is finding boys "geeky" enough.
Even if you shouldn't limit yourself to one specific trait it might be easier and more fun to be with someone that shares your interests, at least a little. It would be fun to find someone that would play games, cosplay with me and not think I'm stupid for running around with a cape in school. (capes are cool)

So, keep looking I guess, considering the amout of people around one can afford to be a little picky at least.

 

[Johnny Impact]

It depends where you go. I'd start In whiterun and go to the other holds from there...
Wait, Real girls?
....The Normandy?

Yeah, that's about right. Good show, sir. Made me laugh.

 

[lord.jeff]

I wouldn't worry so much about finding a gamer girl, there are a lot more important things to look for, besides most people don't like being summed up by one hobby and if they realize that's the only reason you're into them you're not going to get very far.

 

[Limecake]

You can always find a friend that's a girl, get her to enjoy videogames with you, and see where it goes from there.

actually when my sister met her fiance, she was never into gaming although she used to watch me play ocarina of time and similar things.

When she met her fiance he got her into gaming, even buying her a 3DS. She probably plays as many games as I do now.

OT: I've heard that there is a larger concentration of females playing more 'social' games like WoW, SW:TOR (actually most popular MMO's) LoL, and of course Barbies Horse Adventures!

but I've met plenty of girls who game, usually they pick it up from a boy they used to date or their brother. Just don't judge a girl based on her looks. You don't need to look or act a certain way to enjoy video games and they are getting more and more common.

If you, however, find some magically untapped place full of gamer women you should hook your old pal Limecake up.

 

[Realitycrash]

-SNIP-

Define "Gamer" for me, and maybe we can help? Someone who enjoy videogames? Eh, most do. Someone who is "hardcore" and have a "passion" for games, who sits and bitches online about patch-changes and plays games 8 hours a day? Then..You are pretty screwed.
If all you want is someone who shares your passion, but is female, then you are really narrowing yourself quite a lot.

Oh Lawdy Lawd! I have met these women. The ones that ***** about having to re-spec their characters after a skill nerf. The ones who cry for blood when getting ganked by low level PCs. The ones that can pull all-nighters without so much as a flinch. They exist. At times they are as equally annoying as their stat spewing male counterparts.

My sister is one. WoW-player for 4 years now, and quite hot too (or atleast follows the standard ideals of "hot". Decent curves, not fat or pudgy, long hair, etc). Was hilarious to hear her ***** about "Warlocks getting nerfed".