Why are you hetero or homosexual?...

[TheSolemnHypnotic]

Um...

Maybe I'm just reading your OP wrong but you seem to completely ignore the existence of bisexuality.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. It's just bisexuality seemed to make the most sense to me.

Attraction doesn't make sense at all in the first place, so bisexuality doesn't make more sense. It's an arbitrary thing someone can't change. It's like saying "Oh hey crippled guy, did you know it makes more sense not to be crippled?" Though in this case it's more like saying "Oh hey black guy, did you know it makes more sense to be white?"

I later corrected myself by stating that I should have said I relate more to bisexuality as opposed to me thinking it's more sensible.

 

[Fiox]

Anecdote: Kissed a bloke as part of a drunken dare, to keep it short I did NOT enjoy it.
Factual: There is no logic involved.

 

[TheSolemnHypnotic]

Please read. snip

That is a good question and one that I have put a lot of thought into actually. And it would also depend on the backround of the individual, but here is my take on this.

Basically, most life on this planet is discriminatory in nature. I don't mean whether you like/hate people of the same race, sex, gender, etc. I mean that your whole physiology is made to discriminate. Your body when it breaks down nutrients, for example, discriminates between that which is needed, and that which is not needed. The needed things move onto other parts of your body and not needed things go to waste management, which interestingly rechecks to make sure there isn't anything needed in there.

Accordingly, peoples minds work the same way. You discriminate based on a set of standards that you have ultimately chosen. You cannot pick who makes you happy at the time, which is what people's minds try to lead them to. For instance, what will make you happier, Brussel Sprouts or Pizza? In the long run, BS would make you happier, but in the short run, Pizza would probably be the one you chose because that is what would make you noticeably happier at the time.

In the question you have posed, you are saying that you meet someone who makes you happier. There is nothing wrong with that, you are simply discriminating like you were designed to do. In the wild, a wolf would decide that it's not worth attacking a human. But, if you take away that wolfs food source, and then it hasn't eaten in weeks, it may decide that attacking that one solitary human is now worth the risk. I do believe your choice at this point, if you are in fact not sexually active, may change in the future. Sex cannot be the cornerstone of a relationship, but to say that it is not important is outright false. Sexual attraction is a very big component of a relationship. You won't be able to be in a relationship, ultimately, if you are not attracted to the person.

That theory is a good one. It does appear that is a possibility.

 

[JCBFGD]

I'm gonna just throw out my two cents on a number of these topics. As for the "is it a choice, or is it genetic, and if it's genetic, is it a disorder???", my opinion is this: being gay/bi is not a choice, it is genetic, and it is caused by hormonal imbalances. That's just my theory based off of what I know about biology and genetics. Now, while I say being gay or bi is a hormonal imbalance, that doesn't mean it's anything to be ashamed of. I mean, hell, I myself am bisexual. Which leads me to my next topic.

when i left highschool they were still beating the "bisexuality is a mental disease" drum so i'm running with that, not because i know this to be true or even really care, but the vast majority of people ive met who claim to be bi sexual are mentally unstable. And i dont mean in a quirky 'i could get used to this' way, i mean in your face eating paste crazy. It seems common for them to have been sexually abused by relatives or care givers, even their own parents.

That may be true in some cases, though I'd bet it's a matter of "an X who is also a Y," where X & Y are completely unrelated. However, this isn't true in my case. I'm bisexual, and I was never abused in any way by either of my parents, and I'm definitely not mentally unstable. No offense to him/her, but Steel_viper is just being ignorant. He/She's believing what he/she was told and doesn't even bother to try to find out differently. That's not okay. Do some research before you go and say, "all bisexuals have mental issues!" Sorry if that seemed a little hostile, but their comment really got me angry.
I saw a post earlier in this thread that said some people aren't straight to be rebellious or whatever. I've seen people do that, and it irritates me to no end. Most of the "bi" people I know are scene/emo teenage girls, and I think they claim to be bi so they get the shock of being gay, while still being to sleep with men. I hate that. The only reason I think this is because all the scene girls are bi. I doubt it's coincidence. If it is, though, I would definitely feel stupid and guilty.
Now, some people may think I'm being a hypocrite, or that I'm probably doing the same thing, or something to that effect. I'm not. For some reason, I am sexually attracted to both men and women. I realised this when I was in 7th grade, and at that time, I was a fairly conservative Christian, so I was distraught. I would never have chosen to be like that, nor did I want to be like that. Even after I had come to terms with it, I still wanted to be straight, and would have chosen it, had I the ability to do so. Now, though, I see how foolish I was, and am proudly bi, and I, too, share the same sentiment as OP: How can you limit yourself?? Of course, I know it's genetics and whatnot.
That's about all I have to say...sorry for the long post.

