Who is the above Escapist... In real life?

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Redlin5_v1legacy

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He's actually a dragon living underground. A computer has fallen down a rift caused by an earthquake and he has since learned of the internet through it. He makes his own electricity.
 

Link_to_Future

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He's an underprivileged vegetarian jungle king with a mysterious suitcase handcuffed to his arm.
 

Link_to_Future

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Yeah, I pass the time by ending children's lives. You caught me. :p

He's an immortal dishevelled romance novelist searching for his wife's true killer.
 

Voodoomancer

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He's an asteroid carrying the last remnants of an alien civilization from their doomed homeworld to a new home.
 
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A bottle of hot sauce from Tijuana that has been behind the increased popularity of reality television in an attempt to become the most intelligent being on Earth and get first place in a Scrabble tournament.
 

Doc Gnosis

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Doesn't Link to Future work as a beta tester at Bizarre Creations?