 

[TheSolemnHypnotic]

[...] If you were in a romantic relationship with someone but met someone else of the same/opposite gender who made you feel 100,000,000 times better/more loved/more cared for, you wouldn't consider them an option based on what's in their pants?

Of course I wouldn't. There's a name for the guys in my life that make me feel loved/cared for, they're called my best friends. (awwww, feel good moment!)
But I don't want to be with any of them romantically, because the idea of being with a guy is just innately 'icky' to me, for lack of a better word.

[...] Am I completely over looking/ undermining the physical/sexual attraction aspect of relationships?

Yes. Physical connections are just as important in a relationship as emotional ones. To better understand this, would you date someone of your preferred gender who was hideous, no matter how great of a person she was? Some of us would like to think that their answer is "yes," but that's just not accurate.

Oversimplifying a little, but I think that there are some people that you will be:
*Emotionally attracted to, but not physically. These people are your friends.
*Physically attracted to, but not emotionally. These are your typical kid crushes, or maybe even casual sexual partners.
*Both physically and emotionally attracted to. These are your love interests.

tl;dr: A romantic relationship doesn't work without emotional AND physical connections, and people's physical predilections are almost always wired across gender lines.

My experience, or lack there of has created a bit of tunnel vision. I guess I assumed that a strong emotional connection should be all that is required for success in a relationship.

 

[TheSolemnHypnotic]

Edit: No, I've never been in a romantic relationship. [I know nothing about sex].

if you have never been in a romantic relationship, i suggest 2 things

1. you should not be talking about them like you have any at all real experience or understanding of them.

2. please for the love of god, go outside or something, get off the computer and meet people, unless you are under the age of, i dont know, 12, you should have had at least one girl or boyfriend at one time or another in your life.

1. I stated that my lack of experience has created a lack of clarity on the matter.

2. That was so hurtful I'm really not sure how to respond. O_O

 

[Rylingo]

How is it that people are capable of just sticking to one gender of people?

People cannot choose attraction. They can try and go against it but there is no reason to go against what is natural to you in this case.

If you were in a romantic relationship with some one but met some one else of the same/opposite gender who made you feel 100,000,000 times better/more loved/more cared for, you wouldn't consider them an option based on what's in their pants?

I would care about that person a lot. Irrelevant about their gender. I cannot change how my body reacts to whats in their pants.

It matters a lot. Whether I want it too or not.

Gender is a very flexible thing (feminine characteristics found in males, vice versa). Or do you think this theory is the result of being alone for so long and once I engage in socionormative behaviors I'll be able to see in more black and white than gray?

I agree gender is quite flexible and I do find feminine features more attractive but I stop finding them attractive if the person is male.

TLR: How is it you're only heterosexual/homosexual? Am I completely over looking/ undermining the physical/sexual attraction aspect of relationships?

When I came into puberty I began to feel more attracted to the opposite sex. Its that simple. Whilst I found feminine features attractive before then it became more important from then on.

You fail to take into into account the dramatic affect your partners physic has upon your future.
Physical attraction is very important. People overlook a lot of negatives if there is a lot of physical attraction.

 

[Shirokurou]

Het...
I guess you could say I was born this way.

Sorry, but I had the mental image of you singing those words.


It's totally not my fault! Songs get stuck in my head too easily. >_>

Maybe, but less homo and more het...

 

[ImSkeletor]

Because it makes me feel like I am going to vomit when i see two men kiss. Don't get me wrong. Im all for their freedoms and such but that doesn't change my natural reaction.

 

[M920CAIN]

I'm hetero because I like pie, although I wouldn't care if any of my friends were gay. I would make jokes about it though. I dunno why I like women & not men, guess that's just the way I am xD.

 

[Call4Duty]

snip!

You should ignore that guy A lot of my friends were having sex before I'd even kissed a girl. Life's like that.

And no, emotional attachment is like less than half the battle relationship-wise.

 

[Jack O'Shea]

so in other word, without sex there is no difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship and so bring the point back to the original question,there is no reason to not have a relationship with people of both genders. and only screw the ones you are attracted to.

 

[Forgetitnow344]

so in other word, without sex there is no difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship and so bring the point back to the original question,there is no reason to not have a relationship with people of both genders. and only screw the ones you are attracted to.

Because my post already indicated most can't have a romantic relationship without the sex. It IS important.

Also, since you're new, I should inform you that if you want to reply to a certain post, you should hit "Quote" instead of "Reply." It sends a notification to the person you are replying to that a response has been posted.

 

[prolefeedprocessor]

Bodies are more important to finding a sexual partner than we like to admit. The emotional/intellectual connection can make or break good sex, but we want to have sex with someone who has the parts we find attractive. Fundamentally, the only difference between a really close friend and a boyfriend/girlfriend is the sexual component. Even if you don't have sex, the cuddling and the kissing is sexual, and you want to do that stuff with someone who's parts jive with what your brain wants.
As for the more sexually appealing masculine-looking girls, they are a lot rarer than gay guys (and as with all groups, only a small fraction of them have a personality worth being with). I know how to handle a man's body, not a woman's. And I might enjoy the novelty at first, but I personally need a real penis to play with.

So for me, I want to be with a guy because a girl doesn't give me that biological sexual response. Sex isn't everything, but it's always there at some level in a relationship.

 

[TheSolemnHypnotic]

snip!

You should ignore that guy A lot of my friends were having sex before I'd even kissed a girl. Life's like that.

Geesh, uh. That put things in perspective.

 

[mushy262626]

Edit: No, I've never been in a romantic relationship. [I know nothing about sex].

if you have never been in a romantic relationship, i suggest 2 things

1. you should not be talking about them like you have any at all real experience or understanding of them.

2. please for the love of god, go outside or something, get off the computer and meet people, unless you are under the age of, i dont know, 12, you should have had at least one girl or boyfriend at one time or another in your life.

1. I stated that my lack of experience has created a lack of clarity on the matter.

2. That was so hurtful I'm really not sure how to respond. O_O

could i please ask how old you are, and i apologize if that was hurtful, but romantic relationships are one of the key aspects of living, something in witch we were designed to have and i find it quite odd that somebody would not have had one, or have a basic understanding of one.

it also bogles my mine a bit that you dont have an understanding of sexual relationships, surely you have grown up around them, with your friends and such having them, and i am also almost sure that you have felt lust for somebody at one point or another, or atleast been physicaly atracted to one person, and wishing to get to know them better on a level deeper than friends.

 

[Call4Duty]

Throwing the gauntlets down and knowing I'm gonna get flamed, but sexuality is a choice. It doesn't mean being gay is bad or that being straight is better or worse. It just means that where you put your private parts is a decision, therefore a choice. All those people who say they've been converted to heterosexuality through prayer and willpower. They have. All those people that say they've always wanted to be gay and finally come out leaving previous heterosexual relationships behind. They are. Stop trying to act as though you know something about what drives a person's personal decisions. You don't.

There is no gay gene. There is no straight gene. Why am I heterosexual? Well, technically since I've never engaged in any sexual activity with an actual person, I'm not. I'm just guessing at what I might like. Ever see a great looking dish on the menu and then come to the realization that you hate tacos (pun intended)? I'm not ruling that out. If I found a guy with a great job who was really into me and a million other factors came into play where we could have and would want to have a relationship, then yes, I'd probably want to fuck that guy. Same with women. This does not make me bisexual, since I stress, I've never had sex and I assume I would prefer to have it with a woman.

I can't debate anyone's feeling on their own sexuality, but if you say you are 100% unshakably heterosexual, then it sounds a little homophobic. And the converse sounds a little heterophobic. Because of all the extracurricular bullshit our society assigns to sexuality, we put up these walls and barriers to entry like it somehow matters and factors into our personalities.

Um, wrong. Sexuality is a measure of a disposition towards a certain gender. Sexual EXPRESSION is a choice; sexuality is not. If you'll accept my shitty analogy, I really don't like eating brussels sprouts. I can go eat as many brussels sprouts as I want, and who knows why? Maybe I think that my mom won't be happy unless I'm with brussels sprouts, maybe I think that brussels sprouts are good for me even though I really just want to eat broccoli. The fact that I'm eating all of these brussels sprouts doesn't make me a brussels-sprouts-liker, it just makes me a guy that eats brussels sprouts.

 

[TheSolemnHypnotic]

"TLR: How is it you're only heterosexual/homosexual? Am I completely over looking/ undermining the physical/sexual attraction aspect of relationships?"

Many has all ready answered to great extent but I will tell you this, I am bisexual, I've been with men and women and for what you may ask? Pleasure! I am sexually attracted to both sexes and the sex itself, the pleasure is the same if you have a good partner. However I do find more compatability to women when it comes to a long-term relationship simply because the women I've been with are so different from me.

Give both a go and see what you find the best! Seriously, experiment with as many guys and gals as you can as long as you are comfortable with it and safe!

Edit: Oh and if someone talks down to you for it, just flip them off, walk away and do not give it another thought! ^^

Inspirational, brilliant! Thank you!

 

[Call4Duty]

snip!

You should ignore that guy A lot of my friends were having sex before I'd even kissed a girl. Life's like that.

Geesh, uh. That put things in perspective.

Well I should mention that all my friends are like one or two years older than me But still, the general thing to take away is that it's not something to rush or even worry about, really. The best relationships in my experience are the ones you trip and face-plant